Chapter 30

30

Nick

NICK:

Heading into my last final, dinner after?

The test is a lot fucking harder than I expected but when I exit the lecture hall an hour later, I’m almost confident I passed. Mostly. Kind of. Maybe.

I check my phone, expecting an answer from Joey, but it hasn’t been opened. What the hell? He told me he had one final this morning and he was done. Didn’t he?

Confused, I head toward the dorms and hope to find him asleep. I kept him up half the night, getting four orgasms out of him. His personal best. I smirk at the memory of his sweaty, exhausted, peaceful face. He didn’t think he would get number two but with some encouragement, and a lot of dirty talking, he got there.

Joey is like a personal challenge. I know he hates when he struggles to stay hard or to get off, but I like finding new ways that get him turned on. And sometimes, that slowdown to touch and taste and explore is exactly what I needed anyway. After he’s had a hard time, getting him to come is so fucking rewarding.

I stop at my room just in case he passed out in my bed waiting for me. Since Neal found out about us, he’s gotten a lot more comfortable in his own skin. I love seeing him blossom. The confidence he’s gained to tell me what he wants, what he needs, is sexy as fuck. Not only in bed but out of it too.

My bed is empty. Disappointing.

On the fifth floor, I knock on his door and Bryce yells to come in. I freeze in the door way when I see the mess that is Joey’s bed and dresser. The drawers are all half open, there’s clothes and a bottle of body wash on his bed. His backpack is on the floor and there’s just stuff…everywhere.

“What the hell happened in here?” I close the door and head toward the dresser.

“I don’t know, he said he was heading home for break.” Bryce shrugs when I look at him. Heading home? What the fuck? Since when?

“What? When did you see him?” Yanking open the drawers, my heart sinks when they’re mostly empty. What the fuck has happened? Is he running from me again? Has his family gotten their claws into him and forced him home? Why didn’t he call me?

“Like three hours ago?” Bryce comes to stand next to me. “Why? What’s up?”

“Does this look like normal Joey shit to you?” I wave my arm around and want to snap. It’s not Bryce’s fault.

“Now that you mention it, no, it doesn’t. Pretty sure he took my shampoo too, actually.” He scratches his jaw. “He didn’t say anything, just that he was going home.”

I pull up his name and hit call, but it goes unanswered. Fuck.

NICK:

Hey baby, Bryce just told me you’re going home for break? What happened? Are you okay?

“Where is home? Is it close?” I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t find him. I can’t lose another person like this. No reasoning, just taken from me. I can’t do it.

“Pretty sure he’s from Colorado somewhere, but I don’t know where.”

There’s a rushing in my ears, making it hard to hear, and panic is threatening to choke me. Fuck! I can’t do this. Not again.

With trembling fingers, I call Joey again.

I need to hear his voice.

I need to know he’s coming back.

I need to know he’s safe.

“Come on,” I mumble under my breath, but once again it goes to voicemail. “Fuck!” I storm out of the room and into the stairwell. I don’t know where to go or how to find him, and I’m losing it. Gripping the railing, I drop into a crouch and press my forehead against the cold metal. I close my eyes and force myself to take deep, slow breaths. My face is hot but my body is freezing as the anxiety of what I’ll do if I lose him takes over my mind, spiraling faster and faster into the deep pools of despair.

It feels like my body is vibrating inside of my skin and I don’t know how to make it stop. The urge to move, to pace, pushes me down the stairs to the ground floor. I need help. To calm myself.

Brent.

My hands are shaking so hard I have trouble getting my phone out of my pocket or to his name in my contacts, but I eventually manage it, cursing at myself on the urge of a breakdown.

“Hey, dumba⁠—”

“I can’t lose him.”

“What? Who?” Instantly, my brother is in information gathering mode. His brain is firing on all cylinders to put together the pieces.

“Joey. He’s gone.” My voice cracks on the last word and my lip trembles. The pressure on my chest is so intense I can’t breathe. “I-I can’t. I can’t lose him. Not again. I can’t have someone else taken from me.” I’m half hysterical. I can hear it in my voice but I can’t stop the tidal wave of fear that’s crashed into me and taken out my retaining walls. I’m flooded with every bad possibility, every way Joey can’t be mine anymore.

“Nick.”

Flashes of being sixteen and helpless as the girl I loved was taken away in the dark of night, never to be heard from again. I begged my parents to help her, to get her away from the abusive home she was with. Mom promised to help her, but she didn’t. I never found out what happened to her. She could be dead for all I know.

“Nicholas!”

Tears roll down my face unchecked, dripping on my shirt. “I won’t survive losing him.”

“You have survived every bad day you’ve ever had. You will continue to survive because I won’t let you do anything else.” Brent’s harsh tone wraps around me like a weighted blanket. Comforting and familiar. He won’t let me suffocate. “Start at the beginning, what happened?”

“I don’t know!” I rip at my hair and pace in front of the dorms. “Everything was fine this morning when we went to class. It’s finals week, he had one before I did. I texted him before I went into my last one and he hasn’t opened the message. His room is a mess, shit everywhere.” Panic claws at my throat, stealing my ability to speak for a second. “His roommate says he was going home for break, but that was never his plan. He was going to stay with me! It’s pretty obvious he packed in a hurry, and he’s not answering his phone.”

“Okay, take a deep breath. Fill your lungs then suck in more. Hold it, then slowly release it.” His calm seeps through the phone and settles a part of me. I do what he says, closing my eyes and focusing all of my attention on breathing. “Good, again.”

I do. Over and over until the urge to scream is a low rumble.

“Okay. Tell me about his family. He’s close to them, right?”

Brent needs facts, to gather information to figure out what happened.

“Yes and no. He raised his brother and sister after their dad died. His mom blames him for his brother being a fuckup but she was working while they were growing up. Every time anything happens, they call him. It’s bullshit. They’ve put the weight of the family on his shoulders and expect him to fix everything.”

Why didn’t I ask for Charlotte’s number just in case of an emergency? I know having emergency contacts is important.

“Do you have any way to contact his family?”

I groan and wipe my face. “No. I’m a fucking idiot.”

“You were a bit dick-stracted, it’s understandable.” His nonchalant tone makes me chuckle, breaking through the panic and anxiety to allow me to think clearly. “So he lets his family take advantage of him? Am I getting that right?”

“Yeah, that’s pretty fucking accurate. And he’s the scapegoat when anything goes wrong.”

“So logically he probably got a call from his family and went home to deal with it since he’s done with finals.”

I sigh and hate that he’s probably right.

Walking over to a bench, I drop down onto the cold metal and immediately regret my choice since my ass is now wet from the rain left on it.

“Probably,” I huff and hate myself a little for immediately panicking. “But why isn’t he answering his phone or texting me back?”

“I don’t have the answers to those questions, but my best guess is either his phone is low on power and he needs to conserve it or his mind is so focused on what happened at home that he doesn’t have the spoons for anything else.”

“I hate you.”

He chuckles. “I know. But you’re kind of a drama queen and if whatever happened is bad, he needs to focus on it. Telling you what happened is energy he could be putting into surviving his family.” His voice is softer when he continues. “You know that just as well as I do. Emotional abuse can be just as damaging. Just be there for him, be his safe space when he comes back.”

The knot is back in my throat and my eyes burn. I don’t want him to have to survive his goddamn family! I want to take him away from them and show him that love doesn’t have to be a burden. That it shouldn’t come with conditions and guilt and pain.

If I ever get a chance to tell his mother what I really think, I’m going to tell her all about herself.

“Why don’t you come home for break? It’ll give you something to think about besides how you aren’t getting laid and worrying about the mess he’s going to be when he gets back.”

“Mom asked me to come home a while ago too.” I pry my wet ass off the bench and head inside. Maybe Neal will keep me entertained tonight since he heads out in the morning. I don’t want to go home. It’s so much farther away from him. Would it be a good idea to get away from campus for a while? Probably, but what if Joey needs me and I’m in fucking Washington?

“You’re thinking really loud, what is it?” Brent asks.

“What if…What if Joey needs me and I’m in Washington?” I’ve been working so fucking hard to get him to trust me, to lean on me, and if I wasn’t here when he needed me, it would ruin everything. Not to mention the guilt that would eat me alive.

“You can hop on a plane and fly back. SeaTac to Denver is pretty cheap, especially if you fly red-eye. You know I’ll help you pay for it, or Mom, if you need it.”

I stab the elevator call button and drop my head back on my shoulders. “Yeah, thanks, man. I appreciate you.”

“Of course. Anytime.”