Chapter 48

WILLOW

It’s beena couple weeks since the hotel incident.

Both Knox and I decided to keep that our little secret.

It feels good to share a secret with him.

Tonight is some kind of version of a girls night.

The idea came from Violet.

Last week the guys all went on a road trip for an away game.

Violet hated being alone and swore there was a ghost in her dorm which led to texts and calls and finally Ruby made it clear that if one more person texted her, the last thing Violet needed to worry about was a ghost.

Violet then broke down crying the next day in person saying she missed us all as friends.

I’m not really part of their group so much but Mila kind of keeps pulling me in…

That’s the shortened version of why I’m sitting on Violet’s couch with a fancy wineglass half full of grape juice.

Mila bought the grape juice so I wouldn’t feel left out… as they all sipped and sometimes chugged cheap wine.

For missing Mac so much, Violet has no issue with keeping him away for the night for this girls night thing.

So far we’ve compared fingernails, debated over the need to have down there waxed, and then all attention went to me…

“There’s got to be something,” Violet says. “Some kind of change.”

“Besides the vomiting,” Ruby says. She cringes. “That alone… never.”

“There’s a lot happening,” I say. “Just not exactly visible yet.”

“Does Knox like it?” Mila asks. “I mean… are your boobs different?”

“Do they look different?” I ask.

“Please don’t start the boob comparing,” Ruby says. “I will stand up and walk out.”

“Yours are perfect, Ruby,” Violet says.

“Okay, I’ll take that last comment,” Ruby says. “Please, Violet, continue.”

That makes me laugh.

“I will say the enjoyment part is nice,” I say. “I mean, you know, the biggest risk of it? It’s already here.”

“I’m not sure pregnancy is a logical birth control plan though,” Mila says.

“Definitely not,” I say. “Just trying to keep things light and not so serious.”

“Tell us how the parents meeting thing went,” Violet says.

“Well, our parents didn’t meet. We went to my father. Then to his. Very intense. Opposite people in a way I guess. I don’t think his father likes me.”

“Screw his father,” Ruby says.

“Stop it,” Mila says to Ruby. “Really? You want to sound as dumb as Gabriel does when he gets in a mood?”

“I get it,” I say. “It’s got to be a weird thing. But Knox isn’t like his father. Believe me.”

“What about your father?” Mila asks.

It’s weird when Mila talks like that.

She’s met my father, obviously.

“Let’s change the subject,” I say. “I don’t want to get too serious here. Actually, I think I might just walk home.”

“What?” Violet cries out. “No!”

“Violet, it’s fine,” I say.

“She can do what she wants,” Ruby says.

I stand up. “Honestly, this has been fun. My life is kind of in a shambles right now. But in the best way. You three should keep the night going. Don’t let my grape juice drinking take away all the fun.”

“I’ll walk you,” Mila says. “We can keep talking. Catching up.”

“Mila, leave me alone for a second,” I say.

Mila gasps.

“Now we’re talking,” Ruby says, her eyes lighting up with delight.

“No offense,” I say with a smile. I look at Violet. “I get to be really bitchy too. And nobody can get mad at me. I can just blame it on the hormones.”

“You know, that’s not fair,” Mila says. “At all.”

“I think it is,” I say. “A little.”

“Are you sure you’re okay walking home by yourself?” Violet asks.

“We’re on campus. I’m not useless.”

“We can stop drinking wine if it’s a problem,” Mila says.

I take a deep breath. “Okay, fine. You know what? You know how your boobs ache like crazy right before your period? Times that by ten and that’s how I feel right now. You know how when you’re sick your muscles feel weird…?”

“I can explain all of that!” Mila says.

“I don’t want an explanation,” I say. “I’m telling you how I feel. Which is why I’m going back to my dorm to sleep.”

“Stay hydrated,” Mila says.

“You too,” I say and wink.

They all laugh as I leave.

I gently jog down the hallway and out of the building into the night.

Campus is always beautiful at night.

It’s quiet. Safe.

It has a quiet town feeling yet the aura of…

Why am I thinking about this right now?

I don’t know. Maybe I really wish I can have a glass of wine. Maybe I just don’t care about hanging out during girls night and talking about boobs and what’s going to happen in the next year.

Everything feels different. Bigger.

Which it is.

I hug myself and walk a little quicker.

I really just want to be in my bed and sleep.

I start to get a strange feeling.

Like someone is looking at me. Or following me. Or both.

It’s a creepy feeling.

All those warnings you hear about being alone at night ring throughout my head.

My right hand gently drops down and I touch my stomach.

I have a sudden feeling of protection. Like I have to protect myself. Protect my baby.

A hand touches my right shoulder and I let out a scream.

Two hands are then touching my sides, spinning me around.

“I’m pregnant!” I scream.

“I know that,” Knox says with a smile.

“Holy shit! Knox! What were you thinking?”

“I called your name twice,” he says. “I thought maybe you were listening to music or something.”

I touch my chest. My heart is pounding.

“I was just…”

I suck in a breath and gasp.

Both hands go to my stomach.

“Knox,” I say.

“What is it? Are you okay?”

“I think… Knox, I think the baby just kicked!”

“What?” Knox cries out. “What do you mean… kicked?”

I grab his right hand and place it to my stomach.

“Can you feel that? It’s like a fluttering feeling! It’s happening! I can feel it! Can you feel it? Can you?”

Knox shakes his head.

He stares down at his hand on my stomach.

After a few seconds I smack his hand away and lift my shirt.

Now it’s his bare hand against my stomach.

I gasp when I feel the fluttering…

Knox jumps back, pulling his hand away.

“You felt it!” I yell.

“I felt it,” he says. “The baby just kicked my hand!”

Knox jumps at me.

I almost think he’s going to knock me over.

He doesn’t.

Instead, he grabs me. He pulls me toward him.

He kisses me.

The exact thing I need right now.

A moment together for us.

I can’t help it as my eyes fill with tears.