Prologue

I’m learningthis stuff on-the-go… did not expect to need to take a pregnancy test while still in college.

No judgement, please.

Here’s what I’m learning…

Self-checkouts are wonderful.

Buying a pregnancy test without having some cashier stare you down… that’s a good thing. Or worse yet - imagine buying a pregnancy test and the cashier is someone you know. Or someone that knows you or your family or whatever. Right? And next thing you know, there’s like a million rumors about you floating around the world.

No thanks.

I’m stressed enough as it is right now.

Another thing I’m learning…

No matter the logic you have in your mind, you’re going to ask yourself the dumbest question ever.

How did this happen?

I mean, we really ask that? I know I am right now. I’ve asked it like three times. Yet I know the answer. I’m not some mythical creature that can get pregnant on her own.

Um, hello?

Want me to be sweet about it? Fine.

I made sweet love with a gentle man who cradled me and together we reached orgasm.

Want me to be scientific about it? Fine.

His sperm reached my egg and one of those poked right on through… and here we are…

Not sure that’s actually scientific or not.

Want me to be filthy about it? Sure!

I fucked someone and it was amazing, then he blew his load inside me and now I’m pissing on a pregnancy test because I’m pretty sure… well… you know…

I can’t believe I’m asking myself that stupid question.

Then again I can’t believe I’m in this particular situation either.

Like, I know how I got here. But I’m still here.

I’m going through all the motions of this.

Again, I’m learning.

I guess you’re supposed to learn new things in life, right? No matter your age.

Oh, here’s something else too…

I’m thinking about how this should have gone.

You know, years from now. After I graduate and travel the world to discover myself. After I meet some guy in some casual, perfect meet cute kind of way. After we share a shitty apartment in a busy city and after he proposes to me on the fire escape with police sirens in the background. After we get jobs, choose careers and end up cruising the suburbs, to find a house that we probably can’t afford but we both want so we are going to make it work no matter what.

That’s when I get pregnant.

The first of many pregnancies.

Well, not many… I’m not going to be a conveyer belt, pumping out babies like a factory making tubs of ice cream…

I’ve never thought about it before.

Not the ice cream factory thing.

The other thing.

The growing up and getting married and having babies thing.

Oh, fuck, I think I’m officially spiraling now.

How long does a pregnancy test take to declare my fate?

I reach into the bathroom trashcan and pull out the pink box.

I read the box for the millionth time.

The words are the same.

Time ticks away.

I look at myself in the mirror and mentally tell myself not to ask how did this happen…

That’s when I suddenly realize something.

Something else I’m going to have to learn really quick.

I’m going to have to learn how to walk up to a guy and tell him he put a baby in my belly.

Maybe.

“Maybe,” I whisper as I fan myself with the empty pregnancy test box.

There’s still some time left here.

My phone timer hasn’t gone off yet.

I check it.

Oh, wow… only ten seconds left before I find out if I’m going to be a mother or just get to be a normal college girl for a little bit longer.