Chapter 9

Nine

HUNTER

Unfortunately the shower in the RV isn’t even close to big enough for both of us, so I let Oliver go first and then shower while he works on supper. It starts raining shortly after I step out and towel off, and I love it. I’ve always found rain to be soothing, and curling up with a meal, a good book, or a tv show while it’s coming down outside is one of my favorite ways to relax. That or a good nap. The pitter patter of the rain always seems to lull me to sleep.

I can’t help but be slightly disappointed when Oliver is no longer wearing his speedo. He looked so fucking sexy in it and I can’t wait to get it on him again. He is looking awfully cozy and adorable in the sweats and T-shirt he’s wearing now, though. He’s slipping on oven mitts and opening the oven door when I come out of the small bathroom, and his gaze catches on me as I wander through the RV naked, in search of my clothes.

“Jesus, you’re going to cause a permanent injury if you keep that up,” he grouses.

“I’m fine,” I reply.

“I meant me,” he says. “I can’t focus on not burning myself while you’re…like that.”

I laugh as I slide my briefs on, then slip into a T-shirt and sweats as well. “I’m sorry, I’ll be more considerate next time,” I say, sliding up next to him as he closes the oven door and slips the oven mitts off. I press a kiss to his neck as he sets the timer, and he squirms.

“What’s for dinner?” I ask, slipping my arms around his waist and continuing to press kisses to his soft skin. God, he smells good.

He shivers against me. “I’m sorry, did you say something?” he says after a moment.

I chuckle again. “Dinner, baby, what’s for dinner?”

He moans softly as my hand slips under the front of his shirt and rests on his abdomen, fingers playing with the happy trail there, my lips brushing against his ear. I can see his cock thickening and beginning to tent his sweats.

“Food,” he replies, the word breathy, and I laugh softly.

“I have an idea of what we can do while we wait,” I murmur.

“Fuck.” He gasps as my fingers slip under the waistband of his briefs and his cock jerks. Some of his precum lands on my fingers and I use it to tease him, sliding my fingers along his shaft but not gripping. He moans and thrusts his hips, seaking friction. “Want something, beautiful?” I ask.

“Christ, you’re such a bellend,” he grouses. “Just bloody touch me.”

I laugh and then step back, my hand slipping out of his briefs, before I kneel behind him. “Hands on the counter, baby. I’m gonna eat you out until you're begging to come.”

“Oh, fuck,” he gasps as I pull his sweats down, and then slowly, slowly, kiss my way down his ass cheeks as I lower his underwear, before sliding them down his thighs and letting them fall to the floor as his legs quake. I grip his thighs and massage them before moving my hands up to his ass cheeks and continuing my ministrations, burying my nose in his crack and inhaling. I moan at the smell of him—gingerbread, vanilla, and sunshine.

“Christ,” he breathes.

“Mmmm,” I hum, drunk off his scent and the feel of soft skin against my face and hands. “God, Oli, I could touch you forever.”

He trembles at my words and it’s fucking delicious. I nibble a couple more times on his ass cheeks, kneading them in my hands before I spread his cheeks and slide my tongue over his taint. He bucks and cries out, and I have to grip him and hold him in place. “Stay still, baby,” I tell him gently. “Make all the fucking noises you want, but don’t move. Understand?”

He nods and I spread his cheeks again as I feel his body tensing, his grip on the counter tightening, no doubt. I lick up his taint and over his hole again, savoring the sensation of his perfect bud fluttering against my tongue. “So fucking eager,” I murmur, then make another pass. “So fucking ready to be filled.” Another swipe of my tongue, slow and languid. “To be used. You want that, Oli?” Another pass. “You want to be fucked with my tongue, baby? Want it buried inside you? Want me to make you feel good?”

“Shit,” he whimpers, his body trembling as his hole flutters incessantly. I hear the way his next word leaves, on a broken plea, and I can tell he’s crying. “Please.”

“Good boy,” I say, and I hear his muffled sobs. “Shh,” I soothe. “You’re doing so well for me, Oli. You’re gonna come so hard for me, aren’t you, sweetheart?” He nods. “Since I can’t speak while I’m inside you I’ll tap your thigh to give you permission to come.” He nods again, and I spread his cheeks once more, this time sliding my tongue over his pucker and then slipping it inside his hole. I feel his body spasming around me as I move my tongue inside him, hearing his whimpers and cries of pleasure as I eat him out.

“Oh, God, Oh, God, Oh, God. Fuck, Hunter, please,” he begs, and I soar. “Please let me come.”

I moan and tap his thigh, and seconds later I feel his ass clenching around my tongue, his thighs quaking, as his orgasm crashes into him.

“Oh fuck,” he breathes as my tongue slides out, and I see the spunk painting the cupboards in front of him, his hands still gripping the counter top. Fuck, he came untouched with just my tongue inside him . Damn, that’s hot. I grip him and move him aside gently before I slide my tongue over the mess he made that’s trickling down the cupboard and onto the floor, before swallowing it down.

“Holy hell,” he rasps. “I can’t decide if that’s insanely hot or insanely disgusting.”

“I can’t decide if that’s insanely hot or insanely disgusting,” a mechanical voice echoes, and I start cracking up as Oliver’s eyes widen.

“What the bloody hell was that?” he asks, sliding his briefs and pants back up in a rush, his face flaming as the voice repeats his words a second time.

I’m still laughing as he makes his way through the RV searching for an intruder. He returns with the talking parrot in his arms and a grin on his face. “You bought this?” he says.

“You bought this?” the bird echoes again.

“Oh, bloody hell,” Oliver grumbles as he turns the bird over to switch it off and we hear the first part of “Oh, bloody—” before he succeeds.

“You liked it,” I say with a smile and a shrug. “Making you happy doesn’t just involve my body.”

He kneels next to me, as I haven’t bothered to get up yet, and presses a kiss to my lips. “You, Hunter Price, are remarkable,” he tells me, and I smile against his lips. “Now how do we make sure this thing doesn’t interrupt us post coitus anymore?”

I laugh. “You turned it off, it should be good.”

“Bloody hell, that was terrifying,” he says, running a hand through his hair.

“Funny as hell, though,” I say, and he narrows his eyes at me.

“Yes, I’m sure it was delightful to watch me stumbling to dress and walk around like a lunatic all for the sake of a toy bird.”

“I mean as far as entertainment goes I’d give it a solid eight out of ten.”

“You little arse,” he quips, his eyes twinkling as he reaches out and begins to tickle me. I shriek and roll onto my back, gasping when he doesn’t let up. I’m laughing so hard I have tears sliding down my cheeks. But then he’s pinning me underneath him and kissing me breathless.

OLIVER

The next morning we wake bright and early to get ready for our day at the zoo. We slept in each other’s arms last night, and I honestly can’t remember when I’ve felt more safe or at peace. Hunter's body pressed close to mine, his warm breath against my neck and his arms slung over me. I slept better than I’ve slept in years, and really didn’t want to get out of bed. However, Hunter coaxed me up with the smell of tea, freshly baked rolls, and fresh fruit, so I can’t complain too much.

We eat, then shower again and dress before packing a small backpack with some water bottles, sunscreen, and a couple of small snacks. Hunter ties his hair up in a messy bun again and puts a red baseball cap on, the messy bun sticking out of the back. It’s honestly incredibly hot, especially since he’s wearing shorts and one of those loose fitting muscle tanks with the oversized arm holes so you can bloody see his entire chest. Not that I’m complaining. I don’t think I ever fully appreciated those shirts until now.

I slide my sunglasses on and we catch one of the buses that makes trips to and from the zoo, arriving shortly after they open.

“We should get a picture,” Hunter says, “for Mom.” We stop at the zoo entrance and take a selfie. Hunter sticks his tongue out and raises his fingers in a peace sign. I simply smile. Then he turns and surprises me by pressing his lips to my cheek and taking another photo, his hand gripping my neck in a way that feels almost possessive.

When he shows it to me I can’t help smiling more. We look happy. “We won’t be sending that one to Mom,” he tells me, a note of melancholy in his voice and the sparkle in his eyes dimming a bit. But it doesn’t last long before he’s gripping my hand and pulling me towards the ticket counter.

We make our way around to all of the different animals, starting with the Golden Lion Tamarin, which I’ve never heard of before, but is a type of endangered monkey.

We see the llamas, the reptiles and amphibians, before making our way to the barnyard animals. Then we stop at the Primate Preserve to see the gorillas, monkeys, and lemurs.

Afterwards, we break for lunch. It’s nothing fancy but it’s decent and it fills me up, giving me enough energy to continue our afternoon, which I’m finding myself enjoying immensely. I can't remember the last time I was at a zoo, and I’ve always loved animals. I wanted a pet growing up but Mother and Father never allowed it; said it would be too much work. I’d thought of getting one as an adult but worried I wouldn’t have the time to care for it properly with the hours I keep. Maybe that’s something I should reconsider since I recently started working from home. I do get lonely, though not as much with Hunter around. My chest squeezes at the thought of him leaving at the end of the month.

After visiting Big Cat Falls we take a ride on the carousel. However, rather than horses, it’s all different kinds of zoo animals. I’m a bit flustered at the idea as I consider carousels to be for children but Hunter grips my hand and pulls me along, assuring me it’s perfectly fine, and I find myself smiling like an idiot the entire time as we ride next to each other, me on a panther and him on a giant tortoise.

“Christ, I don't think I’ve been on one of those since I was five and my nanny took Olivia and I to the fair,” I tell Hunter once we’ve gotten off and started walking again.

“Really?”

I nod.

“Jesus, that’s depressing.”

“It was worse when she got scolded for taking us, bringing us home covered in dirt and cotton candy and smelling like barn animals. My parents were horrified, and even though Olivia and I loved it we never went back.”

“What did they let you guys do?” he asks. “Did you even get to be kids?”

I chuckle slightly. “Oh, they had us signed up for so many lessons we stayed busy that way. Or they would ship us off to some high end summer camp somewhere. I took piano, which they made me practice religiously, and Olivia did dance. We both had swimming lessons, which I actually enjoyed for the most part, and Olivia took equestrian classes, too. I ended up being on the swim team in high school because that, tennis, and golf were the only sports they would allow. They also had us take etiquette classes. It wasn’t terrible, but clearly not as enjoyable as a fair, and less for our benefit and more for theirs.”

“You play piano?” he says. I nod.

“Are you any good?” He gives me a cheeky grin.

“Quite good, actually, though it’s been a long time, so I’m rather rusty. I did win my share of competitions, though. Honestly, it was never something I did for myself, just another thing to be the good son they wanted me to be. They loved bragging to all their rich friends about how good I was, but I think that made me grow to resent it more. I got an earful when I started college and told them I was quitting.”

“I bet,” he says, then grips my hand again.

“Want some ice cream?” I nod and we indulge in some soft serve cones, trying to gobble them down before they melt all over us. Hunter reaches over and wipes some ice cream that has dribbled down my chin onto his thumb before putting it in his mouth and sucking it off, staring right at me the entire time. And yes, my cock twitches.

We wash our hands after, and reapply sunscreen since it’s been a while, then continue on our way, passing the scads of different birds, before we reach Otter Falls, where we see the Giant River Otter, another endangered animal. Right next to the otters are two more endangered animals, the Rodrigues Fruit Bat and the Red Panda, which looks similar to a fox, in my opinion, with its white and red fur, and is quite cute. I’m finding out about so many animals I didn’t even realize existed today and the wealth of knowledge is fascinating. Hunter snaps a few more pictures on his phone as I read about them. The Rodrigues Fruit Bat apparently lives in colonies consisting of one male and several females, much like a harem, which I point out to Hunter and he smirks. “Intrigued?” he says.

“Quite,” I reply, smiling. “Doesn’t seem so bad. Though I think I might do it a little differently.” He chuckles and pecks my cheek.

“I can’t believe you just said that.”

Honestly, I can’t either, but I find it liberating to talk about my sexuality and desires. Things I’ve never dared voice before, or even let take up much space in my head. Not that I actually want a harem of men, but, “Are there books like that?” I say, turning to him. “With male harems?”

He nods. “Sure are, and they’re hot as hell.”

I grin. “Ooh, I do think I would like reading that.”

He chuckles and pulls me along.

We make our way to the African Plains where we pay to feed the giraffes, and Hunter cackles when the one I’m feeding leans down and licks my face, making me splutter. The attendants apologize and give me something to clean myself with, thankfully.

Next is the zebra and rhinoceros, followed by the penguins and bears.

By the time we’ve seen everything there is to see, I’m knackered, and Hunter looks pretty tired too. We head back to our campsite and collapse on the bed after stripping down to just our underwear, curled up in each other’s arms once again.

I wake to a rock hard cock against my arse and moan when Hunter begins to rut against me, his hand on my hip in a death grip. “Fuck, Oli I need you,” he breathes. “Need you so bad, baby. It’s been too damn long since I’ve been inside you.” I feel my underwear sliding down to just underneath my arse cheeks in the back, the air against my naked skin arousing me further, making my hole flutter and my cock twitch. I’m so damn hard already, my precum leaking through my underwear in the front where they’re pulling tight against my erection.

I hear the tell tale sound of the cap on the lube bottle clicking open and bend my top leg, allowing him better access. “Fuck, you’re perfect,” he murmurs. “So fucking perfect for me, Oli. You gonna let me fuck you, baby? Gonna let me use this pretty hole until I’m coming inside you?” I nod, my cock throbbing now and oozing copious amounts of precum, a large wet spot forming on my underwear.

“Such a good boy,” Hunter purrs as his cock lines up with my hole. “I’m gonna leave your underwear around your cock, baby. Wanna see how wet I can make you.” Fuck, why is that so hot? My cock jerks repeatedly as he runs his finger up and down it. “You won’t come this time,” he says, his lips ghosting over my ear. “You’ll let me use you, touch you, however I want, but you won’t come. This is for me. My pleasure. Understand, beautiful?” I’m shaking when I nod. He reaches out and slaps my cock, making me gasp.

“Fuck,” I cry.

“Use your words, Oli,” he instructs. “Understand?”

“Yes,” I answer, breathlessly.

“Yes, what?”

“I won’t come. I’ll let you use me, but I won’t come.”

“Good boy,” he says again, then grips my hip again and pushes his cock inside me. It burns as he fills me, stretches me, uses me, having not been stretched first, but the more he fills me, the more the pain ebbs and pleasure takes over, until he’s fully seated inside me and my cock is throbbing, aching to be touched, begging for release that I know I won’t get. His arm wraps around me and he holds me to him, as he pulls out almost all the way and then shoves back in. He does it again, pulling out slightly less, before pushing all the way back inside. I hate that we have to have a barrier between us. I want his bare cock inside me so badly. Want him to fill me with his seed until I can’t take anymore.

“God, that’s good,” he moans, sliding in and out of me slowly, using me, claiming me. He presses kisses to my shoulder and upper back, his leg slung over mine as he moves, impaling me on his cock. Every movement sends shockwaves of pleasure through my body, and my underwear is soaked in my precum, my cock so hard it hurts. “So damn good, Oli. You feel fucking amazing, baby, choking my cock. So tight, so hot. God, I want to stay inside you forever.”

I whimper when his dick pegs my prostate over and over as he thrusts inside me, chasing his pleasure, then gasp when he grips my hair with his other hand and yanks, making my cock spasm. I’m so close to coming I can’t stop the tears from sliding down my cheeks.

“You’re doing so well for me, sweetheart,” he praises, and I sob harder as my cock jerks. I don’t think I’ve ever been so hard in my life, so desperate for release. “So good for me, sweet Oli. Your ass was made to take my cock, beautiful.” His thrusts are torturous, just perfect enough that I’m being kept on the edge but unable to come.

“Gonna come now, baby,” he tells me, picking up his pace. His grip on my hair tightens as does the arm around my middle. I’m terrified I’ll come, but seconds later he’s moaning, “Oh, God, Oli, fuck, so good, baby, so damn good,” as he milks himself on my arse and I feel his warmth filling the condom buried deep inside me. He collapses against my back, his leg still slung over mine. He presses more kisses to my heated skin and slides out of me, my body trembling still as I breathe and try to convince my cock to calm down.

I hear him sliding off the condom. “Roll over,” he tells me, and I do, my arse still bare and my cock still leaking profusely and straining against my briefs. “Fuck, that’s hot,” he says as he stares at my cock and the large wet spot it’s created. He leans over and presses a kiss to the tip and I whimper. Then he’s holding up the condom that I’d assumed he’d discarded and says, “open up, beautiful.” I do and he positions the used condom over my mouth, and then tilts it, letting his spunk slide out, and onto my tongue.

“God, have mercy,” he murmurs as he watches me, and I can’t help the sense of pride that fills me. “Don’t swallow yet.”

I do as he says and let it gather on my tongue, holding my mouth open as the last bit slips inside. He tosses the condom and then climbs on top of me and licks inside my mouth, tasting himself on me, moaning as he does. Fuck, it’s so damn filthy and so fucking erotic, my cock is ready to burst. “Now swallow,” he says, and I do.

“God, Oli, the things you do to me.” He runs his fingers through my hair as he stares down at me and I grip his hips. I thrust up into him and he smirks.

“Do you need something?”

I nod as I continue to gyrate.

“What do you need?” he says, the little prick. He bloody well knows what I need. He fucking did this to me.

“I need to come,” I tell him, my voice raspy. “Please?”

He leans down and kisses me again, slow and languid. “Later,” he says, pulling away. He scoots down and gazes at my very hard cock. Then tortures me by leaning down and licking a stripe up my shaft. “I like you like this, Oli. You’re so pretty. So fucking hard for me. You’re going to stay this way for a while.” I squirm and shake my head, and he grips my hair again, pulling enough to make me stop. “I told you you would hurt for me, Oli, remember?” I feel tears filling my eyes again but nod. “Good boy,” he says, and my heart leaps right along with my dick. “We’re going to eat dinner first, and then go for a swim in the lake again. And maybe after that, if you’re really good, I’ll let you come, okay? But you’re going to stay hard for me until then.” My eyes widen and I open my mouth but he puts a finger to my lips. “Are you safewording, baby?”

I shake my head furiously even as my cock throbs. Fuck, he’s a monster. He edged me yesterday for a few minutes and it was torture. This time it will be a few hours.

“What’s your color?”

“Green,” I squeak out.

He grins and kisses me again. “I want you to change into your speedo, and then you’re going to wear it while I make us dinner and we eat. You will stroke yourself if you lose your erection, but you will not come. Understand?”

Jesus Christ. I nod, even as tears slide down my cheeks. He kisses me yet again and murmurs, “Good boy,” against my lips.

He climbs off of me and moves out of the small bedroom to the main area of the RV while I slip out of my underwear and into my speedo. I’m big enough it barely contains me when I’m this hard, the tip of my cock almost peeking out at the top.

Hunter purrs when I enter the room, licking his lips. “Beautiful.”

I flush and kiss him. “Can I help with dinner?”

He shakes his head and holds up the patties he pulled out of the refrigerator. “I’m going to go grill these. You can join me or stay inside. Just make sure you stay hard.”

“I can’t go out there like this,” I retort. “God, I’ll get arrested.”

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” he says, a twinkle in his eyes, then pecks my lips.

I pout, my bottom lip jutting out and my arms crossed over my chest. He grins and heads outside.

I last two minutes before I’m joining him, damn the consequences. If anyone happens to come by I’ll hide myself or go back inside, but I don’t want to be alone.

I try reading my book while I sit and wait for him to make the hamburgers but give up after only a few minutes. I huff as I set it aside.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, looking back at me.

“I can’t read my bloody book without getting even harder,” I grouse, and he grins.

“You like it?”

“Yes, but I’d like it more if I could fucking come.”

“Dinner’s almost ready,” he says. “And then we’ll swim.”

Christ it’s taking everything in me not to hump the nearest goddamn tree, or rub up against Hunter and blow my load. This is bloody torture.

I have to stroke myself during dinner as my erection fades and Hunter watches me with an intensity that has my cheeks flushing and my cock twitching. Bloody hell.

“Damn you look good doing that,” he mutters, his eyes wide with lust and his own cock tenting his shorts.

I can’t deny the pleasure and satisfaction it gives me to know my body does that to him.

We finish our food and I wait for Hunter to change into his speedo, knowing that will be enough to keep me hard for a while without touching myself.

The water is wonderful. Cool, refreshing, and exactly what I needed after a long, hot day and being on my feet for several hours.

“Come on, jump in,” he coaxes, standing on the edge of the dock as I tread water and shake my head ruefully.

“I’m far too old for that,” I tell him. “And the last thing we need is a trip to the ER.”

He laughs and then shouts as he leaps up, tucking his legs under him, and makes a huge splash when he hits the water. Oh, to be twenty-one.

He’s underwater long enough I start to worry, but then I’m shrieking as he pops up right underneath me, my legs over his shoulders as he dunks us both under again. When I come back up he’s right there, gazing at me with an intensity I can’t fathom. What does this beautiful boy see in me? Why does he crave me the way I crave him? When I look at Hunter I see everything I wish I could have been when I was younger. Wild, carefree, and happy. With him now I catch glimpses of those things, but know I can’t hold on to them. Life will return to normal after this trip and things will go back to the status quo. I will be the man I’ve always been. The one who was only ever a sliver of his true self.

He makes me feel alive in a way I’ve never felt before. Makes me horny in a way I’ve never been before, and sees something in me I’ve never been able to see in myself.

Before I can even register it, he’s sliding his hand behind my neck and pulling me to him, moving us a few feet closer to the bank so we can touch, the water still reaching our stomachs, before pressing his lips to mine. The wetness of our bodies against each other is intoxicating and I open my mouth, letting him inside as the sun begins its descent behind the trees, the yellow, orange and red hues stretching like a perfectly painted canvas across the sky.

His other hand slides around and slips inside my speedo, shoving the back down so my arse is exposed, the cool water kissing my bare skin and making me shiver. He grips my arse cheek as he kneads the flesh over and over, devouring me and making me so damn hard I can barely breathe. His cock is hard and slick and slides against mine as I kiss him back, my hands on his narrow hips, the feel of his wet skin electric against my palms.

“You’ve been hard this whole time,” he says, resting his forehead against mine. I nod, feeling his breath ghost over my face. Every time I felt myself getting flaccid again I did as he instructed, even though he may not have even known. I wanted to do it. I wanted to please him. He kisses me again and I whimper when his hand moves from my arse to my cock, gripping me over my speedo and stroking me in such a delicious way that I find myself trembling and wrapping my arms around his neck for support.

“Christ, please don’t tell me you’re edging me again,” I moan as his hand moves up and down my shaft again and again. My cock throbs at his touch, the feel of the wet nylon material against me producing a friction I can only describe as euphoric.

“Not this time, Oli,” he whispers as he strokes me harder now, his voice almost reverent. “This time you’re going to come for me, okay?” I nod my assent, our foreheads still pressed together, and whimper when he captures my lips with his again, continuing to stroke me through my speedo as his tongue delves inside, tasting me. I whimper again when I feel his hand moving from my cock and his finger sliding down my arse crack, before slipping inside me and making me gasp. He grips my hair hard again and I shiver as he presses me to him.

“Rub up against me while I fuck your ass, baby,” he says. “You’re gonna come so hard for me, Oli. You’re gonna fill these speedos with your pretty spunk, aren’t you, sweetheart?” His voice is a low growl and it sends a shiver straight to my cock.

I gasp again when his finger hits my sweet spot and I fucking hump him as I cling to him, my breath coming in harsh pants as he nudges my prostate again and again. His hard stomach gives me the perfect friction and my cock is aching as my fingers dig into his shoulders and upper back, my balls drawing up.

“Fuck, you’re hot,” he growls. “Keep using me, baby. Don’t stop. Want you to come so fucking hard, Oli.”

I thrust my hips forward relentlessly, and then press back into his hand over and over, chasing my release. “Oh, God,” I whine. “Fuck, Hunter, please, I can’t…”

My words trail off and I’m a panting, gasping mess when he says, “Come for me, Oli. Say my name, baby. Scream for me.”

“Hunter!” I cry, my head falling back as my arse clenches around his finger and my cock spurts load after load of my release into my speedo and onto his stomach. There’s so much of it I even feel it sliding down my legs.

He strokes his fingers through my hair and presses kisses to my forehead as he slides his finger out of me and pulls my speedo back up over my arse. My eyes are closed as I shake with the aftershocks of my release.

“Beautiful,” he whispers. “So fucking beautiful, Oli. Let’s get cleaned up and I’ll make you some tea, hmm?”

I nod and he takes my hand, helping me from the water. I shower, and when I get out, Hunter has my tea waiting. I take it and we head back outside, the sky giving way to dusk as the stars come out, the moon reflecting off the surface of the water, crickets and birds chirping, leaves rustling. An owl hoots in the distance, and I sigh in contentment as I take a sip of the earl gray tea.

Hunter lies down on the blanket and scrolls on his phone as I pick up my kindle and find my place in my book again. I’m absolutely loving the one he recommended. I feel like I can relate to Paul and his attraction to Charlie, fighting it even though he’s absolutely taken by the younger, pretty boy. And I’ve never read a gay sex scene but I’m enjoying it very much. I have a feeling a whole new world has opened up to me. The thought of hiding my reading material from Amanda, though, is depressing, and I feel like that’s just one more thing for me to feel guilt and shame over, rather than being able to embrace and enjoy it. I sigh, trying not to let that bother me now, while I’m here with Hunter.

I finish my tea and then move to lie next to him on the blanket. I lie with my head on his legs and he smiles down at me, then starts to stroke my hair as I read. “You enjoying it?” he asks.

“I am, “ I tell him. “Thank you for giving me this. The book, yes, but just everything, really. Allowing me to discover who I am and creating a safe space for me to do so. I’ve never had that, and it means a lot, even if it can’t last forever.”

I can’t make out his expression in the darkness but his fingers start to move a little differently through my hair. “No one should ever have made you feel like you had to disguise yourself, Oliver. There’s nothing wrong with who you are. Your parents are blind to not see that.” He pauses and I have a feeling he’s not sure if he should say whatever is on his mind, but then I hear, “You’re allowed to disappoint them, you know. You only get one life, Oli. Don’t use it to make other people happy at the expense of your own happiness.”

I know he means well, and he’s probably right. But I’ve been living my life to please my parents for so long I don’t know how to do differently. And part of me feels like chasing my own happiness is selfish. Maybe my parents want me to feel that way so they can control me. I don’t know, I just know I’ve always felt like I wasn’t good enough, and I keep reaching, trying, hoping, that one day I will be worthy of their love.