Chapter 50

WILLOW

I feel completelyirrational and that’s okay. I’m supposed to be irrational right now.

What does irrational look like for me?

Hiding in the bathroom.

Sitting on the floor.

I have my phone next to me just in case of an emergency.

I am the emergency though.

Sound the sirens! Kick down the door! I’m the emergency!

Honestly, I’m not sure what that means.

I close my eyes.

Call Mila! She will know what to do!

Can’t do that, Willow.

Already dealt with the texts from them all.

And Violet called me.

Oh, how did I sound when she called me?

This isn’t good.

But it is good.

Willow! Damn you! This is amazing! This is beautiful!

My right hand shakes as I reach for my phone.

I take a few breaths, open my eyes, and open the calendar on my phone.

The screen shakes.

I now hold my phone with both hands.

It’s a little less shaky.

I begin to do the thing I should have done a while ago…

I start to track down some dates.

I’m trying to figure this out…

My phone vibrates in my hand.

A text.

From Knox.

I’m outside your door… what’s going on? I’ll break the door down if I have to…

I shake my head.

I don’t want to see Knox right now.

I can’t see Knox right now.

Everything is a disaster now. More than ever.

He can’t see me like this. Not ever.

He texts again.

WHERE ARE YOU

I hear a pounding noise outside the bathroom.

My teeth begin to chatter. Then I bite my bottom lip.

The knocking continues.

Knox is just keeping to his promise. He’s there for me. He’s here for me.

I have to let him in or at least respond to him.

I know Knox well enough by now to know he sticks to his word.

That’s how we got into this situation in the first place!

Knox sticking to his word…

Bailing me out of that awful date.

Just imagine if he never showed up that night… right?

That’s the other thing - I can’t imagine him not showing up that night. Or not showing up right now.

Even still, he can’t see me.

He can’t be here.

I will show him my face.

He’ll see that I’m okay. I’m alive. Breathing. Maybe barely functioning but that’s something I can mask over with a smile.

Or… just lie to him.

Sorry, Knox, I have the flu.

Sorry, Knox, I’m throwing up and it’s not because of morning sickness.

Sorry, Knox, I have an ear infection…

I walk through my dorm with a towel wrapped around me.

While I’m wearing my clothes…

Hey, maybe I’ll get lucky and Knox will look at me and realize I’m crazy and just take off running!

I catch my breath in my throat.

I don’t want to be alone! But I want to be left alone!

“Knox, I’m coming,” I say as the knocking continues.

I end up standing at the door, freezing up again.

“Willow,” Knox’s voice bellows. “What’s going on? Your friends are texting me…”

“I know,” I say through the door. “It’s fine. It was a misunderstanding.”

“Let me in. I need to see you. I need to talk to you.”

“Knox, not right now…”

“Willow,” he says.

I reach for the lock and I twist it.

As soon as I do it, my heart jumps up into my throat.

I’m suddenly terrified.

I turn and start to run toward the bathroom.

I hear the door open and I know Knox is here.

Inside my dorm.

“Willow,” he says.

Knox chases me down in a second.

His hands touch my sides.

I let out a yell.

Knox quickly turns me around.

I look at him. I feel lava-like heat hitting my cheeks.

It’s really hard to take a breath right now too.

“Willow, what’s going on?” Knox asks. “You’re wearing clothes and then a towel…?”

“Oh, this is a new fashion thing. Ruby told me to do it.”

“You’re a terrible liar, you know that?”

I let out a shuddering sound.

I’m actually a good liar. A very good liar. I can lie with the best of them.

But there’s something about looking at Knox… I can’t lie to Knox.

Knox reaches for me.

My body tenses up.

He touches the top of the towel and gives it a small pull.

I will admit - it’s weird wearing a towel over your clothes.

I get that.

But I have a good reason.

The towel leaps from my body down to the floor.

I gasp for a breath.

I can see Knox already looking down.

He sees it.

Oh… God… he sees it…

There’s a moment when I almost apologize to Knox.

Apologize for what?

For getting pregnant?

No.

Apologize for…

Knox lifts his gaze, meeting my eyes.

He now knows what I know.

I officially now have a little baby bump showing.