Chapter Sixteen

He thought he’d seen a shooting star blast through the bailey.

As it turned out, it was only Jane.

He had no idea why the child was running from the keep, but he could guess. When it came to Jane, and Caledonia for that matter, there was always volatility involved. Thor had considered himself merely an interested bystander for the first couple of days at Stafford, but he’d shared a conversation with Caledonia one night that forced him to realize that he wasn’t simply that. He was Caledonia’s husband and, by default, now had three daughters through that marriage. Three little girls who had been emotionally starved and abused by those entrusted to their care.

That was when he ceased being a bystander.

He followed Jane’s trail.

She’d run into the stables, which seemed to be her favorite place. She could hear her sobbing as she preached to the horses yet again, her preferred congregation because they didn’t question her or try to engage her in conversation, something she was also afraid of. The child had many fears that they’d all been trying to help her with, but she was very much a solitary creature. Fearful of living, fearful of dying.

The truth was that he felt rather sorry for her.

“She went in here.”

A voice came from behind him, and he turned to see Darius walking up. “I know,” he said quietly. “I’ve been following her from the keep.”

Darius nodded, coming to a pause beside Thor as they both looked over the darkened innards. It didn’t take long before they heard open sobbing, intermittent between bouts of preaching. Carefully, Thor and Darius entered the stable, peering around a corner to see Jane standing in front of a row of stalls that housed the knights’ horses. Big horse butts were facing her, but she was crying and quoting the Ten Commandments. Something about honoring parents. As they’d found out, she couldn’t actually read, but simply repeated what she’d been told.

Thor stepped out of the shadows.

“Jane?” he said quietly. “What’s amiss, my love?”

She turned to him, startled by his appearance. It took her a moment, but she began to point at him.

“G-go away,” she wept. “I d-do not want to talk to you.”

Thor kept coming, with Darius emerging from the shadows behind him. “You do realize that I am here because I am concerned,” he said. “I saw you run out of the keep and came to see why. What happened?”

Jane was wiping furiously at her eyes, streaking dirt down her cheek. Unlike her sisters, she hadn’t allowed her mother to bathe or dress her, so she was still in her rags—only her rags were growing tight on her because the one thing she would accept was the food she was given during the day. Like the other two, she was eating constantly.

But she was a confused little girl.

“Sh-she told me that I am sinning,” she sobbed. “I am breaking a commandment.”

It made sense to him now that he’d heard her speaking about honoring her parents. “Aye,” he said evenly. “That is a commandment from God, and you have been breaking it since your mother arrived.”

Jane’s eyes widened and she burst into a fresh round of sobs. “I am not going to heaven!”

She was so dramatic that Thor had to fight off a smile. “If you continue to break the commandment, God will be displeased,” he said. “But if you ask for forgiveness and begin being kind to your mother, God will see that you are sincere. He will forgive you. Do you understand?”

She sniffled, nodding as she wiped her eyes. Darius came to stand next to Thor, a sympathetic smile on his lips as they both watched the child struggle. She was such a confused little thing.

“You are very bright, so I know you understand that we must always be kind to your mother and father,” Thor went on. “If you return to the keep and apologize for your actions, I know your mother would forgive you. She will always forgive you, Jane, but you must ask her. She loves you.”

Jane had stopped the hysterical sobbing, now rubbing her eyes with her dirty hand. “If she loves me, why did she go away?” she asked.

That was one of the first intelligent questions he’d heard come out of her. She spent so much time regurgitating Madam Madonna’s poison that the child could hardly think for herself. Therefore, for her to ask why Caledonia had left the family home was a milestone of sorts. It meant that she could, indeed, think for herself.

He took it seriously.

“I will answer your question,” he said. “But first, I want to ask you one of my own. Will you listen?”

She was still rubbing her eyes, but she nodded. “Aye.”

“Do you know what a knight is?”

She stopped rubbing and looked at him with red-rimmed eyes. “A warrior for God.”

“Indeed,” Thor said. “That is a good answer. But part of being a knight means that we always tell the truth. It is called honor. That means that the king trusts us because we never lie to him. Do you understand that?”

Jane nodded. She was actually making eye contact with him and not in an hysterical fashion, as was usual with her. “Madam Madonna told me that knights are bound by God,” she said. “You are like angels.”

Thor glanced at Darius, who smirked and looked away, before continuing. “In a manner of speaking, I suppose,” he said. “But the point I am making is that I will never lie to you. You can always trust me to tell you the truth, even if it is unpleasant. You have asked me why your mother left you and I will tell you the truth—because your father sent her away. Your father did not love your mother because she did not give birth to a son, so he sent her away. That is the only reason she left, Jane, I swear it. It was not because she did not love you. She does. But she was forced to leave.”

She continued to stare at him with those dark green eyes. It was a magnificent color, a subtle green, and when the light hit it, one could see flecks of gold and brown. He’d gazed into Caledonia’s eyes enough to know, and Jane’s eyes were the same color. Eyes that seemed to be churning with what he had just told her.

“I have two sisters,” she finally said. “My father never told me that he wanted a boy.”

“He would not have told you that. Why would he?”

She shrugged. “I would try to talk to him sometimes, but he did not want to speak to me.”

Thor smiled faintly. “You can speak to me anytime you wish,” he said. “Darius, too. If you have questions or an issue, you may tell us and we will help you with it. We will always be here for you, Jane. I wish you would believe that.”

Her gaze moved from Thor to Darius, who was smiling at her. Her focus returned to Thor. “Why did Madam Madonna not bring my mother back?” she asked.

He lifted an eyebrow. “Can we discuss Madam Madonna without you weeping and running away?”

That was the usual way those conversations went, but Jane nodded and Thor continued.

“Because if your mother came back, then Madam Madonna would no longer have charge of you and your sisters,” he said. “She felt that she was the only one capable of tending you. She did not want your mother back because she was jealous of her. Madam Madonna wanted all of the control and did not want your mother interfering. Madam Madonna used to be your father’s nurse, in fact. Did you know that?”

Jane nodded. “He called her ‘mada.’”

“Did you also know that your father was married before he married your mother?”

Jane cocked her head. “He had two wives?”

“Two at different times,” Thor said. “His first wife died, and so did her daughters, so he married your mother in the hope that she would have sons to inherit the title. But your mother only had daughters. Madam Madonna was brought to help tend you and your sisters because she had once been your father’s nurse, only your father did not want daughters, nor did he want a wife who only bore daughters. He sent your mother away and told Madam Madonna to raise you and your sisters however she wished. When we arrived, we saw your sisters in the garden, dirty and hungry. I asked you once if Madam Madonna took care of you, and you grew upset with me. Do you remember?”

Jane nodded. “Aye.”

“Will you answer me?”

“Will you tell her my answer?”

“Of course not,” he said. “Lass, she’s never coming back, not ever.”

Jane had to think on that. Once, when she had been told that Madam Madonna had been sent away, she’d grown hysterical. Given that the nun was the only mother figure she’d ever had, right or wrong, she was attached to her. But the more time passed and the more she listened to Thor and Darius and even her own mother, the more she began to question Madam Madonna. With her, Jane only knew one kind of life. Now, with the arrival of Caledonia and Thor and even Nicola and Darius and the others, she was starting to see another way of life, one of kindness and caring and food and warmth and love.

Yes, even love.

It was an entirely different world.

And maybe not such a bad one.

“I don’t know what to do,” she finally said, her red eyes welling again. “Madam Madonna told me that I must preach the word of God and I would go to heaven. She told me that’s what I must always do, but I feel afraid when I do it and afraid when I don’t. No one listens to me. Do you think God will truly forgive me if I ask forgiveness for breaking his commandment?”

Thor nodded. “He will, I am certain of it,” he said. “Jane, did Madam Madonna always tell you what to do?”

“Always.”

“From now on, the only people who are going to tell you what to do are me and your mother,” he said, bending over so he could be more on her level. “And we will tell you to learn your lessons, play with your sisters, and be happy. You do not have to preach any longer, I promise.”

She nodded, her lower lip trembling as she started wiping her eyes again. Poor, confused lass, Thor thought. He also thought their conversation might have been the least bit overwhelming to her, so he patted her gently on the shoulder before pointing to Darius.

“Darius is going to make a bed for your sister’s chicken,” he said, nodding his head when Darius rolled his eyes at the ridiculous request he’d been roped into. “It seems that Lady Janet wants a bed for her chicken to sleep in, and since Sir Darius is so good at building things, he has agreed to the task. Mayhap you would like to help him build it.”

Darius knew that Jane wasn’t one for groups. She was a lonely child. But having her help him build a bed for a chicken, as foolish as that sounded, might help her feel more comfortable with the people who now lived in her home. It might help her even want to participate in other things, including lessons with her mother. Perhaps it was a small step, this chicken bed, but it was a step to bigger things. Hopefully.

Darius held out his hand to her.

“Come along, my lady,” he said. “Help me find some wood so we may fashion a bed for your sister’s chicken.”

Still sniffling, Jane went with him. Thor watched them go, hearing Darius ask her how big she thought the bed should be and her hiccupping reply. But it was a start.

A new start for Jane.

And for Caledonia.

With a smile on his lips, he went back to his duties.

*

“Here you are.I’ve been looking for you.”

In a small outbuilding in the kitchen yard, Darius looked up from the small cradle he was building to see Nicola standing in the doorway. Jane was standing next to him, handing him nails, but when he saw Nicola, he immediately came to a halt.

“I have been here,” he said. “Lady Jane and I are building a bed for a chicken.”

Nicola stepped into the shed, smiling. “Ah,” she said. “For Mary. I heard.”

Jane had her head down, focused on what Darius was doing. She was terrified to look at Nicola, whom she knew to be a friend of her mother’s. Darius could see the child’s discomfort.

“Lady Jane has been an excellent apprentice,” he said. “We have been speaking of England and all of her great cities. Have we not, Jane?”

Jane nodded, once, but kept silent. Darius fought off a smile.

“In truth, I have been doing most of the talking,” he said. “I fear that Jane is missing her tongue and does not know how to speak. She has been quite silent, though I know she does speak to the animals, so she must have a tongue that magically disappears and appears when she needs it. Is that true, Jane?”

Jane looked at him with big eyes, and Darius laughed softly. So did Nicola. Darius bent down and peered at her mouth.

“Well?” he said. “Has your tongue magically disappeared?”

Jane shook her head almost frantically, but Darius didn’t believe her.

“Show me,” he said. “Stick your tongue out.”

Jane did, but Darius pretended not to see it.

“Well?” he said. “Where is it?”

Jane’s wide eyes grew wider. “Here!” she said, sticking it out again. “Don’t you see it?”

Darius pretended to suddenly see her tongue as she pointed to it. “Now I do,” he said. “’Tis a great relief. I thought it was missing and would not return.”

Jane frowned. “That is silly,” she said. “Tongues do not magically disappear.”

“Yours does,” Darius said, a twinkle in his eye as he turned back to the half-finished chicken bed, which was really no more than a square frame of wood at this point. “Let us continue our conversation about the great cities of England. One of my favorite cities is York. It has an enormous cathedral that is quite elaborate. God must be very pleased that the English have built such a great house for Him.”

He held out a hand for a nail, and Jane handed it to him, but she was trying to envision the church he had mentioned.

“Is it made of gold?” she asked.

Darius shook his head. “Nay,” he said. “Only stone. Gold is very soft and would collapse under its own weight. Stone is better. I think God prefers stone.”

“Why?”

“Because it is strong, like He is.”

That fascinated Jane. As she pondered the great stone walls of York’s cathedral, Nicola caught Darius’ attention and silently motioned for him to send Jane away. Darius finished nailing the leg of the chicken bed before complying.

“I need more nails,” he said. “Lady Jane, will you fetch more nails? They are over in the smithy shack.”

Jane looked indecisive. “But how will I know which nails you want?”

“Bring me a handful. I will pick the ones I want.”

Quickly, she dashed off. Darius was practically the only one she did anything for, so she was diligent about it. As she rushed away, he turned to Nicola.

“You have very little time before she returns,” he said. “She is very fast.”

Nicola cocked an eyebrow. “Should I be jealous?” she said. “It is clear that she thinks the world of you, though I cannot imagine why she thinks you are so wonderful.”

She said it dramatically and he knew she was jesting. In all the years he’d known Nicola, he’d never known her to be the jealous type, and most especially not with a child.

“That is because I am wonderful,” he said, pointing the hammer at her. “You would do well to remember that.”

“I remember it every day, my sweet.”

He chuckled, returning his attention to the bed. “What did you want to say now that she is gone?”

Nicola’s smile faded. “Try to convince her to return to her lessons,” she said quietly. “She and Callie had words earlier because Jane was being very difficult, so can you please speak with her? You seem to be the only one she listens to.”

He inspected the leg he had just nailed down. “I will try,” he said. “She is a very confused young lady.”

“I know. But allowing her to remain in this state does her no good. We must help her.”

“I will do what I can,” he said. “Provided you promise me something.”

“What?”

He eyed her. “That you will meet me here after supper,” he said. “I’ve not held you in my arms for an entire day.”

She grinned. “Do they ache?”

“For you, they do.”

She was about to comment when Jane suddenly reappeared, her hands full of iron nails. “Here,” she said, carefully putting them on the table he was using. “Are these good?”

Darius began to sort them out. “They are perfect,” he said. “Can you pull the small ones out, please?”

They were returning to the bed, and Nicola caught his eye, winking at him, before heading back toward the keep. That left Darius alone with a skittish girl, one he hoped he wouldn’t chase away with talk of lessons. But, as Nicola said, he was practically the only one who could do it.

He began inspecting the small nails.

“These are very nice,” he said again. “You are smart, my lady. Do you wish to learn how to make a chicken bed? Are you watching what I am doing so you can do it someday if you need to?”

Jane was still pulling out the shorter nails. “I would rather help.”

“You do not like to build?”

She shook her head. “Nay.”

“What do you like to do?” he asked, inspecting a nail closely and blowing on it to dust off the rust. “What I mean to ask is: what brings you joy? Drawing? Singing?”

He was trying to be very careful with how he led into the conversation. He wanted it to be natural, organic. She didn’t seem defensive as she continued to sort the nails.

“I do not know how to draw or sing,” she said. “I spread the word of God.”

“Do you like it?”

She nodded. “I will go to heaven.”

“You will go anyway,” he said. “You do not need to preach in order to go to heaven.”

She set aside a few nails into the short nail pile. “That is not what Madam Madonna says.”

Darius picked up one of the smaller nails in preparation for using it. “There are many good men who do not preach but still go to heaven when they die,” he said. “I think Madam Madonna meant that knowing the word of God is good and keeping it close to your heart is good, but you do not need to preach. Living a good life and honoring God’s commandments are a better way to get into heaven, I think. I do not preach, but I know I am going to heaven.”

She looked at him then. “How do you know?”

He glanced at her, smiling. “Because I have followed his commandments,” he said. “I do not envy. I do not lie. A knight must take his vows of knighthood before God, so in a sense, I have sworn to uphold God and those He loves. That means I will go to heaven. As I said, many men who do not preach will go to heaven. There are better ways to get there.”

That had Jane thinking. Having lived such an insulated life for so long, new ideas were strange to her. Intriguing, but strange. Over the past several days, she had shown some interest in learning what others knew and thought, but the innate fear that Madam Madonna had instilled in her was difficult to overcome.

“How… how else can I get there if I do not preach?” she asked.

Darius shrugged before placing another leg against the bedframe and giving it a few whacks. “It makes God happy when you are obedient and strive to do the right thing,” he said.

“I am obedient.”

He glanced at her. “Are you?” he said. “I heard that you and your mother had strong words today. Were you being disobedient to your mother?”

Jane appeared horrified that he knew about their argument. She quickly lowered her head and refused to answer, so Darius stopped hammering. He had a feeling he had just ruined what he had started, so he kept his voice low and calm as he spoke.

“What did you argue about?” he asked gently. “Jane, one of the things that displeases God is a stubborn attitude. If I ask you a question, then it pleases Him if you answer. Tell me what you argued about.”

Jane began blinking rapidly as her eyes filled with tears. “She said that Madam Madonna lied to me.”

“She did. We have all told you that.”

Jane’s head shot up, her expression full of distress. “But why do you say so?”

He set the hammer down and came around the table, pulling up the stool next to her. “My lady, would you say that you and I have become friends?” he asked.

Jane nodded hesitantly. “Aye.”

Darius reached out, taking her little hand. “Janie, do you feel safe with me?”

She nodded, but the tears were still threatening. “Aye.”

“And you know that I would never lie to you.”

Again, she nodded, wiping her nose. “Has… has everything I’ve been told been a lie, then? Everything?”

That was such an astute and painful question, one Darius was surprised to hear. That kind of question took great reasoning powers, but it also took a willingness to understand that everything she knew in life might not have been true. Everyone had been telling her the same thing, and now she was starting to question. She was starting to think.

Darius gave her hand a squeeze.

“Not everything,” he said. “Madam Madonna instilled a strong love of God in you. That is a good thing. But what she told you about preaching and your mother were lies. I know you are afraid of what to believe, but I promise you that if you believe what we tell you and allow yourself to at least come to know your mother a little, I think you will see what is truth and what is a lie with your own eyes. You are old enough to make that decision. All we are asking is that you not let Madam Madonna make it for you. She has no power over you anymore, Jane. It is time for you to find your voice and learn and grow.”

Jane looked at him, unable to stop the tears now. It was difficult to comprehend, but that was exactly what she was trying to do—comprehend. She wiped at her eyes with her free hand.

“But what should I do?” she asked, sniffling.

Darius smiled and kissed her small hand. “You should go into the keep and have lessons with your sisters,” he said. “You should be obedient to your mother. She is a kind woman, Janie. She only wants to love you. It would make me happy if you tried. Will you try?”

Jane looked at him, at the table, and at the half-built chicken bed. “But who will help you build the bed?” she asked.

He shrugged. “I will stop right now so you can go inside to your lessons,” he said. “When you are finished, I will resume and you can help me. I would not think of building this bed without you.”

He was nodding his head as he spoke, encouraging her, and Jane finally broke down and nodded with him. “If you think I should go,” she said.

“I think you should go,” he responded. “Would you like for me to walk to the keep with you?”

She nodded, wiping at more tears, and Darius set the hammer down. Still holding her hand, he led her out of the shed, through the kitchen yard, and to the keep. He led her right into the solar, where Caledonia was helping Janet write the letter A over and over. When Caledonia looked up and saw Jane, she stood quickly and went to her. Because Darius was holding her hand, Jane felt brave, but she also felt sad that she had behaved so poorly the last time she saw her mother.

“Greetings, Jane,” Caledonia said hesitantly. “Would you like to watch?”

Jane looked up at Darius, who took pity on the child and replied for her. “Jane would like to join the lessons,” he said. “She was helping me build a chicken bed, but we have decided that this is more important. Do you have a place where she can sit and join in?”

It was all Caledonia could to not to hug Darius. She was fairly certain he was instrumental in Jane’s change of heart, knowing how the girl had built a trust with him. After the harsh words with Jane earlier, Caledonia wasn’t honestly sure she would see her eldest daughter anytime soon.

But here she was.

And Caledonia was overjoyed.

“Of course,” she said. “Jane, you may sit next to Janet. We are writing our letters. Would you like to try?”

Jane nodded, but she didn’t let go of Darius’ hand. He was forced to walk her over to the table, and even when she sat down, she didn’t let go. Eventually, she did, but Darius and Caledonia decided it would be a good idea for him to remain. If he stayed, maybe she would, too.

It was a big step for Jane.

And a big step for Caledonia.

But one they were both ready, and willing, to make.