20. Jack

CHAPTER 20

JACK

" W here to?" I ask, keeping my gaze on the road.

Without a word, Leah puts the address into my GPS. The clinic isn't close by any means, but I'm prepared to put the pedal to the metal to get her to her appointment on time.

Of course, it's just a ride. Nothing else.

I'm fulfilling my obligations as sperm donor to these babies. Leah has already received the first month of child support. Aside from that, I owe them nothing.

But that doesn't mean I want her to miss something important.

Even though Owen was way off the mark when he barged into my house the day the paternity test came back positive, the conversation got me thinking. Leah and I wanting different things doesn't mean I need to be rude to her.

And, okay, I've been a bit of an ass. But that's the way that I get when I'm focused on something — in this case, focused on preserving the life I've created for myself.

I haven't done enough wrong that I need to apologize to Leah, but going the extra mile to help her out won't hurt.

I clear my throat. "So this, uh, it's a doctor's appointment?"

She nods, eyes straight ahead. My gaze drops to her belly. For the first time, I notice how different her body already is.

Fuller. Rounder. Her belly swollen.

Something unfamiliar stirs in my chest, and I'm not sure what to do with it. Which is why I push that shit way, way down.

Tearing my gaze away from her, I focus on the drive.

"It's an ultrasound," she says, breaking the silence.

"Oh." I'm not sure what else to say to that.

So she'll see an image of the babies today?

"That's really cool." I don't even realize I've said it out loud until all the words are out.

"Yeah." She clasps her hands on her lap. "It is. Hey, I need to talk to you about something."

"What's that?" I risk a glance at her.

"Don't worry. It's not about the babies." Her lips draw thin. "I remember that everything regarding them goes through your lawyers."

My chest burns. Shit, that was probably low of me, wasn't it?

At the time, it seemed like the best move. I didn't know what Leah had in mind, and I just knew that I needed to put legal measures in place right away. If nothing else, I'm good at pre-paving my path.

"I'm considering moving to Kernville," she says. "If that happens, I'd like to continue working for Leadsom. Remotely, of course."

I sit on the news for a minute. "Kernville? Outside of Bakersfield, you mean?"

"It's where I'm from. Where my grandparents live."

I nod, processing the information. Leah moving away changes things. As troublesome as she can be, she's clever and innovative as hell. I don't take all her suggestions, of course, because she's not the one in charge.

Having her work remotely would come with its challenges.

Plus, she would be gone. The babies would be gone.

I shake my head, shocked at myself. Where the hell did that thought come from?

"I know you would rather I quit," she says, "and just get out of your hair."

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. "I never said that."

She huffs, crossing her arms over her chest. "You didn't have to. The way you look at me sometimes…"

My grip on the steering wheel tightens. Is she talking about the way I lust after her?

Because I thought I was doing a good job hiding that. Apparently not.

"It's like you wish I would just vanish," she finishes.

Oh. That.

As shitty as it is, I'm glad she hasn't noticed the way she still gets my skin hot and my pants tight.

If she wants to move, though, there's nothing I can do about it. It will be better to have her work remotely for the team than not at all.

I shrug, acting like this is all no big deal. "If you want to work remotely, then we'll talk about it."

"Really?" The skepticism in her voice is unmistakable. "Because you've never exactly been a fan of remote work."

I don't respond to that, choosing to focus on the road instead. She's not wrong, but I'm not going to admit that to her.

"Forget I said anything," Leah mutters, looking out the window. "It was a stupid idea anyway."

"It's not stupid," I say evenly. I'm desperately searching for something else to talk about, but nothing comes to mind.

I just know I don't want to talk about her leaving Olympus City. Leah has been a real thorn in my side, but at the same time it wouldn't be right to have her so far away.

Silence falls between us again, broken only by the sounds of traffic. I've shaved seven minutes off our predicted drive time, and I'm feeling pretty good about myself.

We pull up to the clinic, and I park in front of the open doors.

"Thanks for the ride," Leah says.

I nod in response, but things feel incomplete.

Should I offer to wait for her?

Honestly, I don't have time. I was on my way to a coffee meeting when I found her in the parking garage.

But the thought of leaving her here makes me feel uneasy. I don't want her to need to order a ride from some stranger in order to get back to work.

Fuck it. I can text my colleague and reschedule our meeting.

"How long does something like this usually take?" I ask, trying to sound as casual as possible.

Leah looks at her watch. "About an hour, give or take."

I nod, making a decision. "I'll wait for you."

Her eyes widen in surprise. "You don't have to do that. I can call a car or something."

"I know I don't have to. But I want to," I say, hoping she can hear the sincerity in my voice.

She hesitates for a moment before nodding. "Well, if you're going to wait, why don't you just come in?"

I freeze. Does she mean come in and stay in the waiting room, or…

"Sure." I swallow against a lump in my throat.

We both get out of the car, and I follow her inside. The clinic smells like antiseptic, but it's not overwhelming. Leah heads to the front desk to check in, and I take a seat in the waiting area.

All around me, women wait for their appointments. A few of them have husbands or kids with them, and everyone is either scrolling through their phones or reading magazines.

Leah comes and takes a seat next to me, and I shift in my seat. Before I can even start wondering what to say, a door opens and a woman in scrubs pokes her head out.

"Leah?" She looks around.

"Hi." Leah stands, looping her purse over her shoulder.

The woman smiles. "Good to see you. And I see your husband has joined you today."

"Oh." Leah's mouth falls open. "Uh…"

Heat rushes through me. Should I correct the woman? Or will that make me look like an asshole?

Nope, everyone, I'm not her husband. Just some dude who knocked her up!

The woman holds the door open for us, and I look at Leah.

She looks like she wants to crawl into a hole and die. Her face is pink, and she's staring at the floor.

Next thing I know, I'm standing. "I'm excited to be here."

I can feel Leah's gaze on me, but I don't return the look. I don't know what will happen if we lock eyes.

Hell, I'm afraid of it.

We follow the woman down a hallway and into a room with ultrasound tech.

As the door shuts behind us, I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing heart. Leah looks at me with a mix of embarrassment and gratitude.

"I'm sorry," I say. "I shouldn't have done that. I can go."

She bites her lip. "Only if you want to."

I should go. Yep. That's what I should do.

And yet I can't get my feet moving. I want to be here. I want to stay.

"It would be neat to see the images," I say, carefully selecting each word.

She nods. "Yeah."

The door opens, and another woman comes in. After introducing herself as the ultrasound tech, she starts prepping the machine.

Leah lies down on the table and pulls up her shirt, exposing her round belly. I can't help but stare at the bump, marveling at the fact that there are three lives growing inside of her.

The tech starts the machine, and we watch the screen as the image of a tiny body appears.

"That's baby number one," the tech says.

Leah's eyes widen, and I laugh out loud. That's a baby!

Leah's baby.

…My baby.

It's insane. How does this even make sense?

The silence in the room is palpable, broken only by the soft hum of the machine. I can hear Leah's breathing become more ragged as the tech moves the wand over her belly, capturing images of the second and third babies.

"How do they look?" I ask. "Healthy?"

The tech nods and smiles. "Yep. Everything looks good."

As the ultrasound tech prints out the images, I feel another strange emotion wash over me.

Protectiveness.

Coming into this room today has made things even more complicated, and I'm not sure what to do about that yet.

Leah sits up and wipes the gel off of her belly. I reach out to help her, but she pulls back slightly.

"I've got it," she says, her voice small.

I step back and watch as she stands up and pulls her shirt down. We follow the tech out of the room and back into the hallway.

"Do you want to know the genders?" the tech asks.

Leah hesitates, and I have to bite my tongue. I would love to know, but it's not my choice. I already washed my hands of this whole situation. My standing here today is nothing more than a fluke.

"No, thank you," she finally says. "I'd like to wait."

"Sure thing. I'll show you the way out."

I follow the two women, feeling a little disappointed. I guess I'll find out the babies' genders eventually.

When? When they're born?

Will Leah even tell me when they come?

It's not like I can expect that from her. I gave up that right, along with everything else. You can't have your cake and eat it too. It doesn't matter who you are.

If I could go back in time, though, would I do things differently? Would I have never drawn up those terms my lawyers sent her?

I don't know.

Today has been a roller coaster. Seeing images of children I've fathered is one thing, but raising them is another.

Parenthood still isn't meant for me. I have to be honest with myself when it comes to that. One day in and I would be over it. I know myself.

The tech bids us farewell, and we step out into the bright day. I want to say something to Leah, anything. It feels like we need to commemorate the moment, to acknowledge the cool thing that just happened.

But she's already walking for the car, leaving me behind.

Which is fitting.

Honestly, what was I thinking anyway? I asked to be hands-off when it came to her and these babies, and that's what I've gotten.

I should be happy.

Even though I tell myself that, though, deep down something just doesn't sit right.