Chapter 39

39

Joey

Afew hours later, Nick has a stomachache from all the sweets, my ass has been used spectacularly, and we’re now watching a movie on the TV.

Nick is fidgeting, won’t keep still, which is making me nervous. When he sighs for the twentieth time, I pause the movie.

“What is your problem?”

“I want you to move to Washington with me after graduation.”

I blink at him as I process that since it’s definitely not what I was expecting.

“You—” I sit up so I can look at him clearly. “You want to live with me?”

Nick sits up too, confusion obvious on his gorgeous face. “Uh. Yeah. Obviously.”

“How is it obvious? What did I miss?”

He watches me for a minute, like he’s looking for something or trying to figure out if I’m messing with him.

“I guess you missed that I love you.” He shrugs. “You missed that you’re it for me and I will make damn sure that I’m it for you.”

Emotions build in my chest, excitement and fear battling for dominance until I’m choking on it. “How do you know?”

Nick holds my hand and laces our fingers together. “How do I know what?”

“That I’m it for you. How do you know you aren’t going to get tired of my issues and start hating me for them?”

He thinks for a minute, taking my question seriously, which I appreciate.

“Sometimes, I might get frustrated but it would be weird if I didn’t. Same for you. If you don’t get tired of my shit sometimes, it would be weird. But that doesn’t mean I won’t want you. Or that I won’t love you.”

Tears fill my eyes and one falls down my cheek. Nick cups my face and brushes it away.

“One more thing, I hope you want kids, because I desperately want to adopt the twins my parents currently have. They were made to be mine, just like you were. I need all of you.” Nick lifts onto his knees and pulls me against him, kissing me delicately. “What do you say?”

“Is it weird that I’m relieved I don’t have to come up with a plan for after graduation?” I laugh through the emotions clogging my throat.

He smiles and kisses my lips again. “Don’t worry, baby, I’ve got you.”

I tackle him to the bed while he laughs. For the first time, I’m excited about the future, about what it holds. Matt seems to be taking this all seriously; he found a therapist and starts seeing her next week, and Char said he’s gone to three AA meetings since I left. I’m proud of him but the real test will be when something goes wrong. I hope he’s able to lean on us and stay strong.

“I love you too,” I whisper into Nick’s skin. I’ve never said those words to anyone but my family. They scare the shit out of me. He scares the shit out of me. “I want to move to Washington and meet these kids you’re in love with. I want a future with you.”

“I hear a but coming.”

“But I’m scared.”

Nick lifts my chin so I’m looking at him and drags his thumb across my lip. “Oh, I’m scared too. You’re a flight risk, dude. But wanting you is stronger than the fear.” He cups my cheek and I lean into the touch. “If you need me to be brave for you for a while, I will. Lean on me, I’ll protect you. Even from yourself.”

Sliding up his body, I kiss him with a smile on my lips. He wraps a leg around one of mine, anchoring me to him, and I’ve never felt safer.

“You can’t die before me, okay?” I say against his mouth.

“I’ll do the best I can but if I do, you can’t turn into a workaholic and ignore our kids, okay?” Nick grips my chin, keeping me from kissing him.

“I guess, if you insist.”

“Oh, I do insist.”

The smile on his face fades as he looks at me. The light mood shifting to something thicker. I don’t know what this look means.

“What is it?”

His eyebrows pull together, creasing his forehead. “I think I need to tell you about someone.”

I sit up, giving him room to sit up too, and wait. My skin feels too tight as I prepare myself for a story he obviously has big emotions about. It doesn’t feel like a happy story either.

“When I was sixteen, there was a girl who lived a street over from me. Her name was Emma and I was in love with her.” Nick lifts his head to lock eyes with me. Dread fills me for him. I don’t know what happened to this girl, but it clearly still haunts him.

As he tells me the story of this girl, he reaches for my hand. I don’t hesitate to intertwine our fingers, giving him any comfort I’m able to. He tells me about the bruises, about the tears, and the fears. My heart hurts for him, for the pain he clearly still carries.

“The last time I saw her, I gave her my football necklace. It meant the world to me and I wanted her to have physical proof that she mattered to me.” Nick gets off the bed and digs through his bag for a minute before coming back to sit next to me on the bed. He squeezes it in his hand for a minute before opening it to show me the tarnished chain with a football helmet charm hanging from it. “One of the other kids in the house brought it to me when I tried to pick her up for school. He told me she had left but wanted me to have that back.” His glassy eyes meet mine. “She didn’t leave. She’s still there somewhere. Lost in the woods where that bastard hid her.”

The vein in his jaw jumps when he clenches his jaw and a tear falls from his eye.

“I’m telling you this because I need you to know that you’re not the only one scared. The last person I loved was taken from me. There one day and gone the next.” He sucks in a shuddering breath. “And what I feel for you is so much bigger. I’m terrified of losing you but I’m taking the risk because having you is worth it.”

June

Graduation

Nerves hum along my skin as I wait for my turn to get my diploma. The purple gown and cap feel weird. How are they not heavier? Graduating from college should feel heavier, shouldn’t it? The necklace in my pocket is heavy. I got the football necklace cleaned and replated for Nick and I can’t wait to give it to him.

At twenty-five, I should have my life figured out, right? I’m an adult, about to have a degree, was the captain of my hockey team, but I feel like a kid pretending to be an adult. Is that normal?

“Joey Carpenter.” My name is announced but I don’t hear anything past the rushing of my heartbeat in my ears. I walk up the stairs, shake hands with some people I couldn’t care less about, take the diploma, move my tassel, and leave the stage.

The grin stretching my face almost hurts it’s so big. I fucking did it. Somehow, against a fuck ton of odds, I did it. On my way back to my seat, I look around for Nick, but I don’t know where he’s at. I want him with me, though.

The rest of the names are called, there’s a short speech, and we’re introduced as the latest graduating class of Darby University. Everyone throws their caps, standing and cheering, and I’m right along with them. A weight has been lifted from my shoulders, a sense of pride for accomplishing this.

“Carppy!” I turn when I hear my teammates yelling my nickname after we’ve been released into the wild. Brendon tackles me, wrapping his arms around my waist, and forcing a grunt from me when the hit takes the air from my lungs. “Congrats, Cappy Cap!”

I laugh and give him a hug. “Thanks.”

Jeremy and Paul both give me hugs too; Preston gives me a handshake and growls when I hug Jeremy.

“Not gonna be the same without you next year,” Jeremy says.

“You were a great captain.” Paul pats my shoulder.

“P Dawg cannot be captain next year. He would kill all of us.” Brendon shudders and we all laugh except Preston. He just rolls his eyes at Brendon’s nickname.

The rest of the team surrounds us, giving me slaps on the back, words of encouragement, and wishes of good luck, until my sister’s shrill scream cuts through the crowd.

“Joey!”

Charlotte and Matt are smiling at me, both give me hugs, and start dragging me away from the crowd. I quickly scan the crowd but I don’t see Mom. Not that I really expected her to come, but a small part of me was hopeful. I haven’t spoken to her since I walked out of her house during spring break. Char said she hasn’t talked to Mom either besides to tell her off. It didn’t go well for anyone, apparently. Matt was staying with her for a while but has moved out and gotten a job. I’m so proud of both of them.

“Beers at Rocky’s tonight!” Brendon yells, and I give him a thumbs-up.

“When do you guys leave for Washington?” Matt asks as we head toward the prearranged meetup spot I have with Nick.

“Next week,” I tell him but the second I lay eyes on my man, I run for him. He meets me halfway and we slam into each other. “We did it.”

“We did. I’m so proud of you, baby.” Nick cups the back of my neck and squeezes.

“Right back at you.” I kiss his cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I reach into my pocket for the velvet bag and take his hand to place it into.

He lifts a brow at me, flicking his gaze between me and the bag. “What’s this?”

I open the bag and upend it on his palm.

The smirk on his face falls as he looks at it, weighs it in his hand, then closes his fingers around it.

“Our past can shape us, the good and the bad. She was a part of your past, but I think it might be time to start remembering the good parts of her, not just the sad ones.” Opening his hand, I pick up the chain and slide it over his head to hang from his neck. “And I will help you hire a private investigator or whatever we have to, if you want to go looking for Emma. I want you to be able to find closure.”

“It’s perfect.” He smiles, placing his hand over it. “You’re perfect.” I kiss his forehead and give him a hug.

“Uh, remember how you love me?” Nick says in my ear. “Keep that in mind…”

Pulling back, I cock my head, confused, until he turns me around and Debbi is standing there with a bakery box. My face immediately turns hot. Son of a bitch.

“Debbi!” Nick moves around me to give the older woman a hug. “You made it.”

“I did,” she says, but her tone is a little off. “Here you are, dear.” She hands him a box and he turns a devilish smirk on me. “Yes, congratulations to you both.” She pats him and gives me a very awkward hug.

“Thank you,” I mumble. I don’t know what is happening or why. “Is something wrong?”

Her cheeks turn a little pink and she fumbles over her words. “Well. Of course. No. It’s not.” She huffs a breath then shakes her head. “It’s none of my business, dear.” The tight-lipped smile makes me very uncomfortable.

Nick is watching her now too. “What’s not? Miss Debbi, do you have gossip that you aren’t sharing with me?”

She scoffs. “No, I certainly do not.” Debbi slaps at his arm. “But,” she lowers her voice, “you should be more careful about where you have special time. You know? Windows are pretty see-through.”

Nick looks dumbstruck for a minute while I swear all the blood drains out of my face. Oh. My. Fucking. God.

She saw us in the parking lot.

I can feel how wide my eyes are but I can’t do anything about it. I’m going to vomit. It’s a good thing we’re moving because I can never look at this woman in the face again.

“I mean, really, a parking lot?”

Nick starts to cackle. It’s not long before he’s doubled over, leaning on his knees, wheezing from laughing so hard, while I’m having an existential crisis.

“I was worried you were having car trouble,” she tells him earnestly. “But that wasn’t it…”

I’m going to burst into flames. Right here on the grass. My tombstone will read ‘graduated from college only to spontaneously combust via embarrassment’ and it’s entirely Nick’s fault. The bastard.

He’s dropped to the ground now, wiping tears from his eyes, as he shrieks with laughter. People are turning to stare at him, which only makes this all worse.

“Miss Debbi,” I start, trying to find the words to apologize for her seeing me desecrate her pastry. “I am so sorry.”

Charlotte and Matt are standing back, watching the humiliation of their older brother, and I just don’t know how I’m still alive. How has my heart not stopped? How is this my life?

“Nicholas, get off the ground, you animal.” Mrs. Wyhe scorns Nick who still can’t seem to catch his breath. He’s holding his stomach and still laughing. Asshole. And I am just so glad this could be the exact moment I meet his family for the first time in person. Sure, why not?

I’m going to have a nervous breakdown, and it’s noon.

“Joey.” Mrs. Wyhe smiles at me and reaches for a hug. “Congratulations, love.”

With mortification the only thing keeping color in my face, I give her a hug.

“Thank you. It’s great to finally meet you in person.”

Mr. Wyhe gives me a strong hug. “I’m proud of you boys.” He cups the back of my head and the memory I get of my dad is so strong, it steals my breath. I cling to the big man for a second, fighting my memories. It’s not often I meet someone bigger than me, at least not one who isn’t a hockey player, but this man feels bigger. He feels like a dad. I barely remember what it felt like the last time I hugged my dad.

He must recognize that I need this because he doesn’t try to let go. The strength of his hold doesn’t waver. My eyes fill once again and I let them. This moment right here is healing something I didn’t realize was still broken. A hidden scar I didn’t know was still open.

A small hand touches my back and I sniff back the tears, turning to my sister. Her eyes are glassy with emotion too, a watery smile on her lips.

“You okay?”

I nod, wiping at my damp skin. “Yeah. He gives really good dad hugs.” I point my thumb over my shoulder at him and try to laugh.

“Oh.” Charlotte’s voice wavers a little.

Mr. Wyhe opens his arms in invitation and Charlotte launches herself at him. He catches her with a smile and a small chuckle, wrapping his big arms around her as she cries into his chest.

I make room for them, and Mrs. Wyhe pulls me into her again. She kisses my cheek and Nick finally drags his ass off the lawn, brushing grass and dirt from his gown while holding a curly blond-haired boy. Troy.

“This is the best day ever,” Nick says, smacking a kiss on my lips. Troy has wrapped himself around Nick, his head under Nick’s chin so he’s protected but can still watch.

“You’re so making this up to me later,” I mumble and duck down to look at the little boy. “Hey, Troy, I’m Joey.” I give him a little wave. “Do you remember talking to me on the phone with Nick?”

He sinks into Nick a little farther but nods, and I give him a big smile.

“See these two?” I point to Charlotte and Matt. “That’s my sister and brother. Do you have a brother or sister?” I know the answer but there’s something about this little man that makes me want to get him to like me.

He picks his head up and looks around, then points toward Mrs. Wyhe. I exaggerate looking for the other child and gasp when I see the little girl with stick straight dark hair and warm brown eyes.

“Her?” I double-check with Troy and he nods at me. Dropping down to a crouch, I look at the little girl. “Hi, I’m Joey. You must be Troy’s sister.”

She giggles and jumps on me.

“Sammy.” She smiles and points to herself. She starts talking and I only understand half of it, but I love it. She’s so animated. The little girl glows.

Standing up with Sammy in my arms, I look at Nick, and everything clicks into place. This is all I need. Nick was right, there’s something so damn special about these kids. They were made for us. I don’t know what tragedy brought them to the Wyhes but I know I will die to protect them. We take pictures—a ton of pictures—and eat pastries, and I don’t stop smiling the whole time.

Leaning into Nick, I press my forehead to his. “I don’t know what the future holds, but I know there’s no one else I would rather find out with than you.”

He kisses the tip of my nose. “Doesn’t matter what the future holds, we’ll handle it. Together.”