37. Tyler

Ihad dreams of someone waking me up through the night. The husky voice reminded me to drink water and asked me over and over how my head felt. Then, once I took a drink of the disgusting bubbly water, the voice would soothe me back to sleep. The warm, cedar smell washed over me, sending me deeper into unconsciousness. I woke up thirsty as hell, but remarkably, my headache was dull compared to the night before.

I shifted my head on the pillow, only to notice the pillow was hard, and had skin—soft skin that was bathed in that smell I'd been clinging to in my dirty clothes for weeks. An involuntary murmur of pleasure left my lips. A hand threaded through my hair, massaging my scalp and making me almost purr.

"That's nice," I whispered.

"How are you feeling?" Hunter's quiet murmur tickled my hair.

"Surprisingly okay." My hand began tracing lines over the planes on his stomach. I was fighting the urge to cringe as the events from the night before played on a blooper reel in my mind. But I remembered every little word he said—and I wanted to know if he meant them.

"Good, how much do you remember?"

I could have lied. That was my chance at an out, but I didn't want it. "Everything until I laid down, then it's a bit blurry."

He huffed against my hair, letting me know his lips were close enough to kiss if he wanted to.

"I am sorry—for everything, Ty." The words infused themselves into my hair, lulling me into a sense of comfort.

"Why'd you hit Zane?"

I felt the rise and fall of his chest as he readied himself to tell me, my chest tightened in anticipation.

"So he'd hate me."

I shifted to rest my chin on his chest so I could look him in the eyes. They had a haunted appearance that made me want to reach out for him, but I waited. "Why?"

Hunter looked away from my eyes to the roof. "He saw my father hit me."

"Hunter…" I shifted so we were eye-to-eye.

"Zane had snuck into my bedroom one night, and my father happened to walk in when we were… fooling around. To say he was angry would be the understatement of the century. I kicked Zane out, but I didn't realize he was watching through the window when my father hit me. When I got to practice the next day, Zane cornered me and said he'd report it. His dad was a judge, and he was determined to see my father punished. I panicked. I already knew I wasn't going to play my best that day: my ribs were broken, and I hurt all over. I had nothing to lose. So, I punched him. If he challenged my father… he would have had so much more than missing a game to worry about."

"You protected him the only way you knew how…" I murmured.

Finally, his gaze met mine again and he nodded. "I've tried so hard to stay away from you the last few months, Ty—and I failed. Sharing a room with you on the road… it was impossible to not have you. We kept saying each time was the last, but every time only meant that much more to me. Every time you walk away I fall into a pit of self-hatred. I can't have him hurt you. Being with me is more than just being gay or being my teammate: you'll have a target on your back. My father is ruthless. I was trying to protect you by staying away. But I am so fucking sorry."

I rested my forehead against his, closing my eyes to take in his words. My brain processed his words, and I found myself torn. Self-preservation would have had me leaving him, but my traitorous heart wouldn't let that happen.

"I spoke to Jarman—after he called me out on a few things. He got me thinking about finding a way out. So, I called Connor Bellamy today. I'm not a draft pick, but I explained my situation and he thinks I have potential. My stats are good, and if I can't get into the NHL I said I'd settle for an AHL contract."

I opened my mouth to protest because he deserved better but he silenced me with a finger to my lips. "I know what you're going to say, but any contract I get promises my own income that doesn't rely on him. Then, I'll work my ass off to be noticed by the NHL."

I let the big question leave my lips. "And us?"

Hunter brushed his knuckles against my cheekbone. "Well, it depends on where I end up and when you get called up—because you will. Then we decide if we can do long distance.

I wanted that, anything I could get. I'd take stolen moments over nothing at all. I nodded the action quicker than forming the words to say it.

"You have to decide if I'm worth the risk, Aus. My plan was to finish this year, complete my pre-law, and secretly sign a contract. I want to slowly and quietly extract myself from him, but it doesn't stop the fact that being with me comes with its own set of risks…"

"Look…" I began.