Chapter 2

2

Joey

As soon as he’s able to stand, I pull up my pants and bolt. What the fuck was I thinking? What an idiot.

Anxiety licks at my insides as I rush from the club and call an Uber once I’m on the next block. Jesus, fuck. Why?

I run a hand through my hair, that my mom bitches is too long, and pull my hood up to help block the biting wind. It’s winter in downtown Denver, and I’m in jeans and a sweatshirt. Great plan, genius. My phone beeps, telling me my driver is pulling up, and I turn around to find a silver SUV pulling to a stop next to the sidewalk. The window rolls down about an inch, and I hear a female voice ask, “Are you Joey?”

I hold up my phone next to the window so she can see I’m the one she’s supposed to be picking up, and she unlocks the doors for me to climb in. She doesn’t try to chat with me on the drive, which I’m grateful for. My knee bounces, and I chew on my thumbnail as I stare out the window at the city passing by me.

What if someone recognized me? I’m the captain of the hockey team at one of the biggest universities in town. It’s entirely possible someone in there knew who I was. I don’t want the drama of coming out my senior year. All I want is to finish the season and graduate.

My stomach clenches, and I rub a hand over it. The feel of the logo on the fabric has me looking down at it. We pass under a streetlamp, and the Darby U logo glows up at me. Holy fuck. Seriously? Way to be inconspicuous, dumbass.

I groan and cover my eyes with my hand.

“Hey, if you need to puke, let me know so I can pull over,” the driver says, and I give her a thumbs-up instead of speaking.

Images from the club flash in my head. The flashing colored lights made it harder to see, but from what I could tell, he was beautiful. Muscular enough to push me around and do what he wanted with me, not that I fought him. I’ve never hooked up with a stranger in a bar before. Meeting up with some hookup I’ve been chatting with and letting him fuck me, sure.

But it wasn’t great, and I was still horny, so I let my dick lead me to a club. A place I knew I could find someone to fuck me.

I groan again as the car pulls to a stop. I peek out from my fingers and see my dorm, so I get out and wave at the driver. All I can think about right now are my bad decisions and how much I need a shower.

Since it’s almost Christmas, no one has games right now, so the jock building is only about half full. Looks like tonight is a typical clusterfuck of drinking and being dumbasses. I just don’t care. Get alcohol poisoning and enjoy explaining that to Coach at practice tomorrow.

Guilt eats at me as I bypass the screaming freshmen and sophomores and hit the button for the elevator while cum drips from my ass. The doors slide open, and I step inside, grateful it’s empty, and lean against the handrail on the back wall. I’m exhausted.

The ride up is quick, and my roommate is out, so I don’t need to pretend everything is fine. I just strip my clothes off and get in the shower. The hot water pounding on my muscles relaxes my body. I’m almost boneless as the steam fills the room and I scrub the night from my skin. Maybe I can forget how amazing that guy felt against me, inside me. I don’t have time for a relationship or even a fuck buddy, really. I’m busy until the season is over, and unless the person I’m trying to talk to is an athlete, they don’t get that. Hockey comes first. It has to.

I’m pretty sure I hear my door open and close while I’m shutting off the water, but my roommate, Bryce, doesn’t knock or talk to me through the door. Hopefully, he’s passed out before I get out there.

I dry off and wrap the blue towel around my hips before digging in my dresser for clothes. Since Bryce is also a hockey player, we’ve changed in the locker rooms a bunch so none of us have much modesty anymore. Bodies are bodies, get over it.

I pull on underwear and a T-shirt and toss my towel into the bathroom. Bryce is face down in his pillow, cuddling it, and I’m pretty sure drooling, so I flick the lights off and lie down. Once I crawl into bed, my body is tired from the long season and tonight’s activities, and I’m frustrated when I don’t fall asleep easily.

Instead, I stare at the ceiling and replay my night. Finally, Wants_2_Bone and I were able to meet up. I should have known he wouldn’t know what he was doing, he was too cocky, but desperate times and all that. When I was left wanting, I allowed my dick to tell me where to go. It’s not often I have a free night, and damn it, I wanted to get off. When my eyes met that guy at the bar, electricity lit me up, and even though I didn’t know what I was doing, I tried to play it cool. Since he asked if I was experienced, I’m guessing I failed there, but it didn’t matter. His lips on mine were pure magic. The way he controlled my body while I explored his mouth was perfection. I was able to give up control to him and sink into that feeling. It was a freedom I’ve never experienced before.

A lot of the time, I struggle to be comfortable with someone controlling my movements. Hell, I’ve never been able to come so easily, especially with a partner. Was I able to for him because I was already on edge?

That has to be it. Nothing else makes sense.

Right?

I don’t know him so there’s no way it could have been him, and there’s no way I can test the theory since I don’t even know his name. Not that I would be able to ask him for a repeat. I also have responsibilities and I can’t let sex distract me from them.

With a huff, I roll over and face the wall, punching my pillow into a better shape and forcing my eyes closed.

Eventually, I’m able to fall asleep but it’s restless. I toss and turn all night, despite being exhausted. My alarm goes off at five thirty, and I get up. Technically, I don’t have to go to the gym right now since we’re on a two-week break for Christmas and New Year’s, but I’m not sleeping so I might as well get my workout in. Even though we don’t have practice or games, we still have to stay in shape or Coach will kick our asses. Our first practice after the break will be brutal so that he can see who stuck with it.

Bryce is still passed out, and I slap his ass hard on my way past him. He jerks awake with a yell and rubs at the spot while I change into workout clothes.

“What the fuck, man?” he yells at me through his pillow.

“Time for the gym, let’s go.”

He rolls over and looks at me like I’ve grown a second head.

“You’re fucking with me, right?”

I pull a hoodie on over my T-shirt and look at him. “Do I look like I’m fucking with you?” I grab some socks and my gym shoes, then sit on my bed to pull them on. “Just because we don’t have practice doesn’t mean you can skip the gym. It’s better to keep the routine up.”

I finish tying my shoes and stand up, looking expectantly at my roommate. He grumbles but gets up and gets changed.

I pat him on the shoulder as I go to fill my water bottle. “Good man.”

“Fuck off, Carp.”

I stop in the doorway and point at him, “That’s fuck off, Captain.”

He throws a half-full water bottle at me, but I duck with a chuckle, so it slams into the door.

Once we find our earbuds and phones, we head to the elevator, then down to the gym. When we get inside, I’m surprised Preston Carmichael isn’t on a treadmill already. He’s normally finishing up as I get in, the crazy bastard. Dude is intense. There’s something going on with him, Brendon Oiler, and Jeremy Albrooke, but I can’t figure out what. Oiler and Albrooke were hooking up for a while, but I think that’s ended. They were not at all subtle about it, though I think they thought they were. Everyone knew.

I don’t know, maybe Carmichael threw a wrench in the hookups? I can’t see him being a homophobe, but I’ve been wrong before. It’s weird. Carmichael is a dick to everyone, no one is given a pass, but most of the team ignores him. Albrooke fights back, and every once in a while, Oiler and Carmichael come to blows too.

I shake off the thought as I pull my hoodie off and stretch. The pull of my muscles forces a groan from me. My ass is a bit tender this morning, which makes my face flush. I’m hoping the workout will quiet my head enough that I can take a decent nap. I’m tired.

Starting slow on the treadmill to warm up with music blasting in my ears, I’m about a mile into my run when the gym door opens again, letting a blast of cold air sweep through the space. Bryce is on the treadmill next to me, going slower than a fucking snail this morning. In the mirror that the treadmills face, my gaze is pulled to one of the guys that’s just come in. The way he moves pulls at my memory, and an icy fear trickles down my back.

It can’t be.

There’s no way the universe is so fucked up that my random hookup is a jock on this campus.

As he gets closer, going to the locker room to get changed out of his gray sweats, our eyes lock for a second in the mirror, and I stumble. I lose my footing, hitting the belt and shooting off the end onto the floor in the blink of an eye. My forehead hits the floor with a thud, my knees sting, and my face burns with embarrassment. What. The. Fuck? I lie face down on the floor, trying to figure out what the actual fuck just happened and hoping the guys who just came in will just keep walking.

Bryce jumps down next to me, concern on his face as he asks me if I’m all right. I’m breathing too hard, wishing the earth would open up and swallow me whole, adrenaline coursing through my body like I’m fighting for my life. Fucking hell.

“Carp, you all right, man?” Bryce drops down to kneel next to me and puts a hand on my back.

“Kill me now,” I groan as I force my body to move and roll over, then hiss when my knees smart from the burn the belt gave me.

“Carp?” the voice from last night questions. “Like the fish?”

No no no no no.

Why?

What did I do to deserve this?

“It’s short for Carpenter,” Bryce says, offering me a hand so I can sit up, which I take.

A hand comes down on my shoulder on the opposite side of Bryce, and I don’t have to look to know it’s him.

“Carpenter . . .” There’s a smile in his voice, and I really wish I could disappear right now. “I’m Nick.” He puts his hand out for me to shake. “It’s nice to meet you.”

I glance up at him, so fucking close I could lean in and kiss him.

And I want to.

This pull in my chest to be closer to him, the need to be pressed against him, is so fucking strong it steals my breath. I’ve never experienced it before. That romance-movie attraction to another human.

His eyes sparkle as he watches me, and his lips twitch into a small smile.

I shake his hand back, not wanting to let go of the connection.

“Joey.” I swallow, my gaze still locked on his. “My name is Joey.”

Nick nods, his eyes dropping to my mouth for a second, and I run my tongue over my bottom lip.

“You okay?” he asks again, meeting my eyes.

“Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” I look at my knees and huff. It’s not too bad, but they’ll probably scab up a bit, making running and squats difficult.

“Do you guys know each other or something?” Bryce’s voice cuts through the silence, reminding me we aren’t alone, and I jolt.

He says yes at the same time I say no, making my face heat once again. What the fuck is wrong with me? I’m a fucking hockey captain, for Christ’s sake. I am not a timid person.

Wrapping my hockey persona around me, I straighten my shoulders and look at Bryce. “We’ve run into each other before but never introduced ourselves.”

Bryce nods his understanding and offers me a hand up. With my hands in Bryce’s and Nick’s, I’m lifted off the gym mats. My muscles protest and my head swims a bit at the quick change of position.

“I’m good, thanks,” I tell both of them and reluctantly pull my hand from Nick’s. Losing that connection is a physical pain I feel in my chest.

Bryce offers his hand to Nick to shake and introduce himself. “Hey, I’m Colin Bryce. We play hockey, you?”

“Nick Wyhe, football.”

Fuuuuuuuuuuck. He lives in the jock dorms. He has to. We’re a Division 1 school, so all the contracted athletes live in the jock dorms.

Bryce and I shake hands with the other guys Nick came in with, making quick introductions before they head to change.

“Yeah, I’m done for the day,” I tell Bryce, grabbing my shit.

“Thank fuck,” he huffs and follows me to the dining hall. I’m hungry and need to get away from the gym.

We get in line and serve ourselves breakfast, mostly sticking to our diets, and find a table to sit at. The thing I like about Bryce is he doesn’t feel the need to fill the silence with bullshit, so we can just eat.

I’m almost done when Brendon Oiler and Paul Johnson—two guys on the hockey team—come in and sit down with us. Oiler is talking constantly, but I have no idea what he’s talking about.

“Have you gone to the gym already?” I interrupt Oiler since there’s no other way to get a word in sometimes.

He stops with a mouthful of what appears to be donut and looks at me like I’ve grown a second head.

“It’s Sunday,” he says like I should understand the significance of that.

“And?”

He looks at Johnson, then back at me with a raised eyebrow. “Sunday is rest day.” He shoves another piece of fried bread into his mouth. “Plus, Jer Bear is leaving today so we’re keeping Preston busy so he doesn’t kill himself in the gym.”

Okay, now he has my attention.

“You’re hanging out with Carmichael without Albrooke?” I clarify.

“Yup,” Oiler says with a shit-eating grin on his face. “I’m going to try to get him drunk.”

That’s a terrible idea.

“Well, good luck with that,” I tell him and grab my plate. “I’m off to shower and get changed. Make sure you hit the gym the rest of the week.”

“We will,” Johnson says around a mouthful of eggs.

Bryce stays to hang out with them for a bit longer, and I head back to the dorm. I don’t know how long it’s been since I left the gym, but I’m hoping Nick is still busy. I can’t run into him again. It’ll kill me.

I’ll probably try to kiss him or something. Ugh.

Waiting for the elevator, I’m scrolling through my phone when I feel a presence next to me. My skin itches like someone is watching me. Looking up, I see Nick, red-faced and sweaty from his workout. Fuck, he looks good like that.

He smiles, his mouth open slightly as he pants to catch his breath, and stands next to me to wait. The elevator doors open, and we step aside to let some people off, then we climb on. He hits the third floor and I hit the fifth. The doors close and he turns to stare at me.

“I wondered when I would run into you again.”

“What made you so sure you would?” I swallow nervously. No one here knows I’m into men, my sexuality shouldn’t have to be a damn announcement, and I don’t have time for a relationship anyway so it doesn’t matter. I’ve always been careful to vet any hookups before meeting.

Nick smirks, obviously holding back a laugh. “You were wearing a Darby U hoodie.”

I close my eyes and run my hand through my hair. Fuck.

“Listen, I get it,” Nick continues. “I’m not really out to the team either, but if you ever find yourself in need of having an itch scratched, I’m in room 312.”

My dick perks up at the very idea.

“Uh, 528 is my room number.” My face is on fire, and I can’t look at him. I can’t believe I told him my room number. Shit. This is not going to end well. I can’t let him distract me from the team.

“My roommate is gone for the holiday, and I’m free for the rest of the afternoon.” His voice is calm like he’s talking about the weather or his classes. “Do with that information what you will.”

The elevator dings and the doors open onto the third floor. Nick strolls out like he has no cares in the world while I try to remove the band wrapped around my rib cage. Okay. I can do this. Having a semi-regular, casual hookup situation would be beneficial for both of us. We both know how demanding being an athlete is, so there won’t be hurt feelings when one of us can’t meet up.

I step off the elevator and get to my room to shower and change. The longer I think about it, the more I want to take Nick up on his offer. I have no idea when Bryce will be back, and if I text him and tell him to fuck off, he’ll probably just stand outside the door and wait like a fucking creeper.

I let out a heavy sigh as I pull on jeans and a T-shirt.

Fuck it. It’s break, we can just mess around while there’s no practice or games then stop when it’s over.

I slip on some shoes and jog down the stairs to the third floor and knock on 312.

“It’s open!”

When I enter, Nick is shirtless, lying on his bed in sweats that sit low on his hips with one arm stretched behind his head, showing off the long lines of his body. His hair is still wet from his shower and combed back away from his face. I want to mess it up.

It’s so distracting and unexpected that I stand there like a fucking idiot with the door open and stare at him. He lifts an eyebrow, drags his teeth over his lower lip, and slowly gives me a once-over. My cock thickens under his scrutiny, and my stomach clenches in anticipation.

“You gonna close that or are we giving the whole floor a show?”

I slam it harder than I meant to and flick the lock. “Your roommate is gone, right?”

My eyes are glued to his chest, to the way his muscles move under his skin. He slides his free hand down his torso and pushes his sweats lower, giving me a hint of the dark hair at the base of his dick.

I swallow thickly and stalk over to the bed, climbing on top of him to straddle his hips. One of my hands slides behind his head to lift his lips to mine while the other shoves inside his pants to grip his cock.

He groans into my mouth, opening up for me to explore him, and rocks against me. Nick’s fingers open my jeans, and he grabs handfuls of my ass.

“You gonna give me this hole again?” He bites at my lip and pulls. I shudder at the contact, both wanting him to dominate me and wanting to do it myself.

“Fuck,” I whimper, already so close to the fucking edge that it’s stealing my breath. What is it about this guy that does it for me? Why does the stress and anxiety disappear with him? It’s going to be my downfall.

Can you be addicted to a person after fucking them one time?

Nick pulls on my pants. “Get these off.”

Grateful for the moment to gain control of myself, I climb off him and strip. Nick pushes his pants off, eyeing my dick and licking his lip.

“Do you prefer to bottom or are you verse?” Our eyes meet at his question, and I have to think about it for a second.

“Uh, bottom usually. It’s not very often that I want to top.”

A dangerous smile covers Nick’s face before he says, “Good. Come here.”

My stomach flutters with nervous excitement, and I climb back on the twin bed, this time lying next to him, face to face.

“I love the way you kiss,” Nick says with his lips against my throat. He licks my Adam’s apple and sucks on the skin. Who the hell knew that was erotic and didn’t tell me?

My dick aches between us, my balls heavy, and I’m damn near desperate for release. I’m panting, my eyes closed as goosebumps break out along my skin, and I shudder.

“Nick,” I whimper, my voice sounding to sweet even to me, and I don’t understand it.

“Yeah, baby?”

“I wanna come. Please.”

I feel his lips lift in a smile against me. Reaching for his head, I pull his mouth back to mine, needing the connection it gives me. I love the way he lets me control his lips while wreaking havoc on my other senses and overloading my body.

“How do you feel about edging?” He chuckles darkly against my lips, and it makes me want to sob.

“Please. It’s hard enough to get off as it is.” The fear of it being taken from me is so fucking real my dick actually deflates some. I hate trying to hide the fact that I didn’t come or making an excuse for it. It’s fucking embarrassing.

Nick draws back and looks at me with his eyebrows pulled together.

No! I don’t want to have this conversation right now! I want to get off and pretend that I’m a normal twenty-five-year-old dude.

“It’s hard to finish sometimes?”

Embarrassment clogs my throat.

“Sometimes. It’s not a big deal.” I shrug but the longer he stares at me, the more uncomfortable I get. Being naked while having this conversation also isn’t helping. It makes me feel so much more vulnerable. “Can we not right now?”

My words are harsher than I mean, but I don’t know how to do this. This is supposed to be an easy, quick hookup, and it’s already taking longer than it should.

“Sure,” Nick drags the word a little and leans in to kiss me, but that heat we had a minute ago isn’t there. I’m too in my head, my dick won’t cooperate, and I know I’m not going to get there now.

Fuck! I’m useless. A fuckup. Goddamn stupid dick. Why can’t it just cooperate?

I try to shut my brain off and give in to the feel of his warm skin against mine, his fingers dancing along my back and over my ass, but it doesn’t work. My dick doesn’t even twitch.

Needing to distract him, I trail my lips down his jaw, bite at his ear, and suck on the skin of his neck. His morning stubble is rough against my tongue, but I love it.

I push him onto his back and move across his body, licking a nipple, nibbling the ticklish flesh on his ribs, making him squirm until I’m between his powerful thighs. His cock is lying against his stomach, nestled in that dark thatch of hair that’s trimmed short, and demanding attention. It’s thick and hard when I lick a line up the underside.

“Look at me,” Nick growls, and our eyes lock as I flick my tongue over his tip. “Such a good little cocksucker.”

My body flushes but my dick is finally perking up. Interesting.

With my hand around his base, I lift his veiny, uncut cock so I can suck on it and groan at the taste of him. Clean skin and man.

Nick slides his hand in my hair, then down to cup my cheek, and his hips flex. I love this part of sex, when the other person is enjoying themselves because of me. Something about using my body to create pleasure just does it for me. It gives me a sense of satisfaction I don’t get from anything else.

With my hand moving in tandem with my mouth, I work all of him. Twisting and sucking, saliva dripping down his shaft until it’s sloppy and my lips go numb. My free hand cups and rolls his balls, presses against his taint, and rubs circles around his rim. Nick is rocking into me, moaning and cursing.

“I’m gonna come,” he warns me, and I hum. The vibration must set him off because a split second later, salty fluid fills my mouth and I have to work not to choke on it and keep my pace up. He growls, and his fingers dig into my face while his body tightens under me.

Only a few thrusts later, he relaxes and his hand falls to the bed.

“Fuck, that was good.” He gives me a lopsided grin, and I metaphorically pat myself on the back for a job well done.

I climb off the bed and quickly pull on my pants.

“You’re leaving?” Nick sits up, not ashamed or embarrassed by his nakedness. Not that I blame him, he’s fucking gorgeous.

“Isn’t that what you do after a hookup?” I chuckle, trying to not sound as awkward as I feel.

“You didn’t get what you came here for.” Nick stands but doesn’t move to touch me or get dressed. It’s a bit distracting.

I force a smile to my face that I’m sure he can see right through. “I’m fine.”

With my pants and hoodie on, I grab the rest of my stuff and run. I’m a coward, but I can’t face him. It’s not his fault I struggle sometimes.

“Joey!” Nick’s voice carries down the hallway, and I stop but don’t turn around.

What the hell am I doing?

He appears in front of me a minute later with his sweats pulled back on and determination written on his face.

“I wanna talk to you about something, come on.” His hand lands on my arm, turning me around, and I let him with a sigh. I can’t make a scene in the damn hallway. Since most of the hockey players live on the third floor this year, I’m sure it would get around that I got into a fight with a football player real damn fast.

When the door closes behind me, Nick leans against it.

“You don’t know me, and you don’t want to spill all your deep, dark secrets, I get it.” He crosses his arms. “But we can benefit from this arrangement, if you want.”

I shove my hands in my pockets but don’t say anything, just wait to see what he has to say.

“I’m sure it’s just as difficult to keep a relationship for you as it is for me during the season.”

I nod and let him continue.

“But I’m also happy to explore . . . to find what you like.” He lifts an eyebrow and drags his eyes over me. “There’s not much I’m against, and if it gets you orgasms, I’ll call that a win.”

“Why?” I stand a little straighter. “What do you get out of it?”

“Orgasms.” He shrugs. “And not having to have the ‘I can’t, I have to go to practice’ argument every day.”

I snort and can’t hide my smile.

“Plus, maybe we can be friends who cuddle sometimes and also fuck when the time allows.” He walks up and stops when my hoodie brushes his stomach. We’re eye to eye and the challenge he’s wearing is almost daring me to say no so he can convince me to change my mind, but fuck, I really miss human contact.

“Cuddle, you say?” I question, and he grins.

Nick slides a hand under my hoodie and scratches lightly over my abs. I suck in my stomach on instinct and close the distance between us.

“I’m not sure how I’ll keep my hands to myself, but I’m willing to give it a shot if it helps.”

I smile and grip his hips. “So generous of you.”

“I’m a generous guy.” His other hand palms my ass and kneads the muscle. “But if you baby talk me, we’re fucking.”

“Baby talk?” Confusion contorts my face. What the hell is he talking about?

“Yeah. That baby talk thing you do.” Nick looks at me like I’m the crazy one, but I have no idea what’s happening right now. “At the club when you were about to come and earlier today before we got naked.”

Oh shit.

I did do that.

“And you’re into that?” I’m not sure what I want his answer to be. It’s kind of weird, right? I’m a twenty-five-year-old man.

Nick grinds his dick into my hip. He’s fucking hard again already.

“Oh yeah.”