Chapter 8

Ford

"Is she okay?" Ashley asks as I come back into the living room.

"She's fine, was upset for a bit, but she's back to sleep now."

"I'm glad, I should leave." She whispers, going over to grab her phone.

"I feel guilty." I whisper, dragging a hand through my hair. "Like how could I be out here doing this while she's been in there struggling? What kind of father does that make me?"

Ashley walks over, grabbing my hand. "It makes you a person, one who needs to live his life. That doesn't stop because the mother of your child screwed her up. You're okay to live it, Ford. You just need to give yourself permission to do it. I'll be here when you do."

She kisses my cheek, and then leaves, while I struggle with what the fuck I'm supposed to do.

That kiss with Ashley turned me upside down. So much that it's been a few days since I've seen her. I had someone else drop her car off to her at the store, because I didn't trust myself with her. Not after the hot moments we shared in her trailer, on her couch. I haven't made time for myself since Fee came to live with me. When I was called by CPS, I was told that she was found in a room by herself while the house was filthy. There were drugs all around, and Bridget had overdosed. Eventually they told me that in order for Bridget to get drugs, she'd allowed people to take pictures of Fee. If I ever find out who did that, I will kill them with my bare hands.

Since she didn't have someone to go to bat for her, I've lived for her. That kiss with Ashley? It awakened a part of me that I'd put to sleep because I had to.

Now, all I can think about is what the two of us could do with an uninterrupted night and a little privacy.

I've stayed away from her, but fuck I'm tired this evening as I head home. It's been a long fucking day, and I don't want to go home to my daughter, where I'll have to answer endless questions and be an adult. I want to see Ashley, for just a little bit, because although I'm confused, I miss her.

Pulling up to the store, I park, and cut the engine. Leaving my hands on the steering wheel, I take a deep breath and try to convince myself this is a bad idea. But then I get a glimpse of her behind the register, and she looks as bleak as I feel. Goddamn, I recognize the despair and hopelessness in her gaze, and I want to be the one to remove it. I want her to help me to find the happiness I know is there. It's attainable for both of us, we just have to reach out and take it.

I grunt as I open the door and get out, walking into the store. If one of us doesn't start, then the other won't follow. If I have to make the first move, then so be it. I go over and grab my energy drink for the morning and then slap it on the counter, startling her.

"Are you okay?" She quirks a brow, true concern etched on her face.

"I'm fine, just wondering when we're gonna give up this pretense of not caring about each other."

"What?" She laughs. "Are you talking about?"

This annoys me. She has to know what I'm talking about. I can't stop thinking about her, and how much Fee loves her. "I want another chance on the couch with you. Only this time Felicity won't wake up from a nightmare."

"Ford ..." She tilts her head to the side, her eyes full of understanding and concern. "That's not her fault. She's obviously dealing with a lot."

"She is," I agree. "No matter what I've pushed for with therapy, sleep aids, or whatever, she never does as well as she does at home. I should've known that and not let her fall asleep at your place. Especially because I knew I wanted to spend time with you. I wanted to get lost in something that wasn't my sorry excuse for a life." I push the energy drink toward her.

"Your life isn't sorry, Ford. Your daughter loves you and there are a ton of people who respect you. I respect you, and I appreciate what you've done for me," she says softly.

"But I need something for myself, Ashley. I need to be Ford the man, and not Ford the father. Felicity needs me to have a life outside of her as much as I do too. Will you help me find who I am now?" I question quietly, my voice intense and low enough for only her to hear me.

"Ashley." Gina's voice comes from the office. "There are people waiting. You should conduct your business in your own time, don't you think?"

The way her face falls pisses me off. It's obvious that Gina gets off on this, she likes to be the one who's in control and lording over others. I don't move, standing my ground. "I'm a paying customer, Gina. Don't forget that. If you'd like for me to give you my money, you'll let me finish having this conversation, and don't forget, I know where David got the money for this place."

She shuts her mouth and goes back to her office. Ashley gasps. "What the hell do you have on those two?"

"You don't wanna know, but tonight after nine, come over. I'll be done with our nighttime routine, dinner will be eaten, and Felicity will be asleep. We'll get the time together I'm needing, maybe if we're lucky we'll learn a few things too." I toss a five on the counter and head out of the store.

I've cleaned the counters twice, made sure our leftovers are put away, checked my clothes, and washed my hands three times as I wait for Ashley to show up. When I'm about to give up on her, there's a soft knock at the door. Yanking it open, she's standing there, smiling at me both like a siren and also someone who has absolutely no idea how intriguing she is.

"Hey." I give her a grin. "Fee's asleep, and we should be good to go. No triggers or anything, so fingers crossed."

She ducks under my arm holding the door open and I get a whiff of her berry scent. "You know it doesn't bother me. It's a part of her story, and she can't help it, neither can you. I will never think bad about you because you need to drop being romantic to be a father. It's hot as hell, Ford." She turns with her back to my wall. "That being said, I'm nervous. I know of you, but I don't know you, and I tend to know people I'd like to sleep with."

I close the door and head in, sitting on the couch. "This town seems to think I'm an open book, Ash. Go on ask me a question or two, and I'll do the same for you."

I watch as she pulls her lip between her teeth, her eyes shining in the dim light coming into the living room. "That trailer your daddy had over on the hill—did it really just catch fire, or was it arson? It was a meth lab, right?"

I normally don't entertain any of these questions because I don't need the judgment, but I want to be honest with her, really want her to trust me, so although I shouldn't, I'm going to answer it. "Please know the truth could get you hurt. You sure you wanna know?"

"Trust me enough to tell me, Ford," she presses, sitting so close I can feel the edge of her hair brushing my forearm.

I bring my palm up to her face, cupping her jaw, pulling her as close to me as I dare. "It was a meth lab, and it was arson, but they'll never be able to prove it," I whisper.

She inhales deeply, nose flaring as I lean in and take this kiss. Digging my fingers in her hair, I scrape my nails against her scalp and kiss her deeply. Strong, passionate, and full of something I've never given anyone else.

The benefit of the doubt, and my trust.