15. James

CHAPTER 15

JAMES

" A nd we are… done!" I backup the presentation to a second location, just to make sure we don't lose it.

"Just in time for the sunrise." Billie rubs her eyes and gestures at the windows.

I glance up and notice that the sky is beginning to turn a soft shade of pink. "Wow, we really worked through the night, didn't we?"

Billie nods, and I can't help but notice how beautiful she looks in the soft morning light. Her hair is slightly tousled, and there are dark circles under her eyes, but she still manages to look radiant.

"You know," I say, unable to resist teasing her a bit, "I think you might actually be a morning person."

She rolls her eyes but smiles all the same. "Don't get too excited. I'm still a night owl at heart."

I chuckle, feeling a sense of ease wash over me. It's strange but being around Billie makes everything feel okay. Even the mess I've made of my personal life.

"So, what now?" she asks, stretching her arms above her head.

"Now?" I repeat, feeling my heart rate pick up slightly. "You deserve to sleep. For as long as you want. I'm going to stay up, though. I'll just power through until the presentation is done."

Billie shakes her head. "There's no way I'll be able to sleep after all the caffeine I've had. How about a walk on the beach?"

I glance at my watch, knowing that the presentation is in a few hours. But then again, when was the last time I did something spontaneous?

"Sure," I say, and before I can change my mind, I grab two cups of coffee and head out with Billie towards the beach.

The sand is cold beneath my feet as we walk along the shore, the waves crashing against the shore in a soothing rhythm. I take a sip of the coffee, enjoying the taste as it warms my insides.

"Thank you," Billie says suddenly, breaking the silence.

I glance at her, surprised. "For what?"

"For… everything." She gestures around us, indicating the beautiful scenery. "For bringing me here. For believing in me."

I feel a sudden weight in my chest, but I push it away. "You don't have to thank me. You're doing great."

"I believe you, and thank you." She walks slowly, digging her toes into the sand as she goes.

"You really are one of the best employees I've ever had."

A lump forms in my throat. She's more than that. She's the one thing I haven't been able to get off my mind in weeks. The person who keeps me up late at night. The woman on my mind every morning.

Compared to her, everyone else seems lifeless.

It's been years since I've even entertained the idea of a relationship, but with Billie it feels different. I could never be happy with just a few nights with her.

I know I would want more. I would need more.

She's so close, and yet I can't seem to find the courage to tell her how I feel. It's complicated. There are rules against dating employees, and I don't want to jeopardize our professional relationship. But then again, she's not just any employee.

She's one in a million.

"What?" she asks.

Shit. I must have been staring at her.

"Nothing." I quickly look away and sip my coffee.

She narrows her eyes at me, sensing something is off. "Don't give me that. You were thinking about something."

I let out a nervous chuckle. "Just work stuff. You know how it is."

Billie snorts. "I know you didn't become the mogul you are without some amount of obsessiveness." She shakes her head. "God, my parents would die of happiness if you were their son."

I chuckle at her remark. "I doubt that," I say. "And anyway, you've done well for yourself."

"I have." Her nose scrunches up. "What about you? Do your…" She trails off. "I'm sorry. We don't need to talk about family if you don't, uh…"

"No. It's all right." I smile, even though there's a weight in my chest. "I never knew my parents. I grew up in the foster system and then in a group home."

"What?" Her eyes widen in surprise. "I had no idea."

I shrug. "It's fine. It's made me who I am today."

"But it must have been difficult," she says softly.

"It was. But I don't let it define me."

She's quiet for a moment, and it feels like there's a whole conversation sitting between us, just waiting to be given breath to.

"So you really understand," she says. "About Quinn."

I nod, my mind drifting back to the present. "I do. Quinn is lucky to have you as her mother."

Billie smiles, and I feel my heart stir in my chest. "I hope so. Sometimes it feels like parenting is just a constant stream of questioning yourself."

I chuckle. "Sometimes running a company feels the same way."

She smiles. "Can I ask… and you don't have to answer if you don't want to…"

"Shoot."

"What was it like? Foster care? And the group home?"

I take a deep breath, knowing that this is a conversation that I don't often have. "It was tough," I begin. "I mean, I was lucky enough to have some good people looking after me, but it was still hard. There were times when I felt like nobody cared about me, like I was just a number in the system. But I also learned to be tough, to fend for myself, you know?"

Billie nods, her eyes fixed on me intently. "I can imagine. But it must have been lonely."

"It was." I hesitate for a moment. "But I also made some good friends. People who were in the same boat as me, who understood what it was like. And in some ways, that made us a family."

Billie nods again, and I can see the sympathy in her eyes. "I'm sorry you had to go through that."

"It's okay," I say. "It's not like I had a choice. And… it led me to where I am now, you know? I don't think I'd be the person I am today if I hadn't gone through those experiences."

She looks thoughtful. "And what kind of person are you?"

The words aren't unkind, but it must be my own conscience punching me in the gut. I know what people say and write about me. I've done a lot that others would call unmoral, and I haven't been afraid to go after what I want.

I turn to face her more fully, taking in her thoughtful expression as the wind tosses her hair around her face.

"Do you think I'm a bad person?" I ask.

Billie hesitates.

"That's a yes," I say. "Not that I can blame you."

She purses her lips. "James… I don't think anyone is purely good or bad. We all have our flaws, our past mistakes. But what matters is how we choose to move forward and grow from those experiences. So the question is… are you learning from those mistakes?"

Her words had hit me harder than I expected. "I like to think so," I say, my eyes locked onto hers. "But sometimes it's hard to know if you're making the right decisions."

Billie nods, her eyes probing mine. "You have regrets?"

I think about that. "Doesn't everyone?"

"Yes." She starts walking again, kicking up bits of sand with each step.

"I'll tell you what… I've always credited my tough start in life as the reason for my success. It gave me drive, pushed me to never take no for an answer and to make something out of myself, because I sure as hell knew there was nowhere there to catch me if I fell."

"I get that."

I remember how she said she's not close with her parents. "Do you mom and dad even know your daughter?"

Billie's eyes darken slightly, and I know I've hit a nerve. "No," she says softly. "I left home when I was eighteen, and I've barely spoken to them since. It's complicated."

"So you know something about what it's like to be alone in the world."

I've struck a chord. She looks so sad, I wish I could take the statement back.

I clear my throat, looking to change the subject. "I don't want anyone feeling sorry for how I grew up, and it's made me who I am, but as I get older I'm starting to wonder if, had someone given me a loving home, my life today might look very different."

She tilts her head. "Different how?"

I look at her, trying to choose my words carefully. "Maybe I wouldn't have had to resort to some of the things I did to survive. Maybe I would have had a better foundation to build upon, instead of having to claw my way up from nothing."

She nods, understanding in her eyes. "I can see how that would be hard. But James, don't forget that you did survive. You made something out of yourself even with the odds stacked against you. That's impressive."

I smile faintly. "Thanks. It hasn't been easy, but I'm proud of what I've accomplished."

We walk in silence for a few moments, the waves crashing against the shore. Then Billie speaks up again. "Can I ask you something personal?"

"Sure."

"What's the biggest regret you have?"

The question catches me off guard. I've never really thought about it before, at least not in those terms. But as I consider her question, a huge wave crashes into us.

Billie shrieks, and we both get soaked head to toe.

Laughing, I shake my head, water droplets flying everywhere. "Well, that's one way to interrupt a serious conversation."

Billie joins in, her laughter matching mine. "I guess so."

"You're wet all over," I laugh.

"You are too." She points at me.

For a few seconds, we just grin at each other. A softness enters her eyes, and her smile slips away.

"Thank you," she whispers.

"For what?" My heart is beating so hard, I worry that she can hear it.

"For talking to me. I really liked this."

I swallow hard. "Me, too."

"You didn't have to share all of that, but you did, and… well, thank you." Tears fill her eyes.

My chest tightens at seeing her on the verge of crying. "Hey, don't feel sorry for me."

She sighs. "I'm not. I just…" She wipes away a rogue tear. "Thank you."

Before I can even process what she's doing, she's stepped forward and entered my space. Her arms go around me, and she tilts her face to mine.

And the whole world turns upside down.

Before I can stop myself, I press my lips to hers.