Chapter 8

Days later, Tess was sitting at the table at Sunny's Diner waiting for her friends. Nina came through the door, and before she'd gotten to the table, Evelyn strode in as well. Tess was glad the women showed first. As much as she loved Trevor, Owen, and Gabe, sometimes she needed girl talk. Nina slid onto a chair across from her.

"Oh my God. You're like…glowing. You dirty girl. You've been having sex."

Tess leaned forward. "Shh. I told you I don't want the whole diner to know about my sex life."

"Sex life?" Evelyn asked. "You have one of those?"

"Jeez. And here I thought I wanted to talk to the two of you before the guys got here." Then Tess remembered the Agostino's fiasco and turned to Evelyn. With a pointed finger, she said, "You're a bitch."

"What did I do?"

"Oh, Go to Agostino's. Casual Italian food. Liar. No mention of a dress code or the hour-long wait. For lunch."

Evelyn lifted a shoulder with a smirk. "I figured the wait would give you a chance to get to know each other."

"They've been getting to know each other. Biblically," Nina said.

Tess snorted. "There's nothing biblical about what we've been doing."

"Spill," Evelyn said as she held up her cup for the waitress and her never-ending pot.

Tess explained how the last week had gone, including her reservations about what she had going with Miles.

Evelyn looked confused. "You're obviously enjoying what this guy is doing, so what's the problem?"

"I don't know. He's pretty amazing. He doesn't ever pressure me to make plans for a real date. He completely accommodates my schedule so I don't have to worry about the kids."

"You have a boy toy," Nina said with reverence.

"He is not a boy toy." Tess cringed at the phrase.

"What would you call it? You only meet him to have sex. On your terms. On your schedule."

Tess set her cup down. "That's just it. That's what I expected, but he calls me and texts me and we talk. Before sex, after sex, at lunch. Or breakfast." She looked at two of her closest friends and hoped they could figure out what was bugging her. "It's like…I don't know. We have this whole clandestine relationship that's too good to be true."

Evelyn leaned back in her chair and toyed with the spoon in her coffee, not making eye contact with Tess. "Maybe he is," she finally said.

"What do you mean?" Evelyn took a deep breath. "Are you sure there's not someone else?"

Tess started to laugh, but then she saw that Evelyn was serious. "He has the reputation of a playboy, so I know there's no one serious." Suddenly, a sinking feeling hit her. Was she one of a string of women? Was he fitting easily into her life not because he was accommodating her, but because the rest of his free time was otherwise occupied?

"Stop it," Nina said. Looking at Evelyn, she said, "Why would you make Tess doubt Miles? Can't you see how happy she is?"

Evelyn didn't back down. "A guy looking for a real relationship isn't going to jump through hoops. He isn't going to be satisfied with lunch dates only."

"Whoa." Tess put up a hand, but Nina jumped in as if Tess hadn't said anything.

"A good man will. In fact, we know some. Trevor and Owen and G—okay, maybe not Gabe. But Trevor and Owen would."

A hand fell on Tess's shoulder. "Trevor and Owen would what?" Trevor asked.

Tess's cheeks flamed. Luckily, she wasn't required to speak.

Nina looked up at him with a smile. "You'd make accommodations to fit in a woman's life if you really liked her."

Trevor sat down and turned over his coffee cup. "What do you mean?"

Owen came in and slid into the seat across from Trevor, waving the waitress over for coffee.

Nina turned to the both of them. "Tess has been spending time with Miles."

"Miles?" Owen asked.

"Guy from the hospital gala," Trevor provided.

"She's been seeing him in the middle of the day when she's free. He arranges his schedule to suit hers. Evelyn—" Nina rolled her eyes over to their friend—"seems to think the only reason a guy would do that is because he has someone else in his life."

"What do Owen and I have to do with that?"

Owen perked up at the mention of his name.

Nina lifted her shoulders. "You two are my example of guys who would go out of their way to spend time with a woman because you liked her. Even if it meant unconventional date times."

Trevor nodded.

"See?" Nina said. "Don't let Evelyn make you doubt."

"You're talking as if a long-term relationship is a foregone conclusion here. It's not. Miles is a great time. But he's not looking for a commitment. I thought I was ready for a relationship. Now I'm not so sure. We're enjoying each other's company. No pressure. He's happy with whatever I can give." She turned her coffee cup in circles, thinking about the texts and phone calls she'd had with him over the last few days. "Sometimes, though, it feels like it's more. I don't know what to do with that."

"What do you want this to be?" Trevor asked. "Friends with benefits?"

Gabe finally joined them in time to say, "Who's got a fuck buddy?"

Tess cringed again. That wasn't any better than boy toy.

"No one would blame you if that's all it was," Trevor continued. "We've all been there. A warm body on a cold, lonely night helps. If you want more and this guy doesn't, then that's a problem. You'll end up hurt. I think that's what Evelyn wants you to consider."

"I know. I'm being cautious. Kind of." She sighed, lifted her cup, and smirked over the rim. "But I'm having such a good time."

Owen's cup clinked against the table. "As long as you go in with your eyes open, there's nothing to worry about."

She'd thought her eyes were open, but Evelyn had made her think otherwise. It wasn't as if she and Miles had had a heart-to-heart about expectations. Maybe they should. But that might feel too much like the talk. She wasn't even sure what other boundaries she'd need to put in place. She was already protecting the kids. Did she need to think of more?

"Who's next?" Nina asked.

They all gave her a blank look.

"I issued a challenge to all of you last week. Do you think I've forgotten?"

Glad to no longer be the center of attention, Tess sat back and enjoyed her coffee. Nina stared at Trevor. "Have you talked to Lisa?"

Trevor groaned, and Nina reached across the table and covered his hand with hers. "If you're still in love with her, tell her."

"I don't know what I am with her. We'll always be connected because of the kids. I don't know if I'm holding on to the image of what I thought we'd be, a holdover from before I blew up my life, or if it's something I want now, a fresh start."

"You need to figure it out. Otherwise your life will continue to stagnate."

"And what about you?" Evelyn asked Nina. "You yelled at us last week about how we're not doing anything to move on. What are you doing?"

Color rose in Nina's cheeks. "I'm ready to date. In fact, I'm going to a speed-dating thing this weekend. Without being prompted by any of you, I might add."

"Damn. Speed dating? People still do that?" Trevor asked.

"I guess things really do come back around," Tess said. She'd never speed-dated, but she had friends who'd given it a shot years ago. More often than not, the stories had been horrible.

"Good luck," Tess offered Nina. "We expect a full report next week."

Monday evening,Miles stretched out on his couch as he loosened his tie. His afternoon had been filled with meetings with his sister and various people she thought should play a role in the new foundation. After a lonely weekend, he missed Tess. Although they'd texted and spoken late at night after her kids had gone to bed, he wanted to see her.

She'd warned him this would happen, and he hadn't listened. He couldn't remember the last time a woman had burrowed so deep under his skin. She was right. He wanted more.

But he knew if he pushed, she'd walk right out of his life. So he'd suck it up until she was ready to give more. He looked at the time. Six thirty. She'd be at baseball practice. Instead of calling, he texted.

How's practice?

Boring as usual.

Better than back-to-school shopping though.

He remembered how she'd spent her weekend.

Not by much.

What position does he play?

Miles was bothered that he didn't even know her kids' names.

Right field.

Before Miles had a chance to comment, she added,

He's not very good.

Miles didn't correct her. He remembered Little League. Right field was a safe place to put a kid who wasn't confident and didn't play well.

But he's having fun, right?

He loves it.

That's all that matters.

She was silent for so long, he wondered what was going on. They routinely texted for most of the practice.

Tess? Everything okay?

Give me a few.

While he waited, he went to the kitchen, popped the cap off a bottle of beer, and surveyed his refrigerator for food. He did this two or three times a week and didn't understand why. It wasn't like some fairy came around and filled the fridge. He needed to get into a routine of actually shopping.

He took his beer back to the couch. When he turned the TV on, he found the Cubs game. He snapped a picture of the TV screen and sent it to Tess.

Every team needs a right fielder.

It took another five minutes for her to respond.

Sorry. I got tied up with something here.

What?

For a change my ex showed up to watch Andrew's practice.

The beer sloshed in Miles's empty stomach. He knew he shouldn't be jealous of Tess's ex. They had history. Hell, they had kids. He knew she couldn't cut the man out of her life completely. But he was jealous. He wanted to be there, too, to be a part of her life.

Problem?

No more than usual. Thanks for the picture. It's a good reminder.

It only took another week for me to get more information. I now know that you have 2 boys and the youngest's name is Andrew. Sooner or later, you'll let all your secrets slip.

She responded with an emoji with its tongue stuck out. He could almost hear her laugh.

I don't have secrets. My full name is Theresa, but friends call me Tess. Except for this guy I'm seeing. When he gets all hot and bothered, he calls me Theresa, and it's sexy.

He read the text and her words did make him hot and bothered.

I have 3 kids: Zoe 14, Billy 10, Andrew 8. I've been divorced for five years from their father who is a doctor. I've only been on a handful of dates in those years.

Sounds lonely.

It has been. Your turn.

My turn for what?

Spill your secrets.

I'm an open book.

Liar.

He drained his beer and set the bottle on the table. Sinking into the couch, he tried to formulate what he needed to say.

I'm the baby of the family—2 older siblings. My whole family treats me like I'm incompetent because I like to enjoy life. My father created a job for me at the company because he thought I would end up a loser otherwise.

Harsh.

I come from a family of ambitious people. They're not bad though. I haven't had a serious relationship since college. No real reason. Just haven't found the right someone.

Miles felt okay spilling his guts. Telling Tess things via text was much easier than talking face-to-face in a serious conversation.

Come on. You have to have some deep dark secret.

You didn't tell any deep dark secret.

Okay—how about this? When I go to St. Mark's gala every year, I plan to find a one-night hookup after the ball. It's the only time I get to let loose and have a night of great sex. I never saw you coming.

Damn. She knew how to throw a curveball at him. So he tossed one right back.

I didn't see you coming, either. And you were right. I want more, Theresa. Much more. But I'll wait until you're ready.

On that note, I have to go. Practice is over. Have to get kids home.

Talk later?

Sure.

Two days later,Tess woke up and realized she'd fallen asleep and missed her usual call with Miles. After sending a quick apology text, she began her mad dash to get everyone ready. Her mom arrived to help get the kids off to camp.

"William said he'll get the kids and feed them dinner, so I shouldn't need you this afternoon."

"Hmm-mm," her mom said with a skeptical look.

"He's been doing better, Mom. Thanks for always being here. I wouldn't be able to take this shift without your help."

"Anything for you. And my grandkids. William can go to hell."

"It's a good thing I'm not asking you to do him any favors then. Schedule is on the fridge. Remind Zoe to take it so she can give it to William."

"The man shouldn't have to depend on his fourteen-year-old daughter to figure things out." Her mom moved to the kitchen and began cleaning, as she did every week when she babysat for Tess.

"I'm doing the best I can. Please don't say things like that to the kids. No matter what you think of him, he's still their dad." She kissed her mom's cheek. "And you don't have to clean my house."

"For your information, I get all my insults about William in while talking to you. And I clean to help you. I remember how hard it was to do it all, and I only had you." She continued wiping the counter.

"Thanks again."

Tess went to work, hoping for a quiet shift. As she stowed her purse in her locker, Angie turned the corner.

"Hey, girl. Long time, no see. What's going on?"

"Same stuff, different day."

In between taking care of patients, talking to worried parents, and updating charts, Tess managed to fill Angie in on her love life—sex life—whatever. "So is it getting serious with Miles?" Angie asked when they took a brief break for coffee.

Tess shook her head. "Not serious. We're having fun together, getting to know each other. I'm not rushing to bring him into my life. We're seeing where things go."

"Spoken like a woman who's lying to herself."

"What?"

"I've been listening to you talk about him all morning. While you led with the amazing sex, everything else you've told me is about you and him talking. You really like him."

"I also said we're getting to know each other. Talking is a good way for that to happen. It doesn't mean I'm falling in love with the guy."

"Not yet," Angie said with a smirk over the rim of her coffee.

Tess didn't respond. Any further protest would sound over the top. She didn't love Miles. She could, though, and that was what Angie was getting at. Tess had convinced herself she wasn't looking for love or anything permanent right now. She wasn't sure if it was because she didn't want it, or because Miles seemed like he didn't. She excelled at protecting herself.

That cup of coffee was the last break Tess had all day. They had four new patients admitted, and right before her shift ended, one of her patients went into cardiac arrest.

Emily had been with her for months. She'd had three surgeries, and up until that evening, the toddler had been doing better. Tess had been sure Emily would be running her parents ragged soon.

Instead, by the time Tess got ready to leave for the night, all she could think about was the look on Emily's parents' faces when they were told Emily couldn't be saved. They'd done everything they could. Emily's mom had crumpled to the floor and her dad had followed her down and wrapped his wife in his arms.

Their grief was a tangible, heavy thing, and Tess needed air. She punched out, grabbed her purse, and walked out of the hospital. She didn't stop to talk to anyone. Once outside on the street, she breathed deeply and pulled out her phone. Five texts and two missed calls from William.

Fuck. He didn't leave a message, so she scrolled through the texts. They were all asking where she was. She was an hour later than she should've been, but of all the people in her life, William should understand how it worked. How many dinners, recitals, and games had he missed over the years because of work?

She debated texting but decided to call.

"It's about time," William answered. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm sorry. I had a patient code. I'm on my way to the train now."

"What am I supposed to do?"

She sighed. "Did you feed the kids?"

"Yes." He sounded irritated that she would even ask. "And I took Andrew to baseball practice. And Zoe to swim team. We're all home now."

Home. It was no longer his home, and Tess spitefully wanted to point that out but didn't. "Thank you. Tell them to get ready for bed. I'll be home soon."

"Am I just supposed to sit here and wait?"

"What would you like me to do, William? I can't control what happens at work any more than you can. If it's that big a deal for you to stay there with our kids, call my mother. I'm sure she'll rearrange her life to be there."

"Like that'll happen. Just hurry." Then he disconnected.

Tess climbed the steps to the El platform and swiped her card. The weight of everything pulled at her. Her throat tightened, and tears clawed at the backs of her eyes. When the train roared up and the doors swished open, she stepped on and took a window seat. She laid her head against the cool glass and closed her eyes.

She'd had patients die before. It was part of the job. Normally, she handled it better than this. It was one of the reasons William had said she shouldn't work. She needed to be compassionate without being emotional. Tess accepted she wasn't wired that way.

But today, after watching little Emily die and her parents fall apart, her exhaustion and William being an ass was all too much. She wanted to curl into herself and cry. Doing so on the train didn't seem like a good idea, so she thought about things that brought her happiness.

The look of surprise on Andrew's face when his bat actually connected with the ball. Zoe's high five when she dropped time in breaststroke. Billy sitting completely absorbed in a book. Miles's teasing voice over the phone.

She sat straight and opened her eyes. Where the hell had that come from? Her happy thoughts were always of her kids.

The train neared her stop and she got up. The weight of her sadness made her move slowly, and the jerking motion of the car had her planting her feet. The doors swooshed open and she texted William that she'd be home soon.

When she got to her house, he was waiting outside. Damn. Maybe he was just in a hurry and was rushing to his car. Maybe he wouldn't feel the need to pile on more crap.

"You need to come up with a better plan than this, Tess."

"What am I supposed to do, William? It's one shift a week that I need help with. Everything else in my life works around the kids. I don't ask you for anything but this. One night a week to have a meal with your kids and take them to their activities." She was too tired to fight. She had plenty of ammunition she could pull out, but she lacked the energy.

"I know. But you could've at least called or texted to let me know. Margaret's been holding dinner for me."

Tess closed her eyes. "I would've texted, but it all happened so fast. There was no way for me to predict how long anything would take."

"I know. I'm just frustrated. I don't mind having dinner with them or taking them to sports. But when you're late like this, I don't know what to do. They treat me like a total stranger in this house. They have routines and go about them like I don't exist."

More sadness assaulted Tess. "So talk to them, William. You're their dad. They want you here, but they don't know how to teach you their routines. I can't do that for you."

Before he could say anything else, she turned to the front door. Her emotions couldn't take another hit. William wasn't a bad man or a horrible father. He was just utterly clueless. And she was tired of him blaming her because of it.

She pushed through the front door, and her phone vibrated with a text. Miles.

Good time to talk?

Sorry. I won't be good company tonight. Going to tuck the kids in.

Call if you want to talk.

She left it at that and went upstairs to hug her kids. Billy and Andrew were already in bed, Billy with a book and Andrew talking to his big brother, giving a play-by-play of baseball practice. Billy let him ramble as if he hadn't been there, too.

"Good practice?" Tess asked as she came into the room.

"It was awesome. You should've seen me, Mom. I caught a fly ball. And I threw it to first base, and it made it all the way there."

"Sounds like I missed a good time."

"Yeah," Billy said from the other side of the room. "Would've been nice to have a parent actually see it."

Tess bit back her response.

Andrew sat up and glared at his brother. "Dad was there. He saw. I'll try to do it again so you can see, Mom."

"I'm sorry I missed it."

"That's okay." Andrew threw his arms around her neck and squeezed.

"Good night. No more chatting. You need to get into your routine for school." She tucked the blanket around him and went to Billy's bed to kiss him on the head. "Only a half hour of reading. Then lights out." Lowering to his ear, she whispered, "Try not to make nasty comments about your dad."

Billy narrowed his eyes, looking so much like his father when he did so. "He only comes to practice once a week. He could pay attention. At least a little."

"He tries."

"No, he doesn't."

Instead of arguing, Tess kissed his head again. "Good night."

"'Night, Mom."

She went across the hall to Zoe's room and knocked on the door. Zoe sat at her desk, tapping away on the computer. "Hey," Tess called. "What're you doing?"

"Just chatting."

"Okay. Be in bed by ten."

Zoe looked up from the screen. "You okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You didn't ask forty questions about what we ate for dinner or if Dad got us everywhere on time or if the boys behaved."

Tess smiled. "Rough night at work. Glad to be home."

Zoe stared at her a minute. "Someone died."

It wasn't a question. Tess swallowed and nodded. "Ten o'clock," she repeated, forcing the words past the lump that had returned to her throat.

She closed Zoe's door and went through the house on her nightly ritual of gathering dirty clothes and emptying sports bags. Her phone buzzed again.

Ready to talk?

Hell no. Pushing towels into the washer, she debated answering. She didn't have the energy for light-hearted conversation with Miles tonight.

After starting the machine, she leaned against it and stared at her phone. Then she remembered sitting on the train and thinking happy thoughts. Talking to Miles made her happy.

She needed some happy tonight.