50. Mira

50

MIRA

I'm not sure when I'll stop being gobsmacked by the luxury Zane has access to, but it isn't tonight.

I throw my purse on the bed and walk to the balcony doors in a trance, my mouth hanging open. "This is all ours? It's private?"

"Were you hoping to invite our neighbors for a swim?" Zane's arms circle around my waist from behind. I can see our fuzzy reflection against the sliding glass door, but the blue glow of the pool beyond still has most of my attention. "Because we don't have any neighbors. I rented out every room with access to this balcony."

"Good. I want it all to myself." I turn in his arms, my hands flat on his chest. "I want you all to myself."

Zane's expression sharpens. His fingers curl up my sides and stroke down my arms. He kisses my neck and sucks on the swell of my breasts, pushing the neckline of my dress lower with every sweep of his tongue. I close my eyes and sink back against the glass, happy to let him explore. Then his hands wrap around my wrists, and I wince.

In a second, the warmth of him is gone. He cradles my arm, turning my wrist over in his hand to examine it.

"It's okay." I try to pull my arm back, but he doesn't let go.

"We should get it looked at."

"Zane, I'm okay."

"You're hurt," he growls. "I don't want to make it worse if it's broken."

"It's not broken. I've had enough broken bones to know what they feel like." As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I know it was the wrong thing to say.

Zane's jaw flexes. The heat building between us ten seconds ago is chilly.

"I'm sorry," I groan.

"For what?" he grits out.

I gesture at the air between us. "For ruining your night! This is supposed to be a celebration, and I messed everything up. I shouldn't have let Carson?—"

"You didn't let Carson do anything, Mira. That wasn't your fault. And nothing is ruined."

"Tell that to the very hot foreplay that just fizzled out."

Note to self: reflections on childhood abuse aren't good ways to stoke the fires.

He arches a brow. "‘Very hot'?"

I bite my lower lip. "I thought so. What do you think?"

Zane closes the distance between us, his hands wrapping around my sides again. But this time, he finds the zipper at the back of my dress. He slides it down my spine slowly. His eyes go black as the material slips around my waist and then to the floor.

"You failed to mention you have nothing on under that dress." He stares at every bare inch of me, drinking it all in.

I shrug. "You didn't ask."

"We wouldn't have even left the house if I'd known."

I bite back a smile. "What's your plan now?"

He slips out of his jacket and starts unbuttoning his shirt. "I think you need to get in that pool. Now."

"It's cold out there," I argue weakly.

"It's heated."

"I don't have a swimsuit."

He unbuttons his pants and drops them, along with his boxers, to his ankles. My mouth goes dry. It wouldn't matter if that pool was swimming with piranhas—I'd get in right now if he asked me to.

"You won't need one." His voice is a desperate rumble as he reaches around me to open the door, gently guiding me backwards onto the balcony.

Steam is rising off of the surface of the water. The air bites into my exposed skin, but Zane leads me into the warm water and I sink happily below the surface.

The traffic sounds seem so far away. Even the city lights are fuzzy through the frosted privacy glass around the balcony.

"It feels like we're in our own world up here," I whisper.

"Because we are." Zane kisses my neck and my jaw. His lips whisper over my skin like a secret. "Nothing else matters right now except for you and me."

Questions sprout on the tip of my tongue. Do you know where Dante is? Is Evan monitoring the house tonight? What security protocols are in place?

But Zane seems to know what I'm thinking and he sets to work making sure I'm thoroughly distracted.

He corners me against the edge of the pool and works a hand between our bodies. He strokes one finger over me, dragging toe-curling friction against exactly where I want him.

"My one truth today is that I want to pretend we're two normal people on a normal honeymoon." His finger slips inside of me, stealing my breath away. "I want you to feel safe."

"I always feel safe with you."

Because of the security system and the bodyguards, yes, but also when we're under the blankets in our bed and he's crawling over me. When the shower door opens and he steps under the spray with me. When I wake up crying from a dream and he tucks a strong arm around my waist.

I trust Zane on a level I've never trusted another person in my life—with my past and my present, my heart and my soul.

"You know what I mean."

I know what he means, but he doesn't know what I mean.

"I do, but you—" He adds a second finger, and my head rolls back. The thoughts in my brain scatter.

He bites my lower lip, tugging on it while he fucks me with his fingers. "I love the way you look when I'm inside of you."

Suddenly, the water almost seems too hot. My body is on fire.

I fumble around between us until I can wrap my hand around his length. He hisses. "I'm so fucking hard, Mira. Have been since the party. Since before we even got to the party." He laughs. "I didn't even want to be there. The entire time, I was thinking about you."

Maybe we're supposed to take this slow, but every word out of his mouth zips through my veins. I'm vibrating, and I need him right now.

I think I say that out loud, but I'm not sure. All I know is Zane slides his fingers out of me and immediately fills me again. His hips press into me, and we both moan with how good it feels.

He wraps an arm around my lower back to protect me from the rough edge of the pool even as he's driving into me, panting against my mouth between sloppy kisses.

And I realize how much I don't want to know another version of Zane.

I don't want to wish away any single thing from his life that made him the person he is, that brought him to me.

His fingers dig into my ass as his hips snap against mine again and again. "Mira," he breathes. "God, I could come right now. Fuck."

"Me, too." And I could. But I'm not sure… "Wait, wait." I press a hand to his chest. "Wait a second."

Zane stops immediately, but his neck is red. I can see his pulse thundering in his throat. "Did I hurt you?"

"No. Never. I just… I think I want everything else to still matter."

He frowns, his chest heaving. "What?"

"I don't want another version of our relationship. I don't wish we were different people who met in a different way. I don't—" He twitches inside of me, and I hate myself a little bit for stopping us. "I want everything in our lives to matter. Because it does matter."

His lips linger along my jaw. Goosebumps zip down my neck. "I know it does. But not right now."

"Yes, right now. Always. It all matters. If everything had been perfect—my childhood, your past—we still could have found each other, but I think—" I adjust myself on the side of the pool, accidentally drawing him deeper inside of me. "It means so much more that we found each other despite everything."

I grab his face, forcing his eyes to mine. "I want you to know right now that I don't have any regrets, Zane. About anything. I'm glad we decided loving each other was more important than anything else. My one truth is that I'm so happy that we got married and are trying to make a baby and are building our life together, even while someone else is threatening to tear it down."

His eyes are locked on mine, wide and clear, and finally, he knows exactly what I mean. I see it in the flare of his pupils, the slight curve of his lips.

He presses into me again, and I sink against him. It's a slow push and pull. We're moving so carefully that the surface of the water stays still. The night is quiet. It's just our breathing and the press of our bodies and his eyes looking into mine, and it's all so fucking perfect that I snap.

My orgasm builds and swells until I'm clinging to Zane with both arms.

Until I drop my head to his shoulder and take a bite out of his neck to keep from crying out.

Only when I'm trembling from the comedown does Zane pick up the pace. Finally, he lifts my legs higher around his hips and drives into me. We crash together under the water again and again until he suddenly spins us around and sits on the bench that runs around the edge of the pool so I'm straddling him.

I sink all the way against him, and Zane is gone.

He buries his face against my chest while he spills into me.

I curl my fingers through the damp hair at the back of his neck as we both sigh and settle down. "I hope this is it," I murmur.

His eyes are glazed when he lifts his head. "What?"

"I hope we just made a baby."

He's still inside of me, and he rocks our bodies together. "Keep talking like that and I'll make sure it happens tonight."

"I don't know what time it is, but I'm not tired at all," I admit. "I want to enjoy every second of tonight with you."

His thumb brushes along my jawline. "Every second of tonight and every other night, it matters. They all matter. You matter, Mira. Always."