Chapter 15

FIFTEEN

Ava

Fear is such an ugly thing. I've battled it most of my life. Afraid of my dad's rages and my mom's depression which sucked her into a deep dark hole. I was afraid when my dad would scam someone and we'd be running in the middle of the night to a new town, a new school and the same old problems.

And for all of my adult life, I've been living with the fear that no matter how far I move away from that, it will always suck me back into the drama and dysfunction. So I'd run. Whenever the feelings got too real or too intense, whenever it felt like I was starting to need someone instead of just want them, I'd run like hell.

Part of me still wants to. But I just felt so damn empty when he was gone. Because I can't outrun this. He's already in me. Way down deep into the marrow.

"You make me feel safe." The first words out of my mouth are maybe the hardest to say. "When I'm with you, I feel safe and protected and whole in a way I never have. Not in all of my life. And I was so afraid for you to know that. Because, stupidly, I thought that would give you the power to hurt me. All keeping it to myself did was create the opportunity for us to hurt each other … I should fucking know you can't read my mind. That's what I tell clients every day."

"Ava—"

"No. Let me say this," I insist, taking a deep breath. When I let it out, my whole body shudders with it, like I'm shedding a huge burden. And maybe I am. The walls have protected me for a long time, but I've carried them with me, and they have weighed me down. "I don't want to run from you because you make me feel things. For the first time in my life, Ranger, I want to run to someone for that reason. And it doesn't matter what happened in West Virginia. All that matters is what happens next."

One of his eyebrows goes up in question and I can see the muscle ticking in his jaw. "Nothing happened in West Virginia, Ava. Not this time. I'm not saying it never has. I won't lie to you. But this was work and nothing more … I don't want anyone else. Hell, you've ruined me. I'm not sure I'm capable of wanting anyone else now."

It is a relief to hear him say it. An even bigger relief because I believe him. Without any doubt or question. Because I trust him when I've never trusted another person outside of my grandmother in my whole life. "Well, it's mutual … I don't ever want to be with anyone but you."

He shakes his head, a little smile playing about his lips. "I'm forty-six‐fucking‐years old and for the first time in my life, I'm in love."

"I'm thirty-two. I've never been in love. I'm not even sure I've ever been in like. I wouldn't let a man get close enough to catch any feelings for him. But you snuck in … right past the defenses."

"You gonna open the door for me, Ava? Or leave me standing out here on your porch all night?"

I laugh and step back, opening the door wide in more ways than one. "Your trailer is really cool and all, and a weekend away in it would be amazing. But Ranger, I need a closet. Or three. Would condo life suck for you?"

"You asking me to sleep over or move in?"

I shrug. "That's pretty much up to you."

"Just leave me a square foot of closet space. That ought to do it."

I make a big production of gasping with shock and outrage. "A whole foot? Oh, no. That's too much. I had no idea a real relationship would cost me that much closet spa?—"

I don't even get to finish my bit. He grabs me by the hips, presses me back against the wall of the entryway and then his mouth is on mine. He takes it all—my words, my breath, even the merest hint of a joke is gone. Because there is nothing funny about that kiss. It's just heat. Mind‐blowing, bone‐melting heat.

He breaks the kiss, pulling back just a little. "I can take you to the bed or the couch or I can fuck you right here."

I reach for the fly of his jeans, "Here. Right now."

I don't have to ask twice. He reaches beneath my robe, and I'm not wearing a stitch under it.

"Fuck." The word comes out ragged and broken. And then he's turning me around, planting my hands firmly on the curved edges of the little console table there. I'm bent over, facing the mirror, while he's standing behind me. And I watch him watching me as he sinks his cock into me, slow and deep. It's a fantasy I never even knew I had,

There's nothing hurried. He fucks me like we have all the time in the world. And maybe we do. So I just give myself over to it—to him and let the pleasure take us both.

An hour later, we've finally made it, my actual bed. And Ranger is quiet. Not in a way that makes me nervous, but definitely in a way that lets me know something is on his mind.

"What is it?"

He looks at me. "Why did you bring up West Virginia? Or more to the point, who told you there was anything non‐work related in West Virginia?"

"Let's say that, since the day my car broke down and Billy McGill gave me a ride, he's made it a point to stir shit up. He's pissed because all the money in the damn world will never make him as good as you."

"Yeah," Ranger says. "He and I are gonna have a talk. I knew that day when he saw you in the stables it was bad. If I'd even known he'd be there, I would never have taken you out there. He's a snake, but a well-paying one. He was supposed to be heading to Florida to look at a colt down there."

"It doesn't matter. I kind of told him to go to hell yesterday. Not in so many words—wait, no, that's pretty much exactly what I told him."

Ranger grins. "I'd have paid money to see the look on his smug face. Still, it pisses me off."

"Because you trusted him?"

"Fuck no," he says. "I never trusted him. It pisses me off because he went out of his way to hurt you. That was his goal, Ava. To hurt you bad enough that you'd be willing to let him use you just to get back at me. He doesn't see people … just chess pieces. Pawns to be sacrificed."

"Don't do anything that will hurt your business. You've worked so hard."

"No one likes him, Ava," he tells me. "Not a goddamn soul. He couldn't hurt my business if he tried because my clients actually respect me and the work I do. You leave him to me. He's not the only one who has dirt to use against somebody."

"That sounds ominous."

He shakes his head, his beard tickling my shoulder. "Not exactly. I just happen to know one of the former Mrs. McGill's well enough that she'd be only too happy to spill the beans about Billy's particular brand of kink. And since he screwed her out of the money she was rightfully owed, she's got a real axe to grind.

"Later. Tell me later. Right now, I don't ever want that asshole's name mentioned in my bed—our bed. Ours."

He pulls me close, his arms tight around me. "I like the sound of that. Our bed."

I rest my head against his chest. "You were right about searching for a place to fit, a place to belong. Because nothing has ever felt so right as sharing this with you … I love you. But at some point, you're going to have to tell me your actual name."

"You can't laugh."

"I make no promises."

He lets out a sigh. "Ranger is my last name. And my crazy ass mother gave me the first name of Parker. Parker Ranger."

I just blink for a minute, then a giggle escapes. "I'm sorry. But that's really bad."

"Apparently they gave her the good drugs," he says.

"Maybe. Or did she hold a grudge over some days' long labor?"

He grins at me. "You can ask her. I'll take you to meet her next weekend."

"Fuck. What have I gotten myself into?"

He kisses my neck. Whatever it is, it's fucking worth it.