Chapter 32

Chapter Thirty-Two

Tony

September came with a windstorm worth of firsts. It was my first autumn in Oregon in twenty years with my first boyfriend, the first day of school, my first meager payday for assistant coaching, and the lead-up to the first football game. All those new experiences crammed into a few weeks meant I barely had time to enjoy the cooler weather or said boyfriend.

As we wrapped up one of the last practices before the first home game of the season, my mind kept drifting to Caleb. He'd be getting off shift soon, and we had tentative plans to meet. The novelty of not needing to meet in secret still hadn't worn off, and I contemplated asking Caleb if he wanted to go out to eat. The air smelled faintly of smoke as we were still in prime forest fire season, which meant more unpredictable shifts for Caleb. We should take advantage of him being off-call tonight, and going somewhere with menus and table service might be nice.

"Okay, time to pack it in," I called out to the players who headed to the locker room. The parking lot had already started to fill with parents doing the after-practice pickup run.

"Hey, Coach Capo!" Elliot Stern's giant bear of a father headed my way. Elliot, Cosmo's friend and a key part of our defensive line, came from a long line of Oregon lumberjacks, each bigger and burlier than the last. Elliot's other claim to fame was his impressive-for-a-teen beard, but his father's salt-and-pepper beard put Elliot's to shame, nearly touching the dad's barrel chest. Don was a couple of years older than me, and even younger, Don had looked like he could snap tree trunks with his bare hands and had had the bar-fight rep to match. "Been meaning to catch you. It's about what you said at the parent meeting."

Here we go. So far, most of the parents had been supportive, but we'd had two unexpected withdrawals. Cosmo and the rest of the team would be crushed to lose Elliot, but I schooled my expression to stay neutral. "Oh?"

"Me and the wife, we want to say thank you."

"Thank you?" I blinked.

"For being a good coach." Don slowed his rate of speech like I might need some comprehension help. "Elliot's been going on about you all damn summer." Shaking his wide head, Don's longish gray hair swished against his neck under his stained Seahawks ball cap. "I know there's them who won't understand, but plenty of us who see what you're doing here. Good work. Me and Joann, we've got your back. And anyone wants to hassle you, you point them at me."

"Thank you." I nodded, hoping I didn't look as stunned as I felt. "No one's hassled me, but I appreciate the support."

"Eh. I know my old rep. Can't say as I'm proud of my twenties." He offered a snaggle-toothed smile. "Few years back, I'd say I've got this cousin over in Safe Harbor, and that's why I changed my thinking, but Joann and me got five teen boys now. Five." He held up his hand like he was about to tick off their names. "Odds are… Well, doesn't much matter what the math is, you know? That's enough. I'm a dad. Just want my sons to grow up knowing we love them and that in our house, we respect our coaches and teachers no matter who they go home with."

"I…I'm grateful to you and Joann both. You're good parents."

Don waved one of his skillet-sized hands. "Don't be grateful. Just get us a win on Friday. Mount Hope's waited a long time for another winning season, Capo."

"We'll try our best," I said as Angel came striding up. Don and Elliot headed for Don's one-ton pickup, a commercial model that managed to look more like my compact next to the two of them.

"What did Don have to say?" Angel narrowed her eyes and drew herself up to her full, not-substantial height.

"You can back down, Mama Bear," I teased. "He and Joann wanted to extend their support. Also, we better win Friday."

"You better." She grinned at me, much warmer now. "And look at you, all official now. Mount Hope polo shirt. You even have a whistle."

"I do." I pulled the whistle off and twirled it around my fingers. "Coach Willard had another Portland appointment, so I had to run practice. You can thank me when Cosmo falls asleep right after dinner."

"Ooh, Coach Capo made them run extra laps?" She pulled her planner out of her bag and thumbed through it. "I better make sure we're having extra protein. Ah…taco night. Bet Cosmo eats ten."

"Make it an even dozen."

"You're in a good mood." She patted my shoulder as she peered closely at my face. "Are you happy? Like really happy? With coaching? And Caleb?"

"Yeah, yeah, I am." I sounded dazed, but it was the truth. I just needed a little more time to get used to being this content and fulfilled.

"You deserve to be happy, Tony. I mean that." Angel pulled me in for a hug. "You were always there for us, and we're here for you now. And I, for one, am cheering you on."

"And enjoying being right." I gave her a loving yet pointed look.

"About relationships? Yup. Watching you eat crow there is all kinds of fun. Plus, we all love Caleb."

"So do I," I said absently, not realizing the implication until Angel made a giddy noise.

"Really? Have you told him that yet?" She rocked on her sneaker-clad feet.

"Uh…" I rolled my neck this way and that. "Not exactly. Kind of wrapping my own brain around the idea."

"Tony." Angel broke out the mom voice. "Life is short. Say the words. They matter."

"I know. I'm just waiting for the right moment." I stared at the empty bleachers, trying to quiet my suddenly speedy pulse. Love. Did I love him? How could I not? I swallowed hard.

"Are you seriously worried? That guy adores you. He loves you back. Trust." Angel patted my cheek, forcing me to look at her. "And I know that's not easy for you. I'm proud of you, big brother."

"Mom!" Cosmo came ambling out of the locker room, followed by John and Scotty. "What's for dinner?"

"Tacos. And we need to hit the store for some extra beef." Angel leaned in to give me a final kiss on the cheek. "I need to go, but speaking of dinner, bring Caleb and Scotty around on Sunday afternoon. We're going to grill. Our sisters are coming too."

"Oh goody." I knew better than to argue with a command invitation from Angel. "I'll ask him to check his work schedule."

"You do that." Angel gave a little wave as she and Cosmo strode toward the parking lot.

"Yes! Dad's here. I get driving practice." John did a fist pump before getting a high-five from Scotty.

"Driving practice, huh?" I greeted Eric as he tossed John the car keys. John and Scotty raced toward the parking lot.

"We'll wait for you," John called over his shoulder. "Gotta get the right playlist up first."

"Lord save me from John and Scotty's musical taste." Eric rubbed his temples. "But I promised we'd get some time in. Parking is still a challenge for him."

"In that SUV? I imagine so." I chuckled. "And John will appreciate the practice. He's getting closer to solo outings, right?"

"Yeah. It's hard letting go." Exhaling, he glanced skyward. "I trust him to be a good kid, and Sean and I have taken him out a bunch over the last few months, but in my mind, he's still ten or eleven. Always my kid."

"I know." I clapped him on the shoulder. "Trust is hard."

I wished Angel had stuck around because she could offer better parenting advice. And trust was hard, but so was the alternative. In Eric's case, he needed to trust John in order to keep a good relationship with him and as part of the growing-up process. In my case, I needed to trust Caleb and what we were building together because failing to trust might mean losing the best thing that had ever happened to me.

"How are you settling in to the coaching job? It feels like we've barely talked since school started despite living in the same house."

"We've both been crazy busy." I made a vague gesture because that wasn't entirely the reason I hadn't sought Eric out. "And things are really good. I love coaching, and we have a great team this year."

"Hoping for a win Friday."

"You and the rest of the town." I laughed before sobering. "I'm, uh…sorry the firefighter thing didn't work out. I know you and Sean put in a good word for me."

"Because you're our friend." Eric shifted from foot to foot, clearly no more comfortable with the topic than I was. "You're our friend for life. All we want is for you to be happy."

"Thanks." My voice came out a little too gruff.

"And speaking of not seeing you, bring Caleb around more often. Scotty practically lives at our place, but we don't see the two of you nearly often enough."

"Sorry." I watched the last of the other players depart, trying to figure out what to add. "I didn't want to make you…uncomfortable."

"Uncomfortable that you're in love with a great guy?" Eric scoffed. And there were those words again: in love. But there wasn't any other way to describe the situation. And if everyone around us could see, I really did need to work up the courage to tell Caleb. Eric glanced toward his SUV, which was currently shaking with hip-hop at top volume. "I'm happy for you, Tony. Truly. I can be happy for my friends and still grieving my own loss."

"I know, and maybe someday…"

Eric cut me off with another scoff and raised his hand. "Nah. I'm too old. Don't even go there, okay? No guilt. You get to be happy."

"And so do you," I said pointedly.

"I am. I've got the best kids in the world." Eric smiled, but lately, there'd been a weariness around his eyes and mouth.

"That's not?—"

"Hey, Dad! You ready?" John bellowed from the car.

"Coming." Eric left, and I was finally alone with my phone.

Caleb

Running a bit behind, but meet me at my place and we'll figure out something for food.

Me

Get showered and find a decent shirt. I'm taking you to dinner.

My phone rang a few minutes later after I'd locked up and was walking to my car.

"Are you asking me on a date?" That he sounded unsure was laughable, and I had to suppress a chuckle.

"We are dating. Right? That's what boyfriends do. We date. So yes, I'm taking you for dinner and not to the diner or out for pizza. Somewhere we can hold hands and have a real conversation."

"Oh. Um. Wow."

"Do you not want that? Too soon to be seen in public?" I asked gently as I slid into my car.

"Not too soon." Caleb sounded like he was fiddling with something. "I just wasn't sure you'd want that."

"Being seen with you?" This time, I did chuckle. "People better get used to that. You're my guy."

"You're mine too," Caleb said softly.

And I wasn't going to say those other words for the first time over the phone, but his uncertainty reminded me how vulnerable he was, how easy to hurt, and how this was all new to him too. I'd tell him. Soon.