Chapter 1

Vince

L ord, but I hated this song. Every wedding, birthday party, or gathering that warranted a DJ blared it out, tempting everyone to the dance floor. Young or old, man or woman, Build Me Up Buttercup was a crowd pleaser.

Pity I hated the fucking song. To be fair, I hated most music. I'd never been a fan, even when I was younger, much preferring a PC game or my PlayStation. I just didn't get it. Sure, I'd tune in the radio in the car to work, but I couldn't see the point. I hated country, pop, and god forbid, rap. What the hell was that all about?

Theo, on the other hand, loved every type. If he could sing or dance to it, he was in heaven, and I laughed and shook my head at his antics as he bounced around, giving it his all.

Not only was he my best friend in the entire world, but he also was my biggest crush. I'd loved him the moment I saw him with his ginger curls and bright green eyes. When I was thirteen, he'd arrived at our school mid-term and become friends with my best friend, Lexi, and by default, he became mine too. We spent every lunch break together and almost every school holiday, and the three of us became inseparable.

My attraction for him had only grown with each passing year, and when he confessed to Lexi and me at sixteen that he was gay, I'd thought all my wet dreams had come true. I'd crushed on him even more, praying for the moment he'd notice me and ask me out, but it was never to be. I might have been his friend, but I was forgettable. I didn't have startling blue eyes, nor was I as handsome as Adonis. My thick glasses made me look like the nerd I was.

I'd learnt to blend in, staying on the sidelines, being the wallflower, not outgoing and charming like Theo or stunningly beautiful like Lexi. I was the friend no one remembered.

As usual, my eyes never strayed far from Theo, and a familiar feeling stirred in my groin as he writhed and whirled to the music, his body sinuous and seductive. I sighed. If only he'd see me as more than his friend, even it was for just one fucking minute.

His usually coiffured hair was plastered to his head, his face hot and sweaty. What I wouldn't give for Theo to look like that as he fucked me stupid, but he didn't see me that way and never had.

My intense dislike of music might be eclipsed by my despising parties of any sort, but I wouldn't miss this one. Lexi's wedding had been perfect, and she'd looked like a princess, marrying her long-time boyfriend, Robin. They'd left a while ago, making a grand exit to climb the stairs to their honeymoon suite.

They'd walked through an archway of people and a flutter of rainbow-coloured confetti. Lexi had stopped and thrown her bouquet over her shoulder with a flourish.

Several of the single or engaged ladies had made a dash for it, only for the floral arrangement to land in the eager hands of Theo. He'd gasped and clutched it to his chest, then turned to the man of the moment, his boyfriend, Glen.

The pretentious arsehole could fuck off to where he came from. I hate Glen with a passion, and I was one hundred per cent sure the feeling was mutual. My loathing of him wasn't because he was with Theo. He was one of many I'd put up with over the years, but Glen had an air of superiority about him, thinking he was far better than everyone else, especially me. With his expensive car and designer clothes, his manicured nails and bleach blond hair, he could offer Theo everything I couldn't.

He was a dentist, and if the mouthful of brilliant white teeth didn't give it away, his nasal voice telling everyone how he was just the best and hottest dentist around definitely would.

Such a fucking twat!

"Vince!"

Theo waved wildly at me, gesturing for me to come over.

"Come on, come and dance."

As much as I was tempted by Theo's smile and his enthusiasm, the moment Glen slid his arms around Theo's waist, a self-satisfied grin on his smug face, I shook my head.

That fucker knew exactly what he was doing.

Well, they could both fuck off. I never danced, and there was no way I was starting now by joining those two on the dance floor. I'd sit this one out like the party pooper I was.

I glowered at them as they swayed in each other's arms. Why didn't I have someone to hold me like that? But I'd never had a boyfriend. No one had ever looked past average me. Average height, average coloured hair, average coloured eyes and no dazzling smile. I often stuttered, especially when faced with someone new and the nerves got the better of me.

I'd contented myself by living vicariously through Theo, knowing I was never destined to find someone to love me like I loved him. I egged him on when someone talked to him or messaged him, trying my best to be a supportive friend. If I couldn't have him, I wanted him to be happy, but Theo had never looked at me twice, not in the fifteen years we'd known each other.

It had hurt when I was younger, but as I'd aged, the churning in my stomach every time I saw Theo with the new Glen or James or Benedict had lessened. Comforted by the thought that when Theo eventually married one of these hotshot lawyers, doctors, or dentists, I'd be there to give him away and smile sweetly as I did so, wishing them both the very best.

I just hoped he didn't marry that wanker Glen. He didn't like me, thought I wasn't good enough to be in their circle of successful friends. Not that Theo was successful. He was cabin crew for a large airline, which is how he'd met Glen.

Theo had called me on his return and gushed about how he'd met a ‘fucking hot dentist' on his flight home from Cancun. How they'd got on like a house on fire and were planning to meet up now they were back in the UK. From then to now, it had been exactly six months. Far longer than any of the others had lasted.

I'd begrudgingly resigned myself to the fact that Glen was ‘the one' and before long, I'd be attending their wedding, and if that didn't make me feel nauseous, I didn't know what did.

By the look of things, they wouldn't be leaving the dance floor anytime soon, and I'd had enough. Enough food, enough alcohol, and certainly enough of the loved-up couple.

Jealousy was an ugly emotion, one I only ever experienced with Theo. I was in love with him, and as I watched them dance to the slow music, I'd had my fill. Time for me to leave.

I placed my empty glass on the table and stood, my body lurching dangerously. Shit, I'd drunk more than usual. A rush of nausea rolled over me, and bile filled my mouth. This wasn't good.

No way could I be sick now and show myself up in front of Lexi's friends and family. I smiled politely through gritted teeth, although it would more than likely be a grimace, trying to keep the vomit at bay.

I pushed through the guests mingling in the hallway and staggered to the men's room. I about made it to a toilet stall, threw myself to my knees, and purged myself of the alcohol I'd drunk. That was too fucking close for comfort.

Only then did I realise I'd hardly touched the meal earlier, concentrating more on topping up my alcohol levels to get me through the day and night than eating.

I retched again, my stomach and throat aching from the effort.

"You all right, mate?" a gruff voice asked.

"I'm good," I croaked, feeling anything but as another round of heaves hit me.

Fuck, this was why I didn't often drink. I hated being sick.

My knees ached from the hard tiled floor, but eventually, the spasms finally subsided. I checked my watch. It was late, almost one. No one would miss me if I went to my hotel room.

I stood on wobbly legs and shuffled over to the washbasin. I rinsed my mouth and took a good look at myself in the mirror. My face was as white as a sheet, eyes bloodshot from too much alcohol. The once pristine hire suit was now crumpled, the tie skewed, and was that lipstick on my collar? At least I hadn't been sick down it.

I ran my hand over my face, dragging my fingers through the scraggly beard I'd grown to try and hide my double chin. All it did was accentuate my chubby cheeks. The dark-rimmed glasses the assistant had said looked ‘cool and trendy' made me look like I was trying too hard to be ‘cool and trendy'.

And I didn't want to get started on my hair. Theo had taken me to his barber, who had styled my hair for the wedding. Shorter at the back and sides and longer on top, it continued to fall in my eyes. Maybe I should have shaved my head instead.

After washing my hands, I walked to the lifts and jabbed the button with my thumb. A zing of electricity zapped me. Dammit. Every fucking time!

The lift arrived with a ping, and I stepped in, remembering this time to use my sleeve to press the button.

"Hold the lift, Vince! Were you leaving without us?" I groaned as the nasal tones of Glen reached me from across the lobby. Why couldn't I feel sorry for myself in peace?

Giving a begrudging smile, I held the door and waited as the lovebirds sauntered to the lift, arm in arm, giggling. Jesus, I was going to be sick again at this rate. Envy was not a good look on me, but it was getting more difficult to hide it each time I saw them together.

Why couldn't it be me? Why did it have to be the dentist who had caught his eye?

I turned away from them, took my phone out of my pocket, and pretended to check something. There was nothing going on; there never was. I had a Facebook account with a handful of friends and family, and I followed a few people on Instagram, but that was about it. I was boring. Why would anyone want me?

The ding of the lift signalled we'd reached our floor. I waited while they extricated themselves from each other, then followed them out of the closing doors.

I mumbled a good night and walked towards my room, growing ever weary with each step.

"Vince, come back to our room. We can have a few nightcaps. I've hardly seen you all night." Theo's pleading voice almost swayed me, but I waved my hand without looking back and continued to my room.

He'd been more than happy to ignore me tonight with Glen there, and I was tired of playing second fiddle. As much as I loved him, I had to move on. This moping around, dreaming of a lifetime with Theo, was wearing me down. I needed my life to live, one in which I stopped pining over someone I could never have.

The room was as messy as when I'd left: clothes strewn across the bed and floor. I wasn't a tidy person, never had been. In fact, I hated any type of housework but loathed myself even more that I didn't do it. My compact two-bedroom house was a complete mess, and I supposed I should do some tidying tomorrow when I returned before work began again on Monday.

The cleaning-up of the room could wait, though. I was tired, drunk and needed sleep. I stripped off, leaving another trail of clothes, pushed the crumpled clothes to one side, and crawled onto the bed. If only I had someone to share it with.

God, I was such a sad bastard and almost cried as I lay naked on top of the sheets, patting my soft, flabby belly and baby-soft body hair. Who'd want me? Certainly not Theo.

I lay on my side, curled in on myself, and pulled up the bedcovers. Thoughts of what Theo and Glen were doing in their room flooded my mind, and I growled, unable to stop the unbidden images of Theo lying prone on the bed with Glen positioned in front of him, ready and waiting.

My dick jumped, and I pressed the heel of my hand to my groin. I didn't want to jack off to thoughts of my best friend and his dickhead boyfriend having sex.

Maybe a cold shower would help the situation and at least stop the dizziness.

Stupid beer, stupid wine, and even stupider gin.

I rolled out of bed, stumbled into the bathroom, and set the shower to colder than a witch's tit.

The freezing water took my breath away, and I squealed, the most unmanly sound, but I stood under the spray, my arms wrapped around me and my teeth chattering. Dear Lord, it was Baltic, but eventually, my erection subsided, and my head felt a little clearer.

I stepped out and wrapped the towel as tightly as possible around my ample girth. I needed to lose some weight, but the temptation of pizza and doughnuts was always too great, the ones I reached for when it all became too much.

Tomorrow. Tomorrow I'd start the rest of my life. Move on from Theo, lose weight, and find myself a man to make me forget. For a while at least.