18. Eighteen

18

EIGHTEEN

I woke to snoring. It was light, but there. When I shifted, I found Leo’s arms wrapped tightly around me and my head on his shoulder.

This was different, I realized. Our previous dalliance left us both feeling awkward. I no longer felt awkward. Well … at least right now.

“What are you doing?” Leo murmured as he shifted, drawing me in tighter against him. “Go back to sleep.”

“It’s seven o’clock,” I replied. My mind was already working. “We need to talk.”

“Oh, man.” Leo made a face. “I don’t want to fight.” He released me and dragged the covers over his head.

I was amused despite myself and started tickling his sides as I shifted to straddle him. “I didn’t say I wanted to fight.” I wrestled the pillow away from his face and grinned at his sulky countenance. “Why are you so good looking in the morning?” I complained out of nowhere. “I mean, seriously, it should be against the law.”

That earned a smile from him as his hands moved to my naked hips. “You look pretty good too.”

“No, I have bedhead and morning crusties. I’m betting my breath is terrifying, too.”

“Come here and let me gauge that for myself.” Leo caught the back of my head and brought me down close so he could kiss me senseless. I actually forgot where I was and who I was for several seconds. “You taste good to me,” he said as he released me.

“Why are you so good at that?” I complained.

“Genetics.” He rubbed his hands over my thighs and then reached for me again. “Come here.”

“Not yet.” I brought him up short with a hand on his chest. I needed to be able to see his face for this conversation. “I have questions.”

Leo narrowed his eyes. “Sam…”

“I’m not asking you to pledge your life to me—I’m not an idiot—so get that out of your head.”

“I don’t want to talk.” Leo was plaintive. “Talking is how we make each other miserable. We keep trying to get ahead of this, and I don’t want to be miserable today.” For someone who didn’t want to be miserable, he sure looked it.

“Believe it or not, I’m not trying to make you miserable.” I rested my hands on his chest, then shifted my fingers to trace his pecs. “Just a quick side question. How often do you work out?”

His smile was back in an instant. “Do you like what you see?” He flexed his bicep for me to ogle.

“I think that’s the problem,” I replied. “I like you whenever I see you.”

“Even when I’m being mean?” he teased.

That wiped the smile from my face. “Yeah. Does that make me a masochist?”

“No.” He was solemn now. “It makes you a slave to your hormones. Plus, I’m not going to be mean any longer.”

“You’ve said that before.”

“Yes, well, I mean it. I feel physical pain when I try to be mean to you now. I don’t even know how to describe it.”

His morose face made me laugh, and I went back to feeling up his pecs. “Seriously, how often do you work out?”

“Three to four days a week,” he replied.

“Have you been working out here? I’ve never seen you.”

“I go to the hotel gym with Jax. That’s how we became friends.”

“Oh.” That made sense. “I’ve been going to the yoga studio Daisy’s moms own.”

“Do you like them?” His fingers roamed over my hips and legs. It wasn’t sensual as much as exploratory. Much like me, he just wanted to get the lay of the land. This was the first time we were allowing the other person to get comfortable. Apparently, we were both going to take advantage of the situation.

“They’re very funny.” I nodded. “They’re both in touch with Daisy’s father’s girlfriend as well. It’s very weird … and yet very comfortable.”

“I kind of want to meet them,” Leo admitted.

“Then you should probably do some yoga with us.”

He made a face. “Do I look like a yoga sort of guy?”

“Actually, yes.”

His grin widened. “Seriously, come here.” He was determined when he reached for me again. “I have to feel you against me.”

I sighed as he pulled me down so we were chest to chest, relishing the warmth of his body. This situation was going to get us both in trouble, and yet I couldn’t say no. It hurt too much to even consider walking away from him.

But how much more is it going to hurt in a month when he walks away from you?

I knew that was exactly what was going to happen, and yet it didn’t matter. Not being with him when I could be with him was torture. Losing him would be torture too. At least I would get some enjoyment out of the situation before the torture set in this way.

“You are warm in the morning,” he whispered against my neck.

“You snore.”

He pulled back and stared at me. “I do not. You snore.”

My mouth fell open. “No, I don’t.”

“Um … yes, you do. I heard you the first night.”

“You didn’t say anything.”

He lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “I didn’t really know what to say. Yesterday was…”

“Different,” I supplied.

“I was going to say awkward, but different is a good word too.” His smile was rueful. “I panicked a bit yesterday. I’m not proud of it or anything. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Don’t.” I pressed my hand to the spot above his heart. I liked feeling the beat beneath my fingertips for some reason. It was nothing I had ever been conscious of before, and yet I couldn’t get enough of it now. “This situation isn’t ideal.”

“I don’t know.” Leo rubbed himself against me. “It feels pretty good to me.”

“That’s the problem. We’re running on hormones.”

He pulled back far enough to stare into my eyes. “Oh, you’re going to get weird again,” he surmised.

“Actually, I’m not.” I leaned in so I could rub my cheek against his. Everything about him felt wonderful. It felt right. That would ultimately lead me down a destructive path, but there wasn’t anything I could do about that. Walking away now wasn’t feasible. “We do have to acknowledge reality, though.”

“I don’t want to.” Leo sounded so whiny I had to laugh.

“I know. It would be easier to ignore reality.” I shifted so I was looking directly into his eyes. “We can’t do that, though. We have to be realistic because I don’t want to be so crushed I can’t get out of bed in a month.”

His fingers were gentle when they brushed against my cheeks. “Sam, I don’t know that I can make promises.”

“I don’t expect you to,” I said hurriedly. “That’s not what I mean.”

“Okay.” His lips moved to my forehead, and he brushed a soft kiss there. “What do you want to do then?”

“I want to be honest. That’s the only way this is going to work.”

“I can be honest.”

“I know that this show isn’t your cup of tea,” I started. “I’m guessing that means, if it’s a hit, that you’re going to leave after the first season.”

He hesitated, seemingly surprised that I was getting right to the heart of matters, but he didn’t deny it. “That’s the plan,” he agreed. “I’ll go all out for the press. I’ll come back long enough to end my character. They could try to force me to stay, but we both know they won’t. If the show is doing well, there will be plenty of bigger actors who want to come in as the new lead vampire.”

“That’s pretty much what I figured.”

“I just always had it in my head that I wanted to be an action star. Those were the movies I watched as a kid.”

“So, you want to be Arnold Schwarzenegger?”

He snorted. “I was thinking more like Ryan Reynolds or Jason Statham, but okay.”

“We both know this can’t go anywhere long term,” I said. “We also can’t seem to stay away from each other without being miserable.”

“No, we cannot. Last night proved that.”

“We need to be careful, though.”

“Meaning what?”

“Meaning that we can’t let anybody on the cast know about this.” I gestured between our naked bodies. “It will become a thing.”

“Won’t that be good for the show? I’m being serious. They want us photographed around town together in our downtime, so why wouldn’t this be good for the production?”

“Because it will cause issues … and gossip. Pretending to be fooling around is different than actually fooling around. I don’t want the other cast members constantly speculating.”

“You mean you don’t want Sabrina pulling your hair out because she’s foaming at the mouth with jealousy,” he said on a grin.

“I would prefer that not happening,” I agreed. “Plus … if you’re just coming back for an episode or two next season, that means I’ll get all the ‘poor Sam’ looks, and I don’t want to be the pathetic one. Being pitied is not fun.”

“I don’t want you being pitied. I just think it might be hard to keep this under wraps.”

“I would like to try.” We were being honest, right? I had to tell him how I felt. “I’ll be the one left here. You’ll be the one out making blockbuster movies, and you’ll move on right away.”

“Sam—”

I cut him off with a shake of my head. “I get it, Leo. You and I need to burn out on each other. It’s entirely possible, in a couple of weeks, that we won’t even like one another.”

“Or we could still be tortured at the idea of saying goodbye.”

“Let’s not go there.” Hope was a terrifying beast, and I didn’t want to even consider that. “Let’s be realistic. You’re going to be a big star. This is my big chance to do something before it’s all over for me.

“Besides, I really like Salem,” I continued. “If I can get five seasons on this show and put some money away, I might be able to parlay it into something here after the fact.”

“Like what?” He looked genuinely curious.

“I don’t know. Have you seen some of these stores? I would love to own a magic store, maybe run some tours out of it. I freaking love Daisy. I can see settling here and being happy.”

“And if the show is a hit and you get five to seven seasons on it, your store will be popular,” Leo supplied. “It makes sense. Would you really want to live here, though?” He seemed baffled by that revelation.

“I like it. The town isn’t too big. It has personality. The restaurants are great. It’s right on the water. I already love the people.”

“Yeah, but coming from LA, this place is tiny.”

“Boston isn’t that far away, and I’ve always preferred the East Coast to the West Coast. I could still do theater productions in Boston if I wanted to keep a foot in the acting world.”

“Wow.” Leo shook his head. “You have it all figured out.”

“Not even remotely. It’s an idea, though. Since I’ve been floating the past two years, it feels good to have an idea at least.”

“What will you do if the show isn’t a hit?”

“That’s harder to figure out. I’m an optimist, though, so I’m going to hope for the best. If it’s bad, then I will have to adjust my expectations.”

“I don’t want you to have to adjust anything.” He hugged me tight. “I want you to be happy and have everything you’ve ever wanted.”

That wasn’t possible. Being held by him was proof of that, because in an ideal world, I would get him too, and we both knew that wasn’t going to happen. “It’s going to be okay.” I managed a bright smile when I pulled back. “We’ll just keep this a secret between us. We’ll act normal on the set, keep up the flirting, and we’ll follow through on the outings that we promised Miles we would participate in. He doesn’t need to know that they won’t be completely fake.”

“I guess that would work.” Leo turned thoughtful now. “You can’t date Miles while we’re … doing this.”

“I don’t plan on dating Miles.”

“I’m not saying it to be a douche,” he added hurriedly. “I don’t plan on dating anybody either.”

“I only said yes to Miles because you were going out with Sabrina.” It was hard to admit, but we’d agreed to be honest. “I was jealous. Then I was mad at myself for being jealous.”

“I only said yes because I thought, maybe, it would be a distraction.” Leo’s smile made him look years younger. “Sabrina is not my type, but … I thought maybe…”

“I get it. I was angry at the time. I thought I might even Hulk out. You don’t owe me an explanation, though.”

“If we’re going to do this, I want all our cards on the table.” He was matter of fact. “No dating anybody else. We won’t let the cast know what we’re doing.”

“I guarantee Jax and Daisy already know,” I said. “Daisy saw us by the cemetery the night before last. That’s why they left. She accused me of climbing you like a tree.”

The laugh Leo belted out was loud and quick. “You did kind of climb me.”

“It’s not my fault you’re too tall.”

“Maybe you’re too short.” He poked my belly, then sobered. “I liked it when you climbed me. That’s what I kept thinking about all day yesterday when I was trying to wipe the images from my head of what we’d done.”

“I kept thinking about that thing you did with your tongue.”

His expression took on a roguish quality. “You liked that, did you?”

“I liked all of it. That was the problem. I lost myself for a little bit.”

“That’s why you’re so determined to have this conversation,” he said. “You don’t want to lose yourself again.”

“Actually, it’s the exact opposite. I do want to lose myself. I’m hoping, by the time we’re finished, we’ll be okay saying goodbye.”

“What if we’re not?”

“You’re moving on. We both know it.” I had to be practical about this. “I’m sure it will hurt a little, but hurting now seems like a losing proposition.”

“Maybe the show will be such a hit that you won’t even care that I’m gone,” he mused.

That seemed unlikely. “Maybe. I say we worry about that later. I know that you’re going to leave—and I’ll keep that to myself—and you know that I’m staying. We’ll just have to figure it out.”

He stared into my eyes for a long time, not saying anything.

“Are you going to say something?” I challenged.

“I was just wondering if you were done talking about the serious stuff.”

“I guess. Why? Are you hungry?”

“Oh, I’m hungry.” He turned wolfish as he rolled me to my back and loomed over me. “I’m ready to figure our morning out.”

“Oh.” That sounded fun. “I don’t have scenes with you until this afternoon. Two. I start at ten o’clock with coven scenes.”

“So, we’ll have anticipation working on our side.” He smoothed his hand over my ribcage. “I think we would be okay letting the others know—in fact, it’s likely at least a few of them are going to figure it out—but I get why you don’t want to do this publicly.”

“It will be too much,” I said. “I’ll crumble when you’re gone, when I’m the only one here being asked about you being gone and you’re off living your best life.”

“I don’t like it when you paint the picture that way, of me leaving you behind.”

“Oh, you won’t be leaving me behind,” I assured him. “We’ll just be working for different things. Who knows? Maybe, after you have four failed marriages and are sick of action movies, you might visit Salem again in thirty years and we’ll pick up right where we left off.”

“Why will I have four failed marriages?”

“You’ve met yourself.”

He laughed again. “What about you? How many failed marriages will you have?”

“None. I’m not saying I’ll have a successful marriage, but I have no interest in getting married unless I know it’s forever. I might be so picky that you come back and find me a spinster.”

“See, that sounds fun to me.”

“It would.”

He lowered his mouth to mine. “I just don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered, his mouth hovering over mine. “I won’t be able to live with that.”

“We’re going to do our very best to make sure that doesn’t happen.”

“What if our best isn’t enough?”

“We’re both adults, Leo. I’m not going into this blind. You don’t have to feel guilty.”

“I don’t know why I’m arguing.” He kissed me. “I can’t give this up right now. It is what it is.”

“Yeah.” He was exactly where I was. “Let’s just enjoy our morning. I’m going to need a full breakfast before I hit hair and makeup. That means you need to get moving.”

“See, now you’re talking.” He rolled on top of me. “Do you want me to show you that tongue thing again?”

“You read my mind.”