Six

Alfie texted me first thing on Saturday morning:

Alf:

You and Ellie? Amazing mate, well done.

I wasn’t sure it was amazing. I hadn’t done anything. She’d asked a yes or no question I had no real reason to say no to.

Me:

Cheers. You have to ask Georgia out now.

He sent back the sweating emoji and I sent back an eyeroll. He really did need to ask Georgia. We were sick and tired of listening to him whine about it. And it was only a matter of time before someone else asked Georgia out. Most likely Jason Forrest. He’d been sniffing around her since the school play.

Downstairs, Luke and Beth were talking about decorating, so I went straight to the kitchen, poured some cinnamon squares and stood at the open back door to eat them. It was still hot. Living here limited my freedom a little in a way I hadn’t considered. There was no longer a bus at the bottom of the street that I could get into town. Now I’d need Luke or Beth to drive me there, to anywhere really. But with the baby coming and with Luke having so much to do around the house and at work, I didn’t like to ask. So my options were pretty limited for what to do today, not that I minded.

I finished my cereal and lumbered back into the living room.

“Anything you need help with today?” I asked Luke dutifully. “Around the house, I mean?”

“We’re going out to get some paint and things at BQ if you wanna come?”

“I’ll honestly pass.”

Luke grinned. “Fair enough.”

“You could unpack those boxes cluttering up your room,” Beth said.

“But they make really good tables to leave all my dirty dishes on.”

Luke laughed as Beth rolled her eyes, and I headed upstairs for a shower.

“Can you at least hang the washing out?” Beth called up as went. “It’s got about fifteen minutes left, and we’re ready to go now.”

When I didn’t answer immediately, she yelled: “Jude!”

“I heard you! Yeah, I’ll do it.”

“The pegs and basket are in front of the machine, so you don’t forget.”

“Great idea!” I yelled back.

After showering, I lay on the bed in the hot summer early afternoon and did what most fifteen-year-olds did when they had the house to themselves: I had a wank. It didn’t happen often, so I liked to take full advantage when it did. I even left the bedroom door open.

Then I hung out the washing, eyeing the lake with desire. I wasn’t sure if it was safe to swim in, but since it hadn’t been one of Gideon’s warnings to us when we moved in, and since there was no current, I figured it couldn’t be too deadly.

Torn between unpacking the boxes and going for a swim to cool down, I realised I’d have to do one to get to the other. My swim shorts were in one of the boxes marked ‘Clothes – Jude’, so I upended two on my bed until I found them.

I waded into the cold lake, ha-ha-ha-ing and shh-shh-ing, and pushed out towards the middle, submerging my head to even out the temperature hitting my body. It felt great – perfect. It wasn’t very deep, and it was taller than me at the centre, but not by much.

I floated on my back and backflipped under the surface, I swam to one end and then the other and dove to the bottom. Then I swam to the little row boat and climbed in, using the oar to push myself out to the centre of the lake. There, I lay on my back squinting at the sky as the boat rocked gently. I must have dozed off because the sun had moved when I blinked open my eyes. Then, a weird noise pricked at my hearing.

I ignored it at first, but it got louder. Then louder still, almost like thunder getting closer, yet there wasn’t a single cloud in the sky.

When I lifted my head, I started at the sight of Caspien on horseback racing towards me. He was at full speed, as far as I could tell, and the sound of thunder was only increasing. It was like he was going to gallop right into the lake.

In fact, he was.

I sat up too quickly, clumsily, and the bad distribution of my weight toppled me headfirst into the water. When I broke the surface, he was turning Falstaff in a circle near the pond’s edge as he stared at me.

“Are you drowning?” he asked without a sliver of concern.

“No!” I spat out the lake water and scrubbed a hand over my face as I grabbed for the edge of the boat. “What the hell was that? I thought you were going to come right into the water.”

“Well, Falstaff is an excellent swimmer, but he’s just had a heavy lunch, so I wouldn’t risk it.”

Was that...a joke?

I felt like an idiot bobbing there while he looked down at me imperiously from his horse. I wanted to climb back into the boat, but I wasn’t sure I could do it with any agility, so I stayed put, scowling at him. His blonde hair was tied back, and he wore beige riding pants with a pale green polo shirt. His cheeks were pink from the ride.

“What?” I asked impatiently. “Why are you still here?”

“I came to speak with Luke.” He cast a glance at the cottage behind me.

“He’s not here. Beth isn’t either.”

“They left the baby home alone?”

I glowered. “If you’ve a message for Luke, I can pass it on. What is it?”

He gave me a long look as if he were trying to decide whether I was trustworthy. I rolled my eyes.

“My uncle wants you all to come for lunch tomorrow. 3 p.m. Do you think you’re able to retain that information?”

“Don’t know. Might say I never got it.”

“And who do you think they’ll believe, Judith? You or me?” He smiled maliciously. “Pass it on. Don’t be late.” With that, he turned his horse, kicked his heel, and took off at a gallop back toward the big house.

I stared at his retreating form for a bit, embarrassed, stunned, frustrated, and with dread curdling my stomach like sour milk.

“Ever heard of a phone?” I shouted after him.

Twat.

For Sunday lunch, we sat outside on the terrace – the same terrace where I’d stood watching Caspien play the piano. That day, Gideon had hired a chef and a waiter to serve us, which was weird. It felt like we’d come out for a particularly fancy meal at a place we couldn’t afford.

Caspien sat beside me on my left, Beth and Luke across, and Gideon at the head with his back to the house. There was wine, of which Caspien was allowed a small half glass and which he sipped like hot tea. I hadn’t wanted any but wasn’t allowed it in any case. I’m sure Luke could have been persuaded, but Beth was having none of it.

I didn’t particularly like alcohol anyway – not the wine we’d stolen from Josh’s parents’ wine fridge or the whisky we’d tried from Alfie’s dad’s cupboard. I didn’t mind beer, but that wasn’t on offer here.

Instead, I had a sugar-free 7-up with Beth while the others sipped their wine.

“So, Luke, Beth,” Gideon began. “I invited Jude to come and use the library here whenever he wanted – since you told me he’s a big reader – but I haven’t had a chance to clear it with you both, yet. I know Caspien would love the company, too.”

“That’s awfully kind of you, Gideon,” Beth beamed. I’d never seen her smile so much; she’d not stopped since we arrived. It was alarming. “Jude would love that too.”

Jude would bloody well not, and if Beth hadn’t warned me not to ‘act up,’ I’d have said as much.

“Yes, I suppose it’d be good to hang out with someone under forty for a change.” It was Caspien who spoke. Not only did he speak, he turned his head and smiled at me. Not the mean, ugly smile he usually gave me. A real one. Pretty and warm. I blinked in shock.

“Don’t let Mario hear you say that,” Gideon chided. “He’s only thirty-two.”

“Well, he looks a lot older,” Caspien retorted, somehow making it sound innocent and not mean.

“Mario is his tennis coach,” Gideon explained. “Nice guy. He flies in from London twice a week. Do you play tennis, Jude? Perhaps you could join them for some lessons?”

“No,” I said, hoping it would cover both questions.

“Jude used to play a bit of rugby. Was good, too.” Luke smiled at me. “But he got his wrist broken on a hard tackle last year and decided to give it up.”

“Which wrist?” Caspien asked me.

“Left.”

He nodded, some glimmer of something in his blue eyes.

“It still hurts when I’m writing or typing for too long.” I directed this at Gideon, who had a sad look on his face. “Probably wouldn’t be great for tennis.”

“That’s a shame.”

Talk moved to the baby, the cottage, and the Deveraux garden revival, which was still ongoing. The Jersey Enquirer wanted to do a feature on it, apparently. The garden, that was.

I was bored, but I was also acutely aware of the body to my left, and that alone had me on the very sharp edge of awareness. I was aware of every mouthful it took, every sip of wine it had, every slight shift it made.

He sat straight and upright and cut his food carefully. He used his napkin frequently like he’d been trained. This caused me to focus on the way I didn’t sit straight, the way I slouched, and the way I dragged my food apart with the knife and fork instead of slicing it.

Today, he wore a white cotton T-shirt that looked buttery-soft, navy chino shorts, and white slip-on sandals. His hair was in flouncy golden waves about his head.

As the lunch plates were cleared, I stood to use the bathroom, desperate for some solitude. Desperate for some distance between me and Caspien where I could slouch and breathe and not feel like a dog who’d been allowed to eat at the human table. I couldn’t wait to get home.

I was walking back towards the terrace when I found Caspien on his phone in the large sitting room across the hall from the arboretum. I hadn’t meant to listen, not really, but when I heard the soft, pleading tone he was using, I froze.

“I can’t,” he was saying. “Because I’m not alone. Well, I am, but I can’t do that here.” His back was turned, so I couldn’t make out his expression, but his voice sounded so completely different that it was shocking to me. It wasn’t the mean one or the bored one he’d used with me; it wasn’t even the polite one he put on for Luke. It was something else entirely. “No. You’ll have to wait.”

I watched as he ran his finger along the surface of a table absently. If he turned his head, he would see me, but for some reason, I couldn’t make my feet move.

“Tell me,” he said quietly. “Tell me what you would do to me.”

He made a low, breathy noise, and a shock of heat rushed between my legs so hard and so fast that I felt dizzy from it. My face got horribly warm.

“Mmmm. Well, that sounds nice.” And then he turned. He didn’t look overly shocked to find me standing there.

Looking me straight in the eye, he said, “Yes, okay, I can’t wait.” The next noise he made was obscene, but it didn’t match the look on his face. “Speak soon. Bye.”

He slid his phone back into his pocket and walked toward me. I sent a prayer upward that he wouldn’t look down at what was going on between my legs; I was sure I wouldn’t survive that kind of public shaming. The shirt I wore was long, and I’d never cared more about the amount of material that went into making clothes until that moment.

“You know, Judith, it’s basic manners not to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations.”

“I wasn’t eavesdropping.” I lied. Who on earth was he talking to like that? Did he have a girlfriend? Because there was absolutely no mistaking the sort of phone call that was.

“No? What were you doing then? Just looking at me?”

“Oh, as if.” I turned to go.

“He’s not going to stop, you know.”

I stopped and turned back. “Who?”

“Gideon. He won’t stop until we’re friends, until we’re as close as two little boys can be. You may as well give him what he wants.”

I frowned. “I really don’t think he cares that much.”

“You don’t know him.”

“Why does he want us to be friends so badly?”

He shrugged. “You heard him; he feels sorry for me.”

It sounded like a lie. And I didn’t know the truth – though I was certain Caspien did.

“You know, since I don’t have any friends.”

“Have you ever wondered why that is?”

“Not really.”

He sighed loudly and took a step toward me, sliding his hands into the pockets of his shorts. “Look, I think we both know that what he wants is completely outside the realms of possibility, but we could play along. It would at least get him to leave us alone.”

“Play along...” I repeated.

The idea of playing Caspien at anything terrified me. But beneath that, I was filled with a nervy anticipation that reminded me of the top of a roller-coaster before that first dip.

“Yes, Judith, play along. Play with me.”

“You’d better stop calling me that, or you can play with your bloody self.”

Too late I heard it in my own ear. Caspien’s eyes lit up and he smiled. It made me think about those noises he made on the phone.

“Oh, I think you are going to be fun, Jude.”

I didn’t even want to begin to imagine what that meant. Instead, I asked, “Who were you talking to on the phone?”

“No one you’d know.”

Maybe if we were friends, he would tell me?

“So, what do you say, Jude?” He stuck his hand out. “Would you like to play at being friends? For Gideon?”

I bit and chewed at my lip, trying to decide why this all felt like a trap. One I could see up ahead and yet was walking into willingly. I looked down at his hand. Hands that would soon come to haunt my dreams.

Carefully, I took it in mine.

“For Gideon.”

The smile he gave me then was slow and close-lipped, and it made my heart beat a little faster as if venom was swirling through my veins.

“Marvellous,” he said before letting go of my hand and breezing past me.

I could only stare after him, sweat licking at my neck and my hand burning like a brand where I had touched him.