5. Chloe

“Aclub?” I say, and the humor of the word rests in its cadence. “Thought you were tired of clubs?” My brow arches as I look up at Bastian when he opens the doors to The Red Room for me. The second he does, the vibrations of the music hit me, and somehow the dim lighting feels even darker than the night behind us.

“It’s different when I’m not working in it,” he comments and I have to clarify, “So you’re not working here?” There’s a small sputter in my chest, afraid that he’s holding back. Afraid that he’s not going to hold up his end of the bargain. It doesn’t matter if he does or doesn’t; I’m ready to tell him what I know. And that I love him for it. I love my dark knight. He’s always been my hero.

His lips quirk up as he splays his hand on my lower back and leads me to the long L-shaped bar in the far right of the room. “Not exactly.” Although he’s casual, there’s a tightness in every small feature of his stance and the way he walks.

His answer is one he would have given me a week ago. Hell, even two days ago. He would have left it there, and I wouldn’t have had the balls to push for more. I would have let the unsettling feeling push us farther apart.

Not tonight though, not as we brush by the crowded room, past high tables and men and women whose outfits range from both custom suits and short dresses, to tattered jeans and thin white tank tops. “I’m working with the Cross brothers, and Jase owns this place, so if he needs me here, I may be here, but I won’t be the bouncer or bartender.”

His eyes hold a brightness, even though they’re dark and in them I see the reflection of the bottles that line the bar, and more, so much more.

Passion, desire, a challenge, and … purpose.

It’s disconcerting in some ways as I take a seat at the bar, sitting down on the leather stool. I could never give him this. I don’t want him to fight, but that’s what dark knights are meant to do.

“You want anything to eat?” he asks me and I shake my head, telling him I just want a cranberry juice. He signals for the bartender easily, but I can tell he’s on edge like I am. On edge that the wall of mistruths and hidden secrets is breaking down between us.

“Bastian,” the bartender greets him and then turns to me. “You must be Chloe,” he says without missing a beat. With his sleeves rolled up and his tattoos showing on his forearms, the man looks deadly, even if he’s smiling at me. Italian. Dominating. And sexy as hell.

“Sebastian’s told me all about you and the little addition,” he says, and his eyes drift lower as he searches for the baby bump. “Congratulations,” he tells me.

“Thank you,” I respond but I don’t even know his name, and I could cringe at that. I know so little. I don’t know anyone here, but that’s going to change. Sebastian’s only been here a week longer than me, but it’s obvious that he belongs here. That he’s welcome here.

There’s a small piece of me that wants to be welcome here too. For once in my life.

“Chloe, this is Seth,” Bastian tells me and Seth smiles broad and wide.

“It’s nice to finally meet you,” he tells me and then someone calls for his attention, taking him away but not before Bastian orders his beer and my drink.

“He works with Jase.”

“Well obviously, since this is his bar.”

“No, I mean…” Sebastian trails off and runs his hand along the back of his head. “Seth likes being behind the bar when he’s not working. But he works really close with Jase,” he tells me and then pauses. Even the music pauses a beat, as if to let the words sink in.

“What does he do?” I ask, and Bastian reaches for his beer. I turn around to thank Seth, seeing my drink right next to my hand for the first time. I hadn’t realized he set it there, but he’s already moved on to someone else.

“He does a lot of things. Whatever needs to be done. Fixes situations that get out of hand.”

“You like him?” I ask, letting my finger sit on the rim of the glass. It slides along the edge and I wonder if it makes a sound given that the edge is wet, but it doesn’t matter. The club is so loud, the soft sound would drown in it. Bastian nods, not showing me any emotion on his face, but steadfastly observing my reaction.

“Is that what you do too?” I ask him, not sure if I really want to know, but I damn well know that I want him to know I’ll still love him regardless.

“No.” Bastian takes a drink and then tells me, “I’ll be staying with Carter, going places with him to make sure things go down the way they’re supposed to.”

“Situations?” I ask and before he can even say “yeah” again, I ask, “Like what you used to do?” His tax returns said he was a butcher for Romano, but the scars on his knuckles say otherwise.

This time he only nods, his lips pressed in a tight line. “If it needs to be handled. Yes. I handle it.”

“So you’re the muscle,” I comment and take a sip of the bittersweet drink. I appreciate having to be sober for this. It’s surprising how it doesn’t bother me. How it even excites me. That’s what surprises me the most.

“I know it’s not what you thought I’d be doing when we settled down.” He starts to talk, and I don’t bother to let his mind wander down that path.

“I never thought I could tame you, Sebastian Black. I never wanted to either.”

“Tame?” he says and huffs a humorless laugh. He swallows thickly, staring at the ring of bubbles on the edge of his glass as he adds, “I just want you to know … who I am.”

“I’ve always known who you are.”

Shaking his head slightly, he stares blankly ahead. “I’ve hurt a lot of people,” he tells me in a voice so cold and low, as if I still don’t get it.

“You killed them. You didn’t just hurt them; you killed them.”

The club life seems to get louder, but it bleeds together when he looks at me with that intense icy gaze.

“I know what you did,” I choke out, needing to finally tell him the truth. “When we left, I know what you had to do before we could leave. I heard you talking about it on the phone.”

“What?” Disbelief lays in the breathy syllable. His stern gaze hardens; the depths of the man he is showing. And I love it. I love this side of him. Dare I say, I may even love this side of him more. Not because I love what he does, or the actions. But because he’s willing to risk everything to fight for what he believes in. I don’t know what Carter’s gotten himself into, but back when we were only kids, Sebastian did something I know I never could. He made an injustice just.

“We hadn’t been gone long, maybe a few weeks?” The words race from me, so willing and eager to finally be heard. “Something happened with Carter and you wanted to go back. I thought we were coming back here, but we didn’t. They told you not to. You were talking to someone about the people who were murdered, about the list … about Marcus.”

“Chlo.” Bastian says my name like he’s daring me to tell him it’s a lie, but the words keep running from me, running away like we did all those years ago.

“And when you came back to the bedroom, I waited for you to tell me what had happened. I wanted to know if Carter was all right. And you didn’t say a word.” Tears blur my vision, but I don’t cry. “You never told me anything, even though I knew you were hurting.”

“All I needed was you and you didn’t need to know,” he tells me in a single breath, the impact of my confession hitting him and turning his jaw hard.

“Did you think I wouldn’t love you anymore for it, Bastian? Did you think I would leave you?”

“Chloe,” he says, my name strained like it hurts him to say it.

“You would have never told me, and I get why. I get it.”

I don’t wait for him to respond before I continue on.

“And what you did after. When someone came for us.” I barely get the words out, because I know that night changed him. It was right after he got the call about Carter, so we’d been gone maybe three weeks, constantly moving from place to place, not stopping anywhere. “The night after you got that call, there was a knock on the door.”

“Chloe, don’t.” Bastian’s words are only a breath of a wish. A wish to not just keep me safe, but to make it so I don’t even know about the danger. It’s an impossible task and he needs to know that, even if that means he thinks he failed me.

“I was awake when you grabbed the gun. And I hate that I pretended to be asleep. I know that’s what you wanted, you didn’t want me to know.”

“It was Romano. I knew he’d send someone.”

“And I heard everything.” I whisper the confession that tears down the wall of pretenses between us. “I heard you nearly beat him to death, I heard the message you told that prick to give to Romano…” I swallow my words about how I heard him in the bathroom, cleaning up the mess and trying to hold back his own emotions. There’s more than anger and rage inside of him. The fear that he couldn’t protect me was almost palpable. “I was there behind the door with your other gun, Bastian. I was ready to fight with you, but you’ve never wanted that.”

“No, Chloe-”

I cut him off before he gets carried away, before he can focus on something other than the problem that’s keeping a wedge between us. “I don’t want to be in this world, Sebastian. I belong here nonetheless, and I don’t want to fight. But I won’t be left in the dark, and I don’t want you to think that I shouldn’t know the truth or that when the time comes, I wouldn’t be able to be at your side. I know it’s my fault to let you think I don’t know what you do… but you need to talk to me. I need to know what’s going on.”

His head falls back and the air leaves him as I grip his hand and beg him to listen to me. “It’s one thing to let my mind run wild and think these things. It’s another for me to know it. But Sebastian, I know. I know you.” He turns to look at me as my last word cracks. I whisper, “How could I not?”

“You were never supposed to find out,” he finally speaks, looking away from me and staring straight ahead, failure clearly written in his gaze.

I have to stop and take a drink, calming myself down. I thought letting the words out would feel freeing, but that’s not at all what this feels like. Instead it feels like the unraveling I’ve been terrified of all this time.

“Did you keep it a secret because you wanted to protect me? Or because you wanted me to think you wouldn’t do something like that?”

“Both,” he answers me sincerely, looking me in the eyes.

“Well you protected me, and I love you regardless.”

My chest rises and falls quicker, and I can’t shake this nervousness, not until he asks me with a rawness in his throat, “You know that I love you more than anything. That I would be anyone you need me to be?”

“You don’t need to change who you are, but you need to tell me if that’s why we’re back.”

“It doesn’t have to do with that. Romano’s still here, but not for long.”

“Then why?” I ask him, even though I think I already know. “There was a note?” My assumption brings his icy blue stare to mine.

“From Marcus. He warned me that Carter needed me and that we needed him.” His gaze drops to my belly and he squeezes my hand. “I would never let anything happen to you, Chlo, and I wouldn’t have brought you here if I didn’t think we needed to be.”

“Marcus said we needed Carter?” I clarify, feeling a wave of anxiety run through me.

”If it was only about Carter, we never wouldhave come here. You know it had to be about you.”

His words sink in slowly. Even after so much time, there’s still a mark on my husband, a mark on me in return. “Can you trust Marcus?” I ask him, focusing on the fact that we’re here; we’re safe. And that Bastian will never let anything happen to me or our child.

“No,” he says, and the answer is simple. He leans forward, pulling me into him and giving me a comfort I didn’t realize I needed this badly. “But he was right about Carter and he’s the reason why Romano’s men never came back. I should listen to his warning rather than regret not doing everything I can. If anything ever happened to you, or our little one, I wouldn’t be able to survive, Chlo.”

I have to keep my breath steady; I have to keep telling myself that we’re safe now.

“No one is going to hurt us here. This place is changing. Carter and his brothers are taking it over. We can’t let it stay what it was, Chlo; you know what happened to us, what it was like living here.”

“I know,” I whisper, hearing the pain etched in his words, but also the fight. To fight what’s wrong in the lowest and most depraved ways. To use violence and force in a world that’s nothing but merciless.

“It’s not our fight anymore, but that doesn’t mean we should stand back and do nothing.”

“Leaving this place wasn’t doing nothing,” I tell him and remember the pain, the fear, the courage it took to leave everything behind. But even as they leave my lips, I doubt the truth of the words I’ve spoken, because they were said out of fear.

“I didn’t say that it was. But now, I know we can do more. I can feel it, Chlo. I’m supposed to be here right now.” Taking my hands into his, the rough pads of his thumbs rub soothing circles on the back of my knuckles. Staring deep into his eyes and knowing that I see him for who he is and he sees me just the same, knowing that settles the harsh memories that creep up at the reminder of what used to be.

“I just don’t want you ….” He pauses to lick his lower lip and exhale a heavy breath. “I don’t want you to think I’m…” His words are lost in the air in between us. “That I’m-”

“All you will ever be, Bastian, is mine. You are mine. Just like I’m yours. I made my life knowing that’s who I was, and who I wanted to be.” It takes more than I realized to admit the words out loud. “I don’t want to be anything else and as long as you are mine, that is exactly who you will be to me.” Pulling my right hand from his grasp, I cup the side of his jaw in my palm and feel the rough stubble as my thumb runs along his chin. “You’re okay with being mine still, aren’t you?” I whisper the question. It’s so soft, it’s nearly drowned out by the sounds around us.

“You’re too good for me, Chlo.” His hand covers mine and I can see in the depths of his eyes he doesn’t believe that something so simple is all I need.

“It’s all I’ve ever needed,” I speak without thinking, without processing anything at all. “I wasn’t whole until I had you, and I don’t want to be anything but yours. I don’t care if you believe the truth or not, it’s still true.”

“It’s the truth that worries me.”

“The truth is you’re a good man who does bad, bad things.” As Bastian pulls my hand away from his jaw, I can hear him swallow. I can practically feel it myself—the hard, aching truth that I do think what he does is wrong. And I do. On some level. But there’s so much wrong in this world, I can’t be bothered to let it destroy what I value most of all. “And you’re mine. The only truth I just said that matters at all, is the last one.”

“You still love me?” he asks as if it’s a real question.

Letting a playful smile show, I tease him, staring at his lips as I say, “I love the way you kiss me.” For the first time in so long, my heartbeat slows when I look back up at Bastian; it pitter-patters, it dances, it’s desperately finding a new beat. It’s when his eyes glance at my own lips that I realize it’s been trying to beat in tandem with his.

The kiss he plants on my lips, with his hands barely holding on to mine, is soft and sweet. Everything turns to white noise and I know for a fact, this moment will last forever. To me, to anyone who ever steps foot here. They will feel it. They must. Because the world moves around us differently, refusing to let this moment go on as if it’s meant to blend in, or meant to be forgotten.

My eyes are still closed when he pulls away. With a deep breath in and then out, I finally open them.

“I love falling in love with you,” I whisper and barely notice how the world moves again around us.

I swear a blush colors my husband’s face. It looks good on him; for all his tough exterior, a hint of vulnerability looks damn good.

He reaches up for the beer on the bar, but doesn’t let go of my left hand and I don’t move my right from his lap.

With an asymmetric grin he asks me casually, “You weren’t already in love with me?” He can try to hide it all he wants, but I know there’s a hint of fear beneath his words. How could this man ever think I didn’t love him?

“I’ve loved you every day since that kiss,” I confess to him as he lifts up the beer. When my words hit his ears, he sets the glass back down onto the bar. Staring at it, and listening as I tell him, “I love you every day and in every moment, but falling in love is something you can do over and over again.”

“I want to fall in love with you every chance I get,” he tells me and his voice is deep and rough, laced with a sinful desire and something else. Something pure and good. The need to be loved and to feel worthy of being loved.

Even as I bite down on my bottom lip, I smile genuinely. Snaking my ankle behind his muscular leg, I lean into him and whisper, “Then let’s do it every day.”

He takes a swallow of his beer before kissing me again, teasing me and I love it. He tastes like wheat IPA and something dangerous, something too tempting to ever resist.

I don’t lean back as I catch a glimpse of Carter from the corner of my eye. Sebastian follows my gaze and we both watch him enter a locked door, guarded by two men who open it for him.

“I haven’t said hi to Carter yet,” I admit and wonder what that will be like. He’s changed. We all have.

“That’s his brother Jase,” Bastian corrects me and I huff out a breath. “They did all used to look alike,” I muster up the excuse, but Bastian doesn’t seem to care. He takes my hand and my attention with it.

“Just don’t stop loving me.”

“I’ll always love you.” I speak clearly, very aware of the moment and where we are. “But don’t hide anything from me. I can’t live like that again. And I don’t want to keep anything from you like I kept that secret.”

“I have a lot to tell you then.” He exhales the words. “Are you sure you want to know this?” he asks again and I just barely nod, giving him my consent to bring me into this place.

“It’s not an easy story to tell,” he admits to me and I already know he’s telling the truth. This world is cruel and unforgiving, just as lawless as it is tragic.

“I want to know.”

“Then let’s start with Carter’s story. Just promise me you’ll still love me after this?”

“You’re crazy to think I could ever not love you, Bastian. Today, tomorrow, forever.”

I stare into his eyes when I speak to him, making him feel the depths of my conviction. I love this man and all he is. All that matters is that he loves me the same and that we’ll be together.

The End

Carter’s saga, starting with Merciless, is an intense tale that will stay with me forever. Start reading today!

If you haven’t read A Kiss to Tell, Chloe and Sebastian’s story from the beginning, I highly recommend you read it now and fall in love with every piece of them.