25. Chapter 25

Chapter twenty-five

Session Transcript April 25

Kelsey: Ana's been texting him a lot. He's a student athlete, so we don't share the same friends. She wants to hang out with them. I told her to go, but she wants me to go with her.

Dr. Liu: Is your school cliquey?

Kelsey: Yeah. The sports teams are really into partying. Like, there's a lot of pressure to party. Everything happens at the parties. Ana wants to start going.

Dr. Liu: With this new boy?

Kelsey: Yeah. I don't get it. What are they even celebrating?

Dr. Liu: How do you feel about his budding relationship with Ana?

Kelsey: They really like each other. It's fine. But I don't really want to hang out with the team. I don't like partying.

Dr. Liu: I'm not encouraging you to party, however, let's talk about why you are against it.

Kelsey: I'm not like that. In my school, you either are an honors student or a partyer. I'm an honors kid. I don't want to go out and whatever. I have no desire to make a fool of myself like that.

Dr. Liu: I hope when the time comes, you will stand your ground.

Kelsey: I'll just say Juliette won't let me.

Dr. Liu: Hypothetically, do you think she would?

Kelsey: No. Never. She knows what goes on at those parties and she'd be so disappointed in me if I even wanted to go.

Dr. Liu: Let's talk about your love life .

Caleb: I broke up with Vikki so, there is no love life.

Dr. Liu: Before Vikki.

Caleb: I haven't had any serious relationships to talk about. Just casual dating or celibacy for me. I never felt that obsession, you know? That spark. I loved all the women I dated, don't get me wrong, but not forever love. Not marriage love. Not change your life love. And they didn't love me like that either.

Dr. Liu: You had said you wanted to marry Erin.

Caleb: Oh, yeah. But she was a complete black hole. I got sucked in. She's a narcissist. Everybody in a relationship with a narcissist sees themselves in it forever because you don't even realize what's happening.

Dr. Liu: Were you in love with Erin?

Caleb: I certainly thought so at the time. But love shouldn't hurt like that. We've gone over this ad nauseum.

Dr. Liu: So, what should love feel like?

Caleb: Good? Well, it felt good at the time so that's not it. It should feel good all the time? It's—I don't know how to answer that.

Dr. Liu: I'll give you a minute to think.

Caleb: I— It's what my parents have? I don't know! They make each other so happy. Even when they fight, you can still see how much they love each other.

Dr. Liu: You haven't answered the question, Caleb.

Caleb: I don't even remember the question.

Dr. Liu: I'll rephrase. Have you ever been in love?

Caleb: Yes.

Dr. Liu: Has anyone ever been in love with you?

Caleb: You'll have to ask them.

Dr. Liu: I find it interesting that you are so sure you loved them, and so unsure if they loved you. It's very telling.

Caleb: But I told you, it wasn't forever love. There's different degrees of love.

Dr. Liu: You keep putting emphasis on forever love. Marriage is what I assume you mean here. Why is that distinction so important to you?

Caleb: I don't — I don't know. I just wish someone would love me forever, I guess. That I'd find someone that I couldn't live without and vice versa? Is that what you want to hear? That I'd find my soulmate before I die? Doesn't everyone? Everyone wants that, right? Jesus, I didn't expect this question. Fuck. I'm sorry. I never cry. I am so sorry. This is really embarrassing. I don't know why I'm crying.