Chapter Eighteen

Leo

My palm ached from where I had hit Andy, but I tried to ignore the pain. I was so mad; no, I was furious that Ford had told Andy to break up with me. I thought we'd been friends. Did he just hate me? Had he been pretending the entire time? Was I that horrible of a person? Was I not cool enough to hang out with Princess Bungalow? I had never been anything but nice to Ford and Felix. I was the one who'd suggested they start a band in the first place. I was the one who'd casually dropped the fact that the twins needed a safer home to Maverick, and this was the thanks I got? He told Andy to dump me. It didn't make any sense.

"Open the fucking door, Ford." I seethed and kicked it so hard I thought I might put my foot through it. "Open it, or I will knock it down."

When he did as I asked, I barged inside and turned to face Ford, trying to get my thoughts together.

Ford tilted his head, his hazel eyes searching my face. "Jesus, you look pissed. What happened? Did you and Andy have a fight?"

"You happened!" I exclaimed.

Ford's brows shot up. "Me? What did I—Oh, shit!"

"Yeah, oh, shit. Why? Why did you make him break up with me? I thought we were supposed to be best friends. Were you just pretending when we hung out together?" I was on the verge of tears.

Ford took a step back. "Leo, I understand that you're upset. You thought that you were going to marry Andy. I meant no harm; I just thought it would be better if we were all single. You know, as a band, or whatever. And of course we're friends."

"Stop lying! God, I hate that no one will tell me the truth. I just want the truth!" I shouted. Hot tears burned my eyes before they slipped down my cheeks. "Please, just tell me why you did it."

Ford's Adam's apple bobbed nervously. "I can't."

"Why? What is so horrible that..." I stared at him, the guilt in his face and the fear in his hazel eyes. No, but maybe... Was it possible? "You wanted Andy for yourself."

He shook his head, but the guilt was written all over his face. "What? No, that's not true."

"You did. You thought if you got me out of the way that Andy would notice you. That's it, isn't it? Oh my God! Did he?"

I felt sick at the thought, and then I couldn't stop thinking about it. Andy pressing his mouth against Ford's. Ford on his knees, his mouth wrapped around—

"I can't believe I didn't see this before. You were lying to me the whole time, weren't you? Just trying to get me out of the picture so you could pounce."

Ford held up his hands, palms out. "Andy and I never did anything. We were friends. Just friends. I might have wanted something more, but he didn't want me. He only wanted you." He rolled his eyes but ignored my comment about using me. "It was always I miss Leo , and I shouldn't have broken up with Leo. Leo was so beautiful. I don't want anyone else but Leo. It was disgusting the way he pined for you."

"Pined for me? Is that what you think it was? Andy loved me! You took him away from me and ruined my life." My voice trembled with emotion. "How could you be so cruel?" I poked him in the chest with my finger. "We were going to get married. He gave me a ring."

Ford's face was flushed with embarrassment. "Leo, I... I didn't think he would listen to me," he insisted. "I just... I just thought he would laugh it off. I didn't think he would actually break up with you."

"You must have been so proud of yourself. Taking your shot like that. Tell me, Ford, was it worth it? Did Andy fall into bed with you? Kiss you and tell you how beautiful you were?"

He dropped his gaze to his feet.

"Look at me. Don't you dare hide from me," I hissed.

"I'm sorry." His eyes shimmered with tears.

I was getting sick and tired of people in my life saying those words to me. People who claimed to love me and be my friend. They meant nothing. Empty lies and promises.

"I thought what I felt for Andy was love. That maybe he could learn to love me back. But that wasn't what it was. It was just an infatuation," he said quietly.

"Well, that makes it so much better." I scoffed as something occurred to me. "Does Andy know?"

Ford shook his head. "No, I never told—"

"Does Andy know what?" The man in question was casually leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, a faint pink mark on his cheek where I had hit him. I hated that I'd done that to him, but then again, he'd left me. Because his brother had told him to.

Ford's eyes went wide as he looked at me. Fear flashed across his face while he silently pleaded with me not to say anything. I wanted to blurt it all out, but it wasn't my decision. This was Ford's secret, even if I was angry and hurt.

"Is this about RJ again? I know how Felix feels about him, but it's cool if you want to bang him, too. No judgment." Andy took a step into the room.

Ford nodded in agreement. "Yep, that's it. I'm totally into him. RJ, I mean. So hot."

"Bet he'd love to know about you having no gag reflex." Andy snorted, then grew serious. "Not that I would know or anything."

I gritted my teeth as I pushed past him. "I can't stay here." I headed back to his bedroom, grabbed my bag from where I had dropped it on the floor, and spun to find Andy blocking the door. "Move out of the way. You can't force me to stay."

"I don't want you to go," he whispered. "I'm sorry. God, I know I keep saying that, but it's the truth. I messed up. I shouldn't... I wanted... I need... Please." I watched in horror as Andy dropped to his knees before me. "Leo, baby, please. I need you."

When I moved closer, he wrapped his arms around my waist, pressed his face against my stomach, and let out a loud sob. My fingers found their way into his hair, his entire body shaking as he cried. As he slowly calmed himself down, Andy looked up at me with red-rimmed hazel eyes, tears smeared across his cheeks. He looked so broken.

"Hon." I brushed my thumbs over his cheeks and watched the way his chin trembled. "I'm right here."

"Stay," Andy whispered. I nodded, and he buried his face against my belly again.

I somehow managed to convince him to get up and lie down on the bed. He wrapped himself around me like he was afraid I was going to disappear. We stayed like that for a while without speaking, as I occasionally rubbed his back or touched his hair, hoping to ease his pain.

"I'm scared, Ricky," Andy finally confessed, his breath warm against my skin, and I ached to kiss him. If things were different, I would make him forget everything.

I pulled back to look at him. "Why are you scared, hon?"

"I don't know what to do. I don't... Help me."

"I will always help you, but you need to tell me what you need help with first."

Andy rolled onto his back. "I keep having these thoughts."

"What does that mean?" He had my full attention now. "What kind of thoughts?" I touched his face and forced Andy to look at me.

More tears spilled from his eyes, slid down his cheek, and soaked his shirt. He was silent for so long that I thought maybe he wasn't going to answer. "Ones where I think that everyone would be better off without me."

"Andy, no." I sat up as what he said hit me.

He twisted around so his face was in his pillow and then let out a loud, heartbreaking scream. There was no way his fathers weren't going to hear that. I tried to comfort him, but Andy pushed me away.

"I don't deserve you." He sat up. "You should probably leave. You don't want me. I've already ruined your life once, just like I ruined my mother's, and soon, my dads'."

I shook my head. "Don't you dare say that. Maverick and Jackson love you." I tried to swallow around the lump in my throat. " I love you."

"How?" Andy exclaimed. "I'm a monster. How could you love me? I'm no good for you or anyone else. I don't deserve to share the air you breathe."

My vision blurred. "Andy, hon, tell me you didn't mean that. That you won't hurt yourself." Or worse. I left the last part off, because it terrified me more than anything.

He pushed his face back into the pillow as he mumbled something I couldn't understand. How long had this been going on? Had Andy had these kinds of thoughts all along? Could I have helped him sooner?

"You can talk to me about whatever you're feeling or what's going on in your mind. If you need to vent or cry or scream, I'm here for you."

"Thank you." Andy twisted his body toward me.

I nodded my head. "I will always be here for you," I assured him, combing my fingers through his hair.

"These thoughts, these feelings, they started a couple of months ago. Like this little voice inside my head telling me that I was worthless and not good enough. Those people only liked me because I was famous. They didn't really care about me at all," he confessed.

I let my fingers caress Andy's face. His eyes fluttered shut, and he seemed to relax. "You know that isn't true. I love you. I've always loved you."

"Do you mean it?" Andy's eyes flew open, his mouth slightly open. When I nodded, he moved closer. "Have you...Have you ever been with anyone else?" he whispered.

I hummed softly. "I've gone on some dates." I slid over so that our bodies were nearly touching. "A few unsatisfying kisses, but there was no connection with any of them."

I didn't ask him the same question. I was sure that the truth would destroy me. I pressed a finger to his lips when he started to speak, then replaced it with my mouth.

Heat exploded through my body, and I moaned when Andy pushed me onto my back, his heavy body splayed over mine. His hands twisted in my hair as he licked his way into my mouth, his erection pressed against my stomach. I dug my nails into his shoulders, arched my hips, and sucked hard on Andy's tongue as he kissed me like it was the first time. And the last.

"Ricky, fuck, I missed this mouth." His hazel eyes had grown dark, and when I chased after him for more, he didn't stop me.

This was what had been missing from my life. Lust, want, and desire. My entire body buzzed with heat.

I wanted to stay like this forever: Beneath Andy, while he had his way with me. While he kissed me, loved me, fucked me. I wanted him to break me apart before he put me back together again. He was the only one I would ever allow to do that.

When Andy pulled back again, I let him. This was a lot to process after everything he had been carrying around.

"You're leaving tomorrow." That wasn't what I expected him to say.

I brushed the hair from his face. "It's only until Sunday."

"That's four days. I don't want you to go, baby." Andy's voice cracked, and he rolled onto his back.

I hummed softly. "I know." I slid my hand up his chest and cupped his cheek. "I'd ask you to come with me, but I'm not sure that's the best idea right now. You need some sort of normalcy to rest and recharge yourself. Spend some time with your dad." I brushed the hair from his forehead.

Andy grabbed my hand to press a kiss against my palm. "You're probably right. I wish you didn't have to go."

I suddenly wished the same. I climbed up into his lap to cover his mouth with mine again.