Chapter Six

January 16, 1818

Baselford House

St. James Place

London, England

Vivian stood at the drawing room windows that overlooked the street. She'd crossed her arms at her chest but worry clawed at her insides as if it were frantic to get out and become full-blown fear. It didn't matter that the episode in Hyde Park yesterday had been almost twenty-four hours past, she was still ill-at-ease.

After the shot rang out, after Evan had been lost in a day terror, she'd spent the better part of an hour with him on the ground, huddled behind the grouping of shrubberies with her husband in her arms. His terror was genuine; the fear in his eyes hadn't gone away when they'd finally returned home. She'd had him settled into bed just as he'd asked, and then she'd swept the room for laudanum or any other type of opiates.

That, perhaps, scared her more than someone who wished to shoot him in the park. The likelihood that he might try to take his own life was significantly higher than someone wishing him out of the way. And if it was in her power, she would prevent that, for the days she'd spent time with him had her craving a closeness, an intimacy with him again.

In short, she wanted her husband back in all the ways that mattered, and right now, she desperately wanted to feel Evan's arms around her, his body gliding against hers. It had been far too long since she was with him in such an embrace.

When she peered down into the street, she frowned when a closed carriage with a particular earl's crest on the door pulled up to the curb in front of the house. A light snow was falling, not sufficient to make a mess of the streets, but enough to render everything pretty and sparkling. Then when a familiar form exited the vehicle, her frown deepened.

"Drat. What is he doing here?" As she watched, the Earl of Starkington, glanced up at the front windows and then proceeded up the short walkway and to the front door. His raven hair had no doubt been encouraged into a popular style beneath his beaver brimmed top hat, and even from this distance, his expertly tailored clothing skimmed over his body like a lover's caress.

She tamped down on the budding tingles that went through her lower belly, for it wasn't that long ago she fancied herself in love with him. Yet Evan had come home, and she was still in love with him, wasn't she? Still lost in confusion, she bit her bottom lip. Drat you, Edward. Why didn't he understand there was nothing left of their relationship? That it was well and truly over? That she didn't want him anymore, not when Evan was back.

Annoyance curled through her insides. Of course the man would call when her husband was across Mayfair meeting with his solicitor. He had been adamant that he draw up paperwork that would make certain she was taken care of should anything happen to him.

Truly, the attempt on his life or hers yesterday made an impression, and she loved him for that, but what did he think of her on a personal level?

A few moments later, the butler arrived at the door to the drawing room. "Lady Baselford? Lord Starkington is here to see you."

As she pulled her lightweight ivory shawl tighter about her upper half, Vivian stifled a groan. "Thank you, Davis. I saw him approach the house, just as sure as I told him when I had you escort him out almost a week ago that I didn't want him to come around any longer."

"I understand that, my lady, yet the earl is here and demanding to see you."

"I am not in the right frame of mind," she said softly. In fact, her mind felt entirely too fragile to argue with a determined ex-suitor. "Please tell him I'm not seeing visitors today."

"I rather thought you would refuse to see me, so I came up anyway," Starkington said as he pushed his way past the butler and into the room. "However, I have much to say to you, and we have unfinished business between us."

She glanced at the butler, who scowled at the earl. "That will be all, Davis."

"Would you like tea sent up?"

"No, thank you. I don't want to give Lord Starkington a reason to linger." As she spoke, she narrowed her gaze on the earl. That's what he deserved for calling on her when she specifically told him not to… or when she felt all too vulnerable. "Besides, I had hoped to share that repast with Baselton."

"Of course, my lady." With a slight nod, the butler departed, making certain to leave both doors wide open.

Stifling a sigh of annoyance, Vivian moved toward the earl. "What are you doing here, Edward?" Just three weeks ago, if she had been this upset and he had come by, she wouldn't have thought twice about going directly into his arms for support and comfort. Now, things had changed, and though it had left confusion in its wake, she wouldn't go back on that first decision. Evan was her husband, and after everything, she remained loyal to him.

"And a good afternoon to you, Vivian." With a grin that was far too arrogant, Starkington came further into the room to stand near the hearth where a cheerful fire danced behind a decorative metal grate. "I came to see you."

"Why?" Beneath the shawl, she touched a finger to one of the cold sapphires, for she thought to surprise Evan by wearing the necklace he'd given her. The gown she wore was of light blue taffeta and set off the stones wonderfully well. "I am no longer free to receive your addresses."

"Whose fault is that?" One of his black eyebrows rose in challenge. "You are the one who pushed me away, basically threw me over for a man who has, for all intents and purposes, been dead for over five years."

"I'll admit, I didn't think about how this might make you feel. However, I remain married to Baselford, and quite frankly, things between us are rather lovely." She refused to tell him that Evan had a tendency to get lost in nightmares all too often.

"Ah." Yet Edward didn't appear convinced. "Then why is there fear in your eyes and a trace of purple shadows beneath them? Are you not sleeping well? Or is your wonderful husband not virile between the sheets?"

"That isn't well done of you," she shot off as annoyance once more stabbed through her chest. Despite the heat in her cheeks, she refused to admit that Evan hadn't bedded her, nor had she invited him into her bed. "I didn't sleep well last night, but that has nothing to do with physical affection. In fact, Baselford and I slept separately, for he was shot at in Hyde Park yesterday afternoon, and I have been unable to evict that incident in my mind."

"Now that I find difficult to believe." Edward scoffed. "Surely, you are mistaken. Baselford has been assumed dead for several years. Why the devil would anyone wish to kill him now? From all accounts, he is no threat to anyone."

What sort of rumors were flying around him? Then she decided she didn't wish to know. "If it wasn't him who that ball was meant for, then it was me. Even still, he was grazed on his cheek. That is how close we came to disaster." Just thinking about it again made her heartbeat accelerate. "It was horrible."

"Think clearly, Vivian." Edwin snorted. His expression was incredulous. "I rather doubt anyone would hate you so much as to shoot at you."

"This truly occurred, and it sent my husband into a day terror that I almost didn't pull him out of."

"Perhaps it was a mistake. Perhaps someone's pistol went off accidentally." Edward shrugged. He stared at her as if she had made up the story for attention. "The park is bare since it's winter. Where would a potential assassin hide?"

"I don't know, but how else can you explain what happened?" When he remained silent, she shook her head. "We were having a conversation. Perhaps we weren't paying attention to our surroundings, but that doesn't mean I should shrug off the incident. It happened and I'm still shaking from it." Perhaps she was too overwrought, but she couldn't help the rush of tears that welled in her eyes.

"If you are that upset, where is your husband to comfort or protect you?" He made a show of looking about the space with exaggeration. "I would think he'd wish to be here."

"He had pressing business." It wasn't Edward's business where Evan was. "But he should be back soon for tea. That is something he truly enjoys since his return." And she looked forward to spending that time with him as well.

"Ah, Vivan, you poor thing. At least I am here when you need comfort where your husband has failed." The earl closed the distance between them so rapidly, she didn't have time to react. A second later, she was in his arms as he pressed his lips to hers.

This time, there is no doubt in her mind that sharing such an intimacy him was wrong and it was essentially betraying her husband. "Stop!" With a soft cry, she planted a palm to his chest and pushed him away.

"There was a time when you couldn't have enough of my kisses," Edward said with narrowed eyes and annoyance stamped across his features.

"I'm sorry. That was before I knew Evan was alive." Slowly, she shook her head and took a few steps backward. "Surely you know there is no future between you and me. Since Baselford's return, I am committed to repairing my marriage."

"Such folderol!" The slight rise in his voice made her frown. "There is no marriage. The man cannot remember you or his life from before. He is no one to you any longer." In his agitation, Edward shoved the fingers of one hand through his hair. "Pursuing him, giving him any access to your life, is folly and ethically wrong. He is naught but a stranger."

"That is not for you to say one way or another." She crossed her arms over her chest, closing him off from access to her. "Regardless of what you think or what I do, I am legally bound to him. Anything else would make me your mistress, which is an affront to everyone involved. I won't do that to him, for he needs me." For the first time in her life, she took a stand for something she believed in, and it felt rather freeing.

Edward scoffed. "Honestly, he needs to be committed to an institution."

"And be left at the mercy of guards instead of people willing to help with his mental problems or battles with melancholia?" How cruel could someone be? Vivan shook her head. "Don't be so cold, Edward. It is not attractive. Evan needs understanding and patience."

"So you intend to toss your life away on him, on half a man who has already been lost to nightmares and with his memories scattered?" Annoyance flashed in his eyes. "That's not fair to you or anyone else."

She tamped on the urge to become a watering pot in front of him. "Perhaps it's not, but is it fair of me to abandon him in this obvious need? In sickness and in health." After forcing down a hard swallow, she continued. "I would like to think that if the situation were reversed, he would do the same thing for me."

"You are a saint, sweeting, which is one of the reasons I was attracted to you, but I must implore you. Don't do this." Slowly, he closed the distance between them, then cupped her cheek, drew the pad of his thumb along her bottom lip while his other hand went around her waist to rest at the small of her back. When she tried to pull away, he tightened his grip, tugging her closer. "Don't throw away everything you and I have built together for the sake of a broken man." The confusion and concern in his eyes were real and as raw as what she was feeling. "He wasn't there for you when you needed him, but I was—am. And I refuse to give up on our romance."

"Oh!" If she set aside all the complications that had led her to this pass, she almost wavered. It would be so easy to simply let life happen, to let Edward take care of her, to have him draw her away from all the drama and doubt the past few months had brought, but all of this was too much, too soon, and too fast. "That is a lovely sentiment…"

"Come away with me to my country estate. There is a perfect spot on the property where I intend to ask for your hand." His eyes held an intensity that both stimulated her and gave her pause. "You must admit that you have already let Baselford go in your mind and heart."

"I thought I had, but there was always a tiny shred of hope." Truly, she had thought she would declare Evan dead and then accept Edward's imminent proposal. Start life afresh with a husband who was alive and doting.

"The feelings you battle with now are what you had for the man he used to be, not the man he is now. Surely you must realize this." The tone of his voice and the heat of his arms around here were far too persuasive.

Therein lay the problem. She needed to feel loved, but who was Evan now? Still the Earl of Baselford, of course, but who was he as a man? It was much like starting over, and what happened if she didn't like the man she came to find? What if the new man was no longer compatible with her?

"I do realize that, of course, but I must try. Can you not understand that? Wouldn't you rather marry me knowing I'd done all that I could?" She blew out a breath and held his gaze. "If he doesn't improve mentally, if I cannot stomach the man that he is, if we find we truly are only strangers to each other, then you and I shall move forward with our plans." With a bit of regret that put hot shame in her cheeks, Vivian pulled away and her shawl slipped from her shoulders. "To that end, we mustn't see each other personally further."

For long moments, Edward regarded her with speculation. Then he nodded. "While I understand, I'm not giving up." He tugged the shawl back into place and his gaze fell to the sapphire necklace she wore. "Where did you get that? It's quite a handsome piece."

"Oh." She shrugged and touched her fingertips to some of the stones. Their coolness gave her a shot of confidence. "Evan gave it to me at some point in our marriage. I never had the heart to wear it once he went missing."

"Yet you put it on today." A frown followed the statement.

"Yes, I am." She nodded and couldn't help her grin. "I'm having tea with him. Then we're going to walk in Hyde Park. It is my hope that he'll see the jewels and perhaps remember a bit of our time together."

And if he didn't? She didn't want to think of that at the moment.

"Ah." He swept his gaze over the sapphires and diamonds. "Isn't this far too fine for such pedestrian tasks?"

"Perhaps, but it makes me feel more connected to him… at least to the man he was." She touched a fingertip to the cold stones, traced the dips and swirls of the settings. "It belonged to Marie Antoinette. Evan acquired it and matching earbobs from her when he was a much younger man. It's quite a daring story." And she grinned again.

"If the provenance is true, it should fetch a high price if you were to sell it or even pawn it."

"Ha!" Vivian snorted. "I don't need the coin, and the meaning behind his gift to me is more sentimental to me than its value."

"Touching, of course, but those proceeds could be used to fund many things, causes even." Again, he rested his gaze on the sapphires.

A shiver went down her spine. "I'm not selling it." Why the devil was he suddenly so interested in her necklace?

"While I agreed, it's a piece of history. Perhaps the British Museum would be interested and if not, I know a collector or two of premium and valuable jewelry. Just say the word."

"Stop, Edward." She pulled the shawl more firmly about her shoulders, hiding the necklace from his view. "It's not for sale. Why are you so interested?"

His expression shifted from annoyance to solicitous concern. "I'm simply trying to secure your future, for I doubt your husband will do so."

"I appreciate that, I do, but that isn't your concern, and you don't have that right." She kept her arms crossed at her chest. "You must give me the appropriate space and time to puzzle things out for myself. If Evan and I don't suit after all, perhaps then he can pursue a divorce." Her voice wavered. "Then you would be free to resume your courtship."

For long moments Edward stared at her. "Or he can file paperwork saying he's insane." His eyes lit. "Or you can do the same with the backing of a doctor who has some acclaim."

Would the man never quit? "Enough. I won't be swayed in this moment, and hounding me is not the way to woo me if things end up breaking between my husband and me."

"Fair enough." Once more, he closed the distance, grabbed one of her hands and brought it to his lips. Wicked promise twinkled in his eyes. "You won't let me change your mind by taking you to bed? You certainly enjoyed it the last time."

"Oh." Heat fired in her cheeks, along with a bit of shame and guilt. "Not at this time. If I come back to you, then you know it was always meant to be, but what we have needs to stop." Gently, she pulled her hand from his. "I don't wish to hurt you, myself, or even Evan, because one of us will be if this continues. Please, if you care for me at all, don't call on me again. I am not yours to possess."

"Fine." Finally, it appeared her words had sunk in, for he straightened his spine and tugged on the bottom of his jacket. "I will respect your wishes for the time being, but I will also monitor your relationship with the earl closely. Whether you want to believe it or not, I do care for you and I refuse to give you up to a man who doesn't deserve you. Perhaps he never did, but you've been too blind to see that." Then he took his leave of her.

Once alone, Vivian collapsed into the nearest chair, pressed the fingers of one hand to her lips to stifle the urge to sob, then let the tears she'd held back fall freely to her cheeks. Why was life suddenly so complicated? A woman should never be put in such a terrible position. Especially when there was no clear path she needed to follow.