Chapter 65

CHAPTER 65

T here was so much on Andi's mind. So much she wanted to tell Duke.

Being in the back of an ambulance didn't seem like the best time or place. But this was what she had right now, and she didn't want to waste another moment.

“I'm sorry for the way I've been acting lately,” Andi said.

“What's been going on in that head of yours?” Duke’s soft gaze met hers. “It's been so hard not knowing or being able to help.”

She rubbed the skin between her eyes as she tried to gather her thoughts. “I've been having these panic attacks lately. I didn't want to tell you because I don't want to seem weak. I don't want everybody else to see me like this either.”

“Struggling isn't a sign of weakness,” Duke said.

“In my head I know you're right, but that's not what my mentor taught me. He told me that leaders should always be strong. I didn't want to burden you guys anymore. Everyone has been through so much. It's not just me.”

“What causes these panic attacks?”

Andi blew out a breath. “Anytime something reminds me of being captured and strapped down to that operating table.” Her voice sounded strained, even to her own ears. “The top of my head starts to ache every time.”

Duke squinted. “It does?”

She nodded. “I even panicked to the point where I went to the doctor. It was on the day you were meeting with everyone to finalize the sale of your travel business. I didn't want to mention it—not unless they found something.”

Duke squeezed her hand tighter. “Did they find anything?”

She shook her head. “No, they didn’t. I was afraid those guys really had managed to somehow insert something into me that was changing my thoughts. I couldn't get that idea out of my head.”

“But there was nothing,” Duke confirmed.

“I'm all clear. The panic I'm feeling is all just affect from the trauma.”

“I know you've been seeing a therapist.”

“And he’s been helping me a lot. He really has. But it's going to take a while to talk through some of the PTSD I'm dealing with.” She paused and frowned. “I hate to even use that term because I don't know if I've earned it. I feel like it's something that should be reserved for people who’ve been through war zones or something.”

“In your own way, you have been through a war zone.”

She nodded, though the motion felt lackluster. Then she dragged her gaze back up to meet Duke’s. “I'm sorry.”

“Don't apologize. I just want you to know that you can always talk to me. I won't think less of you if you’re going through something and don’t have all the answers.”

“I appreciate that unconditional love and support I have from you. I'm going to try to do better.”

Duke leaned toward her and planted a kiss on her forehead, letting his lips linger there a moment. Andi leaned into him, relishing his touch.

Then the doors to the ambulance opened, and they knew that their moment was over. But at least they’d talked. At least Andi had gotten everything out into the open.

It felt good not to keep it inside anymore. Maybe she’d just been silly by wanting to stay quiet on it. Exposing her deepest fears to others was something totally out of her comfort zone.

But she was going to work on that.

Right now, they needed to check on the rest of their team.