7. Britt

7

brITT

Friday, December 15

" S hould we have picked up more lights?" I press my palms on either side of my face. Adrian and I stand at the entrance to the high school gym and survey our work.

Adrian laughs, an easy sound that envelops me like a warm blanket. I glance at him and smile.

"The taxpayers will be happy you didn't spend more on decorations for this dance." There's a twinkle in his eyes when he meets my gaze.

Adrian's wearing a thin t-shirt that hugs his CrossFit muscles and makes my insides turn to goo. No way he had planned to take two days off this week. I know that. He took them off to help me, not only spending most of the day hunting for lights on Wednesday but showing up four hours ago to prep the gym and string those lights around the large room.

Lights outline the windows and doors, then go up and over the pushed-in bleachers. There was even enough to adorn the activity tables: the photo booth with funny masks and a station with buckets of soft white balls for fake snowball fights. But with the afternoon sun streaming in the windows, it's hard to tell just how magical the lights will look tonight.

The past few days have been the most fun I've had in months.

Even Jackson noticed. When he got home from school on Wednesday afternoon, he was like, What's up with you, Mom? Why are you smiling? And in return, I smiled even broader.

Me being happy makes Jackson happy? Who knew?

For the first time in forever, I feel like I'm doing something right for my son. And for myself.

Adrian grins and throws his arm around my shoulder as if it's the most natural thing in the world.

"Imagine it, Britt." He sweeps a hand over the expanse of the gym. "In just a few hours, hundreds of horny, sweaty teens and preteens will converge in this very spot."

I giggle and reach up to touch the hand hanging off my shoulder, feeling like a teenager myself. We stare at each other, and my laughter fades into background music.

I wonder if this could be okay, the way I'm feeling right now.

But nothing's changed—not really—since Adrian first walked into the Idea Garage a few days ago. No matter my good intentions, I still messed up my friendship with Reese, whatever I had with Adrian, and their marriage. I don't deserve this feeling that's growing inside me—a tiny wisp of a plant that was shriveled up and mostly dead in the dark, cold shade of winter, but that is starting to perk up now that it feels a small ray of sunlight.

"Adrian," I whisper. "I . . ."

"Britt!" A voice rings out across the gym and I reluctantly turn to see the mom trio of Jill, Sara, and Liz waving at me.

"Oh, god. You better go deal with the moms." Adrian drops his arm from my shoulder. "But I'm going to avoid them. Is it better if they ignore you, or acknowledge you? I can't figure it out."

I turn to him, my mouth still open and ready to say something. What was I going to say? I'm not sure, but I should probably thank the moms for interrupting.

"Yeah." I take a step away. "Smart. I'd avoid contact, to be honest." We hold our gaze for another second, then I shake my head to clear it. "I'll check in with them, then I'm going to head out so I can get dressed and be back before the kids arrive. See you later?"

Adrian runs his hand through his hair, letting a thick piece fall on his forehead. He was a flirt as a teenager. I watched him and my brother from a distance. Adrian didn't give me a second glance until that one kiss at the party after high school graduation.

Then, nothing.

He's definitely glancing at me now.

"I wouldn't miss it. Save me a dance?"

I bite my lip and nod before spinning around and heading across the gym.

A few hours later, I'm back and bouncing from one station to the next, making sure everything is absolutely perfect.

It is. I'm so damn excited to see all the kids walk in. It feels like it's my winter dance, too.

And Adrian was right. It was impossible to tell the effect of the strings of lights this afternoon, but I'm glad I listened to him and the moms, who insisted that we needed so many of them. It is perfect. I have no regrets about the cost. What taxpayers? What PTO? I'd fund this all myself if I had to. Jackson was bouncing with excitement when I dropped him off at his friend's house a few hours ago. He and his buddy want to make an entrance tonight together. I smile and shake my head. What a funny kid.

I stop by the music booth, where corporate mom Grace is chatting with the DJ. She wiggles a few fingers at me and goes back to talking to him. She has a clipboard, so she must know what she's doing.

The dance starts in just ten minutes, and kids are already lining up to get in. Jackson will sleep at his friend's house tonight, which means he doesn't have to hang around the gym while I clean up. I can't wait for him to see this place. A goofy smile grows on my face and warmth radiates from the center of my chest. Tonight, I want to forget about how I messed up in the past year. The night is about Jackson and all the kids having an amazing time at their dance. This is going to be a good night for him. For everyone. I just know it.

I smooth my dress down, hoping I didn't overdo it with my tall, skinny heels and strapless, sparkly black dress, the one I'd bought for a night out in New York City a few years ago. What was the name of the guy I went with? Brad? Robert? Oh, I think it was Brendan. Maybe. Who knows? Who cares? He didn't mean anything to me.

Not like Adrian does.

My stomach squeezes as I imagine Adrian throwing his arm over my shoulder now, my bare skin under his palm, leaning in to whisper something in my ear.

"Get it under control, Britt." Music echoes from the huge speakers, drowning out the sound of me pep talking myself. Everything is going to be perfect tonight. I can't get lost in my own head. That's how I got myself into this mess.

The first students burst into the gym, a group of kids from Jackson's grade. Two girls clutching each other's arms stare wide-eyed at the lights, giggling and doing little excited jumps, looking super trendy with their short dresses paired with bright white sneakers.

Jackson appears in the third group and I wave eagerly. He lifts a hand to say hello, not yet ashamed of acknowledging his mom in front of friends. They smile and look around with wonder. Jackson mouths the word wow to the other boy. Happy fireworks burst inside of me.

All the work was worth it.

I pull my hair over my shoulder, not used to it being down and curled. I tried way too hard tonight. No one cares what I look like. Adrian will barely notice my dress or my heels or the effort I put into my hair. My phone vibrates and I grab it out of the clutch purse hanging off my wrist. I sigh. It's just a text about trash delivery around the holidays being delayed.

While I'm there, I scroll to my text chain with Adrian, which was quiet for so long but now filled with messages from the last few days. Messages about nothing, really, just a picture of his Christmas tree at his new place, him asking what I got the app incubator team, an image of Captain shredding toilet paper, him sending some stupid meme that made me laugh...

I slip my phone back into my bag. I could use a drink. Something to cool me down. Maybe a cold shower instead.

Chelsea walks in with two of her friends. She's two years older than Jackson, but I know her group almost as well as his from Reese's stories. She scans the room but quickly turns away from where I'm standing. Maybe she doesn't see me, but most likely she does and is continuing to blow me off. I don't blame her. She hasn't acknowledged me since I announced my break from their family. I curl my hands in and out of fists, regretting how things went down, wishing I could do it all over again. The right way.

But was there a right way? I thought that's what I was doing.

I ended up alone, anyway.

Chelsea and her friends join another group of giggling girls standing at the edge of the dance floor.

"You look beautiful, Britt."

I snap my head to Adrian, standing next to me dressed in a full tuxedo, one hand in his pocket, looking like some kind of suburban dad version of James Bond.

"Hi," I squeak and soak in his freshly shaven jaw, lightly styled hair, and wide, dark eyes trained on me.

His eyes drift down my neck, bare shoulders, over the curve of my breasts, and down to my exposed legs. A shiver runs up my spine as he raises his gaze back to my face. Adrian takes a step toward me and I imagine him pulling me in close against his body, kissing my neck.

"It looks gorgeous in here. You did a spectacular job."

I nod, still mute, thinking about him calling me beautiful. He lifts his hands and places one on each of my upper arms, slowly sliding them down until they reach my elbows.

"Hey. You okay?" His brow furrows and he leans toward me, so close.

"Of course." The tingles from his touch break my freeze. "Sorry, I was just... overwhelmed for a second. A tux, huh?"

He grins and drops his hands to do his James Bond pose again. "I needed to show these kids how you get dressed up for a lady."

"Which lady would that be?" I look over my shoulder as if there's some formally dressed woman lingering behind me.

Adrian chuckles. "Where's the bar? Surely there's a chaperone-only bar?"

"Um. High school and middle school dance? No bar. But I wish there were."

"See, this is why I never volunteer."

The DJ's voice booms from the speakers, announcing the first slow song of the night. Romantic guitar strums fill the gym.

"How about that dance?"

Butterflies explode in every part of my body as Adrian holds his hand out to me. How could I say no? Should I? Not a chance. I put my hand in his. He turns to the middle of the gym, then hesitates, scanning the room.

"Hey." I gently tug his hand, and when he shifts his gaze to me, I nod my head toward the curtained supply area behind us, which I know is piled with cases of water, snacks, storage bins, and other dance items.

He cringes, but relief floods his face as well. "It's better the kids don't see us, okay?"

"I agree. Now come on."

I lead Adrian around the curtain, and as soon as we're behind it, he pulls me into his arms, sliding one hand around my waist, grasping my other hand with his and holding it up by our shoulders. We keep eye contact and I'm sure he can feel the blood rushing through my body like molten lava in a volcano. We remain a few inches apart, and I have to hold back from pressing my full body against his. God, I want to feel him against me.

"Just so you know, I have no problem with us dancing together. Hanging out together. I just wouldn't want the kids to see us and speculate, you know?"

I breathe out. "Not that there's anything to speculate on, right? I feel like there's been enough speculation in this area to last us a lifetime."

He blinks about a billion times and moves his hand gently on the small of my back, sending sparks to my core. I close my eyes for a beat. I wish away the guilt that's attempting to suffocate me.

"Britt. Look at me."

I drag open my eyes, drowning in the intensity that I find in his.

"I'm looking."

"You know you're a good person, right? The best person."

"No." I shake my head, and we're back to having this conversation. I don't think we're capable of small talk. "A good person doesn't do what I did."

I still can't talk about it directly.

"Listen to me. I am telling you, you're the most authentic human I have ever met. You should not feel bad about what happened. Never feel bad. You didn't do anything wrong. All you did was remove yourself from the situation, like any good person would do. Reese and I were going to split up. You just made us see it sooner rather than later."

The breath disappears from my lungs. "That doesn't exactly sound like something a good person would do." But hearing him say it is everything.

He lets out a low chuckle. "Being honest with yourself and others around you? You tried to protect us by doing the right thing. Most people would not have done that."

I furrow my brow and press my lips together. "I messed it all up, Adrian."

He presses his palm against my lower back and moves his other hand to my waist, flush against him. Adrian leans forward to speak directly into my ear. "No, you didn't. You did exactly what I needed you to do. Thank you. Reese and I are better off apart. It's been that way for a long time. You saved me. I just didn't know it at the time."

I don't know how to respond. But my body is doing it for me, melting into his, and we've certainly crossed the line to inappropriate at a school function. Thank god for the curtain. I wrap my arms tighter around his neck. He breathes in and out heavily.

"What're you saying?" My voice is airy, wispy.

"I don't know."

Emotions overwhelm me. His lips are still an inch from my ear, so close I can feel his hot breath. His hand holds my hips pressed against him and the hard length against my stomach tells me that he wants me, at least right now.

I love this man.

Oh, no.

In his arms, I can finally admit to myself that I am madly in love with Adrian Whitlock.

Maybe it was too late to stop even six months ago.

I'd kept the feelings in a locked box from the second I left the airport, and now they've burst out and grown exponentially. I'd hoped we could make things less awkward between us, so we could see each other at functions—like this one—without it being terribly painful. But now all I want to do is peel his tux off one piece at a time and ravage him.

I love him, but what does he feel for me? What does this mean for us? Can I let myself have this man? This life? What about Reese?

Maybe I don't have to move on from him. Maybe I can have him. Maybe I'm not a pile of trash for doing what I did.

Maybe I was following my heart, and the universe will reward me for that.

We sway back and forth, and I hope the song will last forever.