16. Maggie

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

maggie

Everything about the plan is set in place by the time we return to Boulderfield. But, Jack is still laying down when we get back to camp.

Suddenly, the prank I've planned feels stupid. What if he's really sick? I shouldn't prank him. We should focus on getting back down to Graham's campground.

I sit quietly next to Jack whose eyes are still closed. His phone is on the rock beside him, and it lights up with a notification of a text. I know I shouldn't read it, but I can't help myself.

It was so good to chat with you. Let me know when you want to hook up again. XX, Clara.

I stand up as quickly as I sat down. Fiona gives me a weird look as she sits on a rock. "Bathroom." I manage to say as I stumble to the small bathroom. I take a shaky breath as I lock the door behind me.

Tears fill my eyes. Could I really have been that stupid? Jack has always been a flirt, but I'd hoped that had changed. He looked at me like I was the only person he wanted to look at. He flirted with me. He played pranks on me. But of course he's hooking up with other women; why wouldn't he be? He's a good-looking guy and he's always been a huge flirt. He's committed to his job, but not to people. At least, from what I can tell.

It takes me roughly ten minutes to pull myself together before I head back to the group.

Jack and Graham are talking when I approach.

"I quit my job," Jack says.

"I knew you'd do it!" Graham cheers, but I frown. Maybe he quit so he can go hook up with Clara. Whoever the heck she is. Nope. I don't care. I avoid looking at Jack and look at my feet instead, kicking a rock.

"Why did you quit?" Fiona asks.

"I wasn't happy there. Actually, I was pretty miserable. I miss having an actual relationship with my dad, and it's just time for something new."

"Like what?" I ask. My voice is snarky and I can't help but look at him. Jack looks back at me in surprise; it turns out I can't pretend everything is fine. I'm not fine, and maybe it's hypocritical of me to ask what he will do next when I've barely got a patchwork plan for my life, but he always knew what he wanted in high school—to work with his dad—so now that he's not, what will he do?

"Like move to a small town to chase the woman you love," Fiona says, gesturing to me, and all I see is red. I turn away from the group.

I have a new, tiny, stupid crush on him. It shouldn't have happened, but it's been a thing for years. I know well enough now that he's never going to settle down; once a flirt, always a flirt.

We pack up the rest of camp and head back down the trail. I ignore everyone. I'm last in our line, following right behind Jack. I wish I could burn a hole in his head with my eyes, but that doesn't seem to be working. About a mile down, he turns.

"What small town are you moving to, love?" he asks, stopping short in front of me. I trip at the nickname and stumble into him. His strong hands go around both of my arms. I'm thrown back to yesterday when we cuddled in the cave. Two days ago, when I kissed him.

I scramble out of his grasp.

"Don't touch me."

Jack steps back, shocked. "What's going on, Mags?"

"Stop calling me that," I say as I push past him.

He reaches out and touches my arm. "Maggie?"

I glare as I turn to him. "Please just let me go. Once we get off this mountain, we can get on with our lives. You don't have to think about me ever again. I certainly won't be thinking about you."

His brow furrows. We were almost back to being friends after last night, but now? Not anymore. Not ever again. I can't trust him. "I thought things were going okay between us."

"Are you really that dense?" I ask, my voice rising with every word. I'm hyperaware of Graham and Fiona pausing to look back at us. "I saw that text. How many women are you hooking up with? You've always been a player. But you think I can just be fine and chummy and okay with that Good old pals? Well, if you thought that, you thought wrong."

"Hooking up with who? What are you talking about?"

"I'm going to move to Starlight Springs," I shout at him and the world. It feels good to say. "But no matter what Fiona said, I don't need you chasing me, and you definitely don't love me. I'm pretty sure you've never even actually liked me. It was all just an act to see if I'd fall for you again."

"We're going to head down the trail; you two can catch up," Fiona calls over to us. I ignore her.

Jack stares at me like he has no clue what I'm talking about. "Don't like you? Maggie, where on earth did you get that idea? And I don't hook up with women, that's not the type of guy I am."

I look down at my feet. All I want is to get off this mountain to start my new life and forget all about Jack Donovan. He's still looking at me when I look up a second later. "What?"

"You tell me. Why do you think I don't like you? Why do you think I'm trying to hurt you with some imaginary woman?"

I look up to the sky as if someone there could help me now. "I saw that text from Clara. And you stood me up." I hate how small my voice is when I say the words and how I sound like I'm still heartbroken over it. While I'm not, the reality of that night still stings. I don't know if it will ever stop. And at this point, I've got nothing to lose by laying it all out on the table.

Jack's brow furrows. "What are you talking about? I'm pretty sure I'd remember if I stood you up. I would have had to ask you out first, which I never had the guts to do."

Denial is the route he's going. Great. Does he want to keep humiliating me? Plus, he's completely ignoring the text. But, one thing at a time is probably good. "Are you really going to play stupid? The note, Jack. The one you left in my locker the day of graduation."

He opens his mouth, then closes it before opening it again. "I never left you a note. I mean, I wanted to. I'd even written one, confessing my feelings, but I was too chicken to give it to you."

"Is this just a long con?" I step away from him so he's not so close. Why is he still pretending that it didn't happen? "You confessed your feelings in the note. I read it about a thousand times. It said, ‘Dear Maggie, I've wanted to tell you how I feel for a long time, but I don't want to mess anything up between us. But the truth is, I like you—a lot. I'd like to be more than friends and I think you feel the same way. Meet me at the end of the San Clemente pier tonight at seven. Love, Jack."

His eyes go wide. "You remember that after six years?"

"So you admit that you wrote me a note and then stood me up?"

"Wait, no," he rushes to say, taking a step toward me. He reaches out a hand before pulling it back, as if he's unsure if he wants to touch me. I try to ignore the hurt that washes over me, but just like that night, it's another rejection.

"I mean, I did write that note, at least the first part. But I never wrote that part about meeting you anywhere."

I hold back an eye roll. I put up my walls because I can't let him into my heart again. How could I have been so stupid to think that none of this was a game? "I find that hard to believe. Especially since you have women texting you about wanting to hook up ‘again.'" I hold up my hands and make quotes as I say the last word.

"Okay, first of all, Clara is crazy. I've only ever been out with her once—the night after graduation, and we didn't hook up. She called me for the first time out of the blue today and asked me out. I said no. You're going to have to believe me." Realization floods his face, like he's just figured something out. "Is that why you were so cold to me when I came up to you at the airport? Because you thought I'd stood you up?"

"I didn't think you stood me up. You did stand me up," I say. "And then, to rub salt in my wound, I saw you that night. With all of your friends and that girl—the one who you say you didn't hook up with. You had an arm around her waist, and I watched you kiss her. And I just saw her text."

He blinks once like he still doesn't know what I'm talking about.

"You set me up so I'd see you kiss another girl." I try to say it without any of the emotion that's starting to bubble in my chest. If we don't finish this conversation soon, I might cry, and I really don't want to cry. Today, I crossed a major item off my bucket list by hiking to the summit. He doesn't get to ruin this for me. "I mean, I knew then that I shouldn't have been surprised. You always flirted with all the girls and kissed anyone and everyone who looked at you twice."

"That's not true."

"It is true." I sigh. "And I wish I could forget how many times I wished that it was me you were kissing."

He's quiet for a moment. "That's why you kissed me." It's not a question.

"Yeah."

"I didn't leave you that note." He sounds so sincere. I want to believe him.

"Then who did?" I ask before I lose my nerve.

"Honestly, I don't know." He shakes his head and spins around like he doesn't know what to do with himself. "Probably one of my idiot friends who knew I liked you and thought it would be funny. Chad was the one who set me up with that girl that night. He also dared her to kiss me, which she did. It could have been him. That wouldn't surprise me."

"You did have crappy friends in high school," I say. My heart twists in confusion. If he didn't leave me the note, have I been mad at him all this time for no reason? And was that text I saw really just a weird coincidence?

"Yeah, well, we aren't friends now."

"That's probably a good thing."

We're quiet for a minute. "I'm really sorry that Chad—or whichever of his buddies—did that. It was a cruel prank, if you can even call it that."

"I waited for you." My voice cracks. "Then, when I saw you with her, I knew it was just another stupid prank. One last prank, for old times' sake, I guess. And I guess I'll never learn, because you did it again."

Jack takes another step, closing the distance between us, and takes one of my hands in his. "I swear I didn't leave you that note. I never would have done something like that. And it's just a coincidence that she texted. I didn't know you'd be on this hike until I saw you talking to Graham at the airport."

"I want to believe you," I say. A single tear slips down my cheek. Dang it, so much for not crying. "But it's hard."

"I was planning to tell you how I felt about you the next time I saw you, but then you went to stay with your grandparents before college, and, well, then I didn't see you again until the airport."

"I left right after because I didn't want to run into you. I was too humiliated. I thought you must have hated me because only someone who truly didn't like someone would do something that cruel."

"I don't hate you, Maggie." He chuckles. "It's quite the opposite. I don't want to be your enemy. I want to be your friend. Your confidant. Your boyfriend. Someday, I hope to be your..." he cuts himself short. The words I think he was going to say hang in the air. My everything.

"I just don't know what to think."

"Please believe me, Maggie," He whispers.

"I want to, but I don't know how." I turn quickly, so he can't see the tears forming in my eyes. I want to trust him, I do. I think part of me does trust him. I know him, so everything he is saying should be true. But what if it's not? What if he is still a flirt like he was in high school, kissing a new girl every week?

I hurry down the path to catch up to Fiona and Graham. I just need a minute to think about everything. Today has been such a whirlwind of emotions.