Chapter Nineteen

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Cyrus

Crow was stiff when I woke up the next morning. I hated that I’d made him uncomfortable, so I mumbled, “Sorry,” and tried to pull away. He held on, yet he didn’t relax, as if his body and mind were at odds, part of him wanting me close, the other struggling with it.

He didn’t speak, and though I wished he would, I’d accepted that Crow would always be quieter than most. But he tried, and that’s all I cared about. Trying was what mattered.

We lay there for a few minutes before I told him I had to pee. We went into the bathroom together, took care of business, then brushed our teeth. We showered together and then got dressed.

As soon as we went into the living room, my gaze was drawn to the window. “Oh! It started to snow!” I rushed over, practically pressing my face against the glass like a child. “I love the snow. It’s like…I don’t know how to word it. It’s the beginning of something, a transformation…like being reborn.”

I felt the warmth of Crow’s body as he stood behind me. He danced his fingers over the hickeys and bite marks on my neck, and growled.

I laughed. “Here I am, trying to be all deep, and you just want to beat your chest over the marks you put on me.”

“I like them,” he said, gifting me with his first words of the day.

I cocked my head so he could see them better. “I like them too.”

I pushed back against him, but Crow didn’t take the bait. “Breakfast.”

“I mean, I’d rather be your breakfast.”

He gave a slight chuckle, like he’d done last night, but this time didn’t seem as shocked by it. The deep, throaty sound was one of my favorite things I’d ever heard. I longed for it to become something Crow did every day.

I took my pills, and he made breakfast. He stood at the counter while I sat, the two of us eating together.

“We need another stool,” I told him. “And a chair. I’d offer to stand, but I know you won’t let me.” It made me feel cherished, taken care of and precious to him, though I figured that was just the way Crow was. He ignored that, the brat, and once we were done eating, I forced him to sit down while I cleaned up the mess. “I can’t let you do everything for me…but I’ll definitely let you do a lot. I’ve never been spoiled before. Do you like doing it?”

His forehead wrinkled in that way it did when he thought something was strange or something I asked was strange. It was amazing how quickly I was learning Crow’s quirks.

“I want to take care of you. I don’t know why.”

I chuckled. “Way to make a guy feel special.” When the lines in his forehead deepened, I waved off his concern. “I know what you meant. I was joking. I can take care of myself, though. I’ve been doing it most of my life.”

“Yes, but now you’re mine,” he said simply, as if it wasn’t a big deal.

My mouth dropped open for a lot of reasons. We hardly knew each other. I knew he didn’t mean he loved me, but still, he was claiming me. What did being his mean? I shouldn’t want to belong to someone, but I sure as shit had never wanted anything more than I wanted to be Crow’s.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No.” I shook my head.

Afterward we went to the greenhouse and checked on the plants, and then I helped Crow carry firewood into the house, and he taught me how to start a fire. It was…more special than it should be. It reminded me of my mom and how she’d always loved fireplaces.

He also showed me his shop, which had a locked room in the back that had me curious.

After dinner I crawled between his legs and sucked him off again, then sat there with his cock in my mouth while he read to me. Reading seemed to be different for him than speaking. He could do it a little easier and longer, maybe because the words didn’t come from inside him in the same way.

We slept together, and the next day, did much of the same. Day after day after day, we fell into a routine, showering or bathing together in the mornings, breakfast and cleaning, then outdoor chores. He had another old truck in the garage—one that didn’t run but that he was rebuilding. I swear there wasn’t anything he couldn’t do.

Some nights he fucked me, some he didn’t, but it was still always from behind. While the sex was good, I wanted to see him when he took me, wanted to look him in the eyes and see Crow lose himself in my body.

There were also times when he left me alone to go spend time in his locked room in the shop. What was in there that he couldn’t share with me?

Melody texted me a photo of my favorite latte from the coffeehouse, and I smiled. I’d talked to her about checking up on my apartment—Crow was helping me pay my bills—and she’d agreed.

“God, what I wouldn’t give for a mocha latte with an extra shot.”

“Do you want to go back?”

“What? No! God no.” I stared at Crow with what I hoped was a look of horror.

“We can try to make one here.”

I could tell he was about to go and do just that, so I put my hand on his. “For someone who’s been alone for over ten years, you sure do know how to use your heart better than anyone I’ve ever known.” Hell, maybe that’s why he could. Crow would always look at the world differently from other people. He would never be seen as “normal” by most. The man growled, for Christ’s sake, but I thought humanity would be a whole lot better if more people were like Crow.

He shook his head but didn’t speak, so I let him off the hook and complained about something else instead. “I want us to make a stool for the bar and a chair for the table. Can we please do that today?” I’d been there two weeks, and Crow still stood beside me at breakfast because for whatever reason, he didn’t want two damned stools.

His lips tightened into a straight line. “No.”

“Why? I don’t get what the big deal is!” I snapped, getting upset now.

“Because they’ll be yours,” he unleashed right back.

Okay, that hurt. He could share his house with me, but God forbid we made something that would be mine? “Fine. Whatever. I’m going to take a bath.”

I started to walk away but didn’t make it far. Crow boxed me in, my back against the wall, his hard body against mine, his forearms braced on the wall so I couldn’t escape. “Because they’ll be yours. One day you’ll leave, and they’ll still be here. And when I look at them…”

Oh…oh. Shit. I hadn’t expected that. All the furniture in his house, even the stuff he didn’t use, he’d made for himself or for his house. He hadn’t made them with another person in mind, but if we made furniture for me, it would always remind him of me. “What if I don’t ever leave? If you don’t make me, I won’t.”

“Yes, you will, little lamb. Everyone wants to leave. Even my mother wanted to leave. And after…when I came back…they were all gone.”

His mom had wanted to leave? His dad had killed his mom…was that why? And did that mean Crow took his dad’s side? That he thought his father was right in what he believed?

But no. He wouldn’t do that. I could never believe that about him, so I reiterated, “If you don’t make me, I’ll never leave. Not for good.”

His nostrils flared as he breathed in and out, and then he pushed away from me. “I’ll be back.” He jerked a coat off the hook and disappeared outside.

Hours crawled by without me knowing what Crow was doing. Again. And I missed him, which was silly. He was close, and he would be back. I was already too needy, but there was nothing I could do to stop it. Just like I couldn’t stop my thoughts, couldn’t stop wondering what I did wrong. Logically, I knew that was my mental illness talking. It wanted me to think everything was always my fault, that no one would ever stick around, that the loneliness would last forever. My meds helped a lot. I couldn’t function without them, but they didn’t make everything perfect. And I hadn’t been in therapy since I arrived in Tranquility. It had helped me deal with my thoughts and feelings, so I should look into it again.

Eventually, I went to the room I’d been sharing with Crow. One of his dirty shirts was on top of the hamper, so I grabbed it and took it with me as I lay in the bed. With the fabric to my face, I breathed him in, was lulled to sleep by the scent of the mountain, which was all Crow.

I didn’t wake up until there were strong hands on me, Crow’s fingers pressing into my hips. I opened my eyes and saw him leaning over me, his hair hanging down. When he saw his shirt in my hold, I swear his eyes became possessive…hungry.

He tugged my pants and underwear down, which immediately made blood rush to my groin. I expected him to flip me over and fuck me, and I would gladly take his dick at any time, but instead, he watched me, eyes never leaving mine as he bent forward and took my half-hard cock into his mouth.

“Fuck yes,” tumbled out of my mouth at the feel of him around me. It took me about two seconds before I was at full mast, the reality of this moment hitting me. Crow had never sucked dick before, but he had his mouth on mine. This was Crow trying to give me something. He felt guilty about denying me the chair earlier, so he found something he could give, and it was this.

I buried my fingers in the long strands of his hair, and Crow stilled. He’d liked it the one time I played with his hair, so I’d assumed he was okay with it. “Sorry.” I tried to let go, but Crow grabbed my wrist before I could and pressed my hand into his hair. Maybe I just surprised him? Sex for him had never really been intimate or with any kind of connection. In a lot of ways, it hadn’t been for me either, but I was used to people touching me, exploring me and allowing me to explore them in a way Crow hadn’t allowed before.

“I love how your hair feels,” I told him as he began sucking me again. He didn’t have the most skilled mouth I’d ever been inside, but it was my favorite mouth, regardless. My whole existence already felt completely wrapped up in Crow like this was always where I was supposed to be. It just took a lot of heartache for me to make it here.

He choked once, and I could tell it wasn’t on purpose, then used his hand to stroke me too. Crow raised his eyes so they were on me, and I couldn’t look away from this man between my legs with his wild, hungry eyes, flowing hair, a thick beard, and my dick in his mouth.

He let me continue to touch him, to play with his soft locks until my balls throbbed, they were so full of cum, and I knew I couldn’t hold off much longer. “I’m gonna come. Fuck, Crow, I’m gonna—”

He didn’t pull off when I thrust forward, back arched, and shot my release into his mouth.

“God, that felt good,” I said as I tried not to melt into the bed. “Did you like it?” I noticed paint on his hand. He was definitely painting when he disappeared.

“Yes,” he replied. “Especially swallowing you down, taking your cum into my body.”

“Jesus. You’re going to kill me talking like that. So hot, Crow, seriously.”

He pulled me to him, pushing my head so that my cheek rested against his chest, so I couldn’t look at him. “Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow what?”

“I teach you how to build a chair.”

I smiled into his chest.

Yes, I was exactly where I was supposed to be.