Chapter Seventeen

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Cyrus

Crow was restless, and I could tell he wasn’t getting the best sleep, but I was thankful he got some. The whole time, I was afraid to move, afraid to even breathe so I didn’t disturb him. I wasn’t foolish enough not to realize this was big. Crow was letting me stay. He’d gone to get my things. He’d promised not to lock me in, and now this…trusting me, lowering some of the barriers he’d built around himself.

For me.

It was mind-blowing, and honestly, made me feel seen and important in ways I wasn’t sure anything in my life ever had. Crow had been through hell—and most of it, I would never know or understand—yet he had such a huge heart. Sometimes I wondered how it wasn’t too big to fit inside him.

This time, I would stay awake and watch over him while he slept. I wouldn’t have been able to pass out if I tried, not after everything that happened.

I would call and quit my job. I’d lose my apartment and all the things there—I didn’t have enough money to pay the rent and utilities while I spent the next few months on a mountain.

With a man I hardly knew.

It was a terrible decision.

It sounded glorious.

I focused on the soft sounds of Crow’s breathing until the sun began to rise. The second it did, he stirred, and I knew he was already waking up.

Crow didn’t linger beside me—I knew he wouldn’t—and he didn’t cuddle close or just let himself be. He pushed straight to his feet, his cock half-hard and close to my face. It would be so easy to push up onto my knees and take him into my mouth. I’d love to blow him, to curl up on the couch with his cock in my mouth and just suck on him for hours. The thought put me at peace, made me feel relaxed and content.

Crow held his hand out for me, and I took it. Nerves prickled my nape—I’d been unsure how today would go—but he only led me to the bathroom and…oh…he was running me a bath. “Thank you. Will you get in with me?”

He nodded, and this time, his lack of words didn’t hurt. I’d realized that when Crow was feeling a lot of things—stress, anger, confusion—he spoke even less than he usually did. Maybe that would change. Maybe it never would. Maybe I wouldn’t be here long enough to find out.

When the tub was almost full, Crow got in first. I climbed between his legs and settled in. He used a washcloth and ran it over my shoulders, down my back and chest. He’d never done this with anyone before—that had been obvious the first time we’d bathed together—but he was good at it. He was good at taking care of people. Those things must just come naturally to some. Even if they weren’t shown love, they still knew how to love others the way animals knew instinctually to protect their young.

I knew he wouldn’t let me wash him, and as much as I wanted to ask, I didn’t.

Time felt like it both stilled and went too fast, so I couldn’t say how much of it passed. When Crow tapped my shoulder, I knew it was time to get out.

He gave me clothes and we dressed together, then went to the kitchen. I took my meds as he started cooking breakfast. He was going all out this morning with coffee, bacon, hash browns, eggs, and toast. I sat at the bar and watched him. “Do you like cooking?”

Crow nodded.

“Well, that’s nice because I suck at it but enjoy eating.”

He gave me a small grin, and I nearly fell off the stool, my heart beating a million beats a minute. This was the first time I’d seen Crow grin. As if he’d noticed, it immediately slid from his face. Goddamn it. I wanted it to last. I wanted to see him do it again and again.

I chatted off and on as Crow cooked, not wanting to bother him too much. When the food was ready, he piled a bunch on a plate and gave it to me before filling a glass of orange juice. “You’re good at spoiling people. I’m warning you now, if you keep doing it, I’ll keep accepting it. I’m learning real quick that I enjoy being spoiled.” His brows drew together, and somehow I knew he was asking about my mom. “Sometimes. She tried real hard, but drugs didn’t always make it possible. She never abused me or was mean to me when she was high, but when she needed drugs, she was selfish and that was all that mattered. But she loved me. And she was a good mom. She just had a disease.”

I didn’t want anyone to ever think badly of her.

Crow nodded, and damn, did I appreciate it.

He made his plate, then stood on the other side of the counter while we ate. When we finished, he took my plate, and then for the first time since we’d woken up, he spoke. “Be right back.”

It was my turn to nod as he went to the door, put on boots and his coat. I sat there waiting, but it was only a couple of minutes before Crow returned with the box of my mom’s things and a few bags filled with who knew what.

“Thank you. God, thank you so much.”

He set them on the table, and I rushed over, just as Crow said, “I’m going to…go.”

“Where?” Panic nearly choked me. It was a ridiculous reaction. I was a grown man. There wasn’t any reason I couldn’t be alone.

“To the shop.”

“Can I go too?”

He shook his head, making my body sag, but I tried to force away those feelings. Don’t be too needy, don’t be too needy, don’t be too needy. But I didn’t know how long this would last, and I wanted to soak it all in while I could.

“There’s a room out there that’s only mine…and I need to go, but I can’t…”

He couldn’t bring me, and he was nervous for me to stay. “I’ll go through my stuff and stay in the living room, kitchen, or my room like we said.”

He pushed behind his ear the strands of hair that often fell onto his face, but it only fell back down again. Crow ducked his head in a way that I took to be an okay or thank you, and then he was gone and I was alone in his house.

Crow trusted me. I understood the enormity of that.

I stood there, unsure what to do, so used to being with him even though it had been a short time. Crow was the quietest person in the world, but somehow the house felt too quiet without him.

I kept myself busy by going through the box of my mom’s things, despite knowing by heart what was inside: Letters she used to write me sometimes, like she knew I would lose her and would need a reminder of how much she loved me. A bracelet and a necklace that weren’t worth anything, but she’d worn the necklace and had given me the bracelet as a gift. Photos, an old deck of cards we used to play games with, a barrette she used to wear in her hair. I went through every single thing, remembering her and so thankful to Crow for getting this for me.

I wished she could have met him. She would have understood him too, even if most people didn’t. She would have accepted him right away because she knew what it was like to be looked down on by others.

When I finished, I placed everything in the box again, then looked through the bags—more of my mental health meds, some clothes, my journal where I documented my mood swings.

I went to my bedroom—I figured it was mine now—though I would’ve rather been in his. I folded the clothes and put them in the dresser, finding places to put everything away. I wondered why he had this room at all, why he had extra when it had only been him, but I liked that Crow had at least been in a house that felt like more people lived in it. Maybe it had kept him from feeling as lonely.

Then I wondered what I was doing, why I was moving myself in with this man I hardly knew, but it felt right in ways nothing in my life ever had.

I went back to the kitchen and cleaned the counters and swept. How long would Crow be gone? What in the hell was he doing?

I read for a while, and then when it was late enough, called work and quit my job. It was a dick move, not giving them notice, which I hated, but at this point, I didn’t have a choice. I was already up here with Crow, and who knew when the weather would get bad.

After that, I called Melody. I owed her for last night.

“Hey,” she answered, sounding sleepy. “Are you okay?”

“Yes. I’m good. Maybe better than I’ve ever been.”

“And you’re staying up there…with him?”

“He’s a good man,” I snapped, feeling the need to defend him.

“Whoa. I’m not saying he’s not. I just don’t know him, and he’s never ever gotten to know anyone in town, so it surprised me that you’re suddenly moving in with him. It’s unexpected. I’ve always felt bad for him, though. I’ve tried to talk to him a few times, but he wasn’t having anything to do with me.”

I chuckled. That definitely sounded like Crow. “He came into the coffeehouse?”

“No. Not once. I don’t think he’s gone to any place like that, but I’ve seen him around. What can I do for you, though? Is there any way I can help?”

My heart swelled. She was…offering to help me? I hardly knew this woman. She’d traded numbers with me, told me more than once that she wanted to hang out, and I always denied her, yet she’d been there for us last night, and she was helping me again today. “You’re great, Melody. I didn’t give you a fair chance before, and I’m sorry for that.”

“No, you didn’t, but something tells me you’ve been hurt more times than you haven’t. Just be good to me from now on.”

God, I really liked her, and when I went down the mountain again, I wanted to hang out with her. “Deal. I’ll buy you lunch when the snow starts to melt.”

“I’ll hold you to that. Now, is there any way I can help?”

“I’m probably going to lose my apartment. I can’t afford to keep paying, but I’m not jumping the gun on that. My biggest worry is my car. It’s a piece of shit, but it’s mine. I don’t know that I can come down to sell it or store it or anything…”

“Is there a key in your apartment? I can keep your car at my place. I have room in my garage.”

I exhaled deeply. “God, you’re a lifesaver. I’m terrible at keeping track of things. I lose my keys all the time, so there’s a key hidden outside the apartment, and then there’s a car key inside.”

“Perfect.”

I told her where everything was, and then we chatted for a bit, until Melody said, “I hate to end this call, but I have an afternoon date.”

“Wow. That’s exciting.”

“Her name is Isabelle. Who knows if it will go anywhere, but I’ll keep you posted.”

I hoped she would. I wanted Melody to meet someone. “Thank you again. I appreciate your help.”

“What are friends for? Let me know if you need anything else, and…I know we talked about this before, but keep in touch. Just so I know everything is okay.”

My chest warmed that she cared. “I will, but I’ll be okay. Crow wouldn’t hurt me.”

“Good.”

We said our goodbyes, and then I sat there for hours, waiting for Crow.