23. Edu

23

EDU

I studied the material in front of me, unsure of how to choose or distinguish which was the right one. They were all so...completely out of my frame of knowledge.

"What are we looking at?"

I jerked at the sound of Lock walking up behind me. "What the fuck are you doing here?"

"I was picking up something for Juliette. I saw you walk in."

He stood beside me, staring at the infinite number of books. "So…you read romance?"

"Nope."

"Then why are you staring at all these books?"

"Because…Harper likes…things. She told me there are things she wants to try… sexually ."

Lock looked like I had just told him the earth was square. "Uh…"

"I know. I asked her to tell me, but she said if I wanted to know, I had to do my research."

"And this is your research," he surmised.

"I guess."

"But…how do you know which on e to choose?"

"That's why I'm standing here."

He nodded, crossing his arms as he ran his thumb over his lip. "Well, there has to be a logical way to deduce what are the best sources of…sexual content."

"Right. But I have no idea what that is."

"Maybe a Google search."

"Possibly. But what exactly do you type into the search?"

He shrugged. "Dirtiest things in romance novels?"

I pulled out my phone and typed it in, nearly choking when I found a forum talking about the dirtiest books. "Um…these are all talking about BDSM."

He winced. "Do you think she's into that?"

I thought about how I held my hand around her throat last night. She'd been turned on by it, but I hadn't meant it to be BDSM. It just struck me to do it. "Maybe," I croaked out.

"What if you ask someone?" Lock suggested.

I glanced around, then lowered my voice. "You mean someone in the store?"

"Why not? They're readers."

"Yeah, but they might not read this stuff," I hissed.

"What's the worst that could happen? They don't know you. It's not like they'll ever see you again."

"No, but I'll know they know that I'm looking for this stuff."

"Right, because they go home at night and all they can think about is the guy who went to such great lengths to please his fuck buddy. Why are you doing this, anyway?"

"I already told you."

"Yeah, but you said this is just sex. Why worry about it?"

I shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to admit to him that I not only enjoyed spending time with her, but the sex was unbelievable. I wasn't sure I would be kicking her out of my bed anytime soon.

"It's just sex. I want to enjoy it, and if she enjoys it, she'll be very…thankful."

He grinned at me. "Yeah, I can see you wanting her to be thankful."

"Shut up," I muttered, going back to staring at all the covers .

"Can I help you gentlemen with anything?" a woman asked, walking past. Her name tag said Sheila. She wore glasses and had curly brown hair. I wasn't sure why I was cataloging all this information other than it was distracting me from what I was really here for.

I cleared my throat, trying to turn my body away from the novels as if that would hide my real purpose. "Uh…say a guy came in here to…find a book."

"Right," she grinned. "Well, we are a bookstore. It's a good place to be."

"Right, but say I was looking for…a specific book."

"I can look it up for you."

I glanced at Lock, and he nodded. "What if I didn't know the actual book, but knew…about the book."

"What's the storyline? Maybe I know it."

Yeah, that was going to be a problem. "I don't know the storyline so much as…the general idea."

She shot me a funny look. "I'm confused. You're looking for a specific book, but you know nothing about the book?"

"To a degree."

"What degree?" she asked in confusion.

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I couldn't do it. I couldn't stand here and tell this woman that I needed a sex book. It wasn't going to happen. I was a man's man, and there was no way I was going to rely on some author to tell me what moves I should be making in the bedroom.

"You know what? I think I'm good."

"But you didn't tell me about the book."

"I think I got it."

"He needs a sex book," Lock sighed.

"Not a sex book," I corrected. "I know how to have sex. I've done it millions of times. I'm good at it," I said in a rush as if I needed to convince this woman that I was the man I appeared to be.

"What he means is that his woman likes certain…sexual pleasures in books and told him to do his research."

Wow, that really sounded worse than I thought .

But the lady grinned and motioned for me to follow her. "I have exactly what you need."

"Seriously?"

Relief coursed through me as she led us to the back room. For a moment, I was sure she was going to strip off her dress and tell me she'd give me a lesson. But then she walked into a lounge and held out her hand.

"This is what we call the boyfriend room."

"The what?"

"It's where we put the books that men need to read to keep their girlfriends happy."

"Oh, I'm not—we're not—It's just a fuck buddy thing."

"Call it what you want," she said, staring at me like the dumbass I was. "If your girlfriend likes smut, this is where you find it."

"And I just…read it in here and?—"

"Ew! No!" she gasped. "Gross. The last thing we need is a sample from you on the couch. No, this is where you rummage through and find what you want. We've organized them by kink."

Kink , I mouthed to myself.

"When you've found what you want, take it up to the register. And remember what I said about what kind of room this is. We have cameras watching."

I waited until she walked out before blowing out a harsh breath, running my fingers over my jaw. "Holy shit."

"No kidding," Lock snorted, moving forward excitedly.

"What are you doing?" I asked, following quickly.

He started picking up books and flipping through them. "Well, since we're here, I figured I'd look through them."

I snatched one out of his hand, holding it out of his reach. "Whoa, this is my thing. You can't just come in here and…"

"And what?"

"Take over."

"How exactly am I taking over?"

"You just are," I snapped.

He eyed me questioningly, then started to chuckle. "You're worried about what they'll say. "

"What?"

"You think they'll get together and discuss what kind of stuff we're trying. And since you know I'm such an overachiever, you think I'll outdo you."

I snorted at the ridiculousness of his statement, but deep down inside, I knew he was right. Not that I was really worried about my performance in the bedroom. I always aimed to please, and I hadn't failed yet.

"Look, I just think that you're getting a little carried away. I didn't ask you to join me on this mission."

"But we're teammates. Where you go, I go."

"Not in the bedroom."

He rolled his eyes. "Well, of course not in the bedroom. That's just…nasty. But we can help each other out on this one."

I didn't like the way he said it, but I was intrigued. "What are you thinking?"

He walked over and grabbed a stack of books, holding them up. "We divide and conquer. There has to be a ton of information here. After we've…researched and tested various samples, we can share data."

"Data."

"Yes. What works. What doesn't work."

"Except, Juliette might not like the same things as Harper."

"And you'll know when I tell you about what I've found, and vice-versa."

It was an interesting theory. It might even work. But with Lock, I could imagine the paperwork that could go into this. It might be more headache than it's worth. "You're not going to make me fill out a spreadsheet, are you?"

His eyes lit up for a moment. "That's an interesting?—"

"No," I commanded. "I will not be filling out a sex spreadsheet. Can you imagine what would happen if that got around? Not only would others want to join in, but eventually, the women would find out, and then I'd really have my balls in a vice. And that's not my kink," I said, testing out the new word .

He considered this a moment. "What if I want to make a spreadsheet?"

"Then it's only for you. I want nothing to do with it. And you can't put my name or Harper's anywhere on the paper."

He held up his hands. "Wouldn't dream of it." Turning, he grinned at the stack. "Shall we get started?"

Grumbling, I walked over to the various sections. "I think you're just a tad too excited about this."

"Edu, we literally have the portal to every woman's fantasy laid out for us. If you can't see the benefits of this, you need your head checked."

"I see the benefits. I'm just not overly excited about sharing the experience with you."

He stared at the books with the biggest grin on his face. "This is the best thing since I organized Cash's office. Not that it matters now since you blew it up." He clapped his hands together excitedly. "Sticky notes, spreadsheets, and highlighters—here I come."

I shook my head as I dove in. "I seriously hope you don't use sticky notes in the bedroom."

"Gentlemen." The knock on the door didn't draw me out of my studies.

I took the pencil from behind my ear and circled the section I was most interested in. Then I dog-eared the page. It was only the gasp of outrage that had me looking up.

My eyes were blurry from reading, but not enough to ignore the scowl on the woman's face.

"What are you doing to the books? You're defacing property!"

I glanced at the stack that was spilling over in a wide circle. "Those are the ones I'm buying."

"But you—" She clenched her fists, taking a deep breath. "Did I just see you bend the corner of the page?"

I glanced at the book, then back at her. "Yeah. I marked it so I would know where to look. "

"What kind of psychopath are you?"

I frowned, not understanding. "Um…"

"You bent the page of a book! Who does that?"

"People who want to remember what page they were reading?" I said slowly.

"Then use a bookmark! You're ruining the sanctity of the book!"

My face pulled up in a strange look. "The what?"

"And you!" she shouted at Lock. "Is that a highlighter?"

He quickly capped it, shoving it behind him. "What?"

She marched over, reaching behind him, holding up the highlighter had just been using. "Do you have no respect?"

The way she was yelling at us, you would have thought we were burning books like Hitler had.

"Listen, we're buying them. It's no big deal," I said, standing and walking over to her.

"No big deal." Tears actually formed in her eyes as she watched me. "Well, I hope you're not as careless in the bedroom as you are with these books." She took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her eyes. "The store is closing. You'll need to take your purchases to the counter."

As she marched out of the room, I widened my eyes at Lock. I wasn't about to tell him how fucking crazy she was with the cameras watching us. I looked at the clock and cursed. "I can't believe I spent all day here."

"Juliette's gonna be pissed I was gone so long," he said, stretching as he stood.

"Why?"

He started picking up his books, grinning at me as he stacked them in a basket. "She uh…wanted me home to make her dinner."

"Wow," I said in a bored tone. "That's… Why is that so important?"

"She hasn't been feeling well lately."

I nodded. "Did she catch a bug or something?"

"Nah, this is more…permanent."

That was horrible. It had to be cancer or something. And she was so young. Why the fuck did he look so happy? "Man, I'm really sorry." I wasn't sure how much I should ask, so I kept it at that. "Is there anything I can do to help?"

He barked out a laugh. "Nothing you would want to do."

"Dude, I'm your friend. Hell, we're practically family. I'd do anything for you guys. Hospital runs…doctor appointments…whatever you need."

Surprised etched his face as he looked at me. "Are you gonna take her to her gynecologist?"

"Fuck," I hissed. "Ovarian cancer?"

"What?" he laughed.

"It's not fucking funny. That shit is deadly."

He bent over, hugging his stomach as he laughed harder. What the fuck was his problem? Maybe it hadn't really sunk in yet.

"She's not sick like that. She's pregnant."

"She's—" I paled at the thought and slumped in my seat. "It's worse than I thought."

He slapped me on the back as he chuckled. "Man, you should see your face. It's not that bad. We're happy about this. We both want a big family."

A big family. He had no fucking clue how bad that could be. A baby. I just couldn't believe it. Logically, I knew it could happen. Everyone around me was getting hitched and knocked up. But I had hoped that it would get out of control in this way.

"Are you okay?" Lock asked.

"No, I'm not fucking okay. What part of this is okay?" I snapped.

"You're not having the baby. I am. Well, Juliette is. Why are you acting like this is happening to you?"

"I know it's not," I argued. "But…"

He sat down on the table across from me, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "You have to let this shit with your dad go."

I huffed out a laugh, shaking my head. "Just let it go," I muttered.

"Yeah, man. You're holding onto this shit too tight. It's gonna fucking ruin you."

"It already has," I muttered, pushing up from my chair. I paced the room, feeling like the walls were closing in on me. Fuck, it wasn't even my family, but I could feel the anger and resentment pushing down on me.

I turned to him, practically pleading. "Just swear to me something."

"Of course."

His serious expression eased the growing pain in my chest. "Swear to me that if shit goes south, you'll get out. Don't stick around out of obligation. Swear it!"

"Yeah, man. I swear it." He slowly walked forward like I was a caged animal, then gently rested his hand on my shoulder, squeezing slightly. "This isn't my first kid. We've already been through this, so what the fuck is going on?"

I didn't know. I didn't like it when anyone had kids around me, but for some reason, I felt like I was about to have a fucking heart attack at the mere mention of a kid, and the only thing I could think of was the woman who had taken over my bed.

"It has to be the fake engagement," I muttered. "All that crap in my head for the past week."

"But it's fake," he reiterated. "It's not going to happen."

"I know, but?—"

"Edu, you have to move past this. I get it. You don't want a family. Ever. And that's fine, but you're fucking carrying around this baggage like it's happening right now."

Because it was always at the back of my mind. No matter how I tried to shove it away, if I took a woman home, it was there—waiting in the darkness and reminding me not to get too involved. It didn't matter that it happened a long time ago. I could handle the facts of my childhood. I couldn't handle ever letting it become part of me.

And now I was fucking embarrassed for acting the way I had. The look on Lock's face as he stared at me would make anyone worried. I huffed out a laugh, shoving him back a step. "Well, if you're happy, I'm happy."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," I laughed, pulling him in for a hug. I slapped his back and kept the smile on my face even though I felt like telling him to run for his life.

I wasn't an idiot. I knew not everyone had the shitty upbringing I did. There were people who genuinely loved each other, and I saw that a lot in the men and women I worked with. But it was hard to shove it aside and be happy when I knew I could never stomach taking that step in a relationship.

"Let's pay for this shit and get out of here."

"Hey," he grabbed my shoulder. "You good?"

I lifted one of the books and grinned. "I will be tonight."