Chapter 5

The ring of my phone woke me from a sound sleep. Rob rolled out of the bed, instantly alert, scanning the dimly lit room with all his senses.

I found my phone in my jeans pocket and flipped it open. "Wilde," I told Rob before answering. "Yes?"

"You'd better come deal with your wolf. He's talking about leaving."

My bond to Asher was still shut as tight as I could manage, but hints of worry and loss leaked around the edges. I opened it a fraction and winced at the dark emotions rolling through it. "I'll be there in twenty. Sit on him if you have to. Or have Phillip sit on him."

"Will do."

Rob wrinkled his nose. "I had other plans for this morning."

"Me too. I'm his Alpha. I could make him wait."

"Bullshit. If you were the kind of Alpha who'd let a lower wolf sit hurting while we got in a good fuck, we wouldn't be here now." He dug into the small bag I'd packed and tossed some shorts at my face. "Put on clean underwear. At least we already showered."

My wolf poked his head up to appreciate the idea of Rob smelling of me, of us. No shower next time. My wolf was an idiot. "Yeah, good thing."

Wilde's sedan and Phillip's truck were still parked on the grass in front of the log house when we arrived in the pre-dawn light. I pulled around so my truck pointed back to the drive and got out. No unfamiliar scents came to my nose.

Rob, also scanning the area, said, "No strangers. We'll have to ask about Julian."

"One step at a time." I led the way to the door. Rob took his place at my shoulder, far enough apart to leave fighting room. The familiarity was comforting despite my tension.

Wilde opened the door at my knock, then called over his shoulder, "Asher, it's your Alpha." He stepped aside and gestured us in.

Asher sat on the floor in the main room wearing just a pair of pajama pants. Phillip stood over him like he'd had to resort to force, or at least threaten it a time or two. I strode over there and Asher bowed his head low. "Alpha. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for, Third?"

That brought his startled gaze up in a hurry. "I'm not Third!"

"You are now. My pack." I gestured at myself. "Alpha." At Rob. "Second." At him. "Third."

"But Phillip?" Asher glanced up, then hunched his shoulders and bowed his head again.

"Wilde, Phillip, and Blake are lone wolves."

"Oh." Asher blinked hard.

"So, I repeat, Third, what are you sorry for?"

"I don't know?" The desolation in his voice and bond rocked me.

I squatted beside him. "Look at me." I put enough command in that to get him to raise his eyes to mine. "I'm your Alpha now. You're only responsible to me for what you do after the moment you set your hands between mine." Or jaws. Metaphorically. "Have you done anything as my wolf that requires an apology?"

"I tried to run away."

"How far did you get?"

Phillip cleared his throat. "He had trouble with the deadbolt."

I glanced at the door. "Eight paces. Noted. Why did you run?"

Asher shook his head and clenched his jaw.

"Were you afraid of me?"

"No! Maybe. I'm sorry."

"You were brutalized by your Alpha. That makes your doubt reasonable."

One might think that being able to feel our wolves' emotions would make it hard for an Alpha to be cruel. Unfortunately, for a cruel wolf, feeling their victims' fear and pain is a sauce, not a deterrent. Kane was like that, too.

"I disobeyed an order, though."

Had I ordered him to stay put? I couldn't remember for sure.

Rob said, "You can trust our Alpha. I promise."

"Thank you, Second." I turned to Asher. "Put your hands in mine." Asher did so and I ignored the trembling of his fingers. "I'm going to open our bond wide. It'll be a lot. The first twenty- four hours are intense. But it's easier to show you who I am than tell you. Ready?"

"Yes, sir."

I focused inward, where the dark-blue sheen of our connection pulsed wider and more solid than before. Tucking my own doubts and fears away, I focused on my desire to protect my pack, my need to keep my wolves safe and happy. Acceptance. Welcome. Protection in exchange for obedience. Belonging. Family. Pack, pack, pack. My wolf rose in agreement. Slowly, I eased Asher's bond wide.

The jumble of his emotions hit me hard with his hands in mine. Fear and panic and long-subdued anger threaded through with wisps of hope. A nebulous dark figure loomed over him, a disaster waiting to crash down on us. I felt him hiding deeper and farther, as the tide of his past flooded our minds. I waded into the stream, soothing the panic, taking the hope in my hands and reeling it toward me, feeling it brighten. Safe. Protected. Mine. Safe. I caught a glimpse of Asher's wolf, elusive and wary, and didn't push. We had time now. Safe.

Slowly, I eased the bond narrower and blinked my way back to the daylight. I caught Rob looking at me, wide-eyed. No doubt he'd experienced some of the spill from Asher. He'd clenched his fists at his sides, and when he saw me looking, opened them with deliberate effort and gave me a nod.

Asher left his hands shaking in mine till I let him go, then put them over his face, sucking audible breaths against his palms.

Rob knelt on Asher's other side and ringed his wrists with long fingers, a steady grip, not pulling his hands down. "That's who our Alpha is. Do right by the pack, and he'll protect you with the last breath in his body."

"I don't know how." Asher's voice was a thread of sound.

"It's not complicated," I told him. "Eat, drink, breathe, look around you. Follow reasonable orders, don't hurt folks without good cause, tell me if you need something." I had a feeling that last would be the hardest.

"Where will I live? What will I do? Work? I should work. I can't tithe!"

"No worries about tithing to the pack. Everything's in flux right now anyhow." I almost quipped about how he could bring me a rabbit, but perhaps he wouldn't want to be in fur anytime soon. Probably he shouldn't be, not yet. "Our expenses are low."

Rob added, "And Alpha, you'll have money once your house sells."

"Once my what?" I turned to him, feeling my eyebrows climbing.

"What did you think I was doing while you drove for twenty-five hours? I burned up the lines texting everyone. Once Sherman was sure you weren't going to turn back and rip his insides out, we agreed that the pack—" He turned to Asher. "—our old pack— would box up everything from your house, store it till you call for it, and put the house on the market."

I gritted my teeth. That felt like a huge liberty for Rob to take, and yet… And yet, what else would I have wanted to do? I was never going back there, and wasn't so wealthy I could choose to walk away from everything I owned. Rob had just been practical, long before I could be. "Thank you, Second," I managed.

Rob continued to Asher, as if he knew words were stuck in my throat. Maybe he did. "We left our old pack for the good of everyone. We hadn't decided where to settle down. We only exited the highway for a meal when we met Wilde and the rest. Yesterday, as a matter of fact."

"So, you're— we're leaving here? Soon?" Asher's gaze leaped not to me but to Wilde.

Interesting. "I haven't decided. This area has four lone wolves already. They may have a problem with me staying."

Wilde raised his chin, eyeing me. "Were you thinking of staying, David?" The use of my name felt deliberate, a reminder he was outside my command.

"I like the area. I loved running the wild land. Back where I came from, you had to travel a long way to get that kind of run. But I need to work, and I'd bet there's not a lot of jobs around here. Asher will need a job too."

"Not Rob?"

"Rob works remotely." My Second's laconic behavior hid a sharp mind and an analyst's degree. "All he needs is a good connection to the internet, although that might not be a given around here either."

Wilde asked, "What work can you do?"

"I grew up farming. I'm good at physical work." I enjoyed the body fatigue of a hard day on the land. "Not ranching, of course." We all chuckled. Cattle did not like werewolves, and one of us trying to work around cows would be a disaster. "I can do carpentry, most types of construction. My pack ran a construction business. I'd be okay with cleaning, landscaping, in-home nursing, at least in a home with no pets."

"You?" Asher stared at me. "Cleaning and nursing? You're an Alpha."

"So? That doesn't mean useless asshole. It's false pride to turn down work for being beneath you. Real pride takes the job if you need the money. How about you? What did—" I cut myself off before asking what job he'd held, that he'd no doubt lost while in his Alpha's prison. "What are your skills?"

"I drove a cab." He sighed. "Out to the airport a lot, so I thought it'd be safe to make a run with the Alpha's mate, just like it was routine. I thought he'd be gone longer." He shuddered. "Anyhow, I'm good with cars, machinery. I can fix a lot of engine shit, from the old stuff to the new ones with onboard computers."

Wilde turned to Phillip. "Didn't you say Norm at the garage was looking for a new mechanic?"

"He will be. His kid's moving to Seattle next month. Not sure what he can afford to pay, though."

"Still, it's something." Wilde gave Asher a nod. "You'll interview, tell him Phillip sent you. Might get hired."

I wasn't sure from Phillip's expression if he was comfortable having his name attached to a total stranger, but he didn't protest.

"If we're staying?" Asher kept his gaze on me.

What happens if we don't? I imagined getting back in my truck with Rob beside me and Asher stowed in the backseat. Driving farther west, aimlessly, no better destination in mind, not even the minimum of community I'd have here. Plus, Wilde helping Asher find a job was more than a minimum.

I stood and walked across the room, turning so I could see all of them. Phillip moved closer to Blake. Wilde met my eyes and stayed sprawled at ease in his armchair.

"I'd like to stay," I told them. "I had no place in mind as I drove and can't imagine easily finding somewhere better. But I can't promise I'm not going to change things by staying. My wolf is dominant, and he wants to gather everyone in a pack. I won't push any of you, but you need to know I'll be thinking about it. And I don't take orders well, so Wilde, if you're used to unofficially running things, we may butt heads."

"I think I can handle you." His eyes widened as I let a little more of my wolf leak into my stare.

Packs do well with an elder. I hushed my wolf but didn't force him down.

"I meant to say." Wilde didn't straighten up as he corrected himself. "I can handle that situation."

"Fair enough." I figured Phillip and Blake would defer to him. Which left the unknown quantity. "I should speak to Julian."

Wilde stared at me. "Where'd you hear that name?"

Blake admitted, "I let it slip."

"You told me yourself there were four lone wolves," I reminded Wilde, pulling his attention back to me before Blake could wilt under his glare. "What kind of trouble can I expect from the fourth?"

"None." Wilde visibly dialed back his displeasure at Blake to speak calmly. "You won't see Julian or find him unless he allows it."

We'll see about that. I wouldn't go looking, but I'd bet Rob would ferret out more information in his own protect-the-pack way. "All right, we'll go with that."

Phillip straightened his shoulders. "Blake and I aren't ready to join your pack, but we won't mind having a strong Alpha around. For emergencies. As long as you don't make us swear."

"Swearing to me is a privilege, not a punishment." I fought my wolf and didn't take a step toward him that would emphasize my height over his. I had zero worries about Phillip Challenging me.

He bowed his head anyway. Maybe my wolf came across stronger than I intended. "Yes, Alpha."

"We'd need somewhere to live," Rob said. "I have some money saved and Alpha will have some soon, but it'd be better if it was reasonably priced, keep some reserves. We can do a fixer-upper. But first." His tone went serious, and he fixed his eyes on me. "We need to get one thing clear and out in the open if we're staying here. Alpha?"

I didn't swallow, didn't blink, didn't so much as let my jaw clench. But I knew what Rob meant, and he was right, yet I could see our truth wrecking this moment of hope we were building. How do I start? I turned to Blake. "Do you consider your significant other to be your true mate?"

His gaze flicked to Asher but not to the rest, which told me something. His chin came up. "In everything but a bond, yes, Alpha."

I nodded slowly. To the room in general, but with most of my attention on Asher, I said, "Our wolf packs have some antiquated ideas and rules. I blame that on our long lives, and the age of our leadership. Most of our Alphas are over sixty, many are over eighty. Hell, sixty years ago, a woman couldn't even get a credit card without a man to cosign for it." I owed my wife for that tidbit and many more. "Pack wives don't have close to real equality, even when they're bonded mates."

"Doesn't help that most Alphas are autocratic bastards," Wilde drawled.

"True. I was married for twenty-six years to a woman who didn't let my Alpha status go to my head once I had it. She was not the woman my own Alpha wanted me to choose." I'd defied Kane on that, but luckily, he hadn't cared enough to make it a problem.

"Melody was good for the pack," Rob said quietly.

"And for me." I hoped I wasn't hurting him by mentioning her, but I was approaching the topic sideways. Caution? Cowardice? Both?

Asher mumbled, "Wish all the Alphas were like that."

"If anyone in my pack chooses a partner, I don't care who they are, I expect him to treat them right." I took a breath. "I also don't give a fuck if that partner is a man, a woman, whatever."

Asher's gaze flew to me, then with more curiosity, to Rob. Rob returned the look steadily.

"The packs are wrong about treating women like possessions, and they're wrong about gay wolves." I was halfway there. "Asher, can you live with that as a pack rule?"

"I… Sure, makes no difference to me."

"Really? Queer wolves with a pack bond to you? That doesn't bother you?"

"I spent a lot of time bonded to someone doing a hell of a lot worse than fucking men. If he's not hurting someone, I don't care." But Asher still eyed Rob.

I eased my bond to Asher back wide, so I'd feel the truth of his reactions. "And what about living with a queer Alpha?" I didn't let myself hesitate, didn't let my voice change.

He whipped his head around. "You?" Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Wilde give a secret smile, saw Blake's jaw drop, but my focus was on our unknown quantity. In my head, I felt Asher's shock, bewilderment, disbelief, but not disgust.

"Me. I'm bisexual." I felt like I was floating outside myself, saying the impossible out loud at last. "Melody was my wife and bondmate, but she passed over a year ago, and now I'm with Rob." For an instant, I wondered if that was wrong, to out him to all these wolves, but he was the one who'd pushed me for the truth, and the wide grin spreading across his face didn't look like dismay.

"Might make for an unbalanced pack," Wilde suggested, "to have the Alpha fucking the Second."

"Not sure what difference it makes." Rob raised his chin. "I was already Second, been that for nineteen years without the fucking. It's not like he can promote me higher. And I don't need my Alpha's help to kick the ass of anyone who wants to Challenge my right to that rank."

"And what if the Alpha goes bad? What if he needs to be taken down?" Wilde raised an eyebrow at Rob. "That's a Second's job."

"Wasn't in our old pack," Rob said, calmer than I could've. "Our Second was our corrupt Alpha's toady, Third was useless, David was Fourth, and I was outside the rankings. We did what needed to be done. If you want him and me out someday, and you can't make either of us see reason, you'd better scrape up some muscle and think outside the box. We did."

"I'd like to hear that story," Wilde mused.

I told him, "Maybe one day. Not now." Something wild and hopeful was rising inside me. I'd said I'm bisexual to a group of wolves and while they were debating how hard it would be to kill me, they didn't mean for loving Rob. "Wilde, will this get back to Julian and will he do anything rash about it?"

"He'll find out, I'm sure. But he's known about Blake's man for years and done nothing."

"Blake's man?" Asher pushed to his feet. "What's with this place?" This time I did feel dismay coming from him.

"It's a sanctuary," Wilde told him. "By chance, and not for all of us, but enough. And we won't let anyone threaten that." He glared.

Before Wilde could exert dominance over one of my wolves, I snapped, "Asher! Sit!"

My Third's legs practically gave out as he landed back on the couch.

"And stay there." I frowned at him. "You had your chance to bow out. If you have a problem, you take it up with me, not Blake." I wasn't sure how dominance between the two of them would work out. Blake was low-ranking and would defer, but there was something broken inside Asher despite his relative fitness and size that needed time to heal. Best not to let the conflict get that far.

"No problem, sir." Asher bowed his head. Over the bond, I felt how my command calmed his panic and yet made him uneasy. No doubt he was going to be touchy about everything Alpha-related for quite a while. Hopefully, a steady pack would settle him.

Wilde said, "Back to a place to live," as if we'd had a minor discussion about rabbits or donuts. "I'd bet you and your Second don't really want to share a house with anyone else."

Not if there's a choice. I had responsibilities, though. "Asher shouldn't live on his own."

"Agreed. For the time being, he can stay with me."

"Hey," Asher protested, despite his bowed head. "I'm not some piece of lost luggage."

"Do you feel up to an apartment, a job, and a regular life starting tomorrow, Third?" I kept my tone bland, neither sympathetic nor accusing, but I saw him shrink in on himself.

"No, sir."

"Is there a problem with taking Wilde's generous offer, for now?"

"No, sir."

I told Wilde, "The pack will pay his rent, of course."

"No, you won't. He can do some chores, help out around here. He's crashing with a friend, not renting a room."

"I'd rather pay rent," Asher muttered.

"Because it's easier to walk away from money than friends?" Wilde asked.

My wolf muttered in my head, Pack elder. We will convince him. But he hunkered back down patiently. Wolves hunt from ambush sometimes. We know how to wait for the prey to come to us.

Asher shrugged, then closed his eyes.

"Too bad." Wilde leaned back, crossing his arms. "You can stay with me on my terms, or live with your Alpha and the man he's fucking."

I glared at Wilde. "If Asher wants to stay with us instead, we won't make him uncomfortable. Pack comes first." Or it had till Melody died. I'd always put pack needs ahead of the personal, and she'd agreed, although I know she chafed at that sometimes. Then she was gone, and I realized how little time I'd given her, and suddenly the pack vanished behind the wall of my grief.

Rob came over and set a hand on my shoulder, a gesture of one man to another, not Second to Alpha. I realized that with our bond still open, he'd felt the pain move through me. I took his hand, squeezed it, and gave him a smile.

I love you. Missing her doesn't change that. I tried to make sure he felt the truth of that.

Asher stared up at us, and I realized he'd no doubt felt my emotions as well. His bond seemed calmer though, as if knowing the truth of how I felt settled him. Perhaps it did. From what he'd said, his old Alpha probably wasn't capable of love. I left Asher's bond half-open, too. No secrets, when I need trust.

"You can choose," I told Asher.

"Staying with Wilde would save the pack funds, right?" he asked.

If he stayed with Rob and me, it wouldn't cost more, but I felt he wanted a rationale, so I nodded.

"All right then." He bowed his head to Wilde. "Thank you."

Wilde said, "Phillip, you're good online. When you have internet access, get a list of local properties the Alpha might rent."

"Sure. Can do." Phillip didn't say sir but his deference to Wilde was clear. Yep, he's not going to be a challenge.

Wilde stood and turned his focus to me. "Alpha? It's early and we have a bunch of wolves who haven't had breakfast. Kitchen?"

Rob said, "I can cook."

"Only if we want water burned," I teased. Cooking was not Rob's forte, although he wasn't quite that bad. "Lead the way, Wilde." I had the impression he wanted a talk.

The elder wolf remained silent other than a few directions as we put a kettle on his propane stove for water and set bacon sizzling in a pan. He turned on a vent fan over the stove. Once the noises rose, he turned to me, his voice hushed. "I think we can coexist, you and me. We each have our strengths."

"And our weaknesses."

"No doubt. I will check up on you and the pack you left behind."

"Carefully," I warned him. "I don't want them to find me. Some of my wolves were angry when I didn't put Sherman down, and instead walked away from them. Some will want to drag me back there or to come join me."

"You don't want them here?"

Yes! No. I ached for that pack. The desperate wanting that'd battered against me the whole long drive, telling me to go back to my wolves, had lessened but not died. "What I want doesn't matter. I failed them in a time of personal crisis, and Sherman stepped up. The fact that I could've physically put him down doesn't matter. That pack needs all its members, not to be ripped in half, and some of the ones who supported me are the oldest and strongest wolves." I cleared my throat and admitted, "Some of them also would want to tear my throat out if they knew I was with Rob. Leaving them was as much selfish as not."

"All right. I'll make sure they don't get wind of you."

"Thank you for what you're doing for my Third. That's a lot for someone who's essentially a stranger."

"Asher was our problem long before he was your wolf, and he needs a friend. What his Alpha did was obscene."

"Agreed." I didn't keep the growl out of my voice. "If I ever meet the guy, there will be a reckoning. I hope his pack took him down, but that's not easy."

"No." Wilde shot me a look over his shoulder. "Someday, you'll have to tell me how you did it."

"Someday." I didn't like looking back on that time, but if it would suck Wilde deeper into my orbit, I'd tell him whatever.

"Bacon's getting crisp," he said, turning to the stove. "Get some toast going."

"Yes, sir," I mocked, though gently.

He grinned at me but didn't modify that command. We made coffee, and tea for the bitter-sensitive wolves, plus three pans of bacon, and toast, in quiet cooperation. When the food was ready, we loaded plates and brought them out to the main room. Asher looked shocked when I set his in front of him— I guess he wasn't used to his Alpha serving him— but he dug in eagerly.

My wolf was pleased. He could use a little more weight on him.

We ate in silence but for the chomping and slurping. Rob licked his plate clean, literally, eyeing me as he swiped his tongue through the crumbs. I said, "Being my Second and my lover doesn't exempt you from manners. You do the dishes."

He grinned. "Come on, Asher. I'll wash, you dry." When Asher stood obediently, Rob slung an arm over his shoulders. I felt Asher flinch, but then his bond relaxed and even warmed a trifle. Rob squeezed the back of his neck and let go. "You collect the plates. I'll get the water running. How's your well, Wilde?"

"Deep. You don't need to be stingy with it. Propane's a bitch though, so don't use more hot than you need."

"Let me know if you need propane hauled out," I told him. "Two people will use more than one."

I thought his prickly pride might make him refuse, but he nodded. Not a promise that he would ask, of course. I made a mental note to bring a tank, regardless.

Blake and Phillip left first with a promise to send me the results of Phillip's rental search. Asher seemed to be nodding off in the armchair. I imagined he'd been on alert for a long, long time. Safety was probably hitting him hard. I closed my bond to him down to a thread, just enough to know if he had a panic attack or disaster. With a jerk of my chin, I gathered up Rob and headed for the door.

Wilde followed us out into the morning sunshine.

"You're okay alone with Asher?" I asked softly. If Asher wasn't asleep, he'd hear us through the door even in human form, so I added, "In case he needs something?" That way, it didn't sound like I expected Asher to attack the old wolf, though I'd seen enough folks with PTSD to know he might lash out, waking from a nightmare.

"We'll be fine. I can handle him."

"If you need to go out, let me know. I don't think he should be alone for a while."

"I'm retired." Wilde smirked. "Eating, drinking, and sleeping at my leisure. Only myself to please and nowhere to go, for the next couple of days, anyhow."

His relatively fit body belied any hint of leisure , but I nodded. "Call if you need me."

"Will do." He looked Rob up and down. "Speaking of need , old McGinty who owns the motel is a bigoted seventy-year-old bastard, but he's almost never there. His grandson, who's twenty, mostly runs it and he's so obsessed with computer games you'd have to drive a truck through a unit to get his attention."

Rob coughed.

I said, "Good to know," and meant it.

"See you soon." Wilde went back inside without adding anything more.

Driving down Wilde's narrow lane again with Rob beside me, I became aware that need was the right word. I'd come out as bi, I still had my new pack, and I felt like I could leap the Grand Canyon in a single bound. And with all that falling into place, I was deeply aware of Rob mere inches away. Every movement of his lean body, every rustle of fabric on his skin, every slow breath and glint of sun on his unshaved stubble made my nerve endings sit up and beg. Not to mention my dick. I shook with wanting him.

"Eyes on the road, Davey," Rob drawled.

"Fuck you." But I snapped my attention back to my driving.

"You can if you want."

That did not help my distraction problem. "We'll talk about it in the room."

Our scan of the motel surroundings was brief this time, and in less than a minute, we were safe behind a locked door, with two hours till checkout. We stared at each other.

Until Rob said, "Fuck it," and began whipping off his clothes.

I hurried to do the same because hell, yeah, enough awkwardness. He was naked first, but hesitated long enough for me to fling my underwear over my shoulder, grab him, and tumble us onto the bed with him on top. Rob laughed and clung to me. The bite of his fingers on my shoulders matched an ache across our bond, where want and heat merged with something darker.

"Fuck me," I said. I deserved any anger he was holding on to, any pain he'd controlled and hidden for decades. "Have me. Whatever you need." I owed him everything.

He propped himself up to peer down at me, his emotions softening. "Being fucked isn't a punishment, David, or a sacrifice."

"Can't it be a gift?"

"Only if it's a gift to you, too."

Is it? I imagined his hands on me, his body inside mine. I had my worries, but mostly I wanted to finally know what that felt like. "For years after you left, I regretted that I fell asleep before we could switch. I loved being inside you, and I used to imagine what it would've been like if I'd woken to your fingers prepping me, instead of a cold bed."

I felt his flinch and realized that was as much accusation as encouragement. "Sorry. I meant I've wanted this for a long time. I do want to give you the gift of controlling me, of topping after all the years when my word was law, but also, I want to give myself the gift of, um…" My supply of dirty talk was limited, but I squeezed out, "Of your cock filling my ass."

Rob laughed, and the emotions over his bond were still complex, but lust was beginning to edge out the rest.

Go me.

"Roll over," he told me. "And try to relax."

I did as I was told, worried for a moment as he got to his feet but reassured when he quickly came back and clicked open a bottle.

I chuckled shakily. "You brought lube?"

"I had hopes, and if they failed, I had solo uses for it. So yeah. Hush up now." Rob parted my ass cheeks firmly, and I sucked in a breath.

My body might still have the fitness of a thirty-five-year-old human, but no one had ever looked at my asshole with critical attention. My ass cheeks were muscled enough, I thought, but I was hairy and not pretty and down there—

Rob slapped my butt hard enough to sting. "I can feel you doubting from here. Relax and try to enjoy this." He circled my opening with a slick fingertip, then pressed in.

"Oh." The penetration felt different from doing that myself. My hands were larger, but his felt far more intrusive, moving in ways I couldn't control. And yet, warmth rose from where he touched me, a tickling almost-there need that had me bucking my hips to push his finger deeper.

Rob chuckled darkly. "I thought you might secretly be a bottom boy."

I waited for my wolf to protest, but he hung back somewhere down inside me, lolling about, delighted to be with our mate— "Fuck!" A zap of electric pleasure arced from my ass to my groin.

"Hello, prostate." Rob crooked his finger in me again.

I groaned without holding back, and he laughed. A moment later, he had two fingers in me stretching and rubbing, and my brain was melting. My dick, on the other hand, was aiming for carbon-hardened steel. Each press and nudge and slide of his fingers made me shiver. I tried to spread my thighs wider, dignity be damned. "Do it."

"When I think you're ready." Rob eased his hand out and pushed my knees higher on the bed. "Legs underneath you, ass in the air."

I hurried to obey, although my dick missed the rub of the sheets. I balanced on one elbow and reached under myself to take my cock in hand.

"Yeah, do that." Rob had what felt like three fingers buried in me now. "Stroke yourself but don't come."

"Fucking hurry up, then."

"Pushy Alpha." He went for more lube, the slush of slick on skin shortening my breath. Then I felt pressure against my opening that wasn't fingers.

I froze, hand tight on my shaft, holding my breath, waiting…

"Breathe, David." Rob nudged against me without entering. "Jesus, you look so good like that."

I sucked in air, tried to sense what he was feeling, and realized I'd closed our bond again, long habit making me try to hide. I opened our connection, and Rob's lust and need and love washed through me like floodwaters, dragging a groan from my throat. Rob echoed me as our desperation merged in a tide of now and want and so good .

He pushed into me and the intrusion felt so strange and yet so right. I bore down and leaned back, wanting more. His murmur of, "Good job. Hell, yeah," was affirmation I desperately needed, and I breathed through a twinge of pain with no regrets. More. Deeper.

Rob's fingers dug into my hips, and he held me steady till the stretch eased. Over the bond, his lust battled his love and caution. "I don't need you to be careful, dammit," I ground out, squeezing my fingers around my dick hard so I wouldn't come like an inexperienced teenager. "Fuck me."

His first thrust slid deep till he bottomed out with his hips against my butt. The stretch hurt enough that my dick flagged. But when he eased back, I chased him with my ass. I can take it. I want it. The pain wasn't bad or wrong. It felt like discovery, like birth, a barrier to break through to who I was meant to be. I tried to push my willingness, eagerness, my hellfire of burning need down the bond. Rob shoved deep into me again, and again.

Each time was easier, smoother, burn fading, pleasure building. Every nerve ending arrowed to my ass and the electric jolts that radiated through my groin. Wilde could walk in the door and I wouldn't care. "Yes. More."

"Jerk yourself." Rob sounded breathless. "Not gonna last."

I'd been so focused on my ass, I'd almost forgotten I had my cock in hand, hard and eager again. The first dry slide of my fist forced a desperate grunt from my mouth. I swiped over my slit, gathering precum, and pumped faster, wetter, matching Rob's rhythm. Rob's fucking me. Rob's hands grip my hips. Rob's cock… he's going to come inside me… Even those thoughts were lost in the spiraling pleasure, his and mine, a sparkling, flaming maelstrom where relief was almost in reach, almost, almost —

"God! Oh, God!" Climax crashed through me. Cum pulsed between my fingers. I shuddered head to toe. Behind me, Rob grunted in an escalating crescendo, fucking more jizz out of me each time he slammed forward, then he clutched me against him and groaned. His release snared mine, driving us both higher, exploding, untethered, into a thunderous, brilliant space.

I came back to myself one sensation at a time. Shaking breaths, Rob's scent, sweat-damp skin, sated cock, stretched ass, full, so full, so right… I let go of my sensitive dick and planted both elbows on the bed to help support my weight and Rob's. Air rasped in my dry throat, and I swallowed. My ass began complaining of the stretch and burn—

As soon as that awareness hit me, Rob lifted off my back and eased himself out, rubbing my asshole with a fingertip as he left me. "Doing okay?"

"Doing awesome. Gonna crash now." I let my jelly muscles give way, dumping me face-down into the pillows.

Rob rustled around, then draped himself over my shoulder and kissed my jaw. "Should I—"

"Shush." I reached back to touch some bit of warm skin. "Afterglow. Lemme enjoy."

His chuckle whispered across my cheek. "Sure."

"Love you," I mumbled without raising my head. "Not just 'cause you broke me so good."

"Love you, too. Luckily, wolves heal fast."

"Mm." For the first time in far too long, I felt at peace. I had Rob at my back, safe and warm. There was nowhere else I was supposed to be, no fires to put out, no regrets and failures and desperate conflicts in my head, no pack I was neglecting, no guilt, no one's pain I had to work around. I have Rob, and love, and everything else can wait. Sure, this wasn't a peace that could last beyond the next hour. Life went on. But even for a short time, this moment was a gift beyond price.