33. Mira

33

MIRA

There's pain.

Or maybe there isn't.

I'm not sure which option is worse. I'm not sure of anything, really.

My eyelids are cemented closed and I'm stiff all over. My back, my hips, my— fuck , my neck. I try to tilt my head and pain ricochets down my spine and makes my back and hips hurt all over again.

"Mira?"

Everything aches, but the sound of his voice cuts through the pain.

A warm hand squeezes my fingers, and I realize someone is holding my hand. Not someone— Zane .

I struggle to lift my eyelids, cracking them open just enough to singe my eyes with daylight and wince.

"Shit. Sorry."

Zane's hand is gone. A second later, the bright light shining through my eyelids dims. I tentatively crack my eyes open again.

It's dark, but then his face is there. There are shadows under his eyes and he looks pale, but he's the best thing I've seen in… well, I don't know how long. But it doesn't matter.

"Wherever I am, it can't be all bad," I rasp. "You're here."

He smiles and brings my hand to his lips. He kisses each of my knuckles like they're precious to him. "You're in the hospital."

Suddenly, I hear it. The beeping of the monitor behind me. The murky glug of my IV.

The crunch of the metal as the SUV spun across the intersection…

"The accident!" I gasp, sending another sharp pain down my spine. "I'm so sorry, Zane. I asked Evan to let me drive. Don't be upset with him. It was my fault."

"Don't apologize."

"But—"

"Don't," he repeats, squeezing my fingers, "apologize. I just spent the last four hours praying to every higher power I could think of, waiting for you to wake up. If you think the first thing I want to do now that your eyes are open is get mad at you, then you must have hit your head very hard."

Tears fill my eyes, and Zane gingerly leans over me to kiss them away.

This is what it means to be cared for. To be cherished.

I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it. Part of me hopes I don't.

"Is Evan okay?"

"He's fine. Sleeping it off down the hall."

Thank God for that.

A doctor comes in and looks me over, but he doesn't find anything of note.

"The scrape on your cheek will heal up in a week or so, and the aches and pains should go away," he says. "Unless anything changes over night, I'll let you go home in the morning."

"Thank you, Doctor." Zane shakes the man's hand, but his voice is cold.

"Is he the person who crashed into me?" I ask as soon as the doctor is gone. "You looked like you wanted to deck him."

Zane settles on the very edge of the chair next to me, like he can't get close enough. "I wanted to deck everyone who works in this hospital. They wouldn't tell me anything."

"Why not?"

"Because we aren't family." His fingers shift over mine, lingering on my ring finger. "It was the same way when Daniel was in the hospital. I had to get everything secondhand through his parents, but it took them an entire day to get here. For twenty-four hours, I was in the goddamn dark."

"I'm sorry." He scowls at me for apologizing again, but I wave him off. "I just mean I'm sorry that I didn't think about the fact that you've done this before. With Daniel."

I can only imagine what kind of memories this is dredging up for him.

"Well, you should've thought about it. Then you could've made sure some idiot who wasn't paying attention couldn't crash into you, since you obviously have control over things like that. This really is all your fault, Mira."

I shove his shoulder, ignoring the jolt of pain that shoots up mine when I laugh. "You know what I mean."

"I do, but you don't seem to understand me ." Zane slips gracefully into the bed with me. "I want you to stop apologizing. You didn't do anything wrong. It's not like you spent hours getting wasted and then offered to drive. You didn't choose this."

The casual self-deprecation is almost worse than if he was emotional.

"You were a different man, Zane. You weren't thinking clearly." I lean against his chest. "I didn't know you back then, but I know for a fact that you wouldn't do anything that might hurt the people around you."

"Not anymore. Not after what happened to Daniel." He strokes my side through the scratchy hospital gown. "I hate that that's what it took for me to get my shit together. Daniel had to lose his leg—and it had to be my fault—before I could see how bad things had gotten." He huffs out a bitter laugh. "Some days, the guilt of seeing Daniel was the only thing that kept me sober. How fucked up is that?"

"I don't think it matters why you stayed sober. I doubt Daniel would even be upset. Actually, he'd probably love knowing he was the reason you stayed clean."

"Probably." Zane smirks, but just as quickly his smile falls and he grips my face. "But I don't want anything like that to happen to you. I don't need the guilt to keep me going—I need you to keep me going."

"I'm not going anywhere." Even as the words leave my lips, my eyes are blinking closed. I'm exhausted.

Zane's mouth whispers over mine, feather soft. "Promise me. Promise me you'll stay with me, Mira."

I know I shouldn't make promises I might not be able to keep, but I've never wanted to keep a promise more than this one.

I can't even tell if I'm dreaming anymore, but I don't care. I sink deeper into the curve of his chest and his arm around me.

"I promise."

"Good." His breath is hot against my neck, his whispered words sending goosebumps across my chest. "How am I ever going to let you out of my sight after this?"

My thoughts swirl away. I can feel myself slipping into sleep no matter how much I want to stay right here—with Zane, in his sights, next to him forever.

As if he can read my mind, his arm tightens around me. Before I give myself over to sleep, he whispers behind my ear, "You're everything, Mira. My whole world."