27. Saskia

Chapter 27

Saskia

I figured Henry and Casper would be exhausted after the amount of energy and attention they showered me with yesterday, so finding them jerking each other into a frenzy was a pleasant surprise.

After watching them come and helping them clean up, I let them fall back asleep, and made my way downstairs to deal with the aftermath of yesterday.

I can't contain my shock, muffling my giggles with my palm, when I take in the chaos of the living room. Lights still twinkle on the tree, illuminating a room that is strewn with clothes and sex toys.

Paper chains are still secured around each leg of the dining table, and I detach them carefully and drape what’s still intact around the tree, knowing it will be a filthy reminder for the rest of our time here.

Yesterday was a far from traditional Christmas. We didn’t even eat a proper meal, something I’m determined to remedy today. After getting the house back in order, I peel potatoes and carrots, and cover the turkey with a herb butter.

Once it's in the oven, I make a big cup of coffee, wrap up in my winter coat, and take it out to the small patio. Casper and I have shared many summer evenings here, chatting and eating and watching the sun set over the hills in the distance.

The snow is melting at last, and I sweep what’s left off a chair before taking a seat at our little table and tipping my face to the sky.

This part of the country is beautiful at any time of year, but especially when sparkling in the low winter sun. A robin lands on the back of the other chair, its full red breast a circle of joy against the backdrop of white, green, and brown.

One would think that after several days of sex with your oldest friend and your ex-husband that your mind would be in a muddle, but I feel a deep sense of peace. There’s no shame or angst churning in the pit of my stomach, no panic about where we go from here. Just peace and gratitude.

Two men have loved me, in their own ways, from near and far, for all of my adult life. I could not be luckier.

I’m halfway through my coffee when the door behind me clicks open, and Casper steps out, all dressed in his trademark black.

“The snow is melting,” he says, taking the seat opposite me. “I’ll probably be able to get back on the road today.”

My heart sinks a little, even though deep down I’ve known this was inevitable. It’s not like this can go on forever. Ultimately, the events of the past few days don’t change anything between Casper and I. He still wants a family, and I don’t. No amount of threesomes will convince me otherwise.

“I have another gift for you,” he says, handing me a large manila envelope.

I slip it open, peek at the documents inside, and laugh. “Divorce papers? You shouldn’t have.”

My lawyer and I have already reviewed these multiple times, but one page is marked with a bright pink tab indicating changes. I scan them quickly, then read them again to make sure my eyes are not deceiving me.

“You’re giving me the cottage? We agreed we’d split all the property assets.”

“It was always yours, my love. You earned it. This proposes that you take the London flat, I’ll take the house in Italy, and you can keep this place. Though you are welcome to visit any time, of course. You and Henry.”

My eyes narrow and I shake my head. “I knew you were lying to me.”

“About what?” he says, his eyebrows pulling together.

I point my finger close to his face. “You said you thought the cottage would be empty. Why did you bring these if you didn’t think you were going to see me this Christmas?”

He leans forward with that wicked smile and playfully bites the tip.

“Fine, I admit I knew he would be here. I always had a sense that you would begin something with him once our marriage was over, but I wanted one last chance to say goodbye to you. I suspected, correctly I might add, that it might be an opportunity to give you the best present of all.”

And what a gift it was.

“What if Henry hadn’t been up for it?”

“Then we’d have had a very awkward few days trying to avoid each other in a tiny house.” He reaches for my coffee and takes a sip. “We might have finished that jigsaw puzzle. Or watched Die Hard 2.”

We both laugh, and it’s the bright sound of our early years. Of fun and lightness and all the good times before we grew apart.

“I have met someone,” he says after a while.

“Casper, no,” I gasp. “Do not tell me you’ve made me complicit in an affair. Or Henry.”

“Nothing has happened, but there is someone I was recently introduced to. She’s a human rights lawyer in Italy, an incredible woman, almost as beautiful as you.” He leans in to cover my hand with his. “I want to pursue her, with your blessing, of course.”

“You don’t need my blessing to start a new relationship.”

He lifts my hand to his lips and presses a kiss to my knuckles. “I appreciate that, but you have been my closest companion for many years. You are my guiding light. My heart cannot simply forget you.”

“You are annoyingly romantic sometimes. Of course you have my blessing. Do you have a pen?”

I sign the papers with a smile on my face, slip them back into the envelope, and hand it over.

“Saskia,” he says softly, and my heart leaps into my throat.

From the moment we met, he has always called me angel, my love, or sometimes an Italian tesoro . In fact, it’s so rare for him to use my name that I got the giggles when he said it during our marriage vows and had to stop for a sip of water.

He palms my cheek, and I lean into the warmth of it. “Henry is the one for you. You have my blessing, too.”

“Thank you, Casper.”

Our eyes lock, and he leans in to kiss me, but I pull away.

“Would you let me kiss you if Henry was here?” he asks, his eyes scanning my face to get a read on my reaction.

My lips press together as I consider the scenario. “I would, actually.”

“That’s interesting,” he hums, standing and tucking the envelope underneath his arm. “I’m going to take a shower and pack up my things.”

I watch him go, and wonder if I’ll ever kiss my ex-husband again.