Chapter 5

Five

Just outside Darcy's door, Miss Anne de Bourgh paced the floor, wringing her hands. "What are we going to do?" she asked. "Why does Cousin Fitzwilliam think we are engaged to be married?" She gasped. "My mother! What would she make of this were she privy to such nonsense?"

"I cannot fathom what is going on," said the colonel. "Darcy seems in possession of his faculties, but something is clearly amiss. Once the physician completes his examination, I shall speak to him about our cousin's apparent memory loss."

He took both of Anne's hands in his. "As for your mother, let us not disturb her just yet—not until we have a better assessment of things. Finally, she is resting peacefully with no adverse impacts owing to her collapse. We need not impede her own recovery."

Elizabeth stared at the cousins, feeling completely at a loss as to what was unfolding before her. She, too, wondered why Mr. Darcy would say what he did.

How could he have no memory of me, when mere hours prior, he had offered his hand in marriage and later wrote a letter to me, detailing his actions regarding his friend and my sister, as well as clarifying his history with Lieutenant George Wickham?

Indeed, earlier, while the colonel and Miss de Bourgh were otherwise distracted, Elizabeth had taken the opportunity to read Mr. Darcy's letter. Though she had no expectation of pleasure, her curiosity had driven her. To her astonishment, she had perceived an envelope containing two sheets of letter-paper, written quite through, in a very close hand. The envelope itself was likewise full. Elizabeth could scarcely believe the words Mr. Darcy had written—about his friend Mr. Bingley and Jane, about Mr. Wickham and, most poignantly, his own sister and her harrowing ordeal with the latter. Indeed, this was the very basis for all his contempt toward Elizabeth's former favorite.

How wretched she felt seeing Mr. Darcy—the proud man she knew him to be—lying helpless in bed, fighting for his life. Now knowing what she knew, she could not help but wonder what her part had been in his dire condition. A concern compounded by the knowledge that he had blocked her from his mind, even if unconsciously done.

How can I find fault in him? How despicably I acted! I prided myself on my discernment, on my abilities, disdaining my sister's generous candor while gratifying my vanity with mistrust.

How just is this humiliation! Pleased by the preference of Mr. Wickham, and offended by the neglect of Mr. Darcy, from the very beginning of our acquaintance, I have courted prepossession and ignorance, and driven reason away, where either were concerned. Until this moment, I never knew myself.

Recalling herself to the crisis at hand, Elizabeth nearly gasped aloud when she saw the colonel embrace his cousin. Yes, the two were relatives. His behavior was undoubtedly well within the bounds of propriety. Still, there was an intimacy between them that Elizabeth had never detected before. She imagined the two of them must have had an understanding that they were keeping from everyone, especially Miss de Bourgh's mother, Lady Catherine, and possibly Mr. Darcy, too.

Witnessing them sharing such a tender moment reminded her of the discussion she had had with Colonel Fitzwilliam days earlier. The two had been talking about his being the second son of an earl and how that must shape his prospects for the future.

"A younger son, you know, must be inured to self-denial and dependence," the colonel had opined.

To which Elizabeth had replied, "In my opinion, the younger son of an earl can know very little of either. Now seriously, what have you ever known of self-denial and dependence? When have you been prevented by want of money from going wherever you chose, or procuring anything you had a fancy for?"

"These are home questions—and perhaps I cannot say that I have experienced many hardships of that nature. But in matters of greater weight, I may suffer from want of money. Younger sons cannot marry where they like."

"Unless where they like women of fortune, which I think they very often do."

"Our habits of expense make us too dependent, and there are not many in my rank of life who can afford to marry without some attention to money."

Elizabeth had momentarily supposed the colonel's speech had been intended for her, but now his words took on a whole new meaning.

"Now, now, my dearest, I am certain that all will be resolved," the colonel said, his tender tone effectively confirming Elizabeth's suspicions about his deeper connection with Anne.

"And what if it is not? The idea of pretending to be our cousin's betrothed for even a minute does not sit well with me. I feel it is an insult to what you and I share." Anne shook her head. "I do not see how I am going to do it."

The physician came out of Mr. Darcy's apartment and requested a private consultation with the colonel.

"Anything you might wish to say to me may be said in front of us all," the colonel declared, and with that, the four of them proceeded to one of the sitting rooms on the same floor.

The good news was that Mr. Darcy likely would heal from his physical ailments in due time. As for his mental affliction, which the colonel apprised the physician of during the course of the conversation, the physician was more cautious.

"It is not uncommon for someone who has an injury such as the one suffered by Mr. Darcy to experience memory loss. But fear not, for the likelihood of it being a permanent condition is minimal."

"But what of the fact that he seems not to have any recollection of Miss Bennet?" the colonel inquired, no doubt intending to stress upon the physician his overarching concern. "It is not that he suffers a complete memory loss, for he had no problem recognizing Anne and me."

Aware that the colonel had introduced her to the physician earlier as Mr. Darcy's particular friend, Elizabeth had been unable to clarify the true nature of the relationship. Thus, she felt uncomfortable, indeed, almost undeserving of Dr. Hamilton's sympathetic looks. Especially with Mr. Darcy's letter heavy on her mind and now armed with a better understanding and appreciation of his true character. Perhaps had she known the truth all along, she would not have been so harsh.

On the other hand, the manner of Mr. Darcy's proposal had been dreadful, and his letter contained no evidence of remorse on his part for having separated her sister Jane from his friend Mr. Bingley. Elizabeth had every reason to suppose that if he had a chance, he would do it all over again. With such varying sentiments as these, was there any doubt the reason she felt like an imposter merely by being there?

"In this case," the physician began, "the condition that your cousin is suffering is what is known as selective amnesia."

"Selective amnesia," the colonel repeated.

Dr. Hamilton nodded. "It is likely his mind's way of dealing with shock or perhaps a traumatic event. While rare, it is not entirely unheard of."

"Is this a permanent condition?"

"Not necessarily. However, it is impossible to say when Mr. Darcy might fully regain his memory. Therefore, I would caution you to be patient with your cousin until he can remember certain aspects of his past or, in this case, people on his own. Otherwise, there is the risk of further traumatizing him.

"I can tell by the looks on your faces that you care about Mr. Darcy's well-being and want him to recover fully. Not just from his physical ailments but his mental affliction as well, which means a great deal of patience on everyone's part is called for."

"What are you saying, Dr. Hamilton? Are you saying that if one of us takes it upon ourselves to tell him the truth, it might cause him immeasurable harm?"

"I am afraid that is exactly what I am saying. This is a delicate situation indeed."

"My cousin thinks we are engaged to be married. I do not know how to go along with such a scheme." Anne threw a glance in Elizabeth's direction. "I am sorry that my cousin has no memory of the relationship the two of you share. I can only imagine how difficult all this must be for you—hearing that after remaining close by his side all this time."

Anne continued, "No doubt, my mother will be delighted to learn that Cousin Fitzwilliam believes the two of us are engaged to be married, for it is her favorite wish even though it is the last thing in the world that my cousin and I wish for ourselves." She covered Elizabeth's hand with hers. "Both of us wish to marry for love, despite our family's expectations and the expectation of society in general, to make the most advantageous matches."

"I cannot stress enough the importance of your doing nothing to disabuse Mr. Darcy of his version of the truth. It is imperative he recovers the gaps in his memory on his own. There must be a reason his mind has created this false narrative for himself."

"I ... we all understand, Dr. Hamilton. Fear not, everything that can be done will be done to facilitate Darcy's complete recovery," said the colonel.

Anne said, "Indeed, whatever is required of us. You have our assurances."

Dr. Hamilton said, "That is a good plan. Now, if the three of you will pardon me, I should like to look in on Mr. Darcy again before attending to other matters. I shall let him know you all are waiting to see him."

He rose to leave. Elizabeth followed him to the door. "Please, Dr. Hamilton, if you could be so kind as to offer any specific advice on how to manage the situation with Mr. Darcy."

"There is this bit of advice I can think of that might be helpful. Show him kindness and care for him. That is what he needs most. Be gentle when you speak to him and avoid the topic of his memory loss altogether. To speak of it could prove more detrimental than helpful."

Elizabeth nodded. "Thank you, Doctor."

The physician smiled kindly at Elizabeth. "I am certain everything will work out in the end. Good day."

The colonel bowed to the physician as he left. Then he looked at Elizabeth and Anne. "Our course of action is clear. We must all play along, for now, and hope that in time all will be resolved."

Elizabeth smiled sadly. "Yes, that seems to be all we can do. For the time being, at least."

Anne nodded. "I am sorry for what you must be suffering, Miss Bennet, and I thank you for your courage and understanding during all of this."

She turned and faced the colonel. "Surely you must know this plan of ours, though vital for our cousin's recovery, goes against my very principles."

He nodded sympathetically. "I understand your reservations. This is a delicate situation. We must proceed with caution so as not to cause Darcy any further distress."

Speaking to Elizabeth, he said, "And you, Miss Bennet, I cannot imagine what you must be feeling right now. Darcy cares for you deeply. That much is certain. We will find a way to help him remember."

Elizabeth managed to smile weakly. "I confess I am quite shaken by it all. I did not realize Mr. Darcy's true worth until I read his letter. And now, to have him look at me with no recognition in his eyes..." Her voice trailed off as she swallowed, unsure if the unease she felt was due to the pain of being forgotten or the confusion of emotions she could not yet name.

Doctor Hamilton returned to the sitting room. "Mr. Darcy is resting comfortably for the moment," he reported. "I recommend limiting visits to just a few minutes at a time until he gains more strength."

Anne nodded. "Of course. We do not wish to tax him."

"I shall visit with him first," the colonel said. "Considering our close intimacy as cousins indeed akin to brothers, my presence should not overly distress him."

The others agreed, and Colonel Fitzwilliam made his way to Darcy's apartment. He found him propped against several pillows, his face pale and drawn.

"Darcy, it is good to see you awakened," he said, taking a seat beside the bed.

"I confess I feel quite battered and fatigued. But the physician has been quite reassuring regarding my prognosis."

"Your constitution has always been robust. You shall be up and about in no time at all."

Darcy nodded, then looked at his cousin curiously. "You have yet to explain the presence of that young woman earlier. Is she a particular acquaintance of yours?"

Colonel Fitzwilliam hesitated, uncertain how much to reveal. "She is... a dear friend of the family. She is equally relieved now that you have awakened."

Darcy furrowed his brow. "I know not why. I am sure I have never met her. Nevertheless, please convey to her my regards. I am grateful for her concern."

"I shall. Now rest, Darcy. There will be time enough for other talk when you are stronger."

The colonel took his leave, deeply troubled by Darcy's memory loss. He was just as concerned about how Lady Catherine would react once she discovered the truth. Knowing her fervent desire to see her daughter engaged to Darcy, he dreaded the daunting challenge of managing her reaction to the mistaken belief concerning her daughter's supposed engagement. Determined to protect this delicate misunderstanding from Lady Catherine for as long as possible, he resolved to keep Darcy's misconceptions concealed from his aunt until everything sorted itself out.

Elizabeth felt quite out of place. Though her harsh feelings for Mr. Darcy had softened since the evening of his proposal, it was painfully clear he did not remember her or their tumultuous past. She thought back to the harsh words they had exchanged and wondered if Mr. Darcy's memory loss might be fate's way of offering them a clean slate.

By now, Elizabeth had retreated to a quiet sitting room down the hall. Her mind was awash with emotions: regret over their past misunderstandings, sadness about Mr. Darcy's plight, and uneasiness at the pretense the cousins had proposed.

Sometimes, she reflected, one must forego the luxury of truth to serve a greater good. This is one of those instances.

After some time alone, Elizabeth heard footsteps approaching. She looked up to see Colonel Fitzwilliam entering the room.

"There you are, Miss Bennet," he said kindly. "I thought you might have returned to the parsonage. How are you managing?"

"As well as can be expected under the circumstances," Elizabeth replied, carefully pondering her next words. "Sir, there is something both you and Miss de Bourgh should understand about my relationship with Mr. Darcy."

Before she could continue, the colonel interrupted, "Please know, you are under no obligation to divulge the intimate details of your situation with my cousin—details best kept between the two of you. Your presence by his side tells me all I need to know. I dare say you are like his guardian angel, watching over him."

Elizabeth blushed at the compliment but quickly composed herself. "You give me too much credit," she responded gently. "My only wish is for Mr. Darcy's health and happiness."

She took a deep breath before continuing, "Mr. Darcy and I have a complicated history, as I alluded to before. We did not part on the best of terms when last we met. I cannot, in good conscience, allow any misconceptions about our relationship to persist, but I will remain by his side to support him through this recovery."

"That is all I ask of you, Miss Bennet," the colonel replied, his voice sincere. "I honestly believe any sacrifice on your part and mine and Anne's will be well worth the ensuing reward."