Chapter 3

Vince

T omorrow wasn't the day, and neither was the next, nor the next, nor the following week.

The argument I'd had with Theo lingered, and instead of losing weight, I gained at least another half a stone. Food was my solace. Food made me happy, or so I told myself. All it actually did was hide my depressing thoughts.

I hated myself, hated my life. I hated Theo, and I especially hated Glen, but I couldn't seem to shake the mood I'd been in since the wedding, sinking deeper and deeper into my sorrow and self-pity.

I shifted in my swivel chair and glared at the silver-edged envelope sitting on my desk, the dark blue interlinked hearts stark against the brilliant white paper, mocking me.

Since Lexi's wedding six weeks ago, I'd had no contact with Theo and wasn't surprised how quickly Glen had arranged their wedding. What had come as a surprise was the invitation landing on my hall mat earlier that day.

I'd chatted with Lexi, and she'd mentioned Theo couldn't wait to get married, gushing to her every chance he could get. He hadn't once contacted me, and that hurt more than I wanted to admit. Like daggers to my already wounded heart.

I picked up the envelope and twirled it between my fingers. The best thing to do would be to throw it into the bin, but I couldn't do it. Call me sentimental. Instead, I took the letter opener, the one Theo had bought for me, and carefully slid open the envelope.

A slew of metallic silver wedding confetti fell out, and I smiled wistfully. This was one of the things Theo had wanted, something we'd planned together. My eyes misted over. Goddamn him. I'd had nothing to do with his plans. He had them all done without me.

I flung the envelope onto the desk and went to the water cooler. Fighting tears, I poured a cup of iced water and gulped it down. Shit, this had to be the worst day of my life. I'd known it was coming, but it didn't make it hurt any less. It felt like the death of a loved one almost when you knew they were ill. You knew they weren't long for the world, but their passing was still painful. Okay, it wasn't quite that extreme, but I still felt like shit.

"You okay there, Vince?" my boss asked, a concerned look on his face.

I wiped my eyes and nodded. "Of course, just a bit of bad news is all."

"If you need to go home, we can cover your work for the rest of the day. You're owed a fair few hours, and it's quiet at the moment. It's not your mum, is it?"

"No, it's not, and I'm okay now, honestly." I smiled weakly, trying to convey that I really was fine but failing miserably.

I slumped back in my chair, picked up the invitation again, and carefully removed the thick, textured white card. The silver decorative font cordially invited me to the wedding of Theo Marshall and Glen Roger Timmins.

My eyes blurred again, and I took another moment to compose myself. I rubbed at them and continued to read.

‘Theo Marshall and Glen Roger Timmins would love for you to join them in Stratford upon Avon on Saturday, 3rd August, to celebrate their nuptials.'

That was in two months and a far cry from the wedding he'd told me Glen was organising. It wasn't quite what we'd planned all those years ago, but I guessed he'd be happy with it. What upset me the most was that even if I had wanted to go, there was no way I could afford another long weekend, even if it was only to Stratford. The hotel alone would no doubt cost me an arm and a leg.

I hated to admit it, but Theo had been right. The majority of my salary went towards my mother's private nursing home fees. If we could have sold the house to pay for them, that would have been a godsend, but as it was my home as well, it had never been an option.

With regret, I tore the invitation in two and dropped the halves into the waste paper basket under my desk. All those years of friendship had ended in a moment of anger, and now I'd never see him get married, even if it was to that complete wanker, Glen.

The rest of the day passed without any more drama, but as I turned off my computer at five on the dot and packed my still-full lunch box into my bag, the phone rang. Lexi. I knew what the call would be about and was tempted not to answer, but I also knew she'd continue to call until I did.

I sighed heavily, swiping to accept the call and grabbed the ripped invitation from the bin.

"Hi, Lex, how are you?" I heaved my bag on my shoulder and walked towards the lift, tucking my phone into the crook of my neck.

"Vince, did you get it? Are you going to go? You can come with me and Robin if you want to." She sounded breathless, no doubt rushing to the station to catch her train out of the city.

"I'm not going, Lexi. I can't afford to, and I'm not sure I want to go anyway. We said all we had to say six weeks ago, and I'm sure his feelings haven't changed. He'd have got in touch with me if that were the case."

"Don't be like that. I'm sure you can kiss and make up. If he didn't want you there, he wouldn't have invited you. Please, Vince."

"No, I don't think so. Plus, where am I going to get the money to pay for it? With Mum being in that home, I don't have much left at the end of the month. I barely manage at the moment as it is."

The other end of the phone went silent. She'd come to the same conclusion. She was fully aware Mum's dementia got the best of her these past few years. She didn't recognise me anymore and often thought I was her brother, Wilfred.

I played along, as difficult as it was, but it made her happy. She didn't recognise Dad or my stepbrother, but they rarely visited anyway, as they lived on the other side of the country. Mum and Dad had separated years before, and he'd moved away, chasing his dream job. Mum had refused to go with him, and that was when they'd realised they no longer had anything in common. They divorced, and Dad remarried and had another son, Dylan, who was a good few years younger than me.

"Won't you at least talk to him?" Lexi asked softly, so quietly I struggled to hear her with the background noise..

"No, I won't." No way was I going to speak to him. "I'll drop him a text, maybe, telling him I won't be going, but I'm done with him, Lex." I sniffled. "I can't forget his callous words. I just can't."

"Aw, babe. I know you can't, but couldn't you call him? A text is so impersonal."

The doors to the lift opened, and I stepped inside, playing on the fact that I could lose the signal at any time.

"Hey, Lex, I'm getting in the lift, so I might lose you."

"Don't use that excuse with me. I'll just call you again later. I'm about to get on the tube anyway, but I'll speak to you later. Call him, though, please."

"Yeah, maybe." As if. She knew I wouldn't, but it was her duty as our friend to try and patch it up between us. "Speak to you soon, and say hi to Robin for me."

I tucked my phone into the side pocket of my bag and walked to the bus station. I managed to jump on as it was pulling away from the kerb. Phew, just in time. The next one would come for another hour, and I didn't fancy waiting. Besides, I didn't have time for that. Tonight was the weekly pub quiz with my other three friends. We weren't particularly brilliant at it, but we enjoyed ourselves. Add in a few pints and a curry, and it was a good night.

Theo had joined us a couple of times, giving us a higher score. His knowledge of geography was good, better than ours anyway, but the last time, he'd brought Glen. The wanker had sat there all evening, sighing and glancing around, tutting when we got a question wrong, and just generally taking the piss.

Theo never showed up again, always making some excuse as to why he wasn't coming, but I knew it was because of him. Knew it was because of Glen and his stuck-up manner. He hated the lot of us.

When I got home, I ate one of my usual ready meals. Wednesday was cottage pie night. I took a quick shower, then walked to the local pub. Gavin, Lionel, and Callum were waiting for me at our usual table. I ordered my usual pint of beer and snacked on the usual peanuts. God, how boring I'd become.

Dependable, boring Vince, who took the same lunch every day, drank the same beer when he went out, and wore the same clothes every day: blue jeans and T-shirt, usually with a graphic on the front. Tonight it was Iron Man; tomorrow it might be Batman. I was just so ordinary, I even bored myself.

I sat down with a sigh and picked my pint up, taking a long drink.

"Bad day, Vince?" Gavin asked.

"Yeah, something like that. I got the invitation to Theo's wedding today."

"And?" Lionel looked at me expectantly.

"And nothing. I ripped it up and threw it into the bin. I can't afford to go. It's in Stratford. Besides, I'm not sure if they invited me out of pity or to rub salt in the wound."

Gavin and Lionel shared a look while Callum gazed around. He didn't like confrontation, but I knew what he and the others thought of my ‘relationship' with Theo.

"You need a holiday," Gavin said. "Get away from it all, you know? When was the last time you went anywhere? Did anything for yourself? I wager it's been a while."

"Of course it's been a while. How can I afford to go away with Mum in the nursing home and the bills I have to pay? I don't want to admit the twat was right, but I don't have a lot of money, certainly not to spare for expensive holidays to exotic places or posh fucking hotels in Stratford."

"I'm not saying it needs to be exotic, just somewhere that isn't here. Somewhere that doesn't constantly remind you of Theo. You grew up around here. Everywhere you look is a reminder of him."

Gavin was right, of course. The tree in the park where I first realised I was lusting after my best friend. The school playing field where I'd watched Theo running round the track in his shorts, watching with eager interest, hoping his dick would poke out the bottom, just so I could have a good look and a wank over it later at home.

It had never happened, but it totally could have. I'd lost count of the number of times I'd prayed with my eyes closed.

I slammed my empty glass down on the table harder than I'd anticipated, bringing Callum out of his daze. He turned to me with drowsy eyes.

"Mum's got a villa you can have for free. Down in the south of France. You can use it if you want. Only costs you the airfare, and you can get a really cheap return flight. Hers was a hundred quid return. You could afford that, right?"

Could I afford that? It sounded too good to be true, and usually if it did, it was. But the south of France. Somewhere I'd always wanted to visit. I'd been saving for a while, creating a nice little nest egg. I could have used that money to attend Theo's wedding, but it was the principle of the matter now, and while the money wasn't a lot, I could splurge on a week, possibly two. It wouldn't hurt, would it? The more I thought about it throughout the evening and later at home, the more I was convinced it was a good idea.

I needed a break from here, from Theo, and from Mum. A chance to do something for me for a change. Mum would cope, and in all fairness, regretfully, she wouldn't even notice if I didn't visit.

The seed was planted. It took hold and grew, and when I woke in the morning, I'd made my decision.

A week in the south of France. I couldn't fucking wait.