Chapter Five

CHAPTER FIVE

Cyrus

Ihad lost my mind. Traipsing around a fucking mountain with duffel bags of food and ice packs that had probably melted wasn’t the best idea I’d ever come up with. But then, I’d never really been known for my good ideas.

I just…hadn’t had it in me to turn around and go back. I wanted Crow to have his food, wanted him to know kindness, and strangely, I had to be the one to do it. Not that anyone else was jumping at the opportunity, but even if they had, I needed it to be me.

There had to be another way onto his property, right?

The land had been cleared on the other side of the fence, but where I was walking now the trees were dense, casting shadows all around me.

I told myself it would be okay as I watched my cell to make sure I continued to have a signal. I could always use find my car to get back. Plus, so far, I was just following the fence, wondering if it miraculously went on forever. As I kept going, I noticed the trees and brush on the other side of the fence begin to thicken, but the more I walked, the more determined I became. When it came to stupid shit, I never backed down. It was being smart and healthy that had always been more of a challenge for me.

Who would miss me if I was gone? Why did it matter if I took care of myself when there was nothing grounding me to this life?

I shook those thoughts from my head, if only because my mom would have hated them. She might have been the only person to ever love me, but I knew with every fiber of my being that she had, despite how much her demons had weighed on her. The only reason I wanted more was because she’d wanted more for me.

So I continued to pretend I knew what I was doing, that this wasn’t dangerous, that I actually had a chance of getting to Crow.

And what would I do if I found him? It wasn’t as if he would want anything to do with me.

Finally, the fence ended, and I wound around it, heading in the direction his house had to be, weaving my way around the pines, blue spruces, and Douglas firs, the shadows growing. Afternoon was fading, bleeding into evening as the sun began to go down. I heard a noise to my left, my head jerking in that direction, but I didn’t see anything.

There were bears out here, there had to be, yet there I was, walking around with food and also being food. But instead of turning back, I kept going, kept chasing a feeling I would never find, like that high I used to get when I snorted drugs up my nose—needing more, needing to feel, needing an elusive something I could never see or make out, but that I spent my life missing and knowing was there.

I felt eyes on me, which made my skin crawl. There was another noise, and I knew something was out there. What kind of animal was stalking me? My heart sped up, nerves prickling along my skin. I looked at my phone again, only to realize I’d lost the signal while I wasn’t paying attention.

“Fuck.”

I turned around, heading back. The eyes on me continued to follow, and every now and again, a crackle of a branch or movement.

I sped up, clutching the duffel. Maybe I could use it as a weapon.

When there was another noise that sounded closer, I whipped my head in that direction, heart in my throat, my breathing doing a better job at running away from me than I was doing at escaping whatever was after me.

I probably wasn’t supposed to run. That would just make it come after me faster. But I picked up the pace anyway, a slow jog now, telling myself it was a compromise between running and walking. Was I going in the right direction? I thought so. All I’d done was turn around, but it felt easy to get lost out here, easy to get things mixed up, and though I didn’t have much to live for, getting torn apart by a bear or a fucking wolf wasn’t in my top-five choices of ways to go.

It was getting darker, and this was really fucking dumb. I kept moving, looking at my phone, and damn it, still no signal.

I stepped on something, twisting my foot the wrong way, pain immediately shooting through my ankle as I fell to the ground. Everything went silent around me except my own breathing and my heart, which were both somehow too quiet but also like a marching band. When there was another crackle of twigs breaking, I reached out, trying to grab anything close, and found a thick branch. It was likely what made me fall, but hopefully it would now help me fight off whatever was out there.

“Hello?” I called out, because maybe the wild animal hunting me just wanted to talk? Jesus, I was ridiculous.

There was a rustling sound to my right, getting closer and closer. The sun had gone down enough that the sky was dark but bathed in an almost deep red, and on that background, an upright figure revealed itself—and while large, he wasn’t a bear.

Crow’s midnight eyes were angry and wild, brown hair a mess of dark waves hanging down around his face. He growled, sounding like an animal, my heart bursting as I crawled backward. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out, and of course, he didn’t talk either, just took slow, predatory steps toward me.

Oh, my heart was back, thudding against my chest, blood rushing through my ears, and strangely, I pictured it like that redness in the sky.

“I wasn’t… I didn’t…”

He lunged toward me.

I swung the branch, but he caught it easily, jerking it from my hand, another pain stabbing into me there. Crow threw it into the woods, and for the first time, I noticed the rifle on his back.

I closed my eyes, wondering if he was going to aim it at me, if he would beat me or rip into me the way I’d thought a bear would, but instead, it was the duffel he snatched from my hands. I opened my eyes as he tore it open, looking inside, rummaging through it. He stopped, eyes meeting mine, and cocked his head.

Seconds ago, I didn’t see any humanity in his stare, but it now softened, something else trying to sneak through, before it was wiped away again. This time, he ripped the backpack off me, going through that too, then lowering his arm and letting it dangle there.

“I brought your food. I worried you might need it…but I couldn’t get in, so I…” So I thought I would traipse along the mountain with nothing to protect myself, trying to find his house without dying, and then expecting him to welcome me with open arms? Crow didn’t live up here because he wanted people coming to see him. He lived up there because he wanted to be alone. “I’m sorry. I invaded your space. I know I shouldn’t have done that, but I just… I don’t like the way they treat you.”

He frowned, words still not falling from his lips. Could he speak? I didn’t even know if he could anymore. Maybe he’d been quiet for ten or twelve years, since his dad had gone to prison or since he was up here alone, and now his voice didn’t work the same.

Crow pointed to my ankle, a dark shadow in an even more darkening night.

“Sprained or broken. I don’t know. It hurts like hell, though.”

Crow ran a hand through his hair, then paced in front of me as if he didn’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry,” I found myself saying again, though I couldn’t say what I was apologizing for this time. Everything. Being me.

He stopped, watched me, and finally, looked away as he zipped up the bags. He put my backpack on, then slung the duffel over his shoulder.

I held my breath as he came toward me, took my hands, and pulled me to my feet.

Oh…oh. He was helping me? Likely because he didn’t want me to die on his property, but still.

“Jesus,” I said, noticing the bruises and scrapes on his hands, but he ignored me.

So…was this all we were doing? Standing here? I took a step, a yelp escaping me as pain shot through my ankle. He groaned, then stood there looking at me like I was an idiot. Did he want to help me?

I tried to put my arm around him, but Crow’s hand shot out, clutching my wrist, stopping me. My good leg nearly gave out, and I sucked in a sharp breath, fear expanding inside me.

“I don’t think I can walk. I’m sorry. I’m not sure how to do this without touching you.”

He shook his head, and for a moment, I thought he was going to walk away and leave me there, but then he swiftly lifted me into his arms, like I was a bride.

“You can’t carry me,” I told him, but Crow ignored me and started walking. He had two bags, a gun, and me as he stomped through the woods, heading back to my car, I assumed. “I walked miles.” Which was a reminder that I’d fucked up and this had been the stupidest thing I could have done. Hell, the fence had ended, and I still couldn’t find his house. “And what about your hands?” They were injured, yet he was going to haul me around?

Like I knew he would, Crow ignored me and kept going. It felt like we were heading a different direction than I’d come from, but it was also dark and I couldn’t see a damn thing. I had no idea how he could, which made my chest get tighter and tighter.

He was taking me somewhere to kill me, or to leave me, and there was nothing I could do about it. And while I was nervous about that, I wasn’t as scared as I knew I should be.