70. Zane

70

ZANE

"You looked good out there." Jace wipes his face with a towel. "Not bad for a guy who's been pulling two-a-days all week."

I shrug. "Gotta find some way to burn off all the energy you won't let me spend killing Carson."

Or the energy I can no longer spend with Mira.

Some part of me meant it when I told her she should leave. If she isn't going to be honest with me, it would be easier if she left. Maybe then I wouldn't lie in bed, staring at my ceiling, convincing myself not to walk down the hall to her.

"Whatever you've gotta do to keep your head clear and the starting lineup breathing."

Hanna is waiting around the next corner. She pushes off the wall when she sees us.

"What's going on?" I ask.

She breaks into a bright smile. "Nothing! I just caught a bit of practice. You all looked great in there. You're hitting your stride."

"We're trying," Jace says. "Can't look much worse than we did last weekend."

I grunt out a thanks. "So, you don't have a message or anything for me?"

Hanna's face falls. "No, sorry. I was just in the neighborhood and wanted to say hi. So, hi!" She chuckles. "Anyway, see you around."

Hanna pushes through the back exit and Jace clicks his tongue. "What?" I ask.

"Aside from the fact that every woman who works for you is desperately in love with you?" He bobs his head. "Nothing at all."

I wave off the comment. Partially because it's bullshit. Hanna has been acting weird, but she's worked for me for years. There's nothing going on there.

There's also nothing going on with Mira. Not anymore.

I take another long shower. For weeks, I've been the first person out of the locker room after practice. Now, by the time I shut off the water and wrap my towel around my waist, the locker room is empty.

I towel off and change slowly, as if five extra minutes out of the house will make going home easier.

Aiden is home today, which actually does make things a little easier. He's a nice buffer between us. It's easier to handle Mira's secrets when I see how much Aiden loves her. She's good for him , at least.

For now, that means she stays.

I grab my phone out of my bag on the way out the door, mostly checking to see if Owen's P.I. has gotten back to me yet. It's been a few days of radio silence. I only paid the man half of his fee up front, but it was a hefty amount. I wouldn't be shocked if he's ghosting me.

Instead, I see a string of texts and missed calls from Mira.

Aiden isn't doing well. He has a high fever and is exhausted. I think we should call the doctor.

Aiden is really sick. Evan is coming to pick us up.

We're on our way. I'll text when I know more.

She followed up with the hospital's address and then… nothing. For hours.

I drop the dead weight of my duffel on the locker room floor and sprint for the parking lot.

Nothing makes time crawl like being in a rush.

Traffic is a nightmare and each unanswered ring of Mira's phone feels like a minute, an hour, an eternity. When I'm finally squeezing through the emergency room's automatic doors, I'm ready to tear through walls to find my son.

I'm charging towards the nurse's station when a massive wall of a man steps in front of me.

I have a hand ready to shove some power-tripping security guard out of the way when I realize it's my security guard.

Evan doesn't waste any time. He tips his head towards the elevators. "I'll take you to Aiden's room."

"Is he okay?" I demand. "How long has he been here? Why the fuck isn't Mira answering her phone?"

Memories of the days Daniel spent in the hospital float to the forefront of my mind. The smell of the lobby, the glare of the lights… even the wobbly slide of the elevator doors brings it all back.

Along with the feeling I've been trying to outrun for years. Five undeniable words.

This is all my fault.

"Reception is shitty upstairs," he explains, jabbing the fifth floor button. "And Mira has been talking to a lot of the doctors and nurses. She might not have had time."

"She should've made time," I grit out. "I'm his father."

His father, who wasn't around when he needed to be admitted to the hospital.

His father, who spent half an hour roasting in the shower after practice instead of checking his phone or rushing home to be with his kid.

The elevator doors open and I'm already through them and moving down the hall when Evan calls after me, "Room 518."

I break into a jog.

I see Mira at the end of the hall. Her dark hair is twisted into a bun on the top of her head. She's in a pair of leggings and a large shirt. Her arms are wrapped tightly around her body like she's barely holding herself together.

The doctor pats her on the arm and then turns into another room.

I've seen the move before. Mostly in movies. After someone is horribly disfigured in a car accident. Or someone dies.

Once in real life, when Daniel lost his leg.

I'm at her side a second later, breathless. "What's wrong?"

She blinks up at me like I might not be real. Then, before I can do anything, she launches herself at me. She wraps her arms around my middle and clings tight. "Oh my God. You're here."

She's okay , is my first thought. Followed quickly by, But Aiden isn't.

I want to hold her against me and go find my son. See both of them at the same time. Know they're okay. But I grab Mira's shoulders and hold her away from me. "What's wrong with Aiden? Where is he?"

She sags. I've never seen her look so small. "He's sleeping. They ran tests and it was bronchitis. I looked that up the other day, but the internet said most cases clear up on their own. I didn't think anything like this would happen, but then he was turning blue this morning."

My stomach twists.

"The doctor thinks him being born prematurely could've affected how his lungs handled the sickness, but there's no way to know for sure. But Zane, he was…" Her throat bobs. "I've never been so scared."

"You should have told me."

Her eyes widen. "I tried! I texted, but then things were getting worse and worse. I didn't think you'd want me to wait around for you."

"You knew I was in practice."

"Which is why I made an executive decision," she says evenly. "You pay me to take care of him. That's what I did."

"I pay you to make him snacks and take him to the fucking park, not make medical calls on my behalf."

Her brows pinch together. "Are you seriously mad at me right now? Aiden's oxygen levels were low when he got here. He was barely breathing. He couldn't even stay awake. Was I supposed to sit around and wait for you to get out of practice?"

"You were supposed to get in touch with me!" I roar. "I wasn't in a fucking bunker in the middle of nowhere! I was twenty minutes away. I could have been here with him."

Mira shrinks back against the wall.

Distantly, I remember that she's scared of confrontation. Yelling triggers her. But I can't lower my voice; I can't back off.

My son was in danger today and I wasn't there for him… because of her . If I wasn't trying to avoid Mira, I would've come home sooner.

If I wasn't so distracted with trying to sort through her lies, maybe I would've noticed how sick Aiden was getting before he got so bad his lips turned blue.

I let Mira into my heart, into my bloodstream. I've been so focused on her that I let Aiden fall through the cracks. I'm not using again, but addiction is addiction.

I have to root it out or I'm going to lose control.

"You should go."

Mira's mouth falls open. "You're kidding."

"Believe it or not, I'm not in a joking mood right now," I bite out. "I don't want you here."

Fucking hell, I wish that were true.

"I tried to get in touch with you. I tried to—" She shakes her head. "I don't believe this. I don't—What is this really about?" She snaps her green eyes to mine. They look golden in the overhead lights. "This isn't about today or about Aiden. This is about what's going on between me and you."

I bark out a bitter laugh. " Now , you want to talk about it? Fucking figures."

"Don't do that! Don't act like I'm manipulating you or something. I've been honest with you about?—"

"About nothing!" I cut in. "You haven't told me a goddamn fucking thing. No one knows who you are, Mira!"

Her lips are pressed into a flat line. "I was honest with you from the beginning about wanting my privacy. I never made you any promises, Zane."

"No, because you can take care of yourself, right? That's what you're always saying. ‘ I can take care of myself.' " I close the distance between us until she's flat against the pale, cinderblock walls. "Is that why you were down to your last dollar before we met? Is that why you lived in a fucking trash pile with no furniture?"

Angry red crawls up her neck and stains her cheeks, but her eyes are glassy. Tears pool along her bottom lid, catching in her long lashes.

I shove down whatever sympathy she's trying to muster out of me. "You didn't make me any promises because you knew from the beginning that you were going to take my money and run. Was fucking you all over the house I let you live in a bonus, or did you plan that out, too? Maybe if the pussy was good enough, I'd let you stay."

Mira's hand cracks across my face. Truth be told, I barely feel the pain.

Tears are rolling down her cheeks. "Fuck you, Zane."

I'm distantly aware of the singed outline of her hand on my cheek. "Too late for that."

She stares at me for a second. Our eyes meet and I swear she can see every twisted thought in my head.

Then she leans into Aiden's room and grabs her purse from beside the door. She rubs at her face, but the tears keep coming.

I'm doing the right thing . I repeat the words over and over to myself, waiting for them to stick. Waiting for the hole in my chest to stop expanding and swallowing up everything else.

She takes a step and stops, half-turning towards me. "Can you tell Aiden that I'm sorry? Can you tell him I didn't want—" A sob catches in her throat. She clears it away. "Can you tell him I love him?"

She does love him. I know that.

He loves her, too.

This is going to break him.

It's all my fault.

I'm doing the right thing.

I'm a father.

I'm a failure.

I'm torn between opposite ends of some self-loathing spectrum and all I can do is shake my head. "I won't make you any promises. Just like you wouldn't do for me."