2. Adrian

2

ADRIAN

L aura walks away, our short, unhelpful conversation finished. The sliver of hope that formed in my belly when I saw Britt's gym friend disappears.

"Dammit." I stretch out my shoulders by pulling my left arm across my body and gently pushing my elbow.

When I started coming back to CrossFit two weeks ago, did I expect Britt would be waiting for me by the medicine balls, eyes filled with tears, ready to restart our friendship? Maybe. I'd rotated my days to see if maybe I was just missing her, but now I know.

Britt hasn't returned since that night at the airport.

And the look she gave me at the high school musical two weeks ago?

Ouch.

I was waiting in the lobby for Chelsea, which, in hindsight, wasn't my best idea. What teenager wants their parent waiting for them like that? I'm still figuring out how to be a single dad. Trying to let Chelsea know she's the most important person in the world to me.

Britt walked out of the auditorium with Jackson and one of his friends. She screeched to a halt, eyes wide like a baby deer's in the beams of a tractor trailer, and disappeared behind a group of parents. If I didn't know better, I'd swear she actually dropped to the floor. But it got crowded right afterward and I couldn't spot her again.

I know one thing—it can't go on like this.

A beefy dude grunts, lifting the deadlift bar in front of me as his giant muscles strain against his skin. The sharp, unpleasant scent of end-of-workout body odor drifts over. I take a step back to save my senses, stretching my right shoulder.

I shouldn't have let us go so long without talking. Not after how things happened. I almost texted her a hundred times. Called her, stopped by her house or the Idea Garage, where our families had spent so much time together over the past six years.

But things were complicated with Reese.

After Britt announced she was stepping away from us, I'd thought more about my marriage, diving in with my therapist, separate from the marriage counseling Reese and I'd been attending. But it was too late. Too many years of distance and our connection was permanently gone. When Chelsea got to middle school and was suddenly even busier than before with soccer and a newfound social life, Reese and I found ourselves staring at each other as strangers.

We tried, but our marriage was over. I moved out a few weeks later.

So we didn't get divorced because of Britt.

But then again, we also kind of did.

It took me a while to realize how much I missed Britt. As a friend. I just have to be careful how I do this. Britt walked away from me then, and I let her go.

Of course I did. I was married. She was one of our best friends.

After growing up with parents who loved fiercely, fought wildly, and cheated without abandon before divorcing, I'd always wanted to provide the most stable, quiet, and even boring life for myself and my family.

Clearly, I fucked that up, taking it too far in the other direction in my marriage. I was too detached. Too unemotional.

Beefy dude walks away and I take his place in front of the barbells, removing one weight, two weights, okay, five more weights before starting my lifts. Keeping my back straight, I squat to grab the barbell, then push up hard until I'm standing with locked knees. I do four sets of five reps until my whole body is screaming.

Across the room, Laura taps at her phone by the front door, slipping on her winter jacket. She glances up and looks directly at me as she disappears into the winter evening. I clench my fists and curse under my breath.

My muscles aching, I stretch against a wall, pulling my quads one at a time, then reaching down to touch the floor, feeling a satisfying burn in my calves.

All my intentions of keeping my family life stable to counteract the one I had growing up were gone. I'd already failed Chelsea.

And now I can't stop thinking about Britt. I need to talk to her. Smooth things over.

I miss her.

That means nothing except that we were close friends. I want to see her face again. Close up—not as she dives away from me at a school event.

I've never been so trapped in my head. I feel like our cat—Reese's cat—must have felt when it got locked in the pantry for an entire workday. He was furious with us when we finally got home.

But at least he escaped. I'm still locked in that closet.

At my locker, I pull on my hooded sweatshirt and grab my keys and phone, letting the face ID unlock my screen and clicking through to my email by habit.

A message from Britt is at the top of my inbox.

My pulse races before I realize it's an automated email from a school message board, not personally sent to me. Now that I'm running solo, I signed up for all the email notifications from school. There are so many emails asking for donations or volunteers or reminders about themed days or standardized testing. Why do high schoolers still have pajama days?

I didn't realize how much Reese had been doing all these years.

I let out a rush of air and click the message.

To: All Parents

Subject: Urgent Winter Dance Volunteer Meeting

Hi Everyone,

I'm your new Winter Dance chair because Vicky had to step down. There will be an urgent volunteer meeting tomorrow (Tuesday) evening at my house at seven o'clock. I need some help to wrap things up and make the night magical for our children!

Let me know if you can come.

Thank you, Britt

A smile creeps on my face. It's so Britt to volunteer to chair the dance last minute. I wonder if she's wrapping gifts for each student, or personally monogramming backpacks. Britt's an incredibly thoughtful gift-giver. Last year, she bought Reese a stack of international travel guidebooks—actual, physical copies with gorgeous color posters—because Reese had mentioned going to Scotland or Europe with Chelsea. And she'd ordered a half dozen bags of my favorite coffee beans from the Jersey Shore, where we'd all rented a house together two summers ago.

Thinking about it now, I see how Britt had integrated so deeply into our lives. Our marriage. But it felt natural, as if she was an extended family member.

And last year, we'd all signed up for CrossFit together. Reese bailed at the last minute when she threw out her back, and never did join us. And then, it had just been the two of us. Me and Britt. Too much time spent together. Too many days we'd gone for a drink afterward and laughed and talked and let our bond grow.

Shit. Why'd we do that?

If I were a better person, I would have seen it happening. I would have stopped it.

But I didn't. When I had to spot her doing presses at the gym, maybe I'd let a hand linger on her skin. Maybe I'd gazed into her eyes for too long across a table. We never crossed the line physically, not since that innocent kiss decades ago, but I can't deny my attraction to her had grown over time, even though I hadn't realized it.

But if it was just a simple attraction, wouldn't it be gone by now? Maybe it is. Besides smoothing things over between us, I need to know how I feel when I see Britt again.

She's avoided me for so long, but I know where she'll be tomorrow night. I can show up to the Idea Garage and she won't be able to run. And I can do this without messing up things with Chelsea, right?

I squint my eyes shut and picture Britt's face. She's beautiful. Deep-blue eyes surrounded by dark lashes, light blond hair she usually wears in a braid or a thick high ponytail. Her smile is sweet and subtle, her laugh loud and contagious.

I miss the sound.

The cold December air slices into my skin as I head out of CrossFit and through the parking lot to my car.

I still don't know what I feel for Britt. But I need to find out.