Chapter Sixteen

M iss Shepherd was quiet as they began the walk back to her lodgings, her head bent and a worried expression on her face.

‘I shouldn’t have left her there, in that den of vipers,’ she said suddenly, glancing back over her shoulder.

‘They were not the most pleasant people in the world, but your sister has already survived a good few weeks in their company. Perhaps you underestimate her.’

‘Perhaps I do.’ She sighed and shook her head. ‘I am relieved we found her. I cannot believe they stopped her letters from getting to me.’

‘I am not altogether surprised. As I said before, I do not know Sir William personally, but I do know his reputation.’

‘His wife seemed equally as bad.’

‘Yes. Let us hope the daughter is kinder, or your sister is living with three of them who are highly unpleasant.’

Miss Shepherd simply nodded, falling silent. They walked a little further without saying anything. He found it difficult to work out what she was thinking as her bonnet was pulled down low on her head, shielding half her face.

‘Thank you for all your help,’ she said after a few minutes. ‘I do not think I would have found Selina without you. I know they would have had to let her out at some point, or she might have managed to slip a letter past them, but I would have been ever so worried whilst I waited.’

‘I am glad to have been of assistance.’ He should feel pleased that he had managed to see this through to the end, and that it was a satisfactory ending, even if not an entirely happy one. Yet all he could think about was that Miss Shepherd now had no reason to linger in London. Her employers were waiting for her and she must hurry away to them. Tomorrow, or at the latest the day after, she would leave the capital and begin her journey to Kent.

‘You are free now, my lord. You can go about your business without having to worry about me.’

If they hadn’t been in a busy street, he would have caught hold of her arm and had it out with her there and then. He wanted to tell her how much he was going to miss her, which sounded ridiculous—they had only known one another for a very short time.

He noticed a tear glistening on her cheek before she surreptitiously brushed it away, her head still bowed.

‘Stop,’ he said, coming to an immediate halt. He drew irritated looks from the people around them, who had to sidestep suddenly, but he found he did not care.

Miss Shepherd stopped and looked up at him.

‘Why is this so hard?’ he asked, his voice barely audible above the din of the London streets.

She shook her head, and he got the sense she was unable to speak, the emotions getting the better of her.

‘I barely know you, Miss Shepherd. I accept we have spent a lot of time in one another’s company these last few days, but it hasn’t been enough for me to be feeling this .’ He gripped hold of her arms, forgetting they were out in public. ‘I should be celebrating that we found your sister, yet all I can think about is that I will never see you again. And that hurts. It shouldn’t hurt.’

‘My lord, we need to do this somewhere private,’ Miss Shepherd said, glancing around them.

She was right, he knew she was right, yet he couldn’t wait long. He had so much he wanted to say to her, and he felt as though a clock was ticking nearby, telling him he only had a limited time to tell her before she disappeared for ever.

Grabbing hold of her hand he started walking fast, pulling her through the streets. He checked a couple of times she was keeping up, but mainly strode with a sense of purpose like never before.

‘You’re taking me to your lodgings?’ Miss Shepherd said, stopping dead in the street outside his front door.

‘We need to talk somewhere private.’

‘I thought you meant a quiet spot in the park, or a bench by the river.’

‘That’s not private.’ He was aware of the emotions roiling inside him, and knew when he began talking they could all start to slip out. He did not want to be out in public when that happened.

‘It will ruin my reputation.’

‘There is no one here, no one to see. Please, Miss Shepherd. Sarah.’

It felt good to call her by her first name, and he saw something soften in her as he did so. She looked up at the house apprehensively, then gave a quick nod.

Before she could change her mind he went to the door and unlocked it, ushering her into the quiet house. They went for the stairs leading up to his set of rooms quickly. Within a minute she was inside his sitting room.

Henry felt some of the tension leave his body. He had a little time now that Sarah had agreed to come into his home. A little time to formulate his thoughts and tell her how he felt.

‘Would you like a drink?’

‘No,’ she said, stepping cautiously into the room.

Now he had her here he didn’t know how to start. Sarah must have seen this—she stepped forward, a little tentatively, and took his hand.

‘Perhaps we can sit,’ she said, indicating the sofa that was bathed in sunlight from the window. It was large enough for the two of them, and would allow them to sit side by side comfortably.

‘Is this real?’ he asked as they sat and Sarah gave a soft smile.

‘I’ve asked myself that every morning since meeting you.’

‘Ever since what happened with Anne, I have struggled to trust my own emotions. I doubt what I am feeling, and try to second guess everything.’

‘I know. I can see.’

‘Yet I find the idea of you leaving hurts me physically.’ He looked away, not wanting her to see how much he was struggling. Sarah reached out and touched his chin ever so gently, waiting for his resistance to ebb, and then she turned him back to face her.

‘I cried myself to sleep last night, thinking I would never see you again,’ she said, shaking her head. ‘I should be happy that I found my sister, that I finally know she is safe and well, and I am, but it is overshadowed by this feeling of loss, knowing that I will never see you again.’

‘I do not wish to be cruel, but you are everything I promised myself I would avoid in a woman.’

‘Everything?’

He looked at her and shook his head. ‘You’re right. Of course not everything.’ His eyes raked over her, as if seeing her for the first time, and it dawned on him how stupid he’d been. ‘Of course not everything,’ he murmured again. ‘You are sweet and kind and generous and loving. You are brave and headstrong and beautiful.’

He had been so focussed on her social status, so worried that it was history repeating itself, that he had never stopped to consider that Sarah was a different woman to Anne.

‘I was so fixated on not wanting to make the same mistakes again, I only saw the similarities to my marriage to Anne, not the many, many differences.’

‘What does this mean?’

It was a question he wasn’t ready to answer yet. It felt as though a musket ball had exploded in his brain, scrambling his every thought. These last few days he’d felt tortured, trying to deny the overwhelming feelings he had for Sarah, telling himself again and again nothing could happen. So much of their meeting had mirrored how he had met and fallen in love with Anne. Yet the meeting and the difference in their social status was the only thing the two relationships had in common.

‘I need to consider my sister,’ he said slowly. It was still important to him to help his sister escape their father’s clutches, or at least find some way of supporting her until she was able to marry and get away from their father. He would not abandon her just because his own feelings had changed.

‘Of course.’

‘The question I suppose I need to ask is what do you want, Sarah?’

She looked at him long and hard. ‘I promised myself I would never get involved with a gentleman above my social class. I vowed I would not end up like my mother.’ She reached out and trailed her fingers across his cheeks. ‘But I do not think you would abandon me like that.’

‘Never,’ he said quietly, but with conviction in his voice. ‘Never.’

‘You are sure you wish for this? I cannot quite believe it. I have yearned for you these last few days, I’ve been unable to think of anything else, but never did I think you would consider we might have a future together.’

‘The idea of you leaving hurts, Sarah. I wonder if I am going mad. My friends would certainly think I was, but they do not know you like I do.’

She leaned in closer, her eyes alight with happiness, and kissed him gently on the lips.

Sarah felt her heart sing as he kissed her back. She could not quite believe that, in the space of a few short minutes, they had gone from nearly having to say goodbye for ever to considering their future together. She was thankful she had been brave enough to tell him what she thought the night before at the masquerade. It must have helped him to realise that, sometimes in life, you had to take risks.

It was petrifying and exhilarating at the same time. She didn’t want to think about the practicalities involved, or ask for details of how everything would work, it was enough to know that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

With a moan of pent-up desire he reached out and pulled her onto his lap. She wriggled, eliciting another groan, before he stood, lifting her up and carrying her in his arms from the sitting room and into his bedroom.

He set her feet down on the floor, holding her as she staggered slightly. Her head was spinning as he kissed her again and then gently broke away, turning her round.

‘You do not know how many times I have imagined this moment,’ he murmured, his lips meeting the skin of her neck, making a shiver run down her spine. ‘Ever since we first met at the Shrewsbury ball I have thought almost non-stop about ripping your clothes from your body.’

His fingers followed his lips, tracing a pattern across her upper back. Sarah arched her neck, inviting him in, and was rewarded as his lips lingered for longer.

With expert fingers he unlaced her dress, pulling at the ties, stepping away just for a moment to lift it over her head. She was left standing in her chemise and petticoats, and suddenly felt naked in the bright sunlight.

‘Don’t cover yourself,’ Henry murmured. ‘You’re beautiful.’

With his eyes on her she felt beautiful, and slowly she let her arms fall to her side.

They kissed again, his hands scrunching the material of her thin cotton chemise, caressing the skin underneath.

She reached out and pulled at his cravat, discarding it as it came loose in her hands, and he helped her by shrugging off his jacket. It felt surreal to be undressing the man she had fallen in love with in just a few short days, but completely right. If anyone had told her a week ago that she would be giving herself to someone she hadn’t yet met, she would have thought them mad, but with Henry’s hands on her everything felt as it should.

Deftly he lifted off her chemise and she wriggled out of her petticoats, and finally she was standing naked in front of him. No one apart from her sister and mother had ever seen her naked before, but she strangely didn’t feel self-conscious. His eyes lingered on her body—he shook his head in wonder.

‘This doesn’t feel real,’ he murmured as he closed the gap between them again, lifting his shirt off in the process.

Now they were skin on skin, and she gasped as his chest rubbed against her sensitive nipples. He grinned and gently lifted her onto the bed, then lowered his body on top of hers.

She was a complete innocent—until a few days ago she had never even kissed a man before—but right now it was as though her body knew exactly what to do. Every time Henry touched her, her back arched to meet him, every time he kissed her, she was there waiting.

‘You taste so good,’ he said, peppering kisses down her neck and onto her chest. ‘I want to kiss every single inch of you.’

‘Surely you couldn’t kiss every inch of me.’

‘That sounds like a challenge,’ he said, a wolfish grin on his face.

He started at her lips, then moved slowly down, teasing her until she felt like she wanted to scream and hold him to her. His lips trailed around her nipples as she writhed, silently begging him for more. When he relented she let out a contented sigh, savouring the pulses of pleasure that darted through her body. He toyed with her for a moment, nipping and kissing one breast, then the other, before continuing on his downward trajectory with his lips.

She took in a shuddering breath as he came to her lower abdomen. Her body tensed in anticipation, but he lifted his head and smiled, moving down to the bottom of her leg and starting his journey up towards her thigh.

Sarah felt the heat rising from her body, and she wondered if it would always be like this. She could not imagine ever wanting to leave the bedroom—then she was distracted from every rational thought as Henry kissed her inner thighs, travelling ever closer to her most private place.

He teased for a bit longer, then placed a kiss at her centre, and Sarah let out a long gasp of pleasure.

‘You like that?’ he murmured, and then lowered his head back down. Sarah lost all rational thought as he kissed her again and again until her whole body tensed, and she was overcome by wave after wave of pleasure.

It seemed to take a long time for her body to float back to earth, but when it did she realised Henry had kicked off his trousers and was naked on top of her. Tentatively she reached out and took him in her hand, revelling at the hardness of him.

‘Are you sure you want to do this?’

She nodded, not able to get the words out, and gently he pushed into her. She felt an exquisite fullness and a wonderful warmth as he began moving inside her. Her hips came to meet his, their bodies coming together again and again until she felt something tense and then release inside her, and she was overcome with pleasure once again. She was vaguely aware of Henry thrusting inside her a few more times and then he groaned, holding her tight.

For a long time they lay side by side, not talking. It took Sarah a good few minutes to regain control of herself, to stop her head from spinning.

Once she was certain she could trust her body, she sat up and looked across at Henry.

‘I do not have any prior experience to go on, but something tells me you are good at that.’

‘That’s just what a man wants to hear,’ he said with a grin.

‘Is it always so...’ she searched for a word to do it justice ‘...spectacular?’

‘I hope it will be with you.’

With a feeling of supreme satisfaction and happiness, Sarah collapsed back onto the bed, laying her head on Henry’s chest and watching his smooth muscles rise and fall.