44. Zane

44

ZANE

"This fig and pomegranate salad is amazing," Daniel remarks. "But is it making anyone else suspiciously horny?"

I almost spew my lemonade across Coach Popov's back deck. At my side, Mira is doing the exact same thing.

"Did someone call for me?" Davis walks through the sliding glass door with a beer in hand. "‘Suspiciously Horny' was my nickname in college."

Eyes narrowed at Taylor, Mira accuses, "You snitch! You told them!"

Taylor hugs Daniel's middle, burying her laugh in his shoulder. "Sorry, girl. You can't go to a horned-up cooking class and expect me not to make fun of you for the rest of time."

"And I was with her when you called to tell her, so she had to tell me." Daniel kisses the top of Taylor's head, and I don't know if I've ever seen him so happy. It's repulsive.

It also makes me grin.

Motherfucker deserves some happiness.

"It wasn't horned-up," Mira cries. "It was just— It was an accident! "

Everyone—mostly Davis—demands a play-by-play of the class and Mira walks them all through it, from the red wine and chocolates spread out on our station when we arrived to the way the geriatric instructor told us that cooking should be a "full-body pleasure experience, inside and out, tits to toes. Oops, did I say ‘tits'? "

Jace snorts. "What about when I'm cooking frozen dino nuggets for the third time in a week because it's all Gallagher will eat? Is that supposed to be a ‘sensual experience' for me and Rachelle?"

"Oh, God." Reeves covers his son's ears, but Jalen is too busy wolfing down cookies to notice. "This is supposed to be family-friendly."

"I'll never look at dino nuggets the same way again," Davis murmurs, a haunted look in his eyes.

Suddenly, Jalen whispers something in Reeves's ear. Reeves gestures towards me and Jalen comes slinking up, his chin dipped nervously.

"What's up, buddy?" I kneel down to his level.

He swivels from one foot to the other, his hands tangled in the stretched-out hem of his t-shirt. "Um, my daddy said I should ask you if your kid can play with me."

I'm someone's dad.

Everyone on the team has been calling me "Daddy" all week, thanks to Jace, that asshole. My bedside table is stacked high with picture books that I've read on repeat to Aiden the past three nights before bed.

Yet, this is the moment the reality drives home.

This little kid is looking at me, and all he sees is Aiden's dad.

It feels… good.

It feels really fucking good.

"Absolutely," I tell him, squeezing his little shoulder. "But that's really up to Aiden. You'll have to ask him."

Jalen looks past me to where Aiden has been sitting on a cushioned bench, clutching his Spiderman water bottle like his life depends on it.

All eyes were on him when we first showed up, and he's been lurking on the sidelines ever since.

But when Jalen makes his way over, Aiden looks to me with wide eyes. I give him a subtle thumbs up. I can't hear what Jalen is saying, but after a few seconds, Aiden nods and the two of them run off together.

And my heart almost bursts.

"Well, ain't that fuckin' precious?"

I look over my shoulder and Reeves is watching our kids run off together like it's the best thing he's seen all day.

"Yeah," I whisper in quiet agreement.

More precious than I know what to do with.

Later, after hamburgers have been doled out and the snack table has been decimated, Reeves finds me sitting around the corner of the house, watching Jalen and Aiden turn a pile of dirt into a restaurant.

"They're thick as thieves over there." He hands me a drink. I almost refuse it before I realize it's a can of sparkling water. "That's great, since Jemma basically grabbed me by the nuts last night and made me swear I'd schedule a playdate with you all. She's pissed she had to miss meeting Aiden."

"Where is she?"

"Photoshoot in New York—or, er, maybe L.A.?" He shrugs. "I don't know. Photoshoot somewhere. She gets back late tonight."

"What do you do when you're both out of town for work? Who watches Jalen?"

"Jemma's parents live here. They take him when we can't reschedule. But if you're willing to share, we'd take Mira's number off your hands." He wags his brows. "Good help is hard to find."

"No. She's not—" Not what? I don't even know how to finish that sentence. "It's an exclusive contract. I don't have family around, so I need her available."

The lie slips off my tongue easily enough because it's not really a lie.

I need her.

In more ways than one.

When Mira leaves, I don't know what I'm going to do. How do you raise a kid on your own?

As if he can read my mind, Reeves leans in close. "How are you doing with Paige… you know?"

"Dying and dropping a surprise kid on my doorstep?"

He winces. "Sorry, man. There's no good way to ease into that conversation."

I wave him off. "It's fine. In my mind, Paige died years ago. I knew it was going to happen sooner or later—no one can keep going the way she was and make it out the other side. But if I'd known about Aiden, then I would have…" I lean forward, elbows on my knees, as my voice falls into a choked rasp. "I would have gotten him out of there. I think half the reason Aiden is doing fine without Paige is because she wasn't much of a mother to begin with. She could barely take care of herself. There's no way she was taking good care of a kid."

I hate thinking about what Aiden went through. What he must have seen.

"It probably doesn't help ease your mind, but he seems fine." Reeves gestures to where Aiden and Jalen are falling over each other laughing because Aiden slipped off the dirt mound and landed on the "stove."

"For now," I agree. "But sometimes, I think about what he's going to go through being my son, and I'm not sure if he's any better off."

"You mean because of the press?"

I nod. "That. And my past. There's no such thing as buried secrets when all of your sins are laid bare in the tabloids. He's going to know every nasty detail of what me and his mom were up to. People are going to hold it against him."

The same way Peter Morris is holding my past against me. I've been sober for years, but it doesn't matter.

My old mistakes will always be the first thing people see when they look at me.

"That part of it sucks, man. There's no way around it. But kids are resilient." He chuckles. "I don't mean that you can fuck them up and traumatize them and they'll be okay, but when you're doing your best and loving them, the rest of this stuff comes out in the wash. Aiden will get used to the cameras and you can prepare him for what he'll find on the internet way before he goes looking. You can handle all of that stuff, and so can Aiden. You guys will figure it out."

"What are we figuring out?" Daniel asks, rounding the corner with Jace and Davis just behind him. "Taylor kicked me out of the girl's circle."

"Probably because she was tired of you drooling all over her," Davis says. "She wants to make space for a real man to slip in."

"Touch her and I'll kill you," Daniel snarls, his face dangerously serious for a few seconds while the threat sinks in. Then he sighs. "No, she said Mira would never be honest with them while Zane's best friend was lurking around."

"She probably won't be honest with them, either way," I suggest.

Jace frowns, and I realize all at once what I said.

"Not like that. She's just… private. She almost didn't take the job when she found out I play for the Angels. She likes to fly under the radar."

"Is that why you're still calling her your nanny instead of your girlfriend?" Jace asks.

"No. It's because she isn't my?—"

"You don't have to admit it, but no more lies." Jace jabs a warning finger at me. "Carson's speech the other day fucking sucked, but he's right: we're family."

"That's right." Davis raises a beer. "To honesty and to family!"

I raise my water in agreement just as Mira comes around the corner.

Her hair is inky black in the fading light. When she sees me, she beams, and I don't know how to be honest about the feeling that warms my chest.

Because the truth is, I don't know how to be with Mira.

Whenever something makes me feel this good, I have a nasty habit of letting it destroy my life.