Chapter 33

33

Joey

Since Matt is an asshole and made everyone’s life difficult, they kept him an extra day. Thankfully Mom worked a full twelve hours that day so I had the entire day to myself. I cleaned.

Now Matt has been home for all of twelve hours and I already want to murder him. He has crutches to get around but he refuses to use them, instead he just lies on the couch with his foot up on pillows and whines. He begs for more pain meds despite knowing I won’t give them to him.

In the bathroom, I’m washing my hands when there’s a crash from the kitchen. “What the fuck?”

Rushing out, I find Matt on the floor, holding the cast around his ankle, screaming in pain, and a dining chair on its side next to him.

“What are you doing?!” I grab the chair and slam it back where it belongs when what I want to do is wring my brother’s neck.

“There’s booze up there and since you won’t give me more pain meds, I have to do something to make it stop hurting!” He glares at me, still holding his cast.

“Alcohol is the last thing you should be adding to pain meds, you dumb fuck!” Getting behind him, I grab him under the armpits and stand him up, then hand him the crutches. “I also found the stashes you left around the house and dumped them.”

Matt’s furious now and whirls around at me, swinging a crutch and yelling. “How dare you! You have no right to treat me like this! You’re not my dad or my sponsor!”

Yanking the crutch from his hand, I throw it aside and get into his face. “If you don’t want to be treated like a fucking child, stop acting like one.”

His face is red and eyes glassy. The Percocet in his body is having an effect, just not enough of one for his liking.

“I hate you,” he seethes in my face.

“I hate who you’ve become,” I snap back. “You are better than this.”

I brush past him, needing to get him out of my goddamn face before I hit him. Stomping through the house, I rip the front door open and almost run right into my childhood best friend, Josh.

He jumps and holds his hands up but smiles. “Hey, man, bad time?”

The anger burning my blood cools as I step out onto the sagging front porch. I sit on the step and Josh follows suit. How many nights had we sat out here growing up? More than I can count.

“I take it things haven’t changed much?” he asks, knocking my shoulder with his.

“Nope.”

It’s cold but there are kids out on their bikes anyway, laughing and hollering.

“How long are you here for?”

“A few days. Classes start up next week.” I grab a tall weed that’s somehow hung around and wrap it around my finger. “How did you know I was here?”

“I saw Charlotte at the grocery store and she mentioned it.”

I nod. Of course she did. Josh and I were inseparable for years but when I went away to college, we drifted apart. He stayed here and started working while I tried to move on. After a while, we didn’t have anything in common anymore.

“It’s good to see you,” I tell him. “How have things been for you?”

He chuckles and leans into me. I take the simple comfort and lean into him too. Since Nick isn’t here, I’ll take what I can get.

“Shit, you know how it is. Everything changes but nothing really does.”

I smile because he’s right.

“Your mom still okay?” She had a lot of health issues for a while when we were in high school and I would feel like a real dick if she had passed and I didn’t know.

He smiles. “Oh yeah, she’s too stubborn to die.”

It’s quiet for a while but it’s easy. We never did feel like we had to fill the silence with bullshit small talk.

I flick a quick look at his left hand but don’t see a wedding band. When I left town, he was serious about the guy he was with…what was his name…

“You graduate soon, right?” Josh asks, interrupting my thoughts.

“Yeah, in June. Finally.” Both excitement and dread hit my stomach. I want to be done with school but I don’t know what I want to do afterward and I don’t really want to come back here. I’ve been here, what, two days and I’m already itching to leave. And what about Nick? What’s he planning to do after school? Is he staying in Colorado or going back to Washington?

Just the idea of him leaving without me makes me want to beg him to stay.

“Are you going to move back home afterward?” He sounds hopeful by the prospect.

“I honestly don’t kn⁠—”

The sound of breaking glass has me hurrying back inside, Josh on my heels. The living room is clear, Josh heads for the kitchen while I head down the hallway to the bathroom. I never should have left Matt unsupervised this long. Fuck. He probably went searching for the pills but I have them stashed in my room.

“Not in here,” Josh calls as I am forcing my way into the bathroom. Something is blocking the door from opening more than a crack but the medicine cabinet mirror is shattered and there’s blood sprinkled all over the counter.

“Matt! Open the fucking door!”

No response.

Fuck.

Adrenaline courses through me, shutting down everything that isn’t needed for me to get into this bathroom and make sure Matt is okay.

“Josh!”

He’s with me in an instant, helping me push on the door until I can force my way through. Matt is on the floor unconscious and shards of broken glass are everywhere. There’s a cut somewhere on his head that’s bleeding onto the white-and-blue linoleum and he’s blocking the door.

Shards of glass pierce my bare feet and I hiss as I drop down to check his pulse. He has one; it feels like a heartbeat, but what the fuck do I know?

“Call an ambulance, I don’t want to try to move him if something happened to his neck.”

Josh doesn’t question it, just does what I’ve asked. It’s like I never left. We were a team when we were together. He helped me the best he could with Matt and Char when he wasn’t taking care of his mom.

Matt groans and starts to move.

“Hold still,” I snap at him. I don’t know what happened in here but I have a pretty good idea it was his fault and not an accident.

“My head,” Matt moans, lifting his hand to it.

“Yeah, I bet it hurts. You probably gave yourself a fucking concussion.” Now that I’m pretty sure he’ll live, I take a better look around the room. One of his crutches is in the shower upside down, the other one is bent and sticking out of the toilet. What the fuck was he trying to do?

“Ambulance is on its way,” Josh says through the door.

“I don’t need a damn ambulance,” Matt mutters and tries to sit up but puts his hand in glass and hisses.

“What were you doing?” My feet are screaming now that the adrenaline is fading. “Josh, can you grab the broom?”

“Trying to take a piss, that okay with you?” Matt snaps. “Do I need permission for that too?”

“Really? You what, slipped and caused all this damage?” Mom is going to be furious over the broken mirror. I’ll have to find a way to replace it and make sure the broken glass doesn’t get tracked all over the house.

The broom handle is shoved through the crack in the door and I thank Josh before starting to clear the floor. Why am I always cleaning up Matt’s messes? Everyone just shrugs and says ‘that’s Matt’ and moves on but God forbid I fuck up. I would never hear the end of it.

Once enough of the glass is cleaned up, Matt sits up and Josh is able to get the door open. There’s a decent pool of blood too since head wounds bleed like crazy. I grab a towel and press it to the cut in his hair, telling him to hold it.

The EMTs arrive a few minutes later and Josh brings them back here.

They take a quick look around the room, ask what happened, and get him on the gurney. Since he was knocked unconscious, they are adamant about him going in and getting checked out, so he does, but I don’t go with him. Fuck that. I’ll get enough of an earful from Mom when she gets home, I don’t need to be at the hospital with him when she lays into me.

Josh gets the vacuum and together we get the rest of the mirror cleaned up and pull all the glass from my feet. How am I going to do this for another four days?

I drop down onto the couch and let my head fall back. I hate this place. Hate what it represents. Hate the memories that haunt every inch of it. Even the happy memories have been tainted.

Josh comes in from outside—when did he leave?—and hands me a beer from the six-pack he’s carrying. I take it and lift it to my lips.

“I was planning to drink these on my own later but figured you would probably need one.” He sits next to me, taking the middle seat. His thigh is against mine but I don’t mind. It’s quiet, the calm before the storm that I know is imminent, but, to be honest, I want to be gone before it gets here.

“Can we go somewhere?” I peel the label on the bottle.

Josh pats my knee and stands, offering me a hand up without a word.

Once I get shoes, a jacket, and my phone, I follow him out to his truck. It’s big, shiny, and blue. I don’t know how I missed it earlier, but oh well. The inside is tan leather and it still smells new.

“Damn, this is nice.” I slide my hand along the door once I’ve buckled up.

“Yeah, she’s pretty sexy.” He pats the dash and winks at me. “One of the guys at the shop bought it but then realized the parking spots at his apartment are small so he couldn’t get the doors open far enough to get out.” Josh chuckles and shakes his head. “Dumbass. So I sold my old one and bought it from him.”

He drives around for a while, pointing out things that have changed and sharing stories of shit we did when we were growing up.

“Hey, can we go to the cemetery? Do you mind?” I ask when we get toward the edge of town.

“Of course. How long has it been since you came out here?”

“Not since I moved.”

My phone rings with Charlotte’s picture on the screen.

“Hey.”

“Where are you guys?” Wherever she is, it’s windy.

“Well, Matt was being himself and ended up knocking himself unconscious in the bathroom so he’s at the ER,” I begin. “I’m out with Josh.”

“Wait, what? Matt is back at the ER? Why didn’t you call me?”

“Because you don’t need to deal with his shit. I’m here, I handled it.” It’s quiet for a minute and I hear her sniffle. “You’re not responsible for him.” I soften my tone so she doesn’t think I’m yelling at her.

“Neither are you,” Josh mutters and I flip him off.

“While I’m here, you aren’t taking him on. He’s a menace right now.” Despite not wanting to be here, I know I won’t leave early. I’ll find a way to stay here as long as I possibly can to help my sister and my brother, though he doesn’t deserve it at this point.

“Where are you and Josh going?”

“To visit Dad.”

By the time Charlotte gets out to the cemetery, I’m drunk. Josh pulled a bottle of Jack out of his truck and I’ve basically stolen it from him.

“Looks like you’re having a party.” Charlotte stands over me with her hands on her hips. “Are you drunk? Seriously?”

“Hey, shut up.” I hold my finger up or maybe I hold them all up. I don’t know. The world is spinning too fast and I can’t stay upright. Why is my butt wet and cold?

“Are you sober?” She looks at Josh but I don’t hear what he says.

I miss my dad. I hate that he missed so much of our lives. I hate how him dying made me grow up too fast. “I don’t want to be an adult. It sucks.”

Putting my hand on his gravestone that’s laid in the grass, the cold of granite or whatever it is seeps into me. The black rock with gold flakes is pretty but cold. His name and dates carved into it break him down into nothing. It doesn’t tell anyone about how he lived, how he struggled to live, or the life he left behind.

I wish Nick were here. He would know what to do with me. No one sees me as more than someone who can help them. I don’t get help, though. Not really. Josh did when he could but he had his own shit, which is okay. But Nick wants to help me.

Checking my pockets for my phone, I fall over when I tip too far to the left.

Someone sighs and I look up to see Char.

“Charlie girl, did you push me?”

“I should have but no, I did not.”

“Where’s my phone? I want kisses.”

She lifts an eyebrow at me. “What?”

“My phone, I need it.”

Getting up off my back, I look around and find the bottle of whiskey. Lifting it to my lips, I drain the rest of the bottle and hand it to her.

“Can’t litter. It’s bad.”

She looks at Josh. “Why don’t you help me get him into my car? I don’t want him to puke in your truck.”

“Not a bad plan.”

I’m lifted by my armpits, the world spinning around me, and my stomach makes a turn for the worse.

“Puke,” I manage to get out before I bend over and vomit all over the grass while leaning on my knees.

“Have you eaten anything today? No wonder you got drunk so fast.” Charlotte’s disapproving tone pounds in my head.

Eventually I’m laid in the back of Char’s car and when the engine starts, I fall asleep.