Chapter 8

Eight

D oug

Thoughts of his “summer camp” with Luther kept Doug going over the next three months as his business took him away from his new temporary home for most of that duration. They’d managed to sneak in a couple of dates when Violet had time to stay with Mila, but those had been rushed affairs, merely long enough to catch up, hold hands for a bit, and get into heated make-out sessions before it was time for Luther to get home. They texted a lot, and the time had been good for them to get to know each other a little better, but absence had made Doug’s heart grow…anxious.

He'd gone into business for himself in order to have autonomy over where he spent his time, but he also knew that his future ability to support himself depended on laying the groundwork now. Besides, he couldn’t just abandon his clients .

When one of the largest tech companies he worked with had a breach in their security during his routine visit to their Denver, Colorado, campus, it was immediately assumed it was a failure on his part. Doug worked night and day to put up new protections and hunt down the culprit. The owner, a woman not much older than him named Omaria Dawson, was patient and trusted him even when her board didn’t. It was a good thing she had—because it turned out the breach came from within, from one of her most trusted employees.

Doug promised that he would stay until he’d completely redesigned their security system, investigated the backgrounds of everyone who had access, and spent whatever time it took to train her in-house security team on the new systems and how to keep a closer eye out for unauthorized activity.

Doug had been with Omaria since the beginning of her company’s expansion, and she was grateful for his support. Her board approved a hefty sum to compensate Doug for his work once she shared with them the situation, and they approved his continued involvement in the security of their company.

Because of the nature of the breach, Doug contacted his other clients, told them what had happened, and let them know that he had an updated system fix that would protect them from the same thing happening to their assets. They all took him up on his offer to do the on-site work, and he agreed he would only charge his hourly rate. It was an involved yet necessary project that would ensure his business continued to run smoothly, and his reputation wasn’t harmed by the security breach.

Unfortunately, he worried his reputation had been harmed with a certain single foster dad who waited patiently for him to return. Luther assured Doug that he understood.

“Trust me, I get deployment. Remember? Kind of did it for twelve years. ”

But the two of them had laid the foundation for something pretty special that first week together, and the longer Doug was away, he wondered if Luther would decide that having a transient boyfriend was too much trouble when he had his own hands full raising an incredible kid.

The weekend of the fall equinox, the Shaw sisters had planned to have a Sapphic Celebration of the Changing of the Seasons, or something to that effect. The name seemed to change depending on who he was talking to, as one-third of the Shaw sisters was not of the lesbian persuasion. They’d invited their extended family and friends, and their friends, which meant a boatload of families with kids were coming out to the farm to harvest pumpkins and wildflowers, make bird feeders to tide over the winged friends traveling this time of year, and to eat to their hearts’ delight. They’d reserved a special bookmobile to come out, which was owned by a sweet lesbian couple. Doug was excited to check it out as he was an avid reader. The Shaw sisters had also invited Doug’s band, the East Bay Goth Punks, to play, which seemed fitting since three-fourths of the band were, in fact, lesbians.

Doug invited Luther, Mila, and Violet to come out, and they graciously accepted, but Doug was still nervous. He hadn’t seen Luther in about four weeks, and though he got home with a few days to spare before the event, Luther had been busy with his new job—Campus Monitor at Mila’s school—and Doug needed to help his housemates get ready, as well as attend a couple of emergency band practice sessions that had lasted late into the night. He hadn’t felt comfortable just dropping by Luther’s, but he’d sent flowers. He’d actually sent several little gifts while he’d been gone, and Luther had always said thank you…

But Doug had come to realize how important Luther was in his universe, and he had no idea, after being gone for so long, how to let him know without putting too much pressure on him. It was a delicate dance. Luther had to be careful how he introduced someone new into his life because of Mila. She’d met Doug, and they’d gotten along famously, but did she even know Luther was gay? Doug had so many questions, ones that he hadn’t wanted to discuss while they were thousands of miles apart.

Before sunrise on the morning of the Hoedown Honkytonk Hootenanny, as he’d started calling it just to get a rise out of his roommates, he’d started baking. And baking. Usually it calmed his nerves, but there were too many anxious nerves to be cured by cupcakes alone. When he ran out of ingredients to make more muffins, cupcakes, and brownies, he gathered art supplies for the kids and set up the birdfeeder stations. Everything was ready, except him.

What would this night mean for him and Luther?

The guests started arriving at two in the afternoon and Doug spent the next three hours painting faces, chasing escaped goats, and helping kids with the various projects, along with his cousin Matt and his husband Zack. Dinah had a couple of the rescue dogs out of their enclosures and on leashes and was walking them around to meet folks and show the kids what tricks they knew. Cecily was supervising the petting zoo, cousins Marianne and Nell were handling the pumpkins, and Trudy, Dinah’s eldest sister, greeted their guests and kept the treats and punch stocked.

By the time the food truck rolled up the driveway at five, there were probably close to seventy or eighty people wandering around the property. So far, it had been a huge success, but Doug began to wonder if Luther and his family were going to make it.

More folks were coming later that night to see the band. Doug’s bandmates had set up a stage behind the house, which was the farthest point from the barn. Cecily had been concerned about the noise bothering the animals, and Dinah wasn’t sure how the dogs would do. There were three dogs in the new runs, which had been finished two weeks prior. They were doing well, except for one guy they called Oscar, as in The Grouch, because Nell thought he had grumpy eyebrows. He was a massively fluffy shepherd of some sort, no one was really sure, but he was very withdrawn. Not in a fearful way or like he might be aggressive, but he just seemed disinterested in everything and most everyone.

Doug had sat with him for a while that morning, in between baking loads, and he’d gotten the old guy’s ears to perk up as he talked to him, but that was about it. Dinah said it was more of a reaction than she’d gotten. She wasn’t sure what they were going to be able to do for him, and she’d reached out to some of the shepherd rescues to see if they had advice.

Doug was finishing his last face-painting customer of the day before he was ready to close up shop when he heard the crunch of gravel behind him that signaled tiny running feet.

“Hi Doug. Can I have a turn?”

Doug turned to find a grinning Mila. Beyond her was a waving Violet, and next to her, sporting a cane and moving slowly, was the object of Doug’s desire—and dilemma.

“Well, not if you’ve been kicking your dad in the shins! What’s with the cane?” he asked her.

She giggled. “I didn’t kick him,” she said. “He needs it sometimes when his legs is bad.”

Sure enough, Doug noticed that Luther’s gait was off. He wanted to run to him, he wanted to?—

“Am I done?”

The little boy he’d been painting dragon scales on had been fidgeting for the entire fifteen minutes he’d been sitting there. Doug figured he was as done as he was going to get. He drew one last glittery scale with flourish and waved him away.

“Off you go, you fierce creature.”

The kid knocked the chair over in his haste to run over to the pumpkin patch. Mila picked up the chair and sat in it.

“Did you ask if it was okay, sweetheart? Doug might need a break.”

Luther stopped next to Doug’s chair and smiled down at him.

Oh, he’s nervous too.

“I’m so glad you’re here,” he said, meaning all of them, of course, but he looked directly at Luther as he spoke.

“I’m so sorry we’re so late,” Violet said, squeezing Doug’s shoulder. “I got off late this morning and Luther didn’t want to wake me too early. This place is amazing! I’ve driven past it before and had no idea it was still a working farm.”

“Yeah, the sisters have been building it back up. They inherited it from their uncle and by the time they took it over, he was down to a couple of donkeys and chickens that had stopped laying eggs. Cecily’s a genius. She brought in new chickens and goats, and now she has a whole thriving business going, making skin care products from the goat milk and selling fresh eggs at the farmer’s markets every weekend.”

“Can I pet the goats, Daddy?”

Luther smiled down at her. “You want to do that, or do you want your face painted?”

“Oh, my face. Please, Doug?”

“Of course you can. You can do both. What would you like?”

She looked at the board he’d put out with some ideas for the kids, and then she looked at him. “Can I have bat wings like you?”

Doug’s cheeks warmed. She was the absolute best. He’d done his makeup hours ago and had no idea whether it was still legible. Apparently it was.

“Bat wings are awesome,” Luther said. “You want to tell Doug about the bats we saw at the zoo this week? ”

Mila’s eyes got big and she began to relay all of the facts she’d learned while Doug made encouraging noises and went to work giving her badass bat wings beside her eyes. She told him all about the flying foxes from Malaysia and how fruit bats are different than the kind of bats that are native to the Bay Area, which eat insects. She was in the process of listing all the types of fruit they ate when Doug finished her second wing off with some extra glitter.

“Well, those bats sound cool and all, but you, my dear, are the coolest bat around.” He held up a big mirror to show her and she gasped, pressing her hands over her mouth dramatically.

“I am the coolest bat,” she breathed. In the next breath, she turned to Luther. “Can I go see the goats now?”

He smoothed down her hair, which had been cut recently, and her bangs were no longer quite so heavy across her brows. It gave her a much more open and expressive face. Doug had an inkling that a lot of that had to do with the time Luther had put in building a relationship with her.

Doug gazed longingly at Luther. He was still so goddamned honored to know the man.

Violet looked between them and took Mila’s hand. “How ’bout I take you?”

Mila gave Luther a glance only long enough for him to nod once before she hopped out of the chair and practically dragged Violet over to the barn.

Luther watched them go with a laugh, calling out to Mila, “Be careful.” Then he turned and smiled at Doug. “You are a sight for sore eyes.”

Doug stood from the chair and wanted to hurl himself at Luther, hold him tight, and never let him go. Luther seemed similarly conflicted.

“Is there somewhere?—?”

“Do you need to sit?—?”

They both chuckled, and Luther stepped closer to him. “Can we take a walk?”

Doug winced at the cane. “Can we? I don’t want you in pain.”

Luther wrinkled his nose. “I’m fine. I’m walking a lot more now that I’m working at the school, and sometimes I get tired. It’s more a just-in-case kind of thing. Can’t be falling down on the job. Come on, show me around.”

“You sure you don’t want to head straight for the animals?” Doug joked.

Luther took his hand and squeezed. “I’m where I want to be.” His smile was hesitant, but his words relieved some of the tension in Doug’s shoulders.

“That’s good to know,” he murmured. He started leading Luther around the back of the barn, where the ground was flatter and they’d have some privacy. “I was worried about…you know…”

Luther glanced around at all the activity and took a few more steps before speaking.“Worried how?”

Doug adjusted his grip on Luther’s hand. They hadn’t had enough time to do this…just hold hands. They hadn’t been able to really go anywhere, have any real dates.

He blew out a breath. “I was gone so long, I thought maybe I’d missed my chance.”

“At what?” Luther asked. “I mean, you missed the flower pots I painted for last month’s market. Those did really well. And you missed me freaking out over Mila’s court date, which went fine. I was nervous for no reason.”

“I bet you were nervous! I was nervous, too, just hearing about it. You guys are so close.”

“Yeah,” Luther said, smiling as he looked down at the ground in front of them. “She’s pretty awesome. I love being her dad.”

Once more Doug was floored by Luther’s reality. He’d sacrificed so much, and by taking on a foster child, he continued to give of himself.

“Her dad’s pretty awesome, too.”

They’d made it behind the barn, and Doug stopped, drawing Luther close to him.

“The whole time I was gone,” he began, “I wished I wasn’t. This wasn’t typical at all. On a regular basis, the most I’m ever gone is a few days out of the month. I couldn’t help but think…” He paused. This was a delicate dance. He didn’t want to come on too strong.

“I missed you,” Luther breathed, rubbing his thumb over Doug’s knuckles. “But it was like you were there. Because you were. You called, you texted. I mean, sure, I wanted more Dougish Desires time, but life kept moving, you know? Mila and I had stuff to do, we did some art classes, then it was back-to-school shopping time, five-oh-four meetings with her school administrators. I got the job…but you were still here,” he said, holding their linked hands up and rubbing Doug’s knuckles over his chest. “And it was okay.”

“God, I missed you, too, Luther. I didn’t want to burden you with that, but I missed you so goddamned bad. We only really had that week, you know? And two sort-of dates. It wasn’t fair. I didn’t want to be adulting halfway across the country, but then I thought about you and how you had no choice but to adult every minute of every day, and I thought…does he need my mess too?”

“Hey,” Luther said, shushing him and bringing him in for an embrace that nearly made Doug crumble. It felt too good to hope for. “I do have responsibilities, but it’s important that I have a balance in my life. The classes I went through to become a foster parent are clear about that. I wasn’t looking for a relationship, but then you showed up, and I wanted it. I want it. I want you, Doug.” He massaged the back of Doug’s neck and pressed their foreheads together.

“Does Mila know you’re gay? Does she know about us?”

Luther deflated a little at that and planted his cane next to him. He leaned back against the barn.“I don’t know, and not really.”

Doug exhaled and his posture matched Luther’s. They still held hands, and that made him not panic.

“It hasn’t really come up, I guess? I’m out, my friends know, the social worker, lawyer, judge…everyone knows. I just haven’t approached the topic with her. It’s weird. I don’t know a whole lot about her home life before she came to me. She could have come from a super intolerant place. For all I know, she could have heard terrible shit about gay people. I wanted her to feel comfortable with me before it came up. She’s only eight, you know?”

“I get it, I do. She could have been like me and grown up in a house where all I heard was how my uncle must have fucked up somewhere along the line to have two gay kids. I love my uncle. I love my cousins. I always wished I could live with them every time they came over for a holiday, even though they were way older than me. Then when they’d leave, I was stuck knowing I was going to disappoint my father no matter what I did, because I just wanted to wear fishnet stockings and lipstick.” Luther chuckled, so Doug kept on. “I saw Rocky Horror and thought ‘that’s what I want to be when I grow up.’”

“Tim Curry’s hot,” Luther said, tugging their hands a little.

“Yeah, and he got the girl and the guy wearing that getup. I wanted that. Okay, maybe not the corset, though. I used to wear one with my old band and that shit is uncomfortable. No wonder women used to burn their bras.”

Luther was belly laughing now, and Doug breathed a sigh of relief. All hope was not lost.

“Mila loves your makeup. She says it’s like in a Tim Burton movie. She loves Johnny Depp.”

“That’s quite a compliment. I guess she hasn’t seen Rocky Horror yet?”

“That’s a negative, Senior Airman Doug. I might be okay letting her listen to the E Ladies and their talk of being bad girls?—”

“The E Ladies?”

“Ella, Etta, and Eartha. Violet plays them all the time and Mila got hooked. There’s a lot of jazz in my house, but those three are the trifecta.”

“Wow, that’s awesome. I love jazz.”

“Yeah, well, I like fucking Metallica. Pantera. Megadeth. Loud shit. But I sacrifice, you know. For the ladies.”

Doug cupped Luther’s jaw and ran a thumb over his lip. “I love it. I like it loud too. In fact, if you stick around for a little while, you’ll get to hear some. I’ll even be in my fishnets and platforms.”

Luther turned to face him and leaned his shoulder against the barn. “That’s right. Goth and punk, huh? Interesting intersection.”

“Is it really that surprising?” Doug asked. “Maybe one’s a little more passive and the other aggressive?”

They smiled at each other for several beats, which did little to ease Doug’s worries.

“Can I kiss you?” Luther finally asked breathlessly. “You made me like kissing, dammit. I haven’t been able to practice. I might be rusty at it.”

Doug grinned and curled Luther’s shirt in his fists. “We can’t have that.”

As the sun began to sink behind the hilltop to the west of the farm, Doug and Luther kissed like men on leave who hadn’t seen the object of their desire for months. Things threatened to get heated, but then Doug would hear a child’s laugh or the baaa ing of a goat, and he’d pull back just a little. He wished he could take Luther up the back steps of the house and into his room.

“What was that?”

In addition to children and goats, another creature made a sound that caught their attention.

“Oh. Maybe it’s Oscar. I was going to check on him before the second half of the festivities. Come on. I’ll show you what my artistic endeavors have allowed Goth Dog Rescue to purchase.”

Doug moved at Luther’s pace and when they got around the other side of the barn, he gestured. “Voila. New spacious accommodations for the rescues who need a little more work or some extra time.”

Two border collies bounded back and forth, chasing each other on either side of their fences, but the sound Luther had heard came from the occupant of the nearest pen.

“That’s Oscar. I was with him this morning for a while. Dinah’s trying to get some extra help with him. He just seems so depressed, poor guy, or like he can’t be bothered with this world any longer.”

Oscar was laying with his legs out front of him, watching the other dogs run back and forth like “are you serious right now?” and every so often, he’d let out a distressed sound, not like he was in pain, but like he was distraught.

Luther approached the chain-link, and Doug stood beside him.

“He hasn’t shown any signs of aggression, but no one has really been able to get through to him. He’s a beautiful dog, not sure how old he is.”

Luther leaned against the fencing and linked his fingers in the chain. He murmured something under his breath—and the dog’s head snapped toward him, ears at attention. Luther stood up straighter and spoke again. This time, Oscar got to his feet, turned in a circle, and sat at attention.

“Holy shit,” Doug said. “What just happened?”

Luther walked over to the gate to go inside the pen. “May I?”

“Yeah, sure, but let me go in with you, just in case.”

Luther snorted. “You do know what I did in the Marines?”

“Fuck, that’s right, I forgot.” Doug chuckled and opened the gate for them and they went inside. Oscar still sat at attention. Luther gave another command—was that German?—and Oscar lay down. Another command, and Oscar crawled forward. At the next command, Oscar came to Luther, walked around behind him and sat on his left side.

“So you’re telling me the dog speaks German? Like he hasn’t understood us? Explains the grouchy eyebrows.”

Luther laughed and reached out a hand to scratch Oscar’s ears, and for the first time the dog looked, well, not quite happy, but not so grumpy. His tongue lolled out the side of his mouth as he looked at Luther.

Me, too, Oscar. Me too.

“Some trainers use German commands. Somebody worked with this guy.” Luther looked around and noticed the play yard. “Mind if I take him in there?”

At that moment, Dinah came around the corner, and she gasped.

“Did you just get him to heel ?”

Luther smiled at her, and Doug gestured for her to come over. “He wants to take him into the play yard.”

“Sure. Wow, I’ve been so worried about him.” She entered the play yard and opened the gate from the back of Oscar’s run. Oscar remained sitting at Luther’s side, panting, until Luther gave him a hand signal to go. The dog walked beside him, waiting for the next cue, and when they got inside the play yard, Luther ran him through some of the agility course before he had him heel once more.

“That’s amazing,” Dinah said, coming forward. She held her hand out for Oscar to sniff, keeping her gaze on Luther. “We tried a few commands with him, but he wasn’t treat motivated and he wouldn’t respond. I didn’t even think to try German. You’ve obviously worked with dogs before?” The dog let her scratch his ears, but he kept his focus on Luther.

“Military, yeah. Maybe get in touch with someone at Travis Air Force Base, they might have someone there who’s looking to adopt.”

“I’ll do that,” Dinah said, but she was smiling as she looked between Luther and Oscar. “He seems to really respond to you.”

Luther’s cheeks flushed and he gave a crooked smile. “He’s great, but I’ve got a little girl. We’re working on getting ourselves squared away right now.”

She nodded and sighed. “I get it. I feel like he’s had a long journey that led him here. I just hope we can find him a home where he’s happy.”

Luther gazed wistfully at Oscar and sighed. “Me too.”

“I’ll just put him back for now. Oh! Hey, Doug? Barb said to let you know you guys are going to start in about forty minutes so you can,” she waved her hands around in front of him, “work your magic.”

“Thanks,” Doug laughed. “I’ll be right there.”

She called Oscar and he hesitated, giving Luther the saddest eyes before letting out a dramatic groan and following her.

“Wow,” Luther said, shaking his head. “Way to make a guy feel guilty.”

“Are you kidding? No way. You just did him a solid by proving he’s not just a grumpy dude in a garbage can.”

Luther laughed and reached for Doug’s hand again. “I know you have to go to do…this,” he imitated Dinah, and Doug laughed, pulling him in for a hug.

“I’m so glad you came.”

Luther squeezed him tight with one arm, the other still planted on his cane.“Listen,” he said. “I’m going to work on talking to Mila. I don’t know what will happen, but I want us to happen, all right? Can you be patient with an old man?”

Doug held the sides of Luther’s face and rubbed noses with him. “Told you, I like old men. And I want that more than anything, as long as you can be patient with me too. I won’t have to travel as much from here on out, and now I’ve got even more reasons to want to stay.”

“I told you,” Luther said, kissing him softly. “I understand deployment. As long as I get those late-night calls and texts, I’m perfectly happy. And Violet is super supportive of this thing we have going. She said she’s willing to stay with Mila overnight anytime she’s off work, so think about it.”

Doug’s eyes rolled back. “All night to use a Marine? Could I even handle it?”

“I don’t know,” Luther said with a sigh. “Guess we’ll have to see.”

“God, please? I want you.”

Luther kissed him once more with those deep tongue sweeps that promised to fulfill all the Dougish Desires he could possibly dream up. This man, this honorable, complex, wonderful man, made his heart spill over. If they could find a way to make this work, Doug might just have to rethink his nomadic ways. Or, perhaps he could see some of those places on his bucket list with Luther…and Mila.

“Go get pretty for me. I can’t wait to see those legs in fishnets.” He nibbled on Doug’s lip before stepping back. “I’m going to go find my girls.”

Doug didn’t trust himself to speak, so he waved. Speaking might lead to begging, might lead to confessions he wasn’t ready to make. Instead, he marched across the yard, up the steps, and into his room, where he found his band members getting dressed. Correction, they were half dressed because they’d been spying on Doug and Luther.

“If you’re done sucking face with that DILF, I’d love your help with my makeup.”

“DILF?” He rolled his eyes at Barb. “You don’t even like dick.”

“Yeah, but a girl can appreciate a fine specimen.”

“I bet he wants to suck more than his face,” Monica said.

Sunny started making kissing sounds and things devolved from there, exactly as they should before they put on an in-your-face performance.