CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

The shouting gets louder as I walk into the living room. I hear a second voice join Olivia's. Catherine's. She sounds like she's pleading.

The first person I see, however, is Ethan. He rushes past me, tears streaming down his face. I call after him, but he only shouts, "Go away!" and rushes upstairs to his room.

I start to follow him, but then I hear Olivia shout, "What? He would have heard about it eventually."

Then Catherine says, "You don't know what you're talking about, Olivia."

The argument is taking place in the side foyer. I don't hear footsteps. It seems the two of them have decided to finish their argument in the foyer so as not to disturb anyone else. Too bad for Ethan that he's not accorded the same courtesy.

Since they've elected to remain in the room, I draw closer to hear their conversation better.

"What do you mean? What is there to know? He cheated on you. And I guarantee Veronica's not the only one."

"You don't know what you're talking about," Catherine insists.

"Oh, keep telling me that, Mom. What does that mean? What don't I know? Was Dad fucking Veronica or not?"

Catherine sighs. "Marriages go through hard times, Olivia. It's very hard to stay faithful to the same person for twenty years."

"How? How is it hard to not fuck someone? It's damned easy! Look at me! I'm not-fucking everyone on Earth!"

"Watch your language!"

"Or what , Mom? Why are you defending him?"

Catherine finally raises her voice. "I'm not defending him, Liv, but he's your father, and your brother doesn't need to hear you say that you're glad he's dead."

I gasp, and my hand flies to my mouth. For a terrifying moment, the two of them are silent, and I'm afraid they've heard me. After a moment, though, Olivia says, "Well, it's true. I'm tired of pretending it isn't. I'm tired of pretending I miss him. He acted like he cared about us, but he spent more time inside Veronica and his other whores than he spent with us."

"It's not that simple," Catherine insists again.

"Why? Why isn't it that simple?"

"Because… it's…"

Because she cheated on him too. Although evidence now seems to suggest that Frederick was the first to stray and for quite a while before Catherine threw caution to the wind.

That is, until Catherine drops this bombshell. "I'm not innocent either."

There's a moment of what I assume is shocked silence. Then Olivia cries, "You cheated on him too? Oh my God , mom!"

"Okay, you know what? You marry the same person for twenty years and see if you can stay faithful."

"How hard is it to not fuck everything that fucking moves?"

"Watch your language!"

"Fuck you!"

"Fuck… It's not that we're sex fiends, it's just… Look, honey, in the modeling world, sex… it's just everywhere. It just happens. I slept with a lot of people before I met your father, and your father slept with a lot of people before he met me. We loved each other, but I think… you know, you get older, and you realize you're not going to live forever, and when you do, you realize that one day you're going to be old, and you won't have a chance to do anything anymore. So, you get afraid, and you start trying to do everything you can while you still can."

"You mean do every one you can."

I feel like I'm listening in on a soap opera. I suppose it's gratifying in an odd way to know that both Jensens were immature children, but still. What a terrible way to live one's life. I am older than Catherine and as old as Frederick, but I don't feel a need to throw common sense to the wind and act a fool without consideration for how my behavior impacts others.

Oh yes , Sean's voice echoes in my mind. You're the poster child for growing old with grace.

I swear to God, if Sean O'Connell is the new voice of my conscience, I will travel to the nearest mental hospital and commit myself again.

"I'm not going to act like we're the best people who ever lived," Catherine says, "but we both loved you and Ethan very much, and that includes your father."

"Oh yeah, I'm really feeling the love right now."

"I'm trying, Liv." Catherine sounds on the verge of tears.

"Well, stop trying. Dad tried, but he still missed my birthday to get a blowjob from his secretary."

"That's not what happened. He was called into work because there was a stock market crash."

"Yeah, I'm sure that's what he told you."

"It was in the news, Liv. That's one of the few times—"

She stops herself, but it's too late. "Oh my God!" Olivia cries. "You knew the whole time?"

"Yes, Liv, I knew the whole time," Catherine says curtly. "And I'm sure your father knew that I slept with other men too. Like I said, it's hard to be with the same person for twenty years when you've spent your whole adult life getting to do anything you want."

"You mean any one—"

"Yes, damn it, anyone! Yes! Okay? Yes, it's hard to only have sex with one person when you grow up rich or beautiful, and you can literally have sex with anyone you want, and they feel privileged to get to do it. Okay? I'm sorry."

"How the hell are you two my parents?" Liv sounds like she's crying now. "I am nothing like you."

"And I'm glad for that," Catherine snaps bitterly. "I'm not happy with who I am, and whatever you might think of him, your dad wasn't happy with who he is either. We both wanted you guys to be different. That's why you and Ethan aren't out there being ‘presented' to other rich people or comparing everything you own with all the other rich kids or sleeping around and doing drugs with every other teenager on this lake."

"Oh, yeah, you're right, it's so much better to be shut-ins like fucking freaks!"

"Yes, it is, Liv," Catherine says drily. "Yes, it very much is. Believe me, you're better off not living the life your dad and I lived. I know we're not perfect, but that's one decision I will stand behind. We've kept you away from the filth we live in, and we've taught you to be better people."

"And you couldn't do the same thing yourself? You both know it's wrong, but you couldn't stop?"

Catherine sighs again. "Look, I won't try to convince you to love your father if you don't, but I am telling you to leave Ethan out of it. He doesn't need to hear you say the crap you said in the car."

"No. Let him believe Dad was a saint so he can grow up to treat women like holes just like Dad did."

I hear footsteps now, and I quickly walk away. I don't make it to the kitchen in time.

"Oh great. Now Mary heard everything. Well, that's wonderful, Mary. Now you know Dad was a piece of shit."

I turn around and stammer an apology, but Olivia is already gone, brushing past me and stomping up the stairs to her own room. Just before she reaches the top of the stairs, she turns around and shouts, "I'm glad he's dead. I'm glad it hurt."

She stomps away, leaving me and Catherine stunned. I turn to her and try to stammer another apology, but Catherine lifts her hands for me to stop and says, "You know what? Just forget about what you heard, okay?"

She stalks upstairs to her own room. I remain where I am for a while, trying to digest what I've heard. A terrible thought has just formed in my head.

Olivia's anger is understandable, and the sentiment that she's glad her father's dead is an all-too-common one from a teenager after losing a parent with whom they've had a complicated relationship.

But the last thing she said. "I'm glad it hurt."

How would she know that it hurt? Usually, shots through the head are instant and painless. I assumed it was painless.

So why would she say that she's glad it hurt? I hate to think this way, but could she have known that it hurt because she watched him die? Did she see pain on his face as he clung to his last few seconds of life?

Did Olivia Jensen kill her father?