Chapter 18

Eighteen

LYRA

W hen Luke left, a sense of foreboding settled in my stomach.

He was doing all the right things, and he cared about me. I didn't know why I always snapped at him when we became close. He had set me off with his questions, even though I was sure I wanted Kodan. I was very defensive about my relationship with Kodan when my family or friends asked me questions about him.

Later that morning, I sat with my mom and Yasmeen, eating breakfast out on the terrace. Yasmeen came over often while I was here to hang out as much as possible before I went back with Kodan and Luke to the Wild Wolfmen clan.

The red and golden leaves littered the floor, and a light breeze cooled down my coffee. It was my favorite place in the palace, where I would sit and contemplate every morning.

But my mother had a lot to say about Vanessa.

"Vanessa had taken over everything," she complained, sipping her green tea. Her gray hair was tied into a bun, her wrists flashing with dainty diamond bracelets. My mother didn't usually dress up much, but today, she wore a tighter-than-usual emerald dress that showed off her cleavage. She looked like she had gained a bit of weight ever since Vanessa showed up. I felt bad for her since she had lost the interest of my fathers after all their years of marriage. Anything could change in a split second. "Soon, your fathers will just kick me out entirely."

"They wouldn't," I comforted her. "Just talk with Vanessa instead of arguing. You have no choice now."

"She's taken my room without telling me," said Mom. "She threw out all my clothes, and now I have to stay in the smallest room in the palace. I feel entirely ashamed and embarrassed. Your fathers take her side because she's pregnant."

"Stab her in her sleep," said Yasmeen snidely while flipping back her glitter-covered hair.

"Yazzy!" I exclaimed, laughing. I looked back at Mom and saw tears welling in her eyes. Sobering up, I knew deep down this was no laughing matter.

"Sorry," said Yasmeen, also noticing the change in my mom's mood.

"If I was more careful, I wouldn't have had a stillborn," said Mom, biting her lip and staring out toward the sky. My heart ached, remembering the day I was told I was going to have a younger sibling.

"There was nothing you could have done," I said. "Don't beat yourself up over it, Mama."

"If I knew that your fathers cared so much about having another baby, I would never have involved myself with them," she said quietly. It was the first time I heard her say anything remotely close to leaving them. Even though I loved my fathers, I wanted to see my mother happy. "You girls should talk about everything with your packs. Talk about babies and all the serious stuff before things get official with a marking."

"I will," I promised, setting my coffee down on the table. I stood up and picked out a rose from the rosebush next to me.

"Where are you going?" asked Yasmeen.

"I just want to visit my little brother," I said, clutching the rose tightly in my hand. "Just need to be alone for a while, but I'll be back."

They both nodded, and I walked towards the family graveyard plot, which was quite a walk away from the main quarters. The trees were close together, forming a wall between the palace and the graveyard. The sleeve of my purple dress got caught between the trees, since I didn't want to walk around to the official pathway. I pulled my arm away, causing the sleeve to rip.

"Damn it," I said, touching the light fabric. I needed to be more careful.

I finally reached the small graveyard plot and walked to my little brother's grave with a headstone with his name, Thomas, engraved into it. Kneeling, I carefully set the rose in front of the headstone.

"I'm sorry, baby brother. I meant to visit you earlier," I whispered.

I remembered the dreadful night as if it was yesterday. It was seared into my memory forever.

The palace doctors rushed about in a panic, and I quickly threw down the eyeshadow palette that I was playing with. It was to distract myself from listening to my mother's screams of labor. I was only ten, so I wasn't allowed in the room. The makeup shattered into pieces on the floor. There was a problem with the birth. I ran down the hallway from my room to hers, watching from the open doorway.

My mother wasn't screaming anymore but sobbing quietly over a bundle of blankets in her arms. My fathers had devastated looks on their faces, staring blankly at my mother. Saku was kissing her hair, one hand over the blanket.

Scared, I walked over to my mother. No one stopped me.

"No, Lyra," said Mom, trying to stop me with her hand, but I had already seen what had happened. The baby was lying perfectly still, its eyes closed.

"Is it a boy or girl?" I asked, not sure what the fuss was about.

"A boy," said Saku. Then he pulled the blanket over to cover the baby's face from me. "He didn't make it."

"What do you mean?" I asked as tears streamed down my face.

We prepared for the baby for months. I was supposed to have a little sibling to play with. Then, my stomach twisted, and I felt sick.

The months that followed were the hardest for me.

I grasped the headstone, remembering the pain I felt every day. Over the years, the pain lessened, but I never forgot that night. Wiping the tears from my eyes, I kissed the headstone and rubbed off the sand from the engraving as the sound of birds screeched in the distance.

Sniffling, I stood up and turned.

Standing in front of the wall of trees was Vanessa. She had tears in her eyes. Had she been watching me this entire time? She quietly walked over to stand next to me and placed her hand on the headstone.

"I'm sorry for your loss," she said.

I was confused.

I didn't know how to feel right then about her. She was so weird.

"Thanks, it's okay. It's been years," I said, not sure how to reply to her. She stole my dads from my mom. She was standing there, pregnant, as if gloating over our loss. But I saw real sincerity in the depths of her eyes at this moment. She wore a red gown with sequins that flared from her hips. Her narrow shoulders and slim neck were a stark contrast to her swollen belly.

She faced the grave, tracing the headstone.

"But the pain sticks with you. No matter what you do," she said, her voice shaking.

Suddenly, I felt a hand clamp over my mouth.

I let out a muffled yell and tried to kick whoever was holding me from behind. The hand was like a grip of steel, holding me tight.

"Thank you, Vanessa," said a familiar voice.

It was Voss.

Terror shot through my body, and I struggled to escape his grip. He had thrown me to the Shadow Wolf for the omega sacrifice, and I was about to become werewolf chow again.

Vanessa turned, her eyes filled with tears at whatever demons she was battling inside.

"Let her go, Voss," she said quietly. "I've changed my mind."

Did she set me up?

"You can't change your mind now," growled Voss. "If I let her go, she'll go back and tell everyone. Then they'll have our heads for sure. You wanted her out of the way, and now you've got it."

Wait, were they conspiring to have me captured? This didn't make sense to me at all.

"Voss, we can be together, but just leave her alone," said Vanessa.

Voss laughed. "This brat will snitch. We'll be together soon after the Royal Pack is gone. First, the princess and then the rest of her family, one by one—just like we agreed, right?"

"I guess," said Vanessa, looking unsure.

I tried to bite Voss's hand, but it was plastered against my face.

"It'll happen soon enough," said Voss. "The fucking sigmas had turned soft on me. I'm the real leader of the Wild Wolfmen. Howl's Edge will be ours soon, baby."

Vanessa clutched at her dress, watching as Voss dragged me away from the palace grounds. I kicked, punched, and tried to scream, but none of that had an effect on him.