Chapter Seventeen

Danny

Over the next ten days, I did my best to find Shae by hacking into whatever camera feeds I could. The team looked for him. Rawlings had people out everywhere and called in what favors he could. Ringo seemed particularly intense, which could be argued was his natural state, but he seemed different to me. I don't know why he would feel responsible, but after a week and when he'd lost his cool and snapped at Diesel, Diesel sent him on a private bodyguard gig for five days.

Kane was even worse. It seemed like guilt hung over him like a cloud. And it also seemed like we'd gone back to mistrusting each other, as if the touching, the hand-job, and the kisses had never happened. As far as I was concerned the only good thing to have come out of the last week was that Kane had taken to defensive driving like a duck to water because as Jay had pointed out, with Kane's sharp eyesight, nothing was getting past him. Judging tight distances was a science he excelled at, and he certainly wasn't about to hit another car. Kane had shrugged, but I could tell he was pleased with the praise.

Jay added later that in his opinion it was like Kane had seen and reacted to things almost before they happened, which was fascinating. I didn't think he had any pre-cog, but maybe there was something with his vision that differed from our eyes reacting to a movement and that allowed him to pick up on something instantaneously. I knew that involved brain signals, but maybe it wasn't just that his brain processed faster, he just didn't have a delay between seeing and reaction? I filed it away for later.

The second thing was that anything I cooked, he ate, which made me insanely happy. When Wednesday rolled around, and with my dad's party on Saturday, I couldn't put off asking him any longer, so over coffee when we were alone I took the plunge. "Do you want to get out of here for a couple of days?" Kane seemed to go really still, and he glanced up at me. I sighed at the wariness in his expression and got fed up with dancing around. "Did I do or say something that's upset you?"

His eyes seemed to focus even more intently on mine, but he didn't answer.

"Look, all I'm saying is, if for whatever reason, you've decided what we did was a mistake, or you don't want me getting ideas that it meant something other than a mutual whatever, you don't have to worry. I'm not suddenly gonna get all clingy or shit." Annoyed, I took my tea to the sink and emptied it. My belly was churning enough without more liquid in there.

I sensed him behind me before I felt him. I turned around and he was right there. "You move quieter than Ringo," I commented, simply to have something to say.

"I had practice," he murmured in that low tone that went straight to my dick. He held my gaze, then nodded as if he was making a decision. "I'm sorry."

Disappointment knifed through me, and I had to get out of there. I moved to the side for a quick exit, but he moved with me. Normally, that type of caged-in position would freak me out, but with Kane it just made me curious.

"I didn't mean what you thought I meant." He hesitated. "I'm no good for—"

But I reached up and my lips were on his before he could finish. It was like three years of frustration, of shame, of guilt, all went up in smoke and nothing else mattered in my life except getting Kane naked and in my bed. Kane didn't hesitate to move with me. When I couldn't pull my mouth from his and bumped into the wall, Kane simply lifted me up and strode out of the kitchen. I knew we were moving, but I didn't care where to. I just wanted this, whatever this was, right now.

He didn't slam me down like I was half-expecting, though. He lowered me to what I knew was my bed with such exquisite gentleness it stole my breath. "I want more," I said, staring into hunger-filled green-gray eyes.

Kane hesitated. "I can't…"

"Can't what?" I asked gently as I sat up, pulling my shirt off, seeing his pupils darken as he watched.

"I only did it once, and it wasn't"—he swallowed—"consensual." He licked his lips as if they were suddenly dry. I sucked in a breath. I didn't know what to say. So this wasn't about shyness. It was about trauma, and I knew all about that. I felt like an ass, and looked down, wishing I hadn't taken my shirt off and went to grab it, but I risked another look at him and saw his shoulders slump. He turned as if to go, but I caught his arm. How had this gone sideways so fast?

"Just so we're clear. I want you, but if it's too much, I understand."

He shook his head. "I'm negative. They have to check regularly, and it's mandatory prior to release, but I get it if you think…" He scrubbed his chin, and I could see his frustration. He thought it made him less in my eyes, but he didn't see the vast inner strength that was so damn sexy. He was telling me he couldn't bottom—well, duh, no one could without a lot of practice and prep—not that he didn't want what we were doing. Maybe he was sick of us dancing around each other as well. Maybe it was now or never.

"I don't need to top," I said, unbuttoning my jeans and lifting my hips to shove them down, loving the quick inhale of breath and his inability to look away. He nodded silently even though it hadn't been a question, and I smiled. "I'm on PrEP, but the condoms are in there." I gestured to the nightstand.

He glanced over but still didn't move. "Come here," I said softly, and he finally sat down. I sat up and slowly pressed kisses on his lips, his cheek, his neck, then as my fingers undid his buttons, my lips followed each newly bared patch of skin.

I felt Kane shiver under my fingers and my heart hurt for him. Had anyone ever been gentle with him? Probably never, but I wanted him to know how he made me feel. That he wasn't a quick fuck, a quick anything. The desperation of a few minutes ago was replaced by a humming just under my skin, and I wanted to savor every second. My dick was still a million percent on board, but I needed to take my time with this man. Show him that he wasn't being used. Show him that he was wanted for more than his ability. Show him he could have a life.

Then he yanked back and for a terrible, heart-stopping moment I thought I'd blown it, but he simply stood and practically tore his clothes off. "Was I being too slow?" I teased, but then my breath caught as he flashed a smile that seemed to light him up. A mixture of heat and shyness that was utterly adorable. I gazed at his cock. I'd had it in my hand, and tempting as it was to take it in my mouth, the way it sprang free from his briefs, hard and heavy, told me if I wanted him to come inside me, we would have to go straight to that.

We had plenty of time—I hoped—to work on mutual stamina, and suddenly my day stretched before me as if it wasn't something to endure, to hide behind, to avoid, like most of them had been. Carefully, because I was sure he remembered, Kane didn't lie over me but simply lay on his back, leaving his body open to me to do what I wanted. My mouth fairly watered at the invitation, and I reached into the drawer and pulled out tissues, a condom and the lube I liked. I didn't show him the toys. That was for another time.

I left the condom for a moment and rolled on my back, then snicked the lube. For the first time in what seemed like forever, I was in control of my body and wanted him to watch. Slowly, I coated my fingers. "Gotta make sure I'm nice and slick so we both get a smooth glide," I whispered and watched as Kane's lips parted, his eyes never leaving my hand. I'd never been into dirty talk much, but I had a desperate need with Kane to take this to another level. Give him a show. "Have to use a couple," I said, inserting two fingers and widening my hole. More lube. "I want that big cock of yours inside me so much, but I have to make sure we're both ready."

"Fuck," Kane whispered, his eyes glued to me.

I watched as his cock bobbed, straining up, and I didn't think he was even aware of it. "You ready for me?" I asked, wiping my fingers and grabbing the condom. "Want me to put it on?"

He nodded, his breaths coming hard and ragged. Then he swallowed as I ripped the packet. "I might—I mean." He looked down.

"No pressure. We're not in any rush," I lied. Who was I kidding? Kane's reactions had me leaking already. "Whatever happens, happens, okay?" I reached up and snatched a quick kiss, then took hold of him and rolled the condom down nice and slow. He hissed in a breath and clamped my hand over his cock with his. Then took a few more desperate breaths.

"I don't think either of us will have much stamina," I murmured. "It's all good." He let go, so I sat up and straddled him, loving the groan when we touched. "I'll go slow." But I doubted it would take much to get us both off. I clasped his cock and lined it up before moving my hand and lowering myself slowly. Kane made a noise in the back of his throat, almost like disbelief. "That good?" I whispered.

"More," he almost begged, and I grinned. I moved my hips and pushed past the first ring of muscle, then we both just breathed. Kane wasn't exactly small, but I wanted him relaxed as well. I looked up and his eyes were firmly glued on me. Which was good. I wanted him to see me and wanted nothing to remind Kane of before. I knew more than anyone that sometimes it could be as ridiculous as a certain smell. I pulled up and Kane gasped, but I wanted more lube, and the second time I went down it was easier. Kane reached up cautiously and traced his fingers over my chest, and I gasped when he circled my nipples, the touch zinging straight to my balls.

"Do you like that?" he asked throatily, and I groaned in answer.

"More," I echoed his demand, and caught the small smile as he pinched first one nipple and then the other.

"You can move," he said, just as I felt him relax a little more, but I stayed slow, concentrating on circling my hips even though he was barely inside me.

Kane"s next groan seemed to almost rumble from his chest and I relaxed down a little more, leaning forward, my arms the only thing holding me up. "Good, baby?"

His eyes had closed but they flew open at the endearment and I just waited, moving gently, relaxing over him and taking him deeper each time. "It's perfect," he said, his voice cracking.

I smiled and lowered a little more. I wasn't fully seated, but he was close, and I felt minute thrust of his hips that I wasn't sure he was even aware of. Taking that as my cue, I relaxed my arms and slid all the way down.

Kane seemed to stop breathing, and I didn't blame him. I was so full and knew I wouldn't last. I closed my eyes at each throb of his cock. I didn't dare touch mine as I would erupt, and I was determined to set Kane off first. "Please," he gasped.

"Please?" I went to lift in case it was too much, but he clamped his hands on my thighs.

"I'm dying here."

But I didn't think he was. I lifted up as much as his tight grip would allow and slowly slid back down, leaning forward slightly to get the angle I liked. Kane groaned and this time lifted his hips before I got the chance to repeat it. Then he moved his hands to my hips and lifted me up in the next second, thrusting and almost chasing after me, and I gave up with the instruction and just let him do whatever he needed. He repeated the movement a few more times until we got a rhythm going and I was so close. So damn close.

"Open your eyes." I hadn't even realized I'd closed them, but I opened mine and stared into his. "You're so damn beautiful," Kane said. "It was your eyes I noticed first."

I was past words because Kane's fingers wrapped around my cock, and that touch pushed me over the edge into heaven. I felt Kane stiffen underneath me, shouting something unintelligible, and more pleasure, so fast and so hot streaked through my body and fireworks went off in my brain. It went on and on for what seemed like forever until he let go, and I fell forward onto his chest, his still-hard cock slipping out of me. I concentrated on pulling what oxygen I could into my lungs, and I felt Kane doing the same even though I was sprawled on top of him, uncaring about the sticky mess between us.

"Fuck," Kane whispered in awe, and I couldn't help laughing. Yep.