Chapter 4 Sydney

T his couldn't be right.

I stared at the white plastic stick in my hand, willing it to be wrong. There was no way I was pregnant. This wasn't happening. I closed my eyes, trying not to panic, forcing myself to breathe. Maybe I looked too fast.

I blinked as my heart thumped wildly in my chest, looking at the little window with the two lines. It wasn't gray or partially visible. Nope. Those double pink lines seemed to scream the results: Positive. You're pregnant.

How could this happen? Oh, I knew. The how, and why, and when. I remembered every pleasurable second of the party with the Feral Rebels MC. How Raptor ate me out like I was his last meal, starved to taste me. My release had glistened on his lips before he kissed me. How War pinned me to the bed with his big body, and I cried his name. He grunted when he heard me, and his expression softened before he resumed pounding into me. And how I came on all fours when Trojan took me from behind, giving me one of the best orgasms of my life. His skills were downright sinful.

One night. One crazy, reckless, orgasmic night with the Feral Rebels MC. A party where I needed to forget about my asshole ex-husband and the fact that he cleaned out our joint checking account, took off with the money, and left me with a mountain of debt.

The divorce wasn't finalized yet, but it was happening as soon as I had the money. Dammit.

For over eighteen months, I had scraped and saved from my paychecks and the tips from the bar where I worked on the weekends. We were supposed to put a down payment on a house. I worked two jobs and deposited nearly twenty grand in that time. I sacrificed and went without all the damn time.

It was all for nothing.

The landlord posted a new eviction notice on my door and gave me forty-eight hours to get my shit and get out. He'd given me some time to come up with the past-due rent, but there was no way I could gather that much money fast enough. His patience had ended. I couldn't expect him to allow me to stay here rent-free forever.

It was time to figure this out, but I didn't know how I would pack up everything I needed into the old truck my uncle had given me.

Jesus. I was homeless .

And now I was having a baby too.

I had no one to help. Nowhere to go. I wouldn't trespass on Becca and her boyfriend. And I couldn't afford a hotel. Tears pricked my eyes as I struggled to breathe.

I could go to the Feral Rebels MC clubhouse. The thought took hold. One of those bikers was the father of my baby. They had to take ownership, right? At least help me get back on my feet.

Becca said those men were honorable despite being bikers and outlaws. They treated me like a princess the night of the party. Maybe I could ask for help from the three bikers who blew my mind with incredible sex. Not that I heard back from them. Of course, I never shared my phone number or address.

It didn't matter. They knew I was Becca's best friend. If they wanted to find me, they could. Easily.

None of them did. That stung.

Would Trojan, War, and Raptor want to know they were going to be fathers? I had no idea which one of them had the winning swimmers. That would cause complications, not to mention the fact that they might not believe me. We used protection. Obviously, that didn't change things now.

At this point, I really didn't have anything else that could go wrong. There was no other choice. I wasn't contacting my parents and living with them. I would be shunned and made an example of in front of the church. No way. I was twenty-five years old, not fifteen, but they acted like I couldn't make decisions on my own or be responsible. I'd prove them wrong.

A plan formed in my head as I stared at the test and finally placed it on the sink, turning to open the door. I had locked it, not wanting Becca to barge in on me until I had a chance to see the results first.

Our eyes met as I opened the door. She knew. In an instant, understanding crept into the brown depths. Her arms opened wide, and I rushed into her embrace.

"It's going to be okay. I'm here for you, Syd."

"I know." I squeezed her back, and she released me. "I'm going to the clubhouse to find Trojan, War, and Raptor."

Becca's eyes widened. "You are?"

"Yep."

"I'm coming with you."

I shook my head. "No. I think I need to do this on my own."

She opened her mouth to protest but closed it, giving me a nod and an encouraging smile.

"Do you think they'll believe me?" I asked, uncertain how the trio of men would react.

"Babe, they know you're not like that."

I wasn't convinced. One night wasn't enough to learn that about somebody, especially when you spent most of the hours moaning instead of talking.

They had no reason to believe I was an honest or honorable person. But I could prove it. Showing up and being honest had to count for something, right?

I would pack up my car, drive to the clubhouse, and hope the bikers remembered me. If not, I would be living off the streets.

My pride almost got the best of me. What the hell was I thinking? How could I show up unannounced and tell Trojan, War, and Raptor they put a baby in me after I left them without a goodbye? I should have been smarter and made choices that didn't put me in this predicament. But I couldn't change the past. No, I had to own this.

My thoughts were starting to give me whiplash. Enough silent conversation. I needed to focus.

"Let me know how it goes." Becca walked to my front door and paused. "I won't say anything to anyone. You don't have to ask me. It's no one else's business."

"Not even Void?" I prodded.

"Nope. It's your secret until you want to share it."

"Love ya, Becs."

"Right back at ya."

She left, closing the door firmly behind her.

It took a few minutes to gather my courage and resolve. Moving through the apartment, I packed everything I owned, filling several suitcases, some leftover boxes from when we moved in that I had stashed in a closet, a backpack, and a couple of totes. It wasn't easy to load it all into the back of my truck, but I managed.

My Uncle Mike's old Ford never let me down. Sure, it was old, but he'd fixed it up before signing over the title. The best part? The camper shell protected everything I stuffed inside from the elements and theft. I also had the key to lock the T-handle.

Levi dropped to his haunches as I took a break, wiping sweat from my brow. He seemed curious, and I couldn't blame him for wondering why I had packed his bed, food bowl, water bowl, and toys. He wouldn't care where we went if he got to be with momma. That beagle was loyal, more than I could say for Daryl.

I stood inside the apartment once it was empty. My gaze swept over the barren interior. Nothing remained but old, worn furniture. Those things didn't matter.

I wanted the bedroom pieces and a few others, but I didn't have the space. Storage wasn't an option. I could always ask Becca to let me keep some furniture in her basement if things didn't work out at the Feral Rebels clubhouse.

One night with the bikers gave me much more than I could have imagined. I didn't want to go through this pregnancy without the guys who helped create this child or have this baby alone. The thought terrified me.

My pride could take a hit. For the new life growing inside me, I would risk rejection.

After locking up the apartment, I loaded up Levi, climbed inside my truck, rolled down the windows, turned on the radio, and drove the fifty minutes to the Feral Rebels MC compound. Along the way, I sang to a few of my favorite songs and tried to let the past roll off my shoulders. This was a fresh start. A way to break away from my parents, Daryl, and everything holding me back.

When I pulled up to the big sliding metal gate, razor wire looped along the top; I was surprised to see how different everything looked in the light of day. I never noticed a repair shop or the bay doors opened wide the last time I was here. A row of cars parked to the left of the building suggested they belonged to customers. The rusted oil drums lit during the night appeared silent and cold in the late afternoon sunshine. On the opposite end of the lot, I saw cages and wondered what animals the Feral Rebels kept inside. Rabbits? How odd.

What biker kept a pet? Did the whole club?

A young guy with shaggy blond hair who wore a leather vest with PROSPECT on the front approached my door. "What's your business with the club, Honey?"

"I need to talk to Trojan, War, and Raptor. It's important."

He arched a blond brow. "They know you're comin'?"

"No, but they'll want to talk to me."

He looked me over, debating my words as if he couldn't trust them. I supposed bikers couldn't be too careful, but what the hell was I going to do? Shoot the place up? Come on.

"I need to check your vehicle. Pres's orders."

"Fine."

He peered through the interior as Levi tried to climb across my seat and out the window, eager for sloppy kisses. This dog didn't understand boundaries. I gripped his collar in my hand, keeping him in place. Good thing we weren't outside. Levi would have tackled the prospect. And no, it wouldn't be to attack. He would want pets, kisses, and treats.

Once the inspection was complete, the prospect waved me through the front gate, allowing me to enter. He didn't ask why I had a bunch of shit loaded into my truck, and I didn't offer any explanation. Not his business. It wasn't a threat, so the club didn't need to know.

I parked in an open spot away from the line of motorcycles and headed toward the heavy steel door that marked the entrance. As it swung open, I nearly smacked into one of the club girls I had seen the night I attended the party. It was the same girl who had bent over the pool table and let that biker ram into her from behind.

She was everything I wasn't. Tall, leggy, platinum blonde with hair dyed far too many times. Almost brittle, the long strands needed help before they snapped off her head, but I didn't comment on it. She wore too much makeup, focusing on her fake eyelashes and plump, glossy lips.

Almost too thin, she wore only a tube top, a mini skirt, and heels. I wondered if she ever dared to eat an actual meal. Sadly, she probably thought she couldn't afford to do it.

Not every club girl looked like her, but this young woman stood out among the crowd. Maybe that was intentional.

"Who the fuck are you?" she asked, almost plowing right into me.

"I, uh, I'm here to see one of the guys." Wow. That sounded lame.

She smirked. "We're all here for that. Which one?"

"Trojan," I answered. "War and Raptor, too."

I managed to surprise her with that answer. "Really?"

"Yes."

She shrugged. "You sure you want to see them?"

Weird question. "Of course I am. I'm here."

She seemed to fight a laugh. "Well, Honey, they're a bit detained right now. Pretty sure they're gonna fuck Peaches right on the bar and take turns. See for yourself."

She moved out of the doorway, and I found the three bikers I mentioned standing in a row as they faced the bar. War held a bottle of whiskey and dripped some of it onto the stomach of a naked girl on the bar top. She was flat on her back, legs spread wide. Raptor was staring at her, lowering his hand to his crotch. Trojan leaned down to kiss her, tangling his tongue in her mouth. They all appeared eager to touch her.

I noticed more guys surrounding the bar, but none of the rest mattered. Rendered mute, I didn't know what to say or think. Why was I surprised? I left six weeks ago and didn't contact them. They didn't reach out to me, but I didn't try to call or text them either. There was no understanding. No promises.

Trojan, War, and Raptor were free to do what they wanted and didn't hesitate to move on.

Was this what I wanted for my child? A life with men who fucked anyone they wanted? Bikers who couldn't commit? Sure, I was forming snap judgments, but I was hurt. Silly. I brought this on myself.

"Don't tell them I came here," I whispered, struggling to swallow beyond a sudden lump in my throat.

Blondie nodded. "Sure."

Tears stung the back of my eyelids, but I didn't let them fall. I spun on my heel and walked to my truck, trying not to run and increase my humiliation. I felt Blondie's stare as I left the parking lot. The prospect shouted after me as I pushed down on the gas, determined to put as much distance between me and the Feral Rebels MC as possible.