3. Onyx

Sitting on my deck,drinking my morning coffee, my mind is running in all directions. I'm torn in half because I'm so fucking worried about my big brother. It's been two weeks since his release and he seems to be getting worse. Yeah, he's going to his physical and occupational therapy on schedule. Shit, he's even making his shrink appointments, but damn, those days really suck for both of us. His attitude stinks before, like I'm dragging him, and then after I can't wait to get him home because he's so cranky and moody. I tried to ask him if he needed a different therapist, maybe one who could better relate to him, and that just turned into a heated discussion. My brother informed me that unless someone has walked in his shoes, how would they be able to understand. I turned and walked away muttering asshole under my breath.

I think, sometimes, Ollie seems to forget that I too served in the Navy. Maybe not as elite as he did, but fuck, I did my time, saw some massive shit, and rolled with it. And this hurts because out of our entire family, it's me who's busting my ass to help him without putting any restrictions on him. Our parents are awesome, but they are of the mindset that they know what's best, even for their grown-ass adult kids. Probably why both Ollie and I joined the Navy. Gave us a way out of Montana, but at the same time appeased the parents with our choice for leaving home. The whole serve your country mentality.

Not sure what to do for him, I reached out to our sister, Brenna, for someone else's opinion on how to help him. As usual, it's a riot talking to my badass little sister, who's actually part of a women's MC. She's an officer, as well, and I'm so proud of her. She runs their IT, whatever the hell that means. One thing I do know is she is smarter than smart. A true brainiac and computer nerd. Once we got over our usual sister bullshit, I point-blank asked for any suggestions on how to get our brother back on track. Took a while but I tried to explain how the ‘mission in Bahrain' fucked up Ollie's head without breaking his confidence. Brenna caught on pretty quickly and shared she actually knew more than our family because she'd been nosing around on some government sites to see what was being said. That sent a shiver down my spine, which I told her, and she just laughed.

"Sis, some of the shit I do would make your hair turn white. Our powers that be in high places within the government have no idea what I've been up to, so no worries. But saying that, didn't you go to college with that hard-ass chick who ended up some secret undercover CIA agent, and she married some dude that's part of Finnegan's Quest Sentries or FQS? Shit, between us, Onyx, I've tried to look into that security company and whoever is their top geek over there has some serious mad skills. I got my ass kicked out immediately. Why not give your friend a call and see if she can get a hookup for Ollie so he's still playing soldier without all the hassle? I mean, is he even physically able to do that kind of work still? I know that Finnegan's does all kinds of security work around the world, so maybe someone somewhere could use our brother's elite skills."

After we talked for another hour or so, because Brenna loves to gossip and had to fill me in on all our family drama, I hang up and sit back. My kid sister is on to something. Yeah, I haven't spoken to Sam in a while but we've been friends for some time, and she always tells me if I need anything to just reach out. Damn, don't want to break Ollie's trust and confidence, but I don't seem to be getting through to him at all. Each day that passes he's falling deeper into his head and own personal hell, and nothing I do is pulling him back. I know that FQS has a couple of offices around the United States. Maybe they could use a stiff in one of them. Just being around all the ex-military men and women from the different branches, who've been active and now are out for whatever reason, might help Ollie start to heal. Knowing he's taking a nap after his PT today, I grab myself something to drink and head toward my bedroom, which is on the other side of the house. If I'm going to reach out to my friend, I don't want Ollie to know until there's even something to share.

Shit,that was easier than I thought. Well, I should have known Sam, she hasn't changed at all. Both direct and blunt, she gave me some major bullshit for not calling her immediately when the ‘incident' went down and Ollie was seriously hurt. She asked quite a few questions about when, where, how, but not why. Told me she was gonna talk to Mack and get back to me. I know her hubby, Mack, and most of the guys in Virginia are mainly Navy SEALs, so she probably can get a line on what really went down. She also told me the guy who owns the company is out in California so if something comes of this, Ollie can go talk to Donovan first. Feeling like at least I'm making an effort, even though I don't have any answers yet, I decide that I've done enough so far today and need a nap for the slight headache I have. So that's what my plan is until I hear a loud crash on the other side of the house. Instantly, I'm off the bed running toward the thunderous noises coming from my spare bedroom.

Ollie's door is closed but the sounds coming from behind it scare the ever-lovin' shit out of me. Carefully and slowly I open the door, and the sight before my eyes knocks the breath clear from my chest. The room is torn apart and is in shambles while my brother is kind of standing, leaning against the bed, hands on the back of the wheelchair with sweat running down his face, and crazy shining from his eyes. Slowly I enter the room, never taking my eyes from his.

"Olls, it's me Onyx. Come on, big brother, calm down, it's okay. You're here with just me, that's it. You aren't supposed to be up on your feet just yet. Don't want to mess up all the progress you've made. Take a minute and breathe. Remember what you've been told. Breathe and count each breath. Come on, I'll do it with you. Deep breath, that's one, another that's two."

As I take another really deep breath, Ollie looks at me then shakes his head, sweat flipping all over. I can feel the fear coming from him in spades, so I'm guessing his PTSD is all over the place. Not the first nightmare he's had since being released from the hospital. His days of captivity have really fucked him up and he refuses to talk about it. This is his way of dealing with it. I watch as his mind catches up with his body while he takes in another deep breath, and in a near whisper says, "Five." Okay, we got this. For now, my fingers crossed, I pray Sam gets back to me real soon, because after this I realize I need some major help with my brother. I don't want to lose him because the military obviously is done with him. He's no longer of any use to them, so they dumped him out on his ass all alone and fucked up. I'm hoping he can be useful to FQS in some manner that will feed his soul.

Watching Ollie struggle to sit in his wheelchair before he rolls toward me, I tense up—just for a minute or two—then my body relaxes right before he reaches out and pulls me down to him. His big frame is shaking, and I can hear the anguish in his voice.

"Damn it. Fuck, Onyx, I'm so sorry. Shit, one minute I was out, sleeping really good, next thing I know something snapped and I was beating the fuck out of the furniture. Tried to stop but couldn't. Really, sis, I'll get you new stuff, promise. You want me to leave? I'll go to a motel, or something, I don't want to take a chance and maybe hurt you, Half-Pint. Son of a bitch, why can't I get a break, for Christ's sake? Just give me the word and I'm out, promise."

Shaking my head, I give him a gentle squeeze and look up.

"Yo, you big jerk, not kicking you out but, Ollie, you need to let people in. Now don't get defensive, just listen. Please. No one knows what you've been through, including losing almost half of your team. You refuse to talk about it, and that right there is going to keep messing you up. Please, I'm begging you to trust me. Have I ever judged you or led you down the wrong path? I'm here just because you're loved, Brother, so let's go sit our asses on that soft as fuck sectional and get comfortable so you can tell me what is screwing up your head."

At first, I don't think he'll give my request a second thought but after a couple of minutes he pulls back, looks down, and nods.

"Let me try to clean up ‘Tornado Ollie' in here and then we'll talk okay, Half-Pint?"

Nodding because I know he won't want my help; I glance around before I head to the kitchen. Gonna get some coffee started, I'm figuring my time to nap is over and it might be a long night of talking.