CHAPTER 2

Mammon

Demon Prince of Greed

Eternity is tedious. This meeting is tedious, deputizing for Luci is beyond tedious. I have my own level of hell to manage. Tartarus didn’t just run itself. Unbeknown to the French, bureaucracy had already been devised by demon-kind long before they came up with it.

I was relying on my subordinates, Karriel, Azrael, and the other Lesser Demons to run things while I’m here playing politics with the other princes of hell. Herding cats would be easier. Maybe I should borrow Azrael’s for the day, bring him along and watch him lick himself while Leviathan whines about how busy he is keeping level six under control when mankind’s tendency towards Envy has increased exponentially. Cry me a river, I have a canoe, so I don’t care. I don’t have a canoe, as it would burn to ash in the fiery lakes we throw the souls of those deemed unworthy in. But you get my point.

It was the quarterly level review meeting, and it was the same agenda and gripes as our last session. We are all over-worked, underappreciated and… nothing changes. Excuse me for pointing out that it’s called HELL for a reason. Not Disneyland. Although the queues there aren’t fun.

I’ve had enough of this… I’m calling it.

“Gentlemen, I’m calling time on this meeting. Please submit your grievances directly to Luci and outline your solutions against each point. Unless there’s anything more pressing we need to discuss, I suggest we adjourn until next quarter.” A chorus of disgruntled mumbles fills the air. Well, tough doo-doo. I wasn’t in the mood to sit here and humor them for a second longer. I needed to get back to my office and see what shit-storm hit while I was away.

“Boss, we handled things, see the building’s still standing and everything.”

Evren’s comment was not filling me full of confidence that everything was indeed fine. Yes, the building was still standing. Then why was Evren acting shifty?

“What aren’t you telling me, Ev?”

“Nothing, really, it’s all good…. Now. Karriel stepped in and sorted it.”

I barely held in my groan; this was not what I wanted to hear the moment I re-materialized in my office. I stepped around my desk and sank into my seat, feeling suddenly weary.

“Tell me.”

I have every faith in Karriel’s ability and, as my deputy; he has my full backing. Only since he’s found his mate, he’s been spending more time in the human world than here. Not that I could really blame him. If I find my destined one, I sure as hell wouldn’t be tied to my desk as much.

“Well, you know how humans are these days…”

“Oh, I do…” I didn’t bother to tone down my sarcasm. I rarely had contact with humans these days and a good job too as I was inclined to smite every dipshit who had the nerve to said ‘don’t you know who I am?’ My usual reply was ‘no, nor do I care.’ I had little time for self-important mortals. I’d had my ‘Summons’ link deactivated so that those trying to invoke me would get the demon equivalent to a busy dialing tone. Not the most high-tech solution, but effective and necessary.

“Okay, but don’t get upset. It’s The Lucem. Seems they are almost ready to make their move for power.”

“Ugh!!!” This time, I didn’t hold back my exasperated sigh. “Them again?” They are almost as tedious as the rest of the dipshits I have to deal with these days. A little while ago I’d brought the ‘Lucem’ up at the quarterly level review and made the point that my department had spent an immeasurable amount of time dealing with them. That, as most of the Lucem were obsessed with wealth, my department wasn’t the most suited to deal with them. Effectively palming the dipshits off on Belphegor and his level seven team, who specialized in wealth. That discussion almost came to blows. Lucifer had to step in to break us apart and decided that Greed was the correct department to deal with them. Effectively dropping that hot potato back in my lap. I wasn’t impressed. But apart from throwing a tantrum that would impress no one, I was stuck. Evren’s news really wasn’t all that surprising, the Lucem’s leader had been plotting for years, so what was it this time?

“It seems they’re going for a more… direct approach this time, or at least a more conventional one.”

“No cult this time, then?” This wasn’t the first or even the second time the Lucem had tried to exert control over the human population. When I mean cult, I mean that cluster-fuck at Waco and the cover-up the humans orchestrated.

“Actually, no, and that’s the thing. This time, it seems they are just going into politics with the catchphrase of ‘Bringing America Back.’”

“Back where? I thought they’d accepted that the world was round centuries ago?”

“Ha-Ha, but seriously, the human world hasn’t been too prosperous for the last few decades and anyone promising a return to the boom time of the late 1980s is going to win votes.”

“But that’s impossible. The world has changed. What worked back then can’t possibly work now? Technology and thinking have moved on, old style industry is a thing of the past. You can’t just bring it back and expect it to work in a modern context.”

“You say that, but if enough people want it…”

“I am not signing off on any of you recreating the industrial revolution. Nope, no, not going to happen.”

“It doesn’t have to; they just have to make enough people believe it’s going to happen…”

“But that’s, that’s…”

“Modern Politics?”

“I was going to say bullshit, but modern politics works, too.”

“Yep.”

“So, that’s their plan. They are just going to promise to put the moon on a stick and get voted into power and just pretend they can make it happen?”

“Pretty much.”

“Well, it certainly is a fresh approach for them, and it’s ballsy. You think Mervin Cross is charismatic enough to pull it off?”

“He talks a good game.”

“Is that a yes?”

“It’s highly possible…”

“And we can’t do anything about it because he’s not involving us directly, or even indirectly, it seems.”

“Nope.” Evren made that irritating popping noise that he knew got on my wick.

“… And that’s why Karriel sorted it?”

“He sort of sorted it…. He’s made an appointment for you to speak to the lead investigator in charge of bringing the Lucem down.”

“Wonderful, thanks so much, as if I don’t have enough shit to shovel.”

“Well boo, sucks to be you!”

I didn’t appreciate Evren’s smirk or commented. I might not be able to smite humans, but then Evren wasn’t human, now was he.

“Ouch! Fuck what was that for?” Evren whined, rubbing the scorch mark I’d just made blasting at his chest.

“Hmm? No reason, it just sucks to be you sometimes.” Standing, I pull on the spectral haze, letting it infuse my body till only my smirk remained. Much like that of the Cheshire cat’s smile from Alice in Wonderland. Evren’s words of “not funny” are the last thing I hear before I blinked out of sight.