Chapter 35

My heart is in my throat for the entire journey. I keep my head down, hood pulled low, and watch my feet. One foot in front of the other. One step then the next. Hoping. Praying. Struggling to hold on to the slightest glimmer of an idea that it will all be okay.

The feeling that it's all pointless, that I've lost all that really matters keeps pressing in and I push it aside again and again. The fight to not give up is almost all consuming and I barely notice when we arrive.

If arrival it can be called. Khiara guides me into a hovel on the heels of Rani. Inside there is a single candle lit that is sitting on a table which only seems to be standing because it's leaning against a wall. Though I'm not sure if the wall is holding up the table or the table is holding up the wall. They both look ready to collapse.

I pull the hood off my head and look around. There are five Urr'ki in the room, three sitting on the floor, one leaning against a wall, and another standing with his back to us. That one turns at our entrance, a scowl on his face.

"Who is this?" he barks.

Khiara steps forward, both hands clenching into fists, one arm rearing back to punch him. Before he can Rani pulls her hood off. The reaction in the room is shocking it's so fast and such a complete switch in attitude.

The sitting Urr'ki leap to their feet only to bow so low their foreheads and tusks scrape the ground. The one on the wall jumps forward and mimics them. The one who was growling stares with slack jaw and wide eyes.

"It can't be…" he says trailing off.

"Give obeisance to your Queen," Khiara says. "Now."

The last of them drops into a bow. One of them, I'm not sure which, sobs. Rani looks around the room with a slightly bemused looking smile. When our gazes meet the smile fades, and she looks only worried and tired. It's only an instant and as fast as I see it the look is replaced with her normal calm control.

"Rise, please," she says.

The Urr'ki climb to their feet, shifting their weights, shuffling their feet. Finally, the one who spoke first steps forward, but keeps his head bowed low.

"My Queen, how may we serve?" he asks.

"Serve? You have, more than I could ever deserve," she says, waving an arm around the room. "But I am led to understand that Janara is alive? Do you know where he is?"

The Urr'ki looks up quickly then drops his head again.

"He is, my Queen," he says. "I will have him sent for, immediately. But you… how… are you…"

He stumbles over words without completing a sentence. He finally stops.

"My Queen, there is no time," Khiara says.

"No, I am afraid there is not," she agrees. "They will be looking for me. Quietly, at first, I imagine, but that only buys us a little time." She turns back to the other one. "Questions will have to wait, for now. I need my General and a plan or my freedom will be short-lived indeed."

I turn my back on them and move to the wall next to the door of the hovel. I stare through the slight crack out to the streets beyond. My heart aches with an emptiness that simply hurts. Dilacs is all I can think of. The danger we are in doesn't matter, my mission doesn't matter, nothing matters if he is not okay.

The world looks drab and gray. People move on the streets, but they might as well be empty. Devoid of any life because what is the point? How did this happen? How have I fallen so hard and so fast for him?

"Are you okay?" Khiara asks.

I startle, not having realized he was coming up on me. He raises his hand to touch me then stops and drops it. I regret that because I see the doubt behind the hesitation. He doesn't know where he and I stand now and truthfully, I don't either. I care about him deeply, but I don't love him.

I do love his brother. More than words. More than anything I've ever felt before in my life. Though I never want to hurt Khiara either all I can do is hope he understands. The heart wants what the heart wants. I wish I had more to say on it, but I can't even pretend to understand that.

"No," I say, my voice cracking no matter that it's a single syllable.

Tears push hard on my eyes, and one slips free. I wipe it away, sniffling, trying as hard as I can to be strong, but I'm scared. Is he okay? Have they caught him? Is he being tortured? Worse, is he dead.

Khiara doesn't hesitate any longer, he puts his arm over my shoulder and turns me around to face him. The kindness on his face makes it impossible to hold back my tears. He pulls me into a hug, and I let them go, soaking his chest as he holds me tight.

"He will be okay," he says, his own voice tight.

"How do you know? We can't be sure," I say, talking into his chest.

"Because," he says, pausing before finishing the thought, "Tajss provides. You are dragoste. Tajss would not tear that apart so soon."

"I hope you're right," I say.

My tears have run their course. There is no time for sitting around feeling sorry for myself. We have to get the Urr'ki Queen to safety, somehow, and hopefully save Dilacs along the way. If I think about it like Rosalind would, and what better role model do I have to use, this is the priority.

The door opens and a hulking Urr'ki with a hood low to cover his face slips inside. He shuts the door, strides up to Rani, and drops to his knees, bowing his head to the ground.

"My Queen," he says.

"Rise, General," Rani says.

He does and the two of them stare at each other for a long moment of rising tension. I'm not sure what is happening but then he grabs Rani and sweeps her off her feet. He spins her around laughing and whooping.

"My Queen, you are alive," he says. "I feared the worst."

"I am," she says, "though somewhat worse for wear now."

She laughs with him, and he sets her back down. He looks around the room.

"How long do we have?" he asks, but I'm not sure who he is speaking to.

"Two hands, no more," one of the Urr'ki answers.

He nods then looks at each person present in turn until he sees me. A slow smile spreads over his face.

"I do not know you," he says, walking over with Rani staying at his side.

"I'm, uhm, Gweneth," I say.

"Yes, Gweneth," he nods, rubbing his hands over his tunic before holding one of them out to me.

I take his much bigger hand in mine, and he slips past my hand to grip my wrist. I mimic the action the best I can, though my fingers barely reach around the thick cords of his. We shake and he lets go.

"You know the Star People?" Rani asks.

"Not in person," he says. "But, unless my information is wrong, she is our best hope."

"What do you mean?" I ask. "What information?"

"Your leader is trying to negotiate peace between the Urr'ki and the Zmaj."

My mouth is instantly dry. Someone has told him the truth of our mission. How much trouble am I in? I look around but no one seems as surprised by the information as I am. I swallow, trying to force moisture into my mouth.

"I—"

"It is fine. The look on your face tells me all I need to know," he says. "You are not in trouble, and I am not working for the Shaman."

"Can we trust them?" Rani asks.

"My Queen, I can only advise, but I do not see we have a choice."

Rani steps closer to me. She reaches out and takes my hands into hers, holding them gently while staring into my eyes with her own soulful ones.

"Gweneth," she says with an imploring tone. "Can you take me to your leader?"

"What?" I exclaim.

I can't, Dilacs is in trouble.

"She is worried for her dragoste," Rani says, looking over to the General. "Can we do anything to help?"

The General barks orders and several people run out of the hovel.

"I, uhm, thank you," I say, trembling.

"Of course," she says. "Now back to my question. Can you take me to your leader?"

"I am sure that Rosalind would want to meet you," I say. "I'm not so sure about the Zmaj Al'fa though."

"It will have to be enough," Rani says. "I cannot take my throne back without allies."

Allies? That's what Rosalind really wanted, wasn't it. Is this the end of my mission? What does that mean for Dilacs and I?

Oh Dilacs, why aren't you here with me? Why did you stay behind?