29. Harper

29

HARPER

It had been a whole week since I'd seen Edu. I got the distinct impression that he was walking away from me, though he still checked in with me every day. Something had freaked him out, and he was more distant now than he was when I first started sleeping with him.

But I kept my emotions under control. After all, he had taken weeks off work to be with me as I recovered. Maybe he was just focused on getting back to work and I was blowing this whole thing out of proportion, but it didn't feel that way.

I shoved my food around my plate, finding it hard to have any sort of appetite when I was so unsettled about what was happening in my life.

"Everything okay at work?" Oliver asked.

"As good as it can be," I muttered.

"Your boss isn't giving you a hard time, is he?"

"Not really," I sighed. "It's not like he can without looking like a complete ass."

I took a sip of my water and sighed again.

"Alright, what's going on?"

I looked up at him, frowning at the tone in his voice. "What do you mean? "

"You're barely eating."

"It's the medicine. It makes my stomach upset."

"Bullshit," he snapped. "You were eating fine last week."

"I was being forced to eat," I grumbled.

"Is that what you need? You need me to call Edu and tell him to get his ass over here because you're not eating?"

I glowered at him. "The last thing I need you to do is call Edu. I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."

"But you're refusing to do it," he snapped. "Where is he, anyway?"

"He's working."

"He's been ignoring you all week."

I rolled my eyes at his dramatics despite the fact that I felt his statement was accurate. "He hasn't been ignoring me. I've heard from him, but he had to get back to work."

"And now you're all depressed. Fuck, I knew he was bad news."

I shoved back from the table, carrying my plate to the sink. "He's not bad news. He's working, which is perfectly normal."

"Yet, he hasn't even bothered to come for a visit."

"He took three weeks off to be with me! What more do you want from him?"

"I want him to act like a man. Either he's with you or he's not."

"He's not," I snapped. "I knew that from the beginning. He doesn't want a relationship."

"But I thought that changed. After the accident—He was here all the time. I assumed?—"

"Well, you shouldn't have. He made me no promises."

My voice hitched on the last word and I cursed myself for acting like the wronged woman.

"Squirt," Oliver sighed. He stood from his seat and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me. I buried my face in his chest as I fought the urge to cry. I hated crying, but I hated even more that it was over a man.

"It's fine," I said, stepping back and forcing a smile. "I knew what this was all along. He told me it would only last until…until it didn't. He made me no promises."

"That doesn't make it right. "

"I agreed to it," I sighed. "It's my own fault for getting used to him being around. It's not even that I feel he lied to me or anything. I just…I miss him."

"I know. To tell the truth, I got used to him being around also. It was nice to have a beer with him at the end of the day."

"You liked having a man friend," I grinned.

"Don't say it like that. It sounds so disturbing."

I let out a giggle, glad that I got that off my chest. It was nice to know I wasn't the only one who missed Edu.

"So, what are you going to do now?" my brother asked.

"Well, I was actually thinking of going back to school."

"Again?" he groaned, though I knew it was all fake. "What for this time? Let me guess…Dentistry. No…basket weaving."

"Ha ha. No, I was actually thinking of going back for counseling."

His face turned up in surprise. "Counseling. What made you want to do that?"

I had been thinking about this for a while now. If I wanted to move past the hold my past had over me, I needed to talk to Oliver about it. I took his hand and led him over to the living room, sitting down on the couch with him.

"Uh-oh," he chuckled nervously. "This can't be good."

I licked my lips nervously, unable to meet his eyes. "I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and…I think it's time you knew."

He stiffened at my words. "Is this about Mom and Dad?"

I nodded, then finally looked up at him. I felt dizzy from how hard my heart was pounding in my chest. Tingles shot through my body as panic took over. What if he didn't want anything to do with me after I told him? No, that wouldn't happen. This was Oliver. He loved me.

"I'm…I'm not your full sister."

His brows furrowed in confusion. "What does that mean? Of course, you are."

I shook my head slowly. "Mom had an affair a year after you were born. I…I'm the product of that affair."

"No," he shook his head. "That's bullshit. Mom and Dad were in love with each other. There's no way she would have cheated on him."

Tears pricked my eyes as I remembered their argument. "I walked in on them yelling about it. You were at practice and I was supposed to be at a friend's house, but…I wasn't feeling good, so I walked home. I heard yelling and thought it was weird because Mom and Dad never fought. I stood outside the bedroom and listened as Dad yelled at her for being a whore and spreading her legs for another man."

I closed my eyes, tears pricking them as I remembered that day. "She told Dad that she loved him, and the only reason she's done it was because she was lonely. And then…"

"What?" he snapped.

I slowly raised my eyes to meet his. "She said she was surprised he hadn't figured it out sooner."

"Like it was his fault?"

"No. Because I was a disappointment." The devastation on his face matched what I felt like inside on a daily basis. "She said I was just like him—the man she had the affair with. You were always so perfect, so much like Dad, and I was?—"

I stopped talking as my emotions overwhelmed me. I had been holding it in for so long, replaying their conversation in my head since the day I heard it.

"I must have made a noise because she was there, staring at me like I had ruined her life. Dad was…he was better with me. Kinder. But she made sure to tell me every chance she got how much I disappointed her—how I was just like him. That I had ruined everything."

"Harper," Oliver choked out. His hand covered mine and he squeezed tight. "Why the hell didn't you tell me sooner?"

I looked at him through teary eyes and shook my head. "I was afraid," I whispered. "What if you saw what she saw? I mean, I've dropped out of school and failed at nearly everything?—"

"Are you fucking kidding me?" he exploded. He wrenched me toward him, wrapping me in a hug. "Fucking hell, Harper. You are not a disappointment. You're my sister and I love you, no matter what that bitch said."

It was the first time I'd ever heard him say anything bad about Mom, and I didn't like it, no matter how she'd treated me. "Don't say that. You love her."

"I could never love anyone who would be so horrible to you." He squeezed me tighter, which only made the tears fall harder. He didn't hate me. He didn't even question what happened. He believed me, and more than that, he was on my side. I buried my face in his chest and held him tight.

"I don't want you to hate her," I mumbled. "It's just…she's clouded everything I've done. I always felt like a failure, and…I let her have this power over me that she shouldn't have had."

"What do you mean?"

I felt like a failure for even admitting it. "When I was in school…it was like her ghost followed me. I would hear her telling me what a failure I was. When I told you I dropped out of school because I wouldn't be the first female Supreme Court justice…"

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "I never bought that."

"It was because I thought I would fail. So, I made up an excuse to drop out so that I couldn't prove her right."

"And veterinary school?"

I nodded, feeling so ashamed of my actions. "It's pathetic. I made excuses instead of proving her wrong. And then I proved to her what a loser I was by working at the fucking IGA and becoming the lost cause she always thought I was."

"Stop it!" he snapped, his face filled with anger. "You will not talk about yourself that way." He stood and paced in front of me, his hand shoving through his hair periodically before he turned to me with a scowl. "She's dead. She can't hurt you anymore, and you will not allow her to have this power over you. Do you hear me?" I nodded, but when he sat down beside me and took my hand in his, I knew he was about to lose his fucking shit. "No, Harper. This ends. Right fucking now. You will not let her control you for a minute longer."

"Okay," I nodded. Because he was right. It was time I let her go and lived my life for me.

"We're selling this house."

"What?"

"I'm not staying here a second longer than I have to. We'll sell this place and buy something else, something better."

"But this house is paid off. That would be a stupid move financially. "

"I don't give a shit," he snapped. "Fuck, I can't even believe this was going on for all those years and I didn't know about it."

"She hid it from you. They both did. And so did I," I added.

"Not anymore. No more secrets, Harper. Never again. We're family and we're all we've got. It's just us, and I won't allow anyone to ever treat you like shit again."

I hugged him tight, keeping the tears at bay this time. There would be no more tears in my future over our parents. The time had come and gone to think of them. From now on, I was only going to think of myself and Oliver. And one other thing.

"I do have one more secret you don't know about."

"Fuck," he muttered. "Tell me you don't have a secret lover."

I shook my head, biting my lip to hide my smile. "You know how I always said I wanted a cat?"

His eyes narrowed on me. "Harper…"

I grinned at him. "Surprise."

"Ow! Harper!"

I rushed into the other room, wincing as I saw my little Oreo with his claws in Oliver's back as he struggled to finish packing.

"Sorry, sorry, sorry!" I grabbed the black and white kitten from his back, not being the most delicate. The little kitten's claws held on for dear life as I ripped him away.

"That cat is a demon," he growled, spinning to face me.

I held the kitten protectively against my chest, petting his little head. "He is not. Take it back!"

"He jumped on my back!"

"Because he wants to be near you."

"Because he's a menace to society!"

"I disagree," I said, sticking out my tongue. I glanced at the clock and swore under my breath. "There's still so much to do. What time are the movers coming?"

"In an hour."

"I can't believe the house sold so fast. "

"Neither can I. Are you sure this is okay with Edu?"

A pang of hurt shot through me at the mention of his name. "It doesn't really matter. Rae and Duke talked to Cash for us. If it's okay with Cash, that's all I care about."

When he stayed silent, I knew I hadn't heard the last of it. "You still haven't seen him?"

"Once," I admitted. "The other night."

"A booty call," he grumbled. "He just couldn't stay away."

No, he hadn't been able to. In the past two weeks, he'd continued to text me, but I'd only seen him the one time. He slipped into my bed in the middle of the night and gave me pleasure I would never forget. But in the morning, he was gone. No goodbye kiss. No text to tell me when he'd see me again. That was it. And I tried not to think about how much being used like that pissed me off. All I had to do was tell him it was over, that I didn't want to continue this kind of relationship, especially since he'd pretty much vanished from my life. But I couldn't bring myself to say the words.

Maybe tomorrow.

"Not that it matters. We have more important things to do than worry about my love life."

We were moving into a house on the OPS property while we searched for another house to move into. We'd heard there was a house coming on the market very soon that would be of interest, so we waited patiently. But until then, we still needed a place to stay. Most of our things were going into storage during the transitional period, so it would make moving easier when we did buy.

"What are we going to do with the demon cat?" Oliver asked.

"I already talked to Rae. She said it was fine to have the kitten in the house. We'd just have to pay for any damages."

"You," he corrected. "You'll have to pay for damages. I want nothing to do with that cat."

"He's so sweet."

"Harper, he ate your goldfish!"

I winced. Yeah, that was a small problem. "And now we know we can't have live fish in the house."

"Or any other kind of fish. He ate my ham sandwich last night. Even the bread! I turned my back for thirty seconds to get a drink and he had stolen the whole fucking thing!"

"So, we don't leave food out anymore."

He sighed, shaking his head at me. "I told you, I want nothing to do with that cat."

"Fine, I get it. He's my responsibility."

I buried my nose in his fur and giggled as he playfully bit my ear. He was such a cutie patootie.

"Don't forget you have an appointment on Thursday," Oliver reminded me as he started packing in the kitchen. "Do you want me to go with you?"

"Yes," I said immediately. "I should be getting the cast off."

I wasn't comfortable driving yet. In fact, the first time I got in a car after the accident when I wasn't hopped up on drugs, I about had a panic attack. It was getting easier—as long as Oliver drove under the speed limit, never drove on a road with others if he could avoid it, and waited an extra three seconds at every intersection.

Other than that, I was totally fine.

"I bet that'll feel good. And no pain with your neck?"

I rolled my eyes. "No, Doctor."

"Hey, I'm just making sure. I know you like to hide things from me," he scolded playfully.

"My neck and back are fine. They have been for a while now, and the doctor wouldn't have said I could take off the brace if he thought otherwise."

"Fine," he grunted in frustration. "I just want to make sure you're okay."

"I am." Geez, he sounded more like a parent than my brother. But since I told him about Mom's affair, he'd been acting like this—more protective and cautious. I would be pissed at him if it didn't make me feel so good to know he was on my side.

"Here, let me get those plates," I said, nudging him out of the way. "Those were Gram's. I want to make sure they get packed the right way."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Yeah, because there's a wrong way to pack plates. "

"There is," I snapped. "And if you break them, I'll be really pissed at you."

"Just show me what to do. You can't do it with one hand."

"Yes, I can," I argued.

"You're going to break them like that," he said, watching as I held onto the plate with my fingertips. My arm was weak and I would need therapy when the cast came off, but I wasn't about to let that stop me right now.

"You're going to break it if you don't stop!"

A loud whistle tore through the house, and Oliver and I stopped bickering long enough to look up and see Edu standing in the doorway, looking around in confusion.

"What the hell is going on?"

I pursed my lips at his tone. "We're moving."

"I can see that. But why are you moving?"

Oliver and I shared a look before he stepped in. "Because we wanted a new place. New memories." He jerked his head at him. "How's it going?"

Thankfully, Oliver knew I didn't want any drama with Edu, so he pretended he wasn't pissed at him for the way he'd basically disappeared from my life.

"Can't complain," he muttered, still looking around. "Is that a cat?"

"Oreo," I said, walking over and grabbing the kitten.

"How long have you had him?"

"About two weeks."

Edu scratched the back of his head. I could tell exactly what he was thinking. Had he really been that out of the loop that he hadn't known I'd gotten a cat? How had he not noticed the other day when he was here? How had he not noticed the boxes stacked up in the corner from us packing?

"How's work?" I asked, changing the subject. I set Oreo down and went back to packing.

"I think we're making some progress. That's actually why I came by. I'll be out of town for a while on a job."

"Oh," I said lightly. Not that it mattered. I wondered why he even bothered to stop by. It wasn't like he was here all the time and this information would put a crimp in my plans. "Where are you headed?"

"Mexico."

"Ooh, it'll be hot. Better take some sunscreen."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Yeah, it'll be hot."

"Well, try not to get shot," I said lightly.

His jaw clenched in irritation and I tried not to grin. "Can I talk to you a minute?"

"Sure."

"In private," he bit out.

Oliver shot me a knowing look as I walked back to my bedroom with Edu. When he slammed the door, I knew this wouldn't be a pleasant conversation.

"It'll be hot?" he asked. "Are you fucking serious?"

My mouth gaped at his question. I wasn't exactly sure what to say. "Um…well, it will be."

He stalked toward me, but I backed up until I was pressed against the wall with nowhere to go. "I'm going on a job and the only thing you have to say is It'll be hot. Bring sunscreen. ?"

I swallowed hard as his hand slid up my chest, then hovered over my neck. "What…what did you want me to say?"

"Definitely not Don't get shot. "

"Do you want me to tell you to get shot?" I asked in confusion.

"How about a fucking kiss goodbye? How about something other than this bullshit nonchalant attitude you have going? Why the fuck didn't you tell me you were moving? Or that you got a fucking cat?"

Okay, now I was really confused. I was trying to play it cool and he was pissed at me for it.

"What do you want from me?"

It was clear he didn't know what he wanted. He was the one who pulled away from me. He was sending me all the signals that he didn't want this thing between us to continue, but now he was pissed when I was adhering to those wishes.

"What the fuck is going on here, Harper?"

I shook my head, scoffing at the anger in his voice. "Me? You want me to tell you what's going on?" I ducked under his arm and put some distance between us. "You're the one who vanished from my life."

"I returned to work."

"And I didn't say anything about that, or how you showed up the other night to fuck me, but then left without a word."

"I've been busy!" he snapped. "I check in with you when I can."

"And I'm supposed to accept that? Take the scraps you throw me?"

"I told you I wasn't in this for a relationship."

"I know that!" I shouted. "Why do you think I haven't said a damn thing to you about how you've basically cut me out of your life? Why do you think I haven't told you about my cat or about us moving? Because that isn't what you want. You want to fuck me. Great. Take me and fuck me, then walk out the door. I have no problem with that. It's what I agreed to. But then you don't get to come in here and yell at me when you get butthurt about things not going your way!"

He grabbed me around the waist and jerked me to him. "This is more than fucking and you know it."

"You just said it wasn't," I spat.

"That's because you're fucking with my head. I don't know which way is up when I'm with you. I want to fuck you and kiss you, but I also need to know what you're doing. I need to know you're okay."

"You have a funny way of showing it," I snapped. "Either you're in this for more or you're not. You can't have it both ways. So, tell me right now. Which is it? Do you want more with me or do you want to come over and fuck me later?"

His hand tightened around my waist as he gritted his teeth. "Fuck, I wish I knew."

"Well, until you know, how about you leave me alone." I tried to step back, but he pulled me closer. His hand moved possessively from my hip to the back of my neck. He held me gently, still timid about my injury, even though I was fine.

"I can't," he croaked out. "Everything in me is telling me to run. I can't give you the kind of life you want, but I can't walk away either. I don't know what the fuck to do," he said, his voice low and tortured. His lips skimmed over mine as he let out a harsh breath. "Fuck, tell me what to do. "

"I can't do that." My words were breathless as he pressed kisses to my lips, down my throat. His tongue dragged over my skin, eliciting a moan from me. I missed this side of him. I loved how he could torture me with kisses and his touch. He had a power over me that I couldn't control, not when I was in his arms.

"I can't give this up." His hand brushed over my breast, then cupped it, squeezing harshly. "Fucking hell, I miss these tits. I miss burying my cock between them, fucking them hard as you suck the tip of my cock."

His words lit a fire in me, making it impossible to do anything other than moan.

"And this," he said, cupping my pussy through my jeans. "That fucking stud wreaks havoc on my dreams. All I can think about is sucking it in my mouth as I fuck you with my fingers." His breath fanned over my skin as he slid his tongue to my ear, sucking hard on the lobe. "Tell me you want that too. Tell me how much you miss my cock and the way I fuck you."

"I…" I let out a pathetic moan. "I miss your cock fucking my throat."

He growled in approval as he rubbed my clit through my pants. "What else?"

"I…"

His hand slid around to my backside, and then his fingers prodded between my legs. "Do you miss me here, fucking that tight ass as I play with your nipples?"

"Yes."

His hand cupped my breast hard. "Come with me."

"Where?"

He pinched my nipple as he pulled back. "Remember what I told you about this?" he asked, jiggling my breast with his grip on my nipple.

I swallowed hard. Was I willing to do that?

"What are you going to give me in return?"

"Whatever the fuck you want."

"Be careful. Those words could get you in trouble."

He slanted his mouth over mine and kissed me hard. "I already am in trouble."