Chapter One

Leo

As I finally escaped the media center and was able to breathe, I leaned against the building trying to catch fill my lungs with air. My first qualifying effort for the Daytona 500 as a NASCAR cup driver was in the books. I hadn't wrecked or crashed into anyone. I would be starting fifth, and my brother Noel McCormick would be starting from the pole. Our teammate, Carson Carey, was starting second. All around it was a great run for Brooks Racing with our other two teammates, Jones and Charlie Matthews, starting ninth and tenth. It was something we all were proud of.

I just needed to catch my breath for a second.

This was a lot for me. I had to deal with the media for a couple of years, and every single time I did, it made me anxious and nervous. Did they want to talk to me because I was a great driver or because I was a gay driver? It was probably both now that I thought about it. My car owners were queer. My brother and Carson were also gay, as were Jones and Charlie, but I didn't want that to define me. I kept off-track me separate from on-track me. I didn't wear makeup or dress too flashy when the season was going on. I didn't want to bring that sort of attention to myself or the organization. I didn't want to disappoint Watts or Holt.

I placed my palms against my thighs as my head finally stopped spinning. All I wanted to do right now was go back to my RV, drink a gallon of water, and take a shower. It felt like I sweated right through this fire suit, and since the qualifying had ended a couple of hours ago, I was sure I didn't smell all that great either.

Gathering myself together, I started walking. I was mentally and physically exhausted on top of everything else. This was just the start of the season. I had thirty-six races to get through before I wasn't a rookie anymore. I smiled at the thought. I had always wanted this, but I had hoped things were going to be different by the time I hit the big time. I thought I would be married, maybe even a father, with the way we had talked about our future. I never thought I would find someone who understood me, who loved me, and it turned out Andy hadn't felt that way at all. When he broke up with me, I was devastated. I never saw it coming, and it broke my heart, even if I told him I was on the same page. I had managed to recover.

Kind of.

Crying and throwing things helped a lot. And lots of love from my family and friends.

Andy was, and still is, the only one I had been with. Although we never had penetrative sex, we had done most everything else. Kissing, hand jobs, more kissing, rimming, and lots of rutting. I still remembered the first time he kissed me, our first official date, while we were skating at the rink his father's hockey team practiced at. Andy had just gone for it right in front of his other father and my brother. I knew from that moment that he was the one I was meant to be with.

But I missed him. The closeness we shared, the cuddling, laughing, and, okay, the kissing. Now that I was a little older, I knew that splitting up was for the best. We were so young and had our whole future ahead of us, but I never could get close enough to anyone else like I did Andy. I went out on dates from time to time, only to find myself distracted with memories. I never wanted anyone else's mouth against mine. I only wanted Andy's hands on my body, his voice whispering how much he loved me and how beautiful I was.

Andy was a huge superstar now. Bungalow Princess was a multi-award-winning band, and I couldn't have been prouder. The nights they practiced in the basement of the Olson home until nearly two in the morning, the shows that they played around North Carolina, the endless Facebook and Instagram posts had paid off. Andy, Felix, and Ford were plastered on every magazine, all over social media, and their concerts sold out in record time every time.

I was happy for them, even if it broke my heart.

I stopped short when I saw a figure sitting outside my RV. It wasn't my brother, who was still doing media, so unless it was my best friend Ezra, it had to be another driver. I wasn't particularly close to a lot of drivers. It wasn't for lack of trying, but I was a rookie this year. Noel and Carson were the guys I hung out with the most, but they were my teammates, my brother, and my best friend's husband. There was another rookie, RJ Shepard, who was also the son of NASCAR champion Rand Shepard, who I got along with, and he was someone I could call a friend. We ran together in Xfinity last year, got along well, but his RV was parked on the other side of the field, and he was sharing with his father.

The figure stood up, and I gasped when I recognized him.

"Congratulations, Ricky. I'm so proud of you."

Andy Olson stepped into the light. His dirty-blond hair flopped into his hazel eyes, longer and messier than I remembered. He was still as gorgeous as ever, if not better. My body began to hum just from being this close to him. He always had that effect on me.

I wanted to run to Andy. Hug him and wrap my arms around him, tell him how much I still loved him; how much I missed him. Only I didn't.

"What are you doing here?" I barked. "You're supposed to be on tour with the band."

"It's nice to see you, too." He smiled at me, his face lighting up like the morning sun. "Princess had a show last night, and I thought I would drop by to see you."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "Drop by? We haven't been face to face in several years."

Because you wanted to explore your options, and I was stupid enough to agree to that. Thinking that you'd miss me and come back. Beg me to forgive you.

"I'm really sorry about that, Ricky."

"I don't want to talk to you, Andy. I think you should leave."

He stared at me with those hazel eyes. The ones I would have drowned myself in before he broke my heart. "Can I at least come in for a second so we can talk?" His voice sounded strained. And a little funny.

"Are you drunk? You said you would never become that guy." Who was this man? Not the one I fell in love with. That person was long gone.

Andy shrugged as he scrubbed a hand down his face. "Don't tell my dads." He wobbled a little. He was going to fall over. I rushed to catch him, hoping he didn't take me down with him. His six-foot-plus frame could easily take down my five-foot-eight one.

"Jesus Christ, you stink like a brewery." I grunted as I tried to get him to stand back up. "Andy, you're a lot bigger than I remember. Help a girl out here. I can't carry you."

He chuckled softly as he leaned down. "You going to take me into your RV, Ricky? Let me see where you sleep at night? Where you shower and get naked?"

"Stop calling me that." I smacked his chest with the palm of my hand, only to encounter a solid wall of muscle.

That was new. He had always been all broad shoulders and thick arms, but nothing like this. It made my dick twitch, and I hated it.

Andy pressed his face into my neck. "You always liked that nickname." His lips brushed my skin, and my traitor of a cock instantly reacted again.

I silently begged for some sort of control. My fire suit was not forgiving, and he would spot my hard-on in a second. I was strong, but Andy was my weakness.

"Well, I hate it now." I gritted my teeth. "You have to use your legs if you don't want me to drop you on your butt right here. I can't carry all your weight."

Andy's arm snaked around my waist as he started to walk with me to the RV. He moved to lean against the side as I unlocked the door.

"You're not sleeping over," I told him.

"Gotcha." He pointed a finger gun at me, and I shouldered the door open, leaving him outside to fend for himself. He ambled inside a few seconds later and then collapsed on my couch face first.

That's just perfect. Just what I needed.

I unzipped my fire suit. "I mean it, Andy. You're not staying—" The sound of loud snoring filled the air. "Are you kidding me?" I hissed. "Great."

I shut and locked the door, then removed his shoes, placing them on the floor next to the couch. At least he wouldn't choke on his own vomit. I pushed that thought out of my head as I wondered how I was going to explain this tomorrow. Especially to Ezra. He was going to be furious when he found out. Because I wouldn't be able to keep this from him.

No one hated Andy more than my best friend, and he didn't hate anyone. Ezra was the friendliest, happiest, nicest person on the planet. He was going to show up here tomorrow morning and freak out. That was going to be Tomorrow Leo's problem. Right Now Leo was going to shower and go to bed praying that when he woke up, Andy would be gone. And out of my life again.

***

When I woke up the next morning, I took another shower because I felt like the one I took last night hadn't taken. Like my skin was still covered in grime. I did my hair, my skincare routine, and stared at myself in the mirror as I tried to gear up for what was about to come. Then I casually stepped out of my room to find that Andy was still in the same place I had left him. Facedown, still sleeping, snoring, and now, in the daylight, sexier than in the dark. I stared down at his jean-clad ass, the way the fabric hugged his thighs, and wanted to punch him. But I didn't want to break a nail. Slapping could work.

"Wake up." I nudged at his glute with my bare foot. When he didn't move, I did it again with a little more force. "Hey, Andrew, it's time to go. You've slept it off enough. Go find someone else's couch to crash on."

He turned to stare at me. "You're kicking me out, Ricky?" His hazel eyes trickled over my body. "Damn, you look good." He twisted his large body onto its side. "You wearing that for me?"

His features had changed. Gone was the boy I had fallen in love with, and now, before me, was a man. Strong cheekbones, pouty lips, and just the hint of blond stubble sprinkled his jawline. I had to resist the urge to straddle his thick thighs, lick his face, and bite him. Drag my cheeks over his facial hair to feel the delicious burn against my skin.

"You wish." I clutched at the white robe around my shoulders and pulled it against my chest. "Get up and get out."

Andy smirked at me as a piece of dirty-blond hair fell into his hazel eyes. "Nah, I think I'll stay a little while longer. Take in the view." He continued to stare at me like he was trying to remember what I looked like naked. "Do you have any coffee?"

"No." I did, but I'd be damned if I was going to offer him any. He could fend for himself.

He eased his giant body up into a sitting position as he continued to undress me with his eyes. God, why didn't I just put on sweats and a t-shirt?

"The shorts really work for you, Ricky. You know how much I like your legs." He dragged a hand through his messy hair.

I glared at him, then turned into the small kitchen. I slammed the cup down on the counter and whipped open the fridge door when I grabbed the milk. I hoped Andy's head hurt. I hoped his entire body had a hangover because—

"Don't fucking touch me!" I spun around when I felt a hand on my shoulder. "I swear that I will kick you in the dick and not feel sorry about it."

"Whoa, Ricky, calm down!" Andy held up his hands. "I just... I wanted to hug you."

"Don't you even dare."

"Wow, you really hold on to a grudge."

I stared at him, my breath coming out in angry pants, my blood pressure skyrocketing. "You think that this is just a grudge? You broke up with me. You told me you loved me, gave me a ring, promised me forever, and then decided that you wanted to explore your options ." I used air quotes. "So yeah, I'm holding a fucking grudge."

"Yet you agreed with me. Said you didn't want to hold me back. That we could still be friends." Andy shrugged.

I shoved at his chest. "I hate you," I hissed as tears sprang to my eyes.

Those three words caused his eyes to widen and the color to drain from his face as he took a step away from me.

"Wait, did you think I still loved you? That I was sitting around all this time pining for you? Maybe I have a boyfriend. Someone nicer, better, and more well-endowed than you. The one who took my V-card because you wouldn't."

He didn't need to know that I was still a virgin. I didn't want to share that with anyone else.

"Aw, Ricky, you wound me." Andy's eyes hardened, and he clenched his jaw. This was Andy Olson, the professional musician. Not the boy I fell in love with, the one who'd scooped me up into his arms after I'd broken my leg, then refused to leave my side at the hospital. I didn't know this version of him. And I didn't think I wanted to. He was colder. Distant. And that made my heart hurt.

I folded my arms over my chest. "You should leave before Ezra gets here."

"Ezra?" Andy's brows shot up.

I nodded. "Yeah, Ezra. He's probably the one person who hates you more than I do. He comes for coffee every morning while we're at the track. He's due any minute."

"I'm not afraid of him." Andy took a step toward me again and pinned my smaller frame against the counter. "I'm not afraid of Ezra, your boyfriend, or anything you might say to me. They're only words, Ricky. They can't hurt me." The heat from his body was overwhelming. "You're still so beautiful it hurts."

My vision blurred. "You can't say things like that to me."

My willpower was fading. If he touched me again? If he tried to kiss me? I would melt under the pressure, and Andy knew it. I never could say no to him, because he was all I had ever wanted. Even now.

"Why not?" Andy murmured as he leaned down to brush his nose over my jaw. "You used to love when I told you that."

I shook my head. "I pried my fingers from the myth of us." I hated the way my voice shook despite how strong I felt. My stomach was flopping around like a fish out of water.

"Why do I think you're lying to me right now, Ricky?" His breath fanned over my skin, and when I felt his thick body pressed to mine, I bit back a groan.

I closed my eyes. "Please," I begged.

"Please what?" Andy whispered.

The knock at the door had him jumping back and my eyes flying open. He let his lust-filled gaze linger on me for a moment before I slipped away from him to go greet Ezra.

"Sorry I'm late, boo, but this morning has been a nightmare! Carson wasn't taking me seriously when I said that we should have a baby." My best friend rushed into my RV, beaming light and fresh air. "And then I spilled coffee on my shirt, so I had to change, then my makeup—What the fuck are you doing here?" His dark eyes narrowed in on Andy standing in the kitchen.

He was tiny, but you didn't want to mess with him. He was like a piranha with a sharp tongue and sharper teeth.

I tried to warn him.

"I was just leaving," Andy assured Ezra. "I'll be in touch, Ricky." He winked at me before he slipped out the front door without another word.

"Tell me you didn't." Ezra pointed a finger at me. "Oh, Leo, please tell me you didn't get back together with him."

He sat down on one of my kitchen chairs and crossed his legs as he watched me. He didn't look mad, but I could see the worry in his eyes. The fear that he was going to have to pick up my pieces again. Not my finest moment.

I sat down across from him. "We're not anything anymore."

"Thank goodness." Ezra looked relieved. "So why was he here? Wait, did he beg for forgiveness? Get on his knees and say he was sorry, that he still loved you? Oh, that would be something. I'm sorry I missed it." Such a drama queen, my best friend.

I shook my head. "No, none of that. Andy said he was in town and wanted to see me." I worried my lip between my teeth before I launched into the story.

"I don't like it. He's up to something." Ezra sat back in the chair.

I nodded. "We're supposed to be friends." I thought about how different Andy seemed. Tired, sad, and unlike himself. Especially the drinking. That scared me.

"Oh no you don't." He shook his head at me. "I can see you falling for him again. What kind of a bestie would I be if I let that happen? We're going out tonight."

I smiled as I tried to push Andy from my thoughts. "You're married, but thank you." I patted his hand as I climbed to my feet. "I have to get ready to head down to practice."

Maybe going out tonight would be good for me. Maybe I could find someone to help me forget. But even as that thought entered my mind, I knew it wouldn't happen. I had never been able to forget him.